Nov 18 2009 This Wasn't In The Job Description: Microsoft Store Employees Required To Dance
This is a video of the workers in a Microsoft store dancing around and clapping like the bunch of out-of-shape retail employees they are. That said, I would've passed out halfway through the song BUT ONLY CAUSE I'D BEEN DRINKING.
The Blackeyed Peas compel the employees at the Microsoft Store in Mission Viejo, California to break out in dance, let their hair down and have some fun. This is an amazing store, the employees seem really excited and engaged, almost happy to be at work. My favorite parts are when people walking in the mall come inside the store, join in the dancing and have some fun. The amazing thing is that people are in the store for hours, they love interacting with the software and learning about new technology.
Wow, like THAT doesn't sound like the biggest bunch of promotional bullshit I've ever read. People spending hours in a retail store, really? THEY'RE CALLED HOMELESS. The last time I ever spent hours in a retail establishment my mom forgot me at Sears while I was playing in the middle of a clothes rack and they closed the store for the night. And that, my friends, is why I can't sleep without a circular saw.
Thanks to Patrick, Mark, babysteps and Mixtech, who, dance! *pew pew* I SAID DANCE!
Oct 6 2009 I Couldn't Make This Up: New 'Horny Ballerina' Species Of Tyrannosaurus Discovered
That's right folks, scientists have discovered a new species of tyrannosaurus, completely different than the much larger (and arguably sexier) t-rex everyone is accustomed to. But you've got to admit, this little bugger is cute as a button.
The new, more graceful tyrannosaur is named Alioramus altai.
A. altai apparently has a similar skeleton to larger Tyrannosaur-type dinos such as Tarbosaurus, Alioramus, Gorgosaurus etc. But among these burly heavyweights, A. altai was surely the butt of cruel locker-room bullying and dino towel-snapping, weighing in at a puny 800 pounds or so - half the weight of the regular tyrannosaurs. The ballerina-esque, "gracile" A. altai also differed from the big boys in having horns and an elongated snout.The new dino was slim, light on its feet, horny and partial to meat
HIYO -- just like every ballerina I've ever known! Except the lesbians (no meat).
Horny new 'ballerina' Tyrannosaur was light on its feet [theregister]
Thanks to Barry and Kelly, who have danced with the dinosaurs in the pale moonlight and lived to tell about it.
Jul 23 2009 Good Times: Librarian Book Cart Competition
This is a video of the winners from the American Library Association's Book Cart Drill Team World Championship. I'm not even kidding. I AM ADULTING.
The secret lives of librarians took center stage at the American Library Association's annual conference earlier this month. There was dancing, there were costumes, there was music, and, of course, there were book carts.
Teams bring acrobatic splits, book cart headlights, and dry ice effects to the floor in the quest to win first place and the coveted gold book cart trophy that comes with it. "It changes the whole image of librarians," added Ison.
Needless to say, this is some of the sexiest footage I've seen IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. And I used to judge the Geriatric Olympics, so I know my stuff.
Hit the jump for the second and third place winners.
Continue Reading " Good Times: Librarian Book Cart Competition "
Jun 29 2009 Michael Jackson: Singer, Dancer, Inventor
Sure the dude danced, but did you know he invented? It's true, Michael developed a shoe that made the impossible forward-lean in his 'Smooth Criminal' dance routine possible.
He did it with special shoes that quickly slid into pegs that rise out of the floor at just the right moment. Also helping the effect were rigid anklets that worked like ski boots, supporting Jackson and his entourage of dancers as they leaned forward at that magic angle.
Cool, but you know what I want? Moonwalk shoes. One time I went to a club with a friend of mine who can moonwalk. He only did it for like five seconds. Thirty women got pregnant.
Hit the jump for a video of Michael performing the stunt, action is at 3:50.
Continue Reading " Michael Jackson: Singer, Dancer, Inventor "
Jun 26 2009 R.I.P.: Michael Jackson Has Left The Building
Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest yesterday. He was 50. *performs crotch grab in remembrance* Rest in peace, Michael.
Hit the jump for some video tributes.
Continue Reading " R.I.P.: Michael Jackson Has Left The Building "
Jun 26 2009 Surprisingly Not Bad: Harry Potter The Musical
Are you a Harry Potter fan? Looking to blow your whole day at work watching videos on Youtube? I know what you do on Fridays!
Get ready for a musical adventure as Harry Potter and his pals go back to Hogwarts for another year of learning shenanigans! Only this year their wizarding world gets turned on its head when the Dark Lord, Voldemort, comes back from the dead to take his revenge on The Boy Who Lived. Filled with magical fun and original songs by Darren Criss and AJ Holmes, this is a Potter-spectacular that no fan should miss. So take a ride on Voldemort's flying machine and get ready to back to Hogwarts!
It's amazingly not bad, and I just spent the last two hours watching it all. And by watching it I mean sleeping. I was there in spirit though. No, no I wasn't.
Youtube (with all the other parts)
Thanks to trishna87, who once sawed a man in half. Not magically either. She's serving life.
May 25 2009 Questionable: The Konami Code Belly Dance
I have no idea what I just watched but I think it had something to do with Contra. Happy Memorial Day everyone, and remember: freedom isn't free.
Thanks to whoever sent me this, I couldn't find your email again because I've been celebrating too hard and I fell off the balcony into a tree last night.
Mar 6 2009 Giant Remote Controls Windows Media Center
Why? Because pushing little buttons with your thumbs is for little sissies. You need MAN-LEGS to stomp MAN-SIZED BUTTONS to prove you are a REAL MAN. *SHA-POW* Look, I just punched a hole to the center of the galaxy with my MAN-FIST. That doesn't even make sense but it doesn't have to because I am so full of MAN-RAGE. NOW I'M HUMPING A SODA MACHINE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO MORE DR. PEPPER? RAWR!
Our intrepid modder achieved his goal by stitching together two PS2 Dance Dance Revolution mats, a PS2-to-PC controller converter box, and some homebrew source code.
What were we just talking about? Oh right, a giant controller. That thing is mad stupid. I would stomp right through that sucker and into the apartment below mine because my legs are like tree trunks -- wooden. 'Tis true, lost 'em both to the Kraken. YAAARR!
Hit the jump to see a video of the controller in action.
Continue Reading " Giant Remote Controls Windows Media Center "
Jan 25 2009 T-Mobile's Dance Spectacular Commercial
This is a recent commercial from T-Mobile that is almost identical in execution to this stunt (the second video), except there's like a billion times more dancing in this one. Basically a bunch of confederates (damn you, the north!) are walking around in a train station when they bust out in dance and get all wild up in that bitch while onlookers go "what the f***?" and a couple old people question if they remembered to take their medication. Good times. Oh man -- can you imagine if you were just been passing through on your way to catch a train? You'd have missed it. Then been pissed.
Youtube
Thanks to Jon and Mr M, who did a dance number in the middle school talent show but got booed off stage so they set off a stink-bomb in the back of the auditorium.
Jan 25 2009 Vroom Vroom For Six, Please: A Racecar Limo
This street-legal racecar limo is actually available for hire and can allegedly reach up to 300MPH. Of course your sissy of a driver will probably never top 65MPH, but that's because this whole idea is stupid. Unless you get a couple highspeed track runs before going to you to the dance, in which case, maybe. All I'm saying is if I had gone to prom in that mother, I most certainly would have gotten to touch a boob. And by touch a boob I obviously mean cop a feel. I'm thinking the old "sudden braking" reach across.
Dec 5 2008 Stripper Robots Make Me Question My Life
As a vehement hater of all things robotic, these stripper-bots have me in quite the quandary. I freaking hate robots, but my god do I love some strippers. So, what's the deal -- should I hate them? Should I love them? Should I still tip? Haha, I never tipped in the first place!
Hit the jump for an older video of the pole-freaking robots at some concert. BBC video here.
Continue Reading " Stripper Robots Make Me Question My Life "
Nov 10 2008 Dance Dance Revolution Musical Coming Out
So, yeah, there's a musical based on Dance Dance Revolution coming out. Why? Because it's the end of the world as we know it, that's why.
It's set in an Orwellian society where a dance prophet named Moonbeam Funk helps dancing youth gangs rebel against a fascist government. The company working on the show describes it as "like Footloose set in the future -- but kind of scarier, and with 40 really attractive, barely-clothed young actors and buckets of free beer."
Wait, is that free beer for the audience? Because I can sit through a lot for a free bucket of free beer. Including, but not limited to, karaoke, and a horrible play based on a video game. And yes, I Photoshopped Zac Efron into the picture for The Superficial Writer. Dude sings that High School Musical bullshit all day long. Damnit, hold on. *leaning over cube wall* SHUT THE FUCK UP!
DDR, The Long Overdue Musical Version [kotaku]
Thanks to Jen, who could dance your ass off. And also, out-costume you.
Oct 23 2008 WTF?: Man 'Dances' With Heavy Machinery
This is some guy dancing with a 5-ton digger, and it's every bit as mecherotic as you'd expect.
'Transports Exceptionnels' is an experiment piece created by French dance group Compagnie Beau Geste. Unlike traditional ballets, this piece doesn't doesn't follow a narrative. Instead, the viewer is encouraged to find their own meaning.
Own meaning? Like what? That twisted f*** is trying to court a ditch digger.
Man and machine duet [reuters]
Thanks to Craig, who once danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.
Sep 4 2008 Showing Off: How Not To Win A Fight
This is how not to win a Capoeira fight. It really got me thinking -- If I'm ever in a real fistfight, I'm pretty confident my opponent will break me like the pasty little Eloi that I am. Unless, of course, I happen to be packing a taser and don't deep fry my own scallops trying to get it out of my pocket.
Thanks to Ian, who once punched a guy back to the future.
Aug 19 2008 Breakdancing To Dance Dance Revolution
Okay, so it's not really Dance Dance Revolution. It's some game called Pump It Up. And you've probably already seen this before. You know, back when it came out two years ago. So make sure to leave a note in the comments about that. Also, one about how you could do way better because you are a L337 dancer and was in a Janet Jackson video. All I know is that I could never do that. I had DDR for the PS2 and always did terribly. Partly because my dong dragged on the buttons, but mostly because I was just humping the mat.
Youtube
Thanks to Emma, who can cut a rug like nobody's business.
Jun 24 2008 Phone Charger Powered By Dance, Ecstasy
The Dance Charge is a prototype phone charger that powers your phone by harnessing the kinetic energy of your dance moves. You just strap the thing to your arm, drop some ecstasy, and then let your eyes roll up in the back of your head while you flail around like an epileptic.
The device - which weighs 180grams and measures about the same size as a pack of cards - will be strapped to peoples arms and tested at Glastonbury Festival this week.As the dancers moves their arms along to the music - a specially designed system of weights and magnets creates an electrical current which provides a top-up charge to a connected mobile phone.
The charger was developed by Orange UK and 'GotWind', a renewable energy company, and is being tested at the Glastonbury festival this week. But the device isn't just limited to harnessing dance energy. It also works if you swing your arms while you run or masturbate like a crazy person.
Dance powered phone charger for Glastonbury Festival [newslite]
Thanks to Charles and Damn Luddites, now lets go to a rave and make out with some chicks in the moonbounce
Jun 23 2008 Way To Desecrate My Favorite Characters: Star Wars Dance Competition At Disney
So apparently Disney has now started having "Star Wars Weekends" at Walt Disney World. What does this mean? Among other things, a Star Wars Character Dance Competition that made my blood boil. The video is over 5 minutes long, so what you want to do is let it load, and then watch a random ten seconds of the first 3 minutes, and then actually let it play at 3:11. This video has singlehandedly desecrated the memory of my favorite childhood characters. Kind of like that time at my Halloween party when I walked in on my girlfriend humping Optimus Prime. Suffice it to say I trashed all my Transformers and Uncle Jake isn't my favorite uncle anymore.
Star Wars Dance Off [uberreview]
Jun 4 2008 UPDATE: Freaking Brilliant: A Subway Pole Dancer
In public transportation news, police in Bucharest, Romania are looking for some chick that performs pole dances on the city's subway between stations and then uses AN EMPTY KFC BUCKET to ask for donations. That's actually her in the picture (that looks like it was taken with a pinhole-cameraphone through a paper bag).
Passengers described the dancer, photographed by a passenger's mobile phone, as a "well-dressed, attractive, student-like young woman".Her modus operandi is to play Tom Jones's You Can Leave Your Hat On on a portable CD player while taking off her clothes and dancing around a pole.
One passenger, George Stancu, who witnessed the act, said: "I can't say I didn't like the show but I found it unusual. There are lots of kids who travel by underground and I just don't think it's proper."
A police spokesman said the woman faced charges and a fine for indecent exposure and public begging if she is caught in the act.
Indecent exposure? That's probably the only decent exposure those people have seen in years. I can't believe this. I mean, charges and a fine? A key to the city, sure, maybe even a national holiday named after her -- but a fine?
UPDATE: HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!! NSFW VIDEO OF A PERFORMANCE ADDED AFTER THE JUMP! WOOHOO, BARE BOOBS! (thanks io)
Uncensored picture (which looks like a shapely pixelated woman in bra and underwear) and NSFW video after the jump.
Continue Reading " UPDATE: Freaking Brilliant: A Subway Pole Dancer "
May 27 2008 How Not To Sell Car Stereos At Best Buy
This is the car stereo salesman at Best Buy doing his best to pawn a new car stereo off on some chicks. Okay, so there's no real sale going on. The girls just start dancing to some song on one of the radios, and dude decides to show them what he's made of (spoiler: he's made entirely out of awesome freaking dance moves).
Best Buy's Salesmen Will Do Anything To Close A Deal [gizmodo]
May 8 2008 A Stripper Pole Wii Game In The Works?
Is there a stripper pole Wii game in the works? Possibly.
While details are sketchy, the thought is likely that such a game would take advantage of the Wii Fit balance board, which arrives next month. You can imagine how such a "game" might work, with players tasked with balancing on the pole for certain lengths of time or in certain positions.
The company behind the possible game is Peekaboo Pole Dancing, which specializes in pole dancing kits and videos (including the Carmen Electra one). There has been no word on how Nintendo feels about the idea, but my guess is not ecstatic. But who knows? I do. They're not ecstatic.
Ha, this reminds me of a funny story. When my siblings and I were in college my sister was moonlighting as a stripper. I went to the club once with a bunch of my friends for some steaks and entertainment, completely unaware of her secret profession. Lo and behold -- my sister dancing naked! Oh man, the hilarity that ensued. Seriously, you should have seen me trying to gouge my eyes out with the end of a T-bone. Hilarious.
Game company plans stripper pole for Nintendo Wii [yahoo]
Thanks to Heather, the best dancer you'll never get to see
