Nov 18 2009 Awh Yeah: Superhero Shaggin' Wagons
This is a little gallery of superhero shaggin' wagons. They're all Photoshopped, but that isn't stopping me from wanting to sleep in one. Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I made love in the back of a 70's van BECAUSE I BLACKED OUT LAST NIGHT. But seriously, I barely knew the guy and he said he had free candy.
Hit the jump for five more and a link to like six more after that. Jackpot!
Nov 17 2009 Some Superhero You Are!: Spiderman Busted
Well folks, this just goes to show you can only dangle from rooftops staring into women's bedroom windows for so long before the boys in blue take notice. For shame, Spidey, for shame. And, on a completely and totally unrelated note that has absolutely nothing to do with this story: I have a used repelling harness for sale.
Spiderman getting arrested [jonahray]
Nov 9 2009 Orgy: The Awesomest Game Ever Made?
I've never played Orgy (larger ad shot HERE) before but I would given the opportunity and the right group of guys.
Here's the exciting new indoor sport for people who love people. Orgy begins by choosing up sides (delightful custom) and centers around the "Porron" (translation: "to pour it on") filled with your favorite libation. Object of the game is to see which team achieves the longest trajectory for the longest time with the fewest spills. Rewards to winners are optional.
This game used to sell for $10 back in the 70's and was ordered by really skeezy people like your parents. You know they used to go to key parties!
WTF! Orgy : The 1970s Board Game [iambored]
Thanks to Jennifer, who only swings on swingsets and not married couples or so she says.
Oct 28 2009 Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands
Meat hands are exactly what they sound like unless you thought they were gloves printed to look like your hands without skin, in which case, God you're sick. No, basically they're meatloaf molded in the shape of hands with onion slices for fingernails and arm bone and some melted cheese on a bed of mashed potatoes. Would you eat them? Because I wouldn't. I don't care how much hair you sprinkle on top! Okay, yes I do. No pubes though! Fine, MINIMUM PUBES.
Hit the jump for several closeups of the arguable deliciousness and a link to step-by-step instructions.
Continue Reading " Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands "
Jul 27 2009 Cute: Dog Leash Has Severed Hand To Hold
Seen here with optional belly dancing belt, the Hand Leash from Alice Wang is just that: a leash with a mannequin hand that you hold. Also works great for cats (I'm looking at you, crazy cat lady). Now why nobody thought of this sooner is beyond me. I mean, it just makes sense. That said, I'm still holding out for a foot model. What? DON'T JUDGE ME.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Continue Reading " Cute: Dog Leash Has Severed Hand To Hold "
Jun 25 2009 That's Depressing: Dead People Jewelry
Want some jewelry that will remind you of your deceased loved ones because it's made with parts of them? Then you're in luck, thanks to necromancer and design student Anna Schwamborn (not to be confused with Anna Schwamdied).
Besides pure hair being used, cremated human ashes are mixed with black bone china, the world´s highest class porcelain.
The objects are supposed to be worn close to the body of the mourner symbolizing a lasting physical connection between two individuals even after death.Furthermore this collection is supposed to remind the wearer on the fragility and appreciation of life and most importantly, acting as a keepsake.
Wow, that was depressing. Quick, I need something entirely inappropriate. Got it -- ex-girlfriend panty collection for the save! Whew, that was a close one.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the possibilities.
Jun 24 2009 Robot Displays Emotions, Doesn't Have Any
In an ironic twist, an emotionless robot has been programmed to physically display emotions using it's face and body. It is one of the scariest looking robobastards I've seen and IT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ITS ACTIONS MEAN. It's like asking a robot if it knows what love is. You know what they say? Human blood.
Thanks to Taylor, Julian, Vicki, FDSY, andrewk, Dr. Thrasher, Romeo and Matthew, who know it's okay to eat robots 'cause they don't have any feelings.
Jun 14 2009 Childhood Fears Recreated As Photographs
Joshua Hoffine is a photographer who recreates scenes of childhood fears. They are scary.
My images are not photoshop collages.I use photoshop to finesse details and to adjust color and contrast for printing.I use friends and family members as actors and crew.Everyone works for free. We do it for fun.
Wow -- I know one guy who's gonna be sleeping with his light on tonight. His fleshlight. God, I can't believe I even know what that is. No, no I'm not.
Hit the jump for several of my favorites, then hit the link for a bunch more.
Continue Reading " Childhood Fears Recreated As Photographs "
Jun 13 2009 Robot Hunts For Outlets, Steals Electricity
PR2 is a robot that can hunt down power outlets to recharge its own battery. Why it even exists is beyond me. Thankfully, I just jammed forks into all my electric outlets, so if he tries stealing my power, he's in for a real shock (!).
This particular run had our PR2 alpha robot navigate through eight doors, and plug its power cord into nine outlets. In this video, you can see the various challenges our robot faced, such as a crowded office environment and the abrupt appearance of a human obstacle. We nearly sabotaged the run early on. Folks around the office were eager to track the progress of the robot, so many people ran their own monitoring programs on the PR2. This caused an increase in CPU load, starving the navigation software. Nonetheless, the robot was able to continue with the run, albeit more slowly and cautiously.
Okay, so I've formulated a plan. I'm going to lure this bastard out in the open with a power strip, and then, right before he inserts his genitalia, I'M GONNA CHOP IT OFF WITH A LASER BEAM! Cut off from his power supply, PR2 will slowly die while neighborhood children throw rocks at it him I swing his severed junk around like a lasso.
Milestone 2 Reached! Now You Can Watch It [willowgarage]
Thanks to Jeremy, who once broke a child's toy robot and made the boy cry. Trust me, Jeremy, he'll thank you later.
Apr 30 2009 Dead Bugs + Old Watch Parts = 'Cybugs'
Mike Libby is a Maine-based artist who glues old watch parts on dead bugs to create steampunk looking insects. Which actually seem pretty cool until you realize that this is what robots will really look like in a few years. True story: one time I let a beetle crawl into my ear just to know what it would feel like. Unfortunately, it burrowed into my head (not unlike a Ceti eel) and I had to brain myself with an ice pick to get it out. If you couldn't tell, that was a pickup line. Ladies?
The artist, who holds a degree in sculpture from the Rhode Island School of Design, says his Insect Lab began after he found a dead, intact beetle. He thought the bug looked and operated like a little mechanical device, and decided to combine the two in a statement about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology.
And speaking of statements about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology: I just zip-tied a laser pointer to my penis. Now -- who wants to see some REAL art?
Hit the jump for a bunch more, including a ROFLCOPTER.
Apr 27 2009 Scary: These Crazy 'Animal Leg' Extensions
Personally, my regular legs are just fine. They reach the pedals in my car, walk me from said car into seedy strip joints, and kick the living shit out of oak trees. But for some people that's not enough, they want animal-like legs. These people are sickos.
These "digitigrade leg extensions" are the work of Seattle-based sculptor Kim Graham. Essentially a fancy pair of stilts, the legs mimic digitigrades (animals including horses that bear weight on their toes).
The video shows the legs in their natural, metallic finish, as well as dressed up in some fur. Which, I'll admit, was rather disturbing. Throw on a bearskin rug and TA-DA, you're that pedophilic creep Mr. Tumnus from that book about a talking panther in your closet.
Bionic Animal Legs Are Built For Theater and/or Enchanted Woodlands [gizmodo]
Apr 12 2009 Free Candy?: Talk To Strangers With Omegle
Omegle is a free chat service that connects you to a one-on-one conversation with a complete stranger. And as you can see from my screencap, most people are idiots. Still, there is some fun to be had if you're bored. And by 'fun' I mean I put on my robe and wizard hat. Ladies?
Thanks to Marcel, Tabitha and Valdesjon, who actually met hot singles using Omegle. Or, I dunno, fat middle aged men posing as hot singles (this one).
HAPPY EASTER!
Apr 9 2009 Realistic (And Super Creepy) Mario Bros. Shirt
This is a super creepy looking Mario Bros. t-shirt that costs $20. You know, I'm really torn because I'm not particularly into this style of art, but I do love dinosaurs. Rock *me* hard place. And I do mean hard. Who knew Yoshi could be so sexy?
A: Me. September 1991, Super Mario World. First boner, age 10.
Hyper-real Mario, Luigi on Nightmarish Shirt [militantgeek]
Thanks to Jizzle, who tried to convince me he's ridden a dinosaur before but I could tell he was just trying to make jealous.
Apr 6 2009 Creep Factor 12: Learning Robot Child
What is this, an entry in the world's creepiest robot competition? Shockingly not. It's 'Child-robot with Biomimetic Body' (CB2), a learning robot and harbinger of death. Just look into those eyes -- can you feel him stabbing you in your sleep? I can, and it burns. You see, he's using a laser knife. Technology: robots have it.
As you might expect, the bot hasn't simply spent its past two years of existence terrifying the staff at Osaka University, it's actually been learning, and it's now apparently able to make use of its 51 air-powered motors to move itself through a room "quite smoothly" -- with a helping hand, of course. What's more, the researchers behind CB2 are now also starting to talk about some of their future projects, including a new "robo species" that they say will have learning abilities "somewhere between those of a human and other primate species such as the chimpanzee."
Osaka, Osaka, Osaka, when will you learn? I say cut the robotics and actually make a positive contribution to humanity instead of trying to destroy us. Need some ideas for areas of study? Good, I happen to have a list: 1. cloning dinosaurs 2. cloning the things that came after dinosaurs but weren't dinosaurs but were still really sexy, like woolly mammoths and shit. 3. a shrinking ray.
Well, I think you've got your work cut out for you, now get cracking. Also, I'd be happy to intern if you ever successfully clone anything. No, really, I insist.
CB2 "Child Robot" returns: smarter, creepier than ever [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, Paul, Crystal, Spoonman and Soop, who thought the robot was cute and are therefore dead to me.
Mar 19 2009 Segway Shmegway -- I Want A Cajun Crawler
Segways are stupid and have wheels. Cajun Crawlers are awesome and have little feet that can scurry you across the room like a bug quicker than you can say, "Gob would love this!"
Based on the work of kinetic sculptor Theo Jansen, the Cajun Crawler holds up a Segway-style platform with a scary collection of steampunk-like mechanical legs, which can scurry across a floor with surprising agility. The project was built by a team of folks at the University of Louisiana.
Skip to about 1:00 for the action to begin. And action it is! My God that thing is creepy as all hell. One part of me wants to yell "ROBOT!" and smash it to pieces but another wants to ride it into the gently rolling surf until I'm submerged, where I'll be greeted by topless mermaids whom I will pose with and then post the pictures on my Facebook. Later that night, I'll come back with a snorkel and seduce one into living in my bathtub. Just like Tom Hanks in Splash, but with a harpoon.
Cajun Crawler swaps Segway wheels for Theo Jansen's creepy leg mechanism [engadget]
Thanks to Leon, The Short One and Phecda, who are cool with just walking.
Feb 18 2009 eBay Fear Factor: Pay Some Guy To Follow You Around Dressed Up As A Scary Clown
Here at Anticlown Media we hate clowns. With a passion. Unbridled passion. The kind you make love to a beautiful woman with. Or your hand. But, for those of you that weren't arguably fondled by Binky at your sister's birthday party, you can pay to have some creep dressed as a clown follow you around for three days and scare you.
Afraid of Clowns? Ever see a movie with a creepy clown and get scared to death? Believe it or not, there are people out there who like to be scared. This idea came to me when a friend mentioned they love scary movies and the thrill it gives them. This auction is for a 3 day thrill ride through your greatest fear! ~CLOWNS~!!!! I will dress up as a clown and scare you for 3 days STRAIGHT, everywhere you go, I will follow, dressed as a clown. When you least expect it - BOOM!!! There I'll be to creeper you out! This is something you will only want to experience once. LIVE your SCARIEST MOVIE SCENES! Included in this auction, is my travel expenses to wherever you live to give you 3 days of creepy, clowny excitement! BID NOW AND EXPERIENCE this once in a lifetime Thrill.... Are you Brave Enough? *This is meant for entertainment purposes only, no harm will come to you from this, just scariest thrill of a lifetime! Live a haunted house come to life for 3 entire days.
I'll tell you one thing: if a clown jumps out from behind a telephone pole while I'm walking to work he's gonna get his own size 30 shoved up his ass. Probably by someone tougher than me. Because I'll probably cry and run into traffic.
eBay Auction
Thanks to Jason, who's not afraid to admit he's afraid of clowns and really short people.
Feb 5 2009 Get Your Stalk On With Google Maps Latitude
Want to know exactly where your "friends" are at all times? Well now you can, thanks to a Google Maps Mobile (and desktop) feature called Latitude. All you have to do is ask to borrow your "friend's" phone briefly, accept the invitation you discreetly send from your own, and presto: access their GPS coordinates at all times (note: stalkee must have a GPS enabled phone)! Simple as that. Not that I actually did that or anything. Ha, no that's not me in the bushes outside. Pfft, you think there's only one person in the whole world with a "GEEKOLOGIE WRITER" t-shirt? Get real. But seriously, isn't it time for you to slip into something a little more comfortable?
Google Maps Mobile Offer Latitude Feature [ubergizmo]
Thanks to Herb, who I strangely keep running into.
Feb 5 2009 Idiot Tries To Strangle Girlfriend With Wiimote
In the latest of video game-themed attacks, a guy tried to strangle his girlfriend with the cord of a Wiimote. And I'll tell you -- he even LOOKS like the kind of guy that'd try to strangle someone with a video game controller. What a quarter-pound of fail.
An Austin man has been accused of trying to choke his girlfriend with the cord of a Wii video game controller after she became angry that he had eaten all of her Girl Scout cookies, according to an arrest affidavit.
The two struggled until they ended up in the living room, where Alvarez grabbed a Wii controller, according to the affidavit. Alvarado was able to free herself and call 911. Alvarez fled the home but was arrested soon after.
First of all, you don't ever try to strangle a woman, that's pathetic. And secondly, if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you never, ever, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, come between a woman and her Girl Scout Cookies. You're lucky to be alive, Alvarez, now kill yourself.
Man accused of choking girlfriend with Wii controller [statesman]
Thanks to Jordan, who once tried to choke his roommate with a PS3 controller. The plan was doomed from the start.
Jan 16 2009 Oh Wow -- An Even Worse Text-Messager
Remember the story earlier in the week about the girl that sent 14,528 text messages in a month? Well, it turns out she's not the only daughter I'd lock in the basement. Emilee Cox, a 14 year old from Clermont, Florida, sent and received 35,463 texts in a single month. Which, granted, were probably only half actually sent messages. But still, get a life. The best part of the interview:
Haha. Your dad was supposed to email me a picture of you to use. Do you know if he found one?
Uhm idk i think my sister is sending him one.
Got the photos. You are 14, right?
Yes i am.
Wow, even I found that creepy. Anybody else get the feeling the interviewer was at least partially responsible for Willy Wonka's third-quarter earnings?
Full text message interview with Clermont teen who had 35,463 text messages in a month [orlandosentinel]
Thanks to Jessica, who won't return my texts. WHAT'D I DO!?
Nov 20 2008 WTF Is That?: Weird Super Mario Cartoon
This is part of a Super Mario cartoon. It's called Super Mario: Depression. Hit the jump to see the whole thing, I had to cut it into three pieces just to get it up. It's freaking weird. And kind of made me sad. A world with a depressed Mario is no world I want to live in.
Places to move:
outerspace
your mom's house
your house
Washington D.C.
Candyland
Mushroom Kingdom
Hit it to check the whole thing out.
Continue Reading " WTF Is That?: Weird Super Mario Cartoon "
