Sep 10 2009 Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me

This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn't. I have no idea whether it's fake or not (I don't think it is), but that's not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn't be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they're driving me to the mall with my friends). And I'm not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning.

Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.

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May 9 2009 Kill It!: How A Roomba Cleans A Room

This is the path a Roomba took to clean a room. As you can see, it's pretty haphazard. But what did you expect -- it's just a stupid robot. Honestly, I'm surprised the little deviant didn't spend the whole time pleasuring itself in the corner by repeatedly running over a power cord.

The shot was taken by shutting off all the lights in the room for 30 minutes and taking a long exposure of the path the Roomba took while cleaning up.

While I despise all things robotic, I've got to admit -- whoever took the pic must have balls of triple platinum. Leaving a robot alone in a dark room for a half hour? That's crazy talk.

Long-Exposure Shot of a Roomba's Path Shows Beautifully Organized Chaos [gizmodo]

Apr 26 2009 Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo

Aliens are real, here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar 'Aliens In My Ass' Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell you call them.

"It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence," said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. "I call upon our government to open up ... and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization."

Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: "We have that, it's just that it's been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government," adding that "there's a secret government" that may be run by the "military-industrial complex."

Listen, Edgar 'Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae' Mitchell -- everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us. The problem is, you can't go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot....
....
.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

CURL: Astronaut says we're not alone [washingtonpost]

Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn't have to worry about aliens as much because they can't swim.

Feb 17 2009 Trailer: The People Vs. George Lucas

This is the teaser trailer for a documentary called The People Vs. George Lucas which discusses such hot topics as Jar Jar sucking major outerspace nadage and Han PEWing first.

Slated for release in 2010, 'The People vs George Lucas' delves into the impassioned feelings and opinions expressed by fans and foes of legendary screen icon George Lucas, and the many debates surrounding his legacy. Don't forget that you can still send us your own films and interviews until September 30, 2009!

Oh you're gonna get a film alright. An adult one. Starring me. And a cardboard cut out of Jar Jar Binks. Playing baseball. I will be pitching.

Youtube

Thanks to Brian, the man behind puppet Palpatine, who makes an appearance in the movie.

Feb 13 2009 I Swear, People Google The Weirdest Things

People really search for the darndest things. Using Google auto-complete, you can see just how screwed up people out there on the web really are. And yes, these are the same people responding to your singles ad. Typing the words in bold will result in the following:

• 883,000,000: Why do I have no friends.
• 7,570,000: Why do I have diarrhea.
• 4,170,000: Why do I have so much discharge.
• 7,120,000: Why do I have to pee so much.
• 230,000,000: Why do I have gas or so much gas.
• 456,000: Why do men have nipples.
• 6,000,000: Why men don't call.
• 8,380,000: Why men lie.
• 4,980,000: I want a new drug.
• 114,000,000: I want a wife.
• 783,000: I have one testicle.
• 21,900,000: I have one more drink.
• 12,400,000: I have three breasts.
• 320,000: I have three testicles.
• 1,580,000: I have three girlfriends.
• 42,300: Why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.
• 1,610,000: I would like to buy a hamburger.
• 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party.
• 818,000: I think im pregnant.
• 442,000: I hate Indiana Jones 4.

Neat. Now do some Googling of your own and post the funniest results in the comments. And also, a current picture. Are you really as pretty as I imagine?

Google Proves Humanity Is Sick and Sad, Yet Absolutely Hilarious [google]

Oct 28 2008 OLD!: UFO Guy Probably Tripping Constantly

You've probably seen this video before, but I hadn't. Does that make you better than me? Oh fo sho. Anyway, it's some guy that has sneaking acid onto planes down pat, rambling about a UFO siting in Chicago last winter. He reminds me of the rainbow lady, if the rainbow lady was a dude telling me my face was melting off.

Thanks to Miriam, who loves antiques as much as I do.

Oct 15 2008 Virgin Shark Produced Shark Kitten

A female blacktip shark at the Virginia Aquarium & Marione Science Center recently passed away, and, upon necropsy, was discovered to be with shark puppy -- despite no male sharks being present for 8 years!

Virgin birth has been proven in some bony fish, amphibians, reptiles and birds, and has been suspected among sharks in the wild. The scientists who studied the Virginia and Nebraska sharks said the newly formed pups acquired one set of chromosomes when the mother's chromosomes split during egg development, then united anew.

Absent the chromosomes present in the male sperm, the offspring of an asexual conception have reduced genetic diversity and, the scientists said, may be at a disadvantage for surviving in the wild. A pup, for instance, can be more susceptible to congenital disorders and diseases.

Proof positive that when a woman wants to get pregnant -- no matter how often you dunk your balls in hot coffee -- she's gonna do it.

Scientists confirm shark's 'virgin birth' [msnbc]

Thanks to Heather and Abe, who both claim there was a dinosaur in Jurassic park that did the same thing. But they're wrong -- it was me!