Oct 23 2009 Man Pleads Guilty In La-Z-Boy DWI Case
62-year old Dennis Anderson of Bumfunk, Minnesota was arrested last year for drunkenly driving his motorized La-Z-Boy into a parked car. Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, which is impressive for a sexagenarian, but if mine falls below that I start to feel sick.
Anderson's customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a "Hell Yeah It's Fast" bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt. Anderson, pictured above, controlled the La-Z-Boy via a steering wheel protruding from its seat cushion. The vehicle's headrest was adorned with the logo of the National Hot Rod Association. Following his guilty plea, Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a $2000 fine. A judge stayed Anderson's jail term in lieu of his successful completion of a two-year supervised probation term.
First of all, I can't believe it doesn't have a pop-out leg rest. And secondly, I can't believe it doesn't have a built in cooler. Where the hell was Anderson getting all the beers? And don't tell me a beer tree because I'mma rent a backhoe and uproot that tree. I wanna know where the beer at. I want the beer. Gimme the beer -- I want the beer.
Man Pleads To La-Z-Boy DWI [smoking gun]
Thanks to Closet Nerd, Occasional Reader, Kevin, B-Rad and Lord Tarl, who would have been smart enough to kick up the leg rest (because they would have built theirs with leg rests) and nap it off.
Jan 7 2009 6-Year Old Misses Bus, Steals Family Car, Learned To Drive Playing Grand Theft Auto
A six-year old (possibly Lil Derrick) missed the school bus and did what any responsible, education-loving tyke would do -- stole his parents' 2005 Ford Taurus and drive his damn self. It almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost. Super villains don't cry though. I ain't no little bitch!
He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.
The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games."He was very intent on getting to school," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. "When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE."
Damn, what a student he must be! I think we've got a future rocket scientist on our hands here. Just kidding, he'll be locked up in no time.
6-year-old takes family car after missing bus [ajc]
Thanks to Chris and Kevin, who never stole cars to get to school because those mutherf***ers had jetpacks, yo!
Dec 15 2008 I Hear Wedding Bells!: A Match Made In Halo
John Henry and Desirai Labrada (PsychoVandal and SickNdehed, respectively) met playing Halo in 2004 and are now getting married in a Halo themed wedding at this year's Otronicon gaming convention in Orlando, FL.
They met when she lived in New York and he was in Florida. She'd become Xbox Live friends with his roommate, and they slowly started to play games together, regularly. When he didn't show up online one day during the time they usually played, she sent him a message and her phone number.
"I was drawn to her laugh," John said in a phone interview with MTV News earlier this week. "I had made her laugh a few times and thought her laugh was kind of cute."They played "Halo" as teammates. As they were falling in love, they tended to protect each other a lot, watching each other's back as lasers and grenades fell around them. And in an act of sacrifice only possible during a blossoming romance, Desirai agreed to take Dramamine so she could last through three-hour binges of campaign mode on "Halo 3" with John without getting motion sickness.
That's true love.
That IS true love. Don't give up readers, there's hope for you yet. The wedding goes down January 17th and I'm totally gonna crash it (with permission). God and booze willing, I'll even make out with a bridesmaid. Oh, and apparently the event is receiving some negative attention regarding the couple's decision to go with a video game themed wedding. Which, I think we can all agree, is utterly freaking stupidtalk. I've got news for you folks: I got married in a non-Halo themed ceremony, and you know what? That marriage went straight to shit. Coincidence? No.
A heartfelt congratulations to the husband-and-wife to be.
Halo' Wedding Planned By Two Video Game Fans; Master Chief Will Officiate [mtv]
Thanks to evilcharismatic, my woman on the inside, who promises to keep me posted on the awesomeness as it develops. Expect a followup post after the event.
Nov 4 2008
Coming Soon: The Air Car Pod
Zero Pollution Motors plans to drop the AirPod like it's hot. And soon (~2011). The compressed-air powered vehicle will cost about $20,000 (!) and run on little more than, well, air. Oh, and, alternatively, a little oil, alcohol, or gas.
The air car can tool along at a top speed of 35 mph for some 60 miles or so on a tank of compressed air, a sufficient distance for 80% of consumers to commute to work and back and complete daily chores.
On highways, the CAV can cruise at interstate speeds for nearly 800 miles with a small motor that compresses outside air to keep the tank filled. The motor isn't finicky about fuel. It will burn gasoline or diesel as well as biodiesel, ethanol or vegetable oil.
Even if running on gas, the death trap averages over 100 mpg. Which, while impressive, is nowhere near as good as a pirate ship.
One more picture of the shoebox on wheels after the jump.
Aug 26 2008 How To Slow Down Speeders In China
This is how local authorities decided to combat speeders on the Jing Zhuang highway in ShanXi province, China: with two 100 foot long, 2 foot high barriers that require motorists to slow down and wind their way through the passage. Hey, you know what else discourages speeders? Cutting their brake lines. Because then they can only go as fast as they feel comfortable hitting a tree. My wife sure as hell doesn't speed anymore. Or even drive for that matter. You see, she's dead. *sobbing*And the sad part is *sniffle* I hate cooking for myself.
Jump for one more picture of the foolproof anti-speeding deterrent.
Aug 1 2008 Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!!
The Discovery Channel has an open casting call until midnight on August 6th looking for a male host for a new show they're producing -- Super Testing. So what is Super Testing?
The show explores the world of extreme testing - a world of explosions, planned crashes, and controlled chaos. The show is produced on a level as big as the subjects it covers. There are no scale models. No recreations. No "staged reality". Our cameras are involved in actual tests conducted by the U.S. military, government agencies, corporations and inventors around the world.
And who are they looking for?
We're looking for someone who is
:
* In his late 30s to early 40s.
* Smart - he needs to be credible in his interactions with scientists and engineers. Science, stuntman, or engineering background is a strong plus. He does not have to be an "expert" in science or engineering per se, but should grasp the science or engineering concepts at least well enough to ask the kind of intelligent questions that our intelligent viewers appreciate.
* Tough, but an "Everyman" - He should be credible dealing with military officials, mechanics, pilots, test subjects - the whole range of folks who build things and sometimes blow things up all in the name of progress. Military, construction, or mechanical engineering background is a strong plus. He should come off as knowledgeable but likeable - and definitely a man's man.
* Charismatic, but not too "hosty" - He should be able to explain the who-what-where-when-how of the testing in a clear, direct, and always conversational way. We need someone who seems comfortable in his own skin and comfortable on camera. But he should also be comfortable letting the light shine on the real stars of the show - the people who he encounters, who make "super testing" a reality.
Interesting, Discovery channel. But you could have made it a lot shorter. It should have read:
We're looking for someone who is:Mike Rowe.
And, since it's Friday and I have a man-crush on Mike Rowe that's borderline sexual, I've included several MUST MUST MUST SEE videos of Mike when he used to sell crap on QVC. If you're a Mike Rowe fan you must watch them, and even if you're not, they're hilarious. Search Youtube for a bunch more if you like them.
Continue Reading " Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!! "
Jul 15 2008 Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed
If there's one thing that's sad, it's the death of a pet. Followed distantly by $1.2 billion plane crashes. And, while we've already posted another picture and video of the crash, here are some nice close-ups of the now infamous wreck. Pretty sad isn't it? I think so. Of course, it's not as bad as when Hammy the Hamster went. There are very few things sadder than watching your dad cook and eat your only friend because you couldn't make it to base in a little league game.
Hit the jump for two more pictures, including one of a firetruck and another of two doctors crawling through a field with a steampunk computer. Just kidding, apparently they're deactivating remaining explosives in the ejector seat.
Continue Reading " Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed "
Jul 11 2008 Dummy On Segway Kisses Another Dummy
This is allegedly a Segway crash-test video used to determine the effects (including potential eroticism) that can occur when someone plows their Segway into a stationary person. If you can't watch it, it basically looks like two dummies kissing. Honestly, I don't even know why they performed this test in the first place. I can tell you what happens when you crash your Segway into something: you look even stupider.
Segway Crash Test is Awkward For All Parties Involved [gizmodo]
Jun 6 2008 Video Of The B-2 Bomber Crash Released
Remember the B-2 Bomber that crashed in February? Well the government has finally released footage of the $1.2 billion disaster after verifying there were no aliens, terrorists, zombies, polygamists, or rogue robots involved. It's pretty sad to watch, especially since the camera operator has the motor skills of a newborn. The first half of the video is another B-2 taking off, so skip through halfway to see the second one that actually crashes. It's not super-crazy or anything, but the crew ejector-seating out was neat to watch. The rest is just sad. Like the family video of me crashing my bike as a kid. You can hear my dad laughing and telling the neighbor he loosened a bunch of bolts.
Another video after the jump, but it cuts out right before the crash.
Mar 11 2008 Surprise!: Aircar Can Both Fly And Drive
Here at Geekologie we've seen flying cars in the past, and here comes another. The Milner Aircar can be both flown and driven. The $450,000 vehicle is capable of going up to 200 mph at 25,000 ft and 85 mph at 0 ft. This is great and I definitely need one. That way on long trips when my wife starts asking "Are we there yet?" and screaming at me for going the wrong way I can just push her ejector seat button. "Later honey!" *click* - PSSSSSHHHOOOOOOOOW!! Then I'll do a barrel roll and take aim at her with my laser cannons. *peow, peow*
Several more pictures (of a car prototype) after the jump.
Continue Reading " Surprise!: Aircar Can Both Fly And Drive "
