Oct 22 2009 Retractable Speed Bump Awards Slow Drivers

The Intelligent Bump is a speed bump that lowers itself if a driver is under a predetermined speed. It has no effect on me though because I drive a hovercar from the future.

Dubbed the Intelligent Bump, this clever system by Mexico-based Decano Industries actually retracts if you're "going slow enough", rewarding cautious drivers. These bumps are priced at an affordable $1,500 each.

"The system uses metal plates that measure the force of an impact against them. Cars going slow enough will cause the plates to lower, though any faster and the speed bump will remain where it is."

Listen, I hate speed bumps as much as the next person, but if I find out my state government is blowing $1,500 a pop for the things I'm gonna stop paying taxes. And by stop I mean never start. I'm flying under the radar, whee! Oh -- now I'm barnstorming! NNNNNNEEEEEAAAROOOOOOOM.

Hit the jump to see an animation of the bump in action that may or may not have contracted out to a kindergarten art class.

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Oct 20 2009 Haha!: Home Shopping Network Wii Accident

This is a video of some idiot on the Home Shopping Network trying to sell a Wii bundle that includes the console and 15 piece of shit Wiimote attachments for a staggering $330. He doesn't do a good job, which brought great joy and happiness to my life. Just watch, you can probably guess what happens. Unless you guessed, "he stabs himself with a samurai sword or falls off a ladder", in which case, God you suck at guessing.

How not to play Wii, courtesy of the Home Shopping Network [pluggedin]

Thanks to jessica, who once put her fist through the television playing Wii boxing but it's okay because it wasn't a flatscreen.

Jul 19 2009 Hot Dog!: Weinermobile Crashes Into Home

One of the iconic Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles crashed into a Wisconsin home on Friday, following a failed turn-around.

Police say the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

Ha, women. I can't believe we still issue them licenses. But seriously, if any of you ladies need a hot dog parked in your garage, call me. I'm sensitive to a woman's needs.

Wienermobile Crashes Into Wisconsin Home [foxnews]

Thanks to Dustin, FDSY, Masami and phil, who prefer to park it around back.

May 2 2009 On Camera: Bus Driver Crashes While Texting

He's not just driving any bus either, he's sporting that short joint (see man in wheelchair tethered in the back). Jesus. Dude texts for six minutes straight before finally rear-ending somebody. You'd think being on camera would be enough to deter this sort of behavior, but no, it's not. This is almost as bad as your middle school bus driver drinking and smoking the whole ride. Miss you Mrs. Wright! Madison County (AL) Public Schools Bus #114 FTW!

Bus Driver Crashes While Texting [break]

Thanks to Brandon, who once piloted a bus off a cliff but downshifted right before he hit the ground and drove off without a scratch.

Apr 7 2009 GM And Segway Making P.U.M.A. 'Car', Looks Suspiciously Like A Motorized Wheelchair

General Motors and Segway have teamed up to produce what might very well be a slightly modified Hoveround. It's self-balancing like a Segway, but with the style and quality you've come to expect from GM. And as you can see, they do come with the Gob Bluth seal of excitement.

The self-balancing Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility Project (P.U.M.A.) can reach top speeds of 35 MPH, has a lithium battery that lasts up to 35 miles with a single charge, and features vehicle-to-vehicle (V2V) communication for potentially reducing the number of accidents. No word on when or if this'll actually go into production but it's expected to be priced at just 25% that of a regular automobile.

Wow, that is one vehicle (in addition to a seatless bicycle) I can safely say I have absolutely no interest in driving. My God -- could you imagine getting T-boned in that thing? *BOOM* Porterhoused!

GM and Segway's P.U.M.A. unveiled and no, this isn't a joke [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who successfully rode a Segway down a flight of stairs but then got hit by a bicycle messenger at the bottom and lost a tooth. It was never found.

Feb 17 2009 Fail: Two Nuclear Subs Crash Into Each Other

In an unprecedented subbing fail, a British nuclear sub recently crashed into a French one. I've got the feeling somebody swerved out of their lane (read: the Frenchies, they're suckers for red wine).

Officials said the low-speed crash did not damage the vessels' nuclear reactors or missiles or cause radiation to leak. But anti-nuclear groups said it was still a frightening reminder of the risks posed by submarines prowling the oceans powered by radioactive material and bristling with nuclear weapons.

France said that Le Triomphant suffered damage to a sonar dome -- where navigation and detection equipment is stored -- and limped home to its base on L'Ile Longue on France's western tip. HMS Vanguard returned to a submarine base in Scotland with visible dents and scrapes, the BBC reported.

Just as I feared, they're making these stealth subs too stealthy. Next thing you know somebody's going to run into the Lock Ness Monster and kill poor Nessy. And, when it happens (and it will), we will finally know the truth: how delicious is monster BBQ?

British, French nuclear subs collide in Atlantic [yahoonews]

Thanks to Totex, who once caught a nuclear sub trying to sneak up the drain into his bathtub. And to Kyle, who once called Poseidon a bitch and lived to tell about it.

Feb 12 2009 Woops: Two Satellites Crash Into Each Other

Two satellites in earth's orbit recently crashed into each other and caused a huge mess. "Cleanup in outerspace aisle 4!" Great, right when I was about to get off too.

In an unprecedented space collision, a commercial Iridium communications satellite and a defunct Russian satellite ran into each other Tuesday above northern Siberia, creating a cloud of wreckage, officials said today.

"As of about 12 hours ago, I think the head count was up (to around) 600 pieces," Carey told CBS News late today. "It's going to take about two days before we get a solid picture of what the debris fields look like. But you, I think, can imply that the majority of that should be probably along the same line as the original orbits."

Lovely, more space junk for me to run into in my rocket ship when I finally blast the hell out of here. And if you're having trouble understanding how two satellites could accidentally run into each other, just look at the image above, which is a rendering showing some of the 18,000 objects that are being tracked in earth's orbit. With that much stuff floating around, accidents are bound to happen. And speaking of which, Happy Birthday, son!

Two satellites collide in orbit [spaceflightnow]

Thanks to Dr Necropolis and E of R, who both agree this was planned by those devious Ruskies.

Jan 30 2009 Google Maps Van Hits Deer, Uploads Pics

A Google Maps van hit a deer while out on the prowl -- and recorded and uploaded the whole damn thing to the live version of Google Maps! WTF!?

The Google employee had to have known that they hit the deer but the more interesting thought is why did they proceed to upload the images? Is Google that determined to be the first to map the roads by street view that they don't care what goes live on their site?

Based on some of the other stuff I've seen on Street View, it's pretty obvious Google doesn't care what goes live -- or dead! Zing!

UPDATE: Google has responded and states "the deer was able to move and had left the area by the time the police arrived". So yeah, go Bambi! Hit the links to see a couple more graphic pictures if you're a real sicko.

Google Maps
via
Google maps car hits a deer, records it all. Oh deer [neowin]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once thought he ran over a squirrel. In reality, the squirrel passed perfectly under the car, only hitting his head on the tailpipe. In his rearview Spikey saw the squirrel standing there, scratching its melon and wondering "WTF just happened?".

Dec 23 2008 What To Do In A Plane Crash: Twitter

If you're ever in a plane crash, what's the first thing you should do? Of course -- Twitter about it! That's exactly what Mike Wilson did after Continental flight 1404 veered off the runway at Denver International Airport and caught fire.

"Holy f*cking sh*t I was just in a plane crash," he wrote in a text message shortly after Continental Flight 1404 burst into flames and nearly broke apart, injuring 38 people.

Thirty-two minutes later, Mr Wilson added: "Ugh... My glasses fell off in the mass exodus getting off the plane... Can't see very well."

One minute after that, he offered a bit of lightness, perhaps conscious that worried family members might be reading his words: "This was crash No 2 for me. Maybe I should start taking the bus".

Well I can honestly say tweeting is not the first thing I'd think to do in the event of a plane crash. Now copping a feel on a distressed stewardess....that's, uh, I can't believe I just freaking wrote that.

Citizen journalist sets the world a Twitter after Denver plane crash [telegraph]

Thanks to pirhan, who's smart enough to only travel by jetpack.

Nov 9 2008 Microsoft Running Slave Camp In China (J/K Microsoft, Please Keep Advertising With Us)

Microsoft bought a bus and now offers free transportation to and from work for some of its employees in China. The only catch? You have to sit at a workstation. Good if you like reading email and catching up on the day's news, bad if there's a sweaty man with a whip behind you demanding productivity. Seriously, the last thing I want to do on the way to work is work. If I found myself having to blog in the car I'd drive straight off a bridge -- and into your heart! Here, I got you a promise ring.

Microsoft turns a bus into a mobile office [dvice]

Aug 26 2008 How To Slow Down Speeders In China

This is how local authorities decided to combat speeders on the Jing Zhuang highway in ShanXi province, China: with two 100 foot long, 2 foot high barriers that require motorists to slow down and wind their way through the passage. Hey, you know what else discourages speeders? Cutting their brake lines. Because then they can only go as fast as they feel comfortable hitting a tree. My wife sure as hell doesn't speed anymore. Or even drive for that matter. You see, she's dead. *sobbing*And the sad part is *sniffle* I hate cooking for myself.

Jump for one more picture of the foolproof anti-speeding deterrent.

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Aug 1 2008 Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!!

The Discovery Channel has an open casting call until midnight on August 6th looking for a male host for a new show they're producing -- Super Testing. So what is Super Testing?

The show explores the world of extreme testing - a world of explosions, planned crashes, and controlled chaos. The show is produced on a level as big as the subjects it covers. There are no scale models. No recreations. No "staged reality". Our cameras are involved in actual tests conducted by the U.S. military, government agencies, corporations and inventors around the world.

And who are they looking for?

We're looking for someone who is:

* In his late 30s to early 40s.

* Smart - he needs to be credible in his interactions with scientists and engineers. Science, stuntman, or engineering background is a strong plus. He does not have to be an "expert" in science or engineering per se, but should grasp the science or engineering concepts at least well enough to ask the kind of intelligent questions that our intelligent viewers appreciate.

* Tough, but an "Everyman" - He should be credible dealing with military officials, mechanics, pilots, test subjects - the whole range of folks who build things and sometimes blow things up all in the name of progress. Military, construction, or mechanical engineering background is a strong plus. He should come off as knowledgeable but likeable - and definitely a man's man.

* Charismatic, but not too "hosty" - He should be able to explain the who-what-where-when-how of the testing in a clear, direct, and always conversational way. We need someone who seems comfortable in his own skin and comfortable on camera. But he should also be comfortable letting the light shine on the real stars of the show - the people who he encounters, who make "super testing" a reality.

Interesting, Discovery channel. But you could have made it a lot shorter. It should have read:

We're looking for someone who is:

Mike Rowe.

And, since it's Friday and I have a man-crush on Mike Rowe that's borderline sexual, I've included several MUST MUST MUST SEE videos of Mike when he used to sell crap on QVC. If you're a Mike Rowe fan you must watch them, and even if you're not, they're hilarious. Search Youtube for a bunch more if you like them.

Continue Reading " Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!! "

Jul 15 2008 Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed

If there's one thing that's sad, it's the death of a pet. Followed distantly by $1.2 billion plane crashes. And, while we've already posted another picture and video of the crash, here are some nice close-ups of the now infamous wreck. Pretty sad isn't it? I think so. Of course, it's not as bad as when Hammy the Hamster went. There are very few things sadder than watching your dad cook and eat your only friend because you couldn't make it to base in a little league game.

Hit the jump for two more pictures, including one of a firetruck and another of two doctors crawling through a field with a steampunk computer. Just kidding, apparently they're deactivating remaining explosives in the ejector seat.

Continue Reading " Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed "

Jul 11 2008 Dummy On Segway Kisses Another Dummy

This is allegedly a Segway crash-test video used to determine the effects (including potential eroticism) that can occur when someone plows their Segway into a stationary person. If you can't watch it, it basically looks like two dummies kissing. Honestly, I don't even know why they performed this test in the first place. I can tell you what happens when you crash your Segway into something: you look even stupider.

Segway Crash Test is Awkward For All Parties Involved [gizmodo]

Jun 19 2008 Worst Ferrari Owner Ever

So some Ferrari owner in Brazil crashed his 2000 360 Modena into some other car. Then -- at a later date -- had to push it around town because it was out of gas. Not surprisingly, it turns out the dude hadn't been paying his taxes and fines for the car either. Which makes him the worst Ferrari owner ever. While most owners treat a Ferrari like their baby (one that wasn't an accident), this guy treats his like a redheaded stepchild.

A bunch more pictures of the damage, him pushing it through the streets, and a screenshot of the car's tax sheet after the jump. Anybody that wants to shed more light on the article feel free to, my Portuguese is limited (and I'm dumb as shit).

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Jun 6 2008 Video Of The B-2 Bomber Crash Released

Remember the B-2 Bomber that crashed in February? Well the government has finally released footage of the $1.2 billion disaster after verifying there were no aliens, terrorists, zombies, polygamists, or rogue robots involved. It's pretty sad to watch, especially since the camera operator has the motor skills of a newborn. The first half of the video is another B-2 taking off, so skip through halfway to see the second one that actually crashes. It's not super-crazy or anything, but the crew ejector-seating out was neat to watch. The rest is just sad. Like the family video of me crashing my bike as a kid. You can hear my dad laughing and telling the neighbor he loosened a bunch of bolts.

Another video after the jump, but it cuts out right before the crash.

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Apr 11 2008 Crashed B2 Stealth Bomber Looks Sad

Remember the story about the Stealth Bomber that crashed in February? Well here's the aftermath. I know, it's almost too sad to bear. What was once a wicked $1.2 billion technological marvel is now a burnt-out shell of its former self. *sniffle* I hope we can all learn a valuable lesson from this. Namely that my girlfriend should forgive me for crashing her car into her cousin's wedding party. Let's just say the dramatic entrance I had planned for the event went horribly, horribly wrong.

Another picture of a much happier B2 after the jump.

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Mar 24 2008 Forget Shooting Clay Pigeons, Go For Flying Cars. Top Gear Shows Us How It's Done.

This is a video of Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear shooting cars as they fly off a cliff with a shotgun, machine gun, and finally -- a rocket launcher with some sort of seeking munition that ricochets around and explodes fuel tanks. Awe to the some! This officially makes Top Gear is the awesomest show since I made my little brother try to jump over a kiddy pool filled with burning gasoline on a modified Big Wheels. Whoa bro, don't get mad at me -- I said hit the ramp at FULL SPEED. It's not my fault if you don't know how to follow directions. Seriously though, get well soon.

Shooting Flying Cars with Machine Guns, Rocket Launchers [gizmodo]

Feb 25 2008 B-2 Stealth Bomber Crashes, I Cry

If you haven't heard the news, a B-2 Stealth Bomber crashed immediately after takeoff in Guam over the weekend. That's not it crashing in the picture. That's one with the cloud effect commonly associated with breaking the sound barrier (although this B-2 is not breaking the barrier, or as we like to say in the business "bustin' up in that noise wall"). The one (of 21) that went down was the Spirit of Kansas and was the first B-2 crash ever. Both pilots ejected safely but later wished they hadn't when confronted about the plane's $1.2 billion dollar cost.

A news story video after the jump.

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Feb 7 2008 Rear-View Mirror Features Video Recorder

Sure police have had dash mounted cameras forever, so what makes the Rear-view Mirror Digital Video Recorder so special? Um, you see, it's, uh, inside the rear-view mirror and records traffic in case of an accident. Okay, you got me, I don't really care about it. I posted this because those two chicks in the backseat are totally about to make out. Who needs a traffic camera when you've got that kind of action in your own backseat? Not this guy. If I was there I would have ripped the mirror-cam off and jumped in the backseat quicker than you could say "who's driving the car?"

A MUST SEE video of an accident recorded with the camera after the jump. Call me crazy, but the person driving the car seems like they were trying to get in an accident. First they cut off the car in the intersection, then sped like a bat out of hell.

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