Oct 23 2009 Dirt Slingers!: Apple Ad Taking On Windows 7

This is a just-released Apple ad making fun of Microsoft's new Windows 7. I thought it was smarmy and, despite not knowing what smarmy means or if it's even a real word, spell check didn't say anything so I'm going with it. Also, enough with the dirt slinging, Apple. Geekologie is 100% composed on a PC. But Apple, if you're reading this: I'd be willing to try writing Geekologie on a high-end Macbook Pro. Just sayin' (contact me for shipping address).

Youtube

Thanks to Kevin, who doesn't take sides because the likes the way fence feels on his butt.

Jun 9 2009 Will Future Ovens Cook With Lasers? (Yes)

Electrolux just ran another one of their harebrained design competitions and this laser-powered oven created by Ludovic Peperstaete was one of the featured designs. It cooks with pews!

Instead of heating elements or an open flame, food is cooked via 3 harmless lasers that are targeted by the cook. And while a single laser supposedly isn't strong enough to cook food, we all know that crossing two lasers can cook anything from a Thanksgiving turkey to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

I, for one, welcome our pew pew oven overlords. Now, bake me a cake! What do you mean, "there's already a bun in the oven"? I thought we did it in the broiler. WELL THEY'RE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER -- HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

Could A Laser Oven Be In Our Future? Pew Pew! [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Damian, who cooks his meals the old fashioned way: by leaving it to a woman.

Dec 11 2008 Oh Snap, There's A Zune Phone Coming!

Or is there? I don't know, I'm not good at speculation. But I am good at making shit up. And also, making out. Ladies?

According to Trip Chowdhry, an analyst at Global Equities Research, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer will announce a Zune-style mobile device during his keynote address at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, on January 7, 2009. In an article in Barron's, Chowdhry claims that the company's new centerpiece will combine the best features of the Zune media player with the hardware design of Danger's mobile Sidekick, in addition to "motion enhancement features," like an accelerometer.

Basically, this means the device will come with a physical keyboard like HTC's G1 and will likely feature a larger screen to accommodate heavy multimedia elements. And since we're all here copying each other's mobile phone features, we'll be shocked if the Zune phone doesn't feature multitouch capabilities.

Wow, way to make my new-phone boner shrivel like a century-old prune. Microsoft, Microsoft, Microsoft. Did you not learn anything from yesterday's lesson? Are you trying to drop hints about a new phone or not? If so, this is how it's done:

Steve Ballmer: Zune phone? Who said anything about a Zune phone? Psyche -- gimme them digits, bitches! BA-DOW!

Remember Microsoft, I'm still available for hire.

Rumor: Zune Phone Is Coming to CES 2009 [wired]

Thanks to Ain, who doesn't need a cellphone because he has two tin cans and long piece of string in his treefort.

Oct 27 2008 Knife Skills: Pumpkin Carving Champion

Well folks, with Valentine's just around the corner I figured I'd do a bunch of holiday-related posts this week. And what better way to get things rolling than with some dude's L337 pumpkin carving skills?

Congratulations to Ray Villafane, a sculptor for DC Comics on his win Sunday night on the Food Network's Pumpkin Carving Challenge. The six and half hour event pitted four pumpkin carvers against each other in a three part competition. Part one involved a traditional Jack o Lantern. Part two: 3D sculpture. The final part, which was worth half of the points was the freestyle competition.

Ray dominated all three parts of the competition and took home $10,000 and two pumpkin groupies.

Hit the jump to see the two other pumpkins and the cutest damn werewolf-child ever.

Continue Reading " Knife Skills: Pumpkin Carving Champion "

Aug 22 2008 Microsoft Recruits Gates, Seinfeld To Help Combat Apple's Current "Get A Mac" Ads

Apple keeps putting out those "Get a Mac" ads and Microsoft has finally decided it's not going to take them lying down with its ass in the air. So what's the company doing? Starting an ad campaign with "key celebrity pitchman" Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, and Bill Gates.

The campaign is said to be based on the idea of "Windows, Not Walls," stressing the need to "break down barriers that prevent people and ideas from connecting." Something we think open-sourcers might have a laugh at. Anywho, the immediate goal of the campaign is to reverse the negative public perception of Vista and thus incorporates elements of the Mojave Experiment. While we have doubts about the latter, the combination of Seinfeld's pithy observations with a bit of that Bill Gates, self deprecating humor seen in "Bill's Last Day" could be a winning combination.

The campaign, which kicks off September 4th, will cost Microsoft over $300 million, which, if I've done my nautical math correctly, is a lot of freaking clams. More than I could eat in one sitting anyway. If Microsoft gave me a hundredth of that money I could run Apple into the ground single keyboardedly. I'M THE GEEKOLOGIE WRITER DAMNIT, WHEN I TYPE, PEOPLE READ! Isn't that...Jesus, you're not even paying attention are you?

Microsoft enlists Seinfeld, Gates to battle "Get a Mac" ads [engadget]

Thanks Sam, you wanna be part of my smear campaign?

Jul 29 2008 Cuil: Google's New Competition?

Well if you haven't heard there's a new search engine that just moved in down the block and it's taunting the most indexed web pages (120 billion, 3x more than others) and a new way to display search results. From the company:

Cuil (pronounced COOL) provides organized and relevant results based on Web page content analysis. The search engine goes beyond today's search techniques of link analysis and traffic ranking to analyze the context of each page and the concepts behind each query. It then organizes similar search results into groups and sorts them by category.

And, according to the Huffington Post, people have been checking it out.

This morning the Google competitor started by former Google employees topped Google Trends. This means that people were using Google to find it's spunky new competitor. Misspellings of Cuil and Cuil's founder, Anna Paterson, were also top searches. Google may have been discouraged by this until they see 'Hot Trend' number 35, 'cuil sucks.'

Personally, I don't know if Cuil sucks or not because I've always been an Askjeeves kind of guy. Ha, did I just say that out loud? What I meant to say was The Geekologie Writer doesn't use search engines, the information comes to him. I just concentrate real hard on what I need aaaaaaand....CH34P V1@GR@. Shit, ladies I swear...

Cuil Website
and
Ouch- Cuil Dominates Google Trends [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Matthew and SPM, who search the interwebs the old fashioned way, with bow and arrow.

Jun 23 2008 Way To Desecrate My Favorite Characters: Star Wars Dance Competition At Disney

So apparently Disney has now started having "Star Wars Weekends" at Walt Disney World. What does this mean? Among other things, a Star Wars Character Dance Competition that made my blood boil. The video is over 5 minutes long, so what you want to do is let it load, and then watch a random ten seconds of the first 3 minutes, and then actually let it play at 3:11. This video has singlehandedly desecrated the memory of my favorite childhood characters. Kind of like that time at my Halloween party when I walked in on my girlfriend humping Optimus Prime. Suffice it to say I trashed all my Transformers and Uncle Jake isn't my favorite uncle anymore.

Star Wars Dance Off [uberreview]

May 5 2008 Super Long Foosball Table Is Mad Super Long

This is allegedly the world's longest foosball table (but not the bathtubbiest). It was made by Amstel (purveyor of that fine Amsterdamian beer) to coincide with the European Champions League Finals. It takes 22 players (two soccer teams worth) to play a game. Being a lover of foos, I'd love to give it a go on that sucker. It'd certainly be the longest game of foos I'd ever play! Get it! There was a double meaning there. Long time-wise and long like someone should punch me in the nuts because I deserve it. Unfortunately I could never actually play on this table because I hate strangers and have no friends. Something about being "no fun to hang out with" and "a major fruit-flavored douchepop".

Table Football XXL, the largest Foosball table in the world [dvice]

Apr 24 2008 A Vision Of The Future: Robots With Lasers

These Kondo KHR-1HV robots are all rocking lasers for a world domination training exercise poorly disguised as the Blazer robot tournament in Fukuoka City, Japan. The little guys ran around shooting each other and pew-pewing to their mechanical heart's content in a little mock-up city made just for them. Whoever thought that this would be a good idea was wrong. The little bastards are going to kill us all. I mean, these people are indirectly training our future overlords by allowing them to play these war games. I guess what I'm getting at is that I've built a hidden shelter beneath my tool shed in the back yard and I'm looking for several attractive young ladies to join me. I am now officially accepting applications. But no funny stuff! Namely scrunching your penis up behind you so it looks like you don't have one. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice a week for the entire duration of a five month relationship and I am freaking scarred for life. Thanks a lot.

VIDEO of the little guys duking it out laser style after the jump.

Continue Reading " A Vision Of The Future: Robots With Lasers "

Apr 23 2008 Run For The Hills Or The TV?: Robot Soccer Players To Compete With Humans By 2050

The Robocup German Open is in full effect (April 21-25) and it's every bit as frightening as you'd expect. The only thing I found comfort in was that the robots are clearly too stupid to distinguish a soccer ball from an orange tennis ball. Those stupid bastards. We're still doomed though. According to Stefan Kohlbrecher, a member of the Technical University of Darmstadt's Darmstadt Dribblers, "The goal of the RoboCup is to compete against human world champions with robots by the year 2050." Uh oh. No word on whether the robots will be equipped with rockets and laser cannons, but as far as ratings go, I think it's a no-brainer.

Two videos from the 2007 cup after the jump -- one teaser trailer, and one of the final match in the humanoid division.

Continue Reading " Run For The Hills Or The TV?: Robot Soccer Players To Compete With Humans By 2050 "

Apr 18 2008 Trashcan Robot Is Useless, I Want It Anways

Mr. Push is a trashcan robot that can tell jokes, roll dice, and beat himself in the head with his crablike legs. He was a contender in the Baka RoboCup 2007 competition, in which robots vie to be the least useful but most entertaining. Mr. Push did well, but didn't win. A couple of noteworthy parts in the video:

0:37 This is what I do when I can't find anything worth posting on Geekologie.
1:32 He mocks some guy while waving his penis at him.
2:20 He rolls a 6.
3:45 His little robotic M&M friend (OniRoppo) humps a Roomba.

So precious.

Pusk-kun: Screwy robot trash can [pinktentacle]

Apr 16 2008 Tetris Arm Wrestling Is Freaking Awesome

Tresling is a combination of Tetris and arm wrestling. You have a button to push with your free hand that rotates your tetrads, but you have to beat your opponent's arm against a sensor in order to move it in one direction (and against your own sensor to move it in the opposite). You each have your own game going, so a typical game consists of two people beating each other's arm around like maniacs. Which is awesome. Man if they sold these systems I'd buy one today. That's right, I like beating my wife at arm wrestling to make myself feel good. This game would be perfect because she's no good at Tetris either, so it'd be a double boost to the ol' ego.

Oh, and I hoping this guy has really weak arms, otherwise there's no reason to bother holding a Tresling World Championship.

MUST SEE VIDEO of the system in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Tetris Arm Wrestling Is Freaking Awesome "

Apr 8 2008 2008 Rube Goldberg Machine Contest

The Rube Goldberg Machine Contest is held every year at Purdue and requires contestants to complete a simple task with a complex machine in 20 or more ridiculous steps. Last year's objective was to juice an orange into a pitcher and pour the juice into a cup. This year's was to build a hamburger with patty, two vegetables, and two condiments. For the third time in four years the Purdue Society of Professional Engineers took top honors. Coincidence? I think not. I have the feeling there's something fishy going on here. Let's review the evidence: The contest is held at Purdue. Purdue wins a lot. *puts feet on desk, lights pipe* I think my work here is done.

Another video about the winning team and machine after the jump.

Continue Reading " 2008 Rube Goldberg Machine Contest "

Mar 21 2008 Little Car Gets A Staggering 8,923 MPG, Doesn't Have Room To Make Out In The Back

The Microjoule competition car is the lovechild of a caterpillar and a jellybean. And maybe a go-cart that was originally just filming but ended up getting in on the action. The amazingly green vehicle can "make the journey between New York and Los Angeles over three times on just one gallon of gas." !!! It has won Shell's Eco-Marathon every time since the car's original inception in 1992. "Amazingly the Microjoule doesn't have any fancy tricks -- it's just an aerodynamic, lightweight one-seater that runs off gasoline, but runs for a long time." Man, there has got to be some trick. Like a hamster wheel or a sorcerer or something. Something. Cars just can't go nearly 9,000 on a single gallon of gas. So I'm just going to go ahead and set the record straight right here: Magic. That's right folks, The Gathering.

Microjoule competition car gets amazing 8,923 miles per gallon [dvice]

Mar 11 2008 DIY Vacuum Tube iPod Amplifier Seems Legit

I'm a huge fan of DIY projects. Especially ones that begin by destroying something beautiful. Unfortunately this is not that kind of project. But it is a DIY iPod amplifier -- complete with vacuum tubes. Raise the roof everybody! Did I just say raise the roof? I meant somebody kill me for even thinking that. The unit costs around $150, and as the name implies, it comes as a kit you get to put together yourself (picture after the jump). It looks pretty simple. However if you're new to DIY projects you may want to start with the DIY megaphone. What you do is you cup your hands together like you're catching a football, hold them over your mouth and yell something really loud. Maybe something like "SORRY YOU DIDN'T WIN THAT BLOGGIE YOU SO RIGHTFULLY DESERVED MR. GEEKOLOGIE WRITER!"

Continue Reading " DIY Vacuum Tube iPod Amplifier Seems Legit "

Feb 20 2008 Digital Tattoo Is Conceptual, Questionable

The Digital Tattoo Interface was another entry in the Greener Design Competition that the gravity lamp won second place in. It's an electronic interface embedded under the skin that looks like a tattoo. It's nuts. You could use it as a phone, computer, or traditional tattoo by downloading a picture of a unicorn from the internet. It runs on blood by turning glucose and oxygen into electricity. I don't trust it. Mostly because Jim Mielke, the man responsible for the concept, ends his spiel with "This product is waterproof and powered by pizza." Now get real Jim, who's going to believe that? Everybody who isn't a raving lunatic knows a digital tattoo interface can't run on pizza. Spaghetti-O's maybe, but pizza? You so crazy.

Two more pictures with words after the hop.

Continue Reading " Digital Tattoo Is Conceptual, Questionable "

Feb 19 2008 Man Creates Lamp Powered By Gravity

2007 Virginia Tech graduate Clay Moulton recently won second place in the Greener Gadgets Design Competition in New York City for the Gravia gravity lamp. According to my dictionary gravity is defined as "The natural force of attraction between the earth and my penis that makes it drag on the ground when I walk."

The lamp's electricity is generated by the slow fall of a mass that spins a rotor. The resulting energy powers 10 high-output LEDs that fire into the acrylic lens, creating a diffuse light. The operation is silent and the housing is elegant and cord free -- completely independent of electrical infrastructure.

To activate the lamp you simply move the weights from the bottom to the top, where they start their 4 hour trip down the tube. The light output will be close to that of a 40-watt incandescent bulb and Moulton estimates the device could have a lifespan in excess of 200 years (with the LEDs being the first components to go). A patent is currently pending for the lamp, and I hope to see them on shelves soon. And you know what else I hope to see on shelves soon? Girlscout cookies. It's annoying how you have to wait for the scouts to come around selling them. I think I missed them this year. I need those things damnit. The wife is getting very bent out of shape without her thin mints. Shes says she'll kill me if I can't produce a box by the end of the week.

Greener Gadgets Design Competition [core77]
via
Virginia Tech News Story

Thanks to Kathleen, who appreciates awesome green gadgets, for the tip