Nov 5 2009 This Isn't Your Grandma's Cell Phone! Yes It Is.
If there's one thing old people love it's soft food. If there's another it's stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers. Aaaaaand I've officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz, Vienna digits.
The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant "SOS" button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It's also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution.
I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don't. I'm just clumsy. One time I tried ordering a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. DAMN YEAH I WANT PEPPERONI ON THAT!
Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.
Continue Reading " This Isn't Your Grandma's Cell Phone! Yes It Is. "
Nov 4 2009 Tutorial: How To Make The Chewbacca Sound
This is a short video tutorial of some busty geek girl teaching you how to sound like Chewbacca. And I don't care how cute you think she is, watch her from 1:10 to 1:18 and then tell me that. Also, whether you follow the instructions or not, you're gonna end up looking retarded. Just a heads up.
Thanks to Rémy, whose name may have been lost in formatting.
Oct 18 2009 Okay: Man Raps Eminem Songs In Klingon
This is a video of German rapper Klenginem covering Eminem's 'Without Me' in the Klingon language. Apparently this guy actually dresses up and plays gigs doing this. And, honestly, I'm not surprised, Germans are weird as shit. Videos. Case closed!
Klenginem: Eminem Meets Klingon [poppedculture]
Thanks to Matthew, Chrissy and dan, who, from the quality of their emails, don't even know one language. Kidding (but not really)!
Aug 13 2009 Why Not?: Send A Text Message To Aliens
HelloFromEarth.net is a website where you can submit text messages to be broadcast to Gliese 581d, a planet 20-light years away that may or may not support life (but 100% does). You have until the 24th of the month to submit your texts. Aaaaaaand here are some awful examples of why the aliens are gonna come kill us all.
Come here and take me with us. Here everyone is crazy.
Ever heard of Jesus? He's pretty awesome. Yay space travel!... hi....... hehehehehhehehehehee (runs off giggling like a little school girl at lunch over a cute boy)
Of course, not everyone can be an idiot moron, so thankfully there were a couple people who actually know how to talk to aliens.
You are cordially invited to an Interplanetary BBQ. 6.00pm, 4th October, 2452 at my place BYO Meat and Beer. RSVP: Year 2100 Cheers
Junjun, I love you forever. Although we are different and our love is not accepted by others,I cant stop loving you.I want to share my dream with you forever.
Hell yeah, Junjun, get you some! Share that dream. Share it ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
Thanks to Katie and Harsh, who accidentally sexted the aliens. Nice going, guys (forward them to me).
Jun 22 2009 Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub
Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom, a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!).
The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process.
As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can't blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH HA HA! God, I needed that.
Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.
Jun 19 2009 Dress Lights Up To Incoming Cell Phone Calls
This is tennis star Mario Maria Sharpova showing off a new dress that lights up whenever you receive a cell phone call. Pfft, the deaf have had this technology for years.
It's the work of British fashion student Georgie Davies, who worked with Sony Ericsson on ways to merge technology and chic threads. "When you're in a pub or a bar, you can never, ever hear your phone," Davies to Reuters. The solution? A short-sleeved, knee-length white dress that's covered shoulder-to-hip with translucent scales that move and blink. Davies plans for the dress to incorporate Bluetooth technology so that it can wirelessly interact with phones.
Yes, light up cell phone clothes, that's just what we need. Because your novelty ringtone isn't bad enough. Mine's straight though. Zelda theme, baby.
Tennis star Maria Sharpova dons geeky light-up phone dress [dvice]
Thanks to FDSY, who once played in Wimbledon and hit a home run.
May 23 2009 Uh-Oh: Parents Catching On To Text Talk
Can you believe it? Parents are actually breaking the code of "secret" text speak that teenagers use to talk dirty to one another and make plans to *gasp* smoke the marijuana.
Ever wondered what the secret codes that teenagers are bashing out on mobile phones and computers mean?Well, wonder no more.
A list of the top 50 acronyms that every parent should know has been compiled and posted onto the internet, MyFox Atlanta reports.
According to the list, a "Code 9" or "CD9" means that parents are nearby.
The words "I love you" can often be difficult for people to say, but the latest way around is by simplifying the phrase to "143".
143 -- really? I'm pretty sure people have has been using that since before Shakespeare. I mean, I used to use that shit in grade school when we only had pagers. Damn yeah I sold drugs!
Hit the jump for the top 50 "must know" phrases.
Continue Reading " Uh-Oh: Parents Catching On To Text Talk "
May 12 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'Noob' Makes It To Dictionary
I don't know how much truth there is to this, but let's be honest, I'd still post it even if my only source was overhearing the crazy guy at the bar telling himself. BECAUSE I OWN JOURNALISM. So allegedly, 'noob' is coming to the dictionary, and will also carry the honor of being the millionth word. Snap, you just got PWNED, lexicon!
The Global Language Monitor accepts words once they have been used 25,000 times by media outlets. According to the reports, this hints at "noob" becoming the millionth word, which would happen on June 10, 2009, at 10:20am. At that moment, the word "noob" will itself become a noob in the English language, and we will all polish our specatacles and smirk at the amusing irony of it all.
So a word becomes official when it's used 25,000 times by media outlets, huh? Geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie
geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie.
I think we're getting close!
Noob to become the millionth word in the English language? [destructoid]
Thanks to Salazar, who suggests we petition to have bangarang included as well.
May 8 2009 Facebook Konami Code, Pirate Language
If you enter the Konami code (↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A ENTER -- don't do in a text box) after logging into Facebook you get a lens flare effect anytime you click, scroll or type anything. Good times. Unless you're epileptic, in which case, dangerous times. Also, if you scroll to the bottom of the page on the left where it has language selection, you can click on that and then choose 'English (Pirate)' to change Facebook to pirate talk. So yeah, pirate it up and then join the Geekologie Fan Page (if you haven't already) so we can all get together and hunt for treasure and shit. Also, I may send a couple of you L337 mateys on top secret missions (possibly with a liquor store involved). After all, you do want to appease the captain, don't you? NO? Then it's the plank for you, you barnacle loving scalawag! Oh, but be a doll and fetch me a grog first.
Thanks to Ian, Joemo, dboucher, matty, mark, Amanda and Liesel, who all sail under the colors of Geekologie.
May 7 2009 IT'S A TRAP!: The Admiral Ackbar Outtakes
This is a video of the outtakes from Admiral Ackbar's iconic "It's a trap!" scene from Return of the Jedi. As you'll see, they tested several different dialogue options before settling on the one in the movie. Most of the others involved an exchange similar to the following:
"Admiral, something hit me."
"IT'S A SLAP."
Pfft, I've already come up with like a million of these. Including, and virtually limited to, "Admiral, what's that smear?"
Thanks to Nick, who used to bullseye womprats on Tatooine.
Apr 15 2009 Too Close To Home: Flame War Music Video
NOTE: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that time I visited Geekologie and read the comments, then put a gun in my mouth and cried.
We Didn't Start The Flamewar [collegehumor]
Thanks to Julian and Tangelax, who both took the time to point out it reminded them of Geekologie. Nice guys, I barely noticed the resemblance.
Apr 12 2009 Free Candy?: Talk To Strangers With Omegle
Omegle is a free chat service that connects you to a one-on-one conversation with a complete stranger. And as you can see from my screencap, most people are idiots. Still, there is some fun to be had if you're bored. And by 'fun' I mean I put on my robe and wizard hat. Ladies?
Thanks to Marcel, Tabitha and Valdesjon, who actually met hot singles using Omegle. Or, I dunno, fat middle aged men posing as hot singles (this one).
HAPPY EASTER!
Apr 1 2009 Google's CADIE And Gmail's Auto-Pilot
Well folks, the apocalypse is upon us. Google has foolishly unleashed the world's first "artificial intelligence tasked-array system" (death-bot) upon the world. CADIE (Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity) is going to kill us all, and, even worse, delete all the porno on the internet (personal speculation).
So although CADIE technology will be rolled out with the caution befitting any advance of this magnitude, in the months to come users can expect to notice her influence on various google.com properties. Earlier today, for instance, CADIE deduced from a quick scan of the visual segment of the social web a set of online design principles from which she derived this intriguing homepage.
Nice homepage, reminds me of my own. But to her credit, CADIE has actually done some good. Namely, creating a Gmail program that answers your emails for you when you're too busy getting hosed down (violently, not sensually) by the coming robot army. It's called Auto-Pilot.
As more and more everyday communication takes place over email, lots of people have complained about how hard it is to read and respond to every message. This is because they actually read and respond to all their messages.
But what happens if a sender and recipient both have Autopilot on?Two Gmail accounts can happily converse with each other for up to three messages each. Beyond that, our experiments have shown a significant decline in the quality ranking of Autopilot's responses and further messages may commit you to dinner parties or baby namings in which you have no interest.
There you have it folks, April Fools, 2009. See you all tomorrow, when telling your girlfriend you got her sister pregnant stops being funny and starts being real.
Google
and
Gmail Auto-Pilot
and
CADIE's Blog
Thanks to TJ, sofa king, Smith III, amy, The Mighty Musnud, Dave180!, oisin and Ryan, who only drive on auto-pilot. Nice guys, that's safe.
Mar 23 2009 At Least He Was Honest: Internet Scam Fail
I can't even count the number of times I've been contacted by Nigerian princes to help move their money out of the country. Unfortunately, I don't keep a bank account because that's just another way the man tries to keep tabs on my brothel me on a short leash. Anyway, I like how the scammer comes out of character at the end with a "thanks man". That was great. Not as great as my love for you, but I have a big heart. And hands. Hey, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face you'll die young? It's true -- you should try it. *SMACK-A-POW* Wow, I can't believe you fell for that. Ha, or when I told you I loved you.
Thanks to Joemo, who once conned an old lady out of her retirement by having sex with her. Gross, Joemo.
Mar 21 2009 Sad: Text Messages For The Friendless
Fiona Carswell is a friendless hag who lives in the woods and tries to entice children into her gingerbread house to eat them. Just kidding, I'm sure she's cool and has tons of friends. But that didn't stop her from designing 'Cell Stickies', which are electro-static stickers with fake text messages you stick on your iPhone when you're feeling down. Because let's face it, nothing boosts one's spirit like catching yourself sticking a fake text message sticker on your cell phone. Am I right? Oooh -- a text. "You are right. As usual." Haha, just as I thought! And here comes another! "You gave me herpes." Shit.
Cell Stickies For The Truly Delusional [ohgizmo]
Jan 16 2009 Oh Wow -- An Even Worse Text-Messager
Remember the story earlier in the week about the girl that sent 14,528 text messages in a month? Well, it turns out she's not the only daughter I'd lock in the basement. Emilee Cox, a 14 year old from Clermont, Florida, sent and received 35,463 texts in a single month. Which, granted, were probably only half actually sent messages. But still, get a life. The best part of the interview:
Haha. Your dad was supposed to email me a picture of you to use. Do you know if he found one?
Uhm idk i think my sister is sending him one.
Got the photos. You are 14, right?
Yes i am.
Wow, even I found that creepy. Anybody else get the feeling the interviewer was at least partially responsible for Willy Wonka's third-quarter earnings?
Full text message interview with Clermont teen who had 35,463 text messages in a month [orlandosentinel]
Thanks to Jessica, who won't return my texts. WHAT'D I DO!?
Jan 14 2009 What Did I Just Type?: A Klingon Keyboard
Want to make sure nobody in the office steals your keyboard? Well how about a Klingon one?
This exclusive Klingon language keyboard is based on the best selling G83-6000 series keyboards from Cherry.It is a good quality keyboard with 105 keys, PS/2 connection and is available currently in black. This keyboard will be available for delivery from mid November, but demand for this limited edition is high so reserve yours now to be the first with this exclusive model.
"Good quality", pfft, that's marketing speak for piece of shit. Why do I get the feeling somebody got a great deal on a bunch of old keyboards and retrofitted them with Klingon keys? Right, because that's exactly what happened. Get your today for about $65. Thankfully, I got mine yesterday. jIH 'oH tlhIngan chugh SoH Har wIj nach 'oH qab SoH ghajbe' leghpu' wIj penis!
Klingon Keyboard: for serious Trekkies only [dvice]
and
Klingon Translator (in case you need help translating)
Jan 12 2009 Girl Sends 14,528 Text Messages In A Month
Reina Hardesty, 13, sent 14,528 text messages last month alone. That's a lot. I wonder if she has carpal tunnel. Or really swollen thumbs.
The online AT&T statement ran 440 pages.
"First, I laughed. I thought, 'That's insane, that's impossible,' " the 45-year-old dad said. "And I immediately whipped out (my junk and) the calculator to see if it was humanly possible." He found it was - barely.It works out to 484 text messages a day, or one every two minutes of every waking hour.
Luckily, Hardesty has a phone plan that allows unlimited texting for $30 a month. Otherwise, he estimates, he would have owed AT&T $2,905.60 at a rate of 20 cents per message.
The average number of monthly texts for a 13- to 17-year-old teen is 1,742, according to a Nielsen study of cellphone usage.
Wow. I can remember (two months ago) when I had to upgrade from 1,500 texts a month to unlimited because I kept going over. Now before you pass judgment, let me explain: I'm mad freaking popular! Just kidding, text sex. No, not with myself! With myself :(
THIS KID'S A TEXT MANIAC [nypost]
Jan 7 2009 Motorola's New Carbon-Neutral Cell Phone
Motorola unveiled what is believed to be the first carbon neutral (and sideways) cell phone at the 2009 Consumer Electronics Show this week. The W233 Renew Phone is made predominately out of recycled plastic bottles and Motorola hopes it will help the company bust a circuit all up in the environmentally friendly market segment.
Motorola said it was the world's first carbon neutral phone. As well as using recycled materials for the plastic casing, the company also pledged to offset the carbon dioxide used in manufacturing, distribution and operation of the phone through investments in renewable energy sources and reforestation.Motorola, which has lost market share by being slow to follow trends such as touchscreens and high-speed data links, also plans to showcase three different items at CES: a relatively large touchscreen tablet phone, a rugged phone, and a rechargeable cable TV remote control with a find feature.
Holy shit -- a rechargeable TV remote with a find feature! That's new and exciting! Seriously Motorola, I can see why you've been struggling. And who can get that excited about your recycled-plastic phone anyways -- it looks like the same piece of shit i was rocking three years ago (minus the lime green). Now a cell-phone manufactured out of used condoms, THAT would be something. Aural sex anyone?
Motorola phone made from recycled bottles [msnbc]
Thanks to ITSELF, who once had phone-sex with some chick at 411 and didn't even have to pay.
Jan 2 2009 I Believe I Can Fly: Plane Mail Postcards
The Postcard Aeroplane is a $7 balsa wood postcard from suckUK that you can send to a friend or former lover. Then, when they receive it, they can punch out the plane parts and fly your message to the moooooooon. One time my grandpa mailed a coconut. To Saturn! Can you tell I've been huffing? I have. I made resolutions! I broke them!
Balsa wood postcard transforms into flying model glider [dvice]
