Sep 16 2009 Hack And Slash: College Student Kills Would-Be Robber With Samurai Sword

John Pontilillo, a Johns Hopkins undergrad, killed a would-be robber with a samurai sword after finding the thieving bastard attempting to pilfer items from his garage. Nice, John, I would have done the same thing. Except blindfolded because I'm like 30x tougher than you are.

Hours earlier, someone had broken into John Pontolillo's house and taken two laptops and a video-game console. Now it was past midnight, and he heard noises coming from the garage out back.

The Johns Hopkins University undergraduate didn't run. He didn't call the police. He grabbed his samurai sword.

With the 3- to 5-foot-long (HOW LONG WAS IT?!), razor-sharp weapon in hand, police say, Pontolillo crept toward the noise. He noticed a side door in the garage had been pried open. When a man inside lunged at him, police say, the confrontation was fatal.

Pontolillo...struck the intruder no more than twice, police say, nearly severing his left hand and inflicting what police termed a "spear laceration."

Hell yeah, vigilante justice. This is exactly why I booby-trapped my Pop Tart cabinet. Next time my roommate tries to steal some, BOOM! Literally, boom: monster effing explosion. Say goodbye to your face, Dave -- it sucked anyways! Seriously, your mom doesn't even love it. I know because she told me WHEN WE WERE MAKING LOVE. She talked about you the whole time.

Hopkins student kills man with samurai sword [baltimoresun]
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Picture Source

Thanks to Justina, An, draw and jawn, muzakx, Kate from NashVegas, Alan, Alex, Carrie and e., who would have used nunchucks.

Sep 15 2009 'Today Was A Good Day': The Flow Chart

If there's two things I learned to love in college it's flow charts and communal showering. And this is by far one of the awesomest flow charts I've ever seen. It's right up there with the What Should I Eat? chart. Click HERE to see the flow chart in its entirety, which outlines all of Ice Cube's iconic 'Today Was A Good Day'. Now I know what you're thinking: how the hell can you even think about starting a good day with a hogless breakfast? Because one time I only had dry white toast and a poached egg and then got hit by the school bus. Coincidence?

Hit the jump to watch the music video and follow along with the chart.

Continue Reading " 'Today Was A Good Day': The Flow Chart "

Sep 10 2009 Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me

This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn't. I have no idea whether it's fake or not (I don't think it is), but that's not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn't be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they're driving me to the mall with my friends). And I'm not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning.

Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.

Continue Reading " Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me "

Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector

Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!

I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.

Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.

Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]

Aug 28 2009 Kitty Noises, Autotune Used To Make Song

This is song made using videos of kitty sounds that have been auto-tuned (think Kanye West, but with less bitching and whining) to produce some funky fresh beats. Yes, I am hip to your jive. I'm a cool cat, you dig? I jest, I am a warm dog. And speaking of which -- in college I lived in a house with five other guys, and we had this one roommate who would always boil hotdogs in the same pot of water and then lid the pot and save the water for next time. Dude got mad pissed if you even joked about touched his hotdog water. And that pot would sit there on the stove for sometimes a week between boilings. He was convinced it gave each subsequent batch of dogs more flavor. We were convinced it gave us dysentery.

Youtube

Thanks to Tom and Edd, who once made a song with their voices synthesized to sound like Chipmunks but then deleted it when they realized that shit's not cool.

Jul 29 2009 Unhappy Hump Day: Another Learning Robot

Just look at that picture. Do you see anything wrong with it? If you answered, "yes -- absolutely everything, there is not a single thing right about that photo", congratulations, there's hope for you yet. Anyway, a group of hellbent fools at the Developmental Robotics Laboratory at Iowa State University have developed a robot that they hope will be able to learn things similar to the way a child does.

Rather than pre-program it to perform a set of tasks, the team believes that robots need to experience the same kind of development that humans and animals do.

To that end, their 'bot is equipped with two long arms and a pair of webcam-looking eyes. It can hear and see, and learns to identify objects by picking them up and performing different tests, such as shaking or dropping them.

Yes, shaking and dropping them. Just wait until it identifies a human. Also, whose bright idea was it to give that thing a pair of scissors. I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO USE SCISSORS AND I'M HUMAN! Moooooooom -- the dog made me glue my head to the carpet again!

Video of the learning baby deathbot in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Unhappy Hump Day: Another Learning Robot "

Jul 10 2009 Robot Teaches Itself To Smile, Next: Targeting

The fools at the University of California, San Diego have created a robot that can learn new facial expressions on it's own. Next, its gonna learn how to drive itself to the shooting range.

To begin teaching the robot, the researchers stuck Einstein in front of a mirror and instructed the robot to "body babble" by contorting its face into random positions. A video camera connected to facial recognition software gave the robot feedback: When it made a movement that resembled a "real" expression, it received a reward signal.

"It's an iterative process," said facial recognition expert Marian Bartlett, a co-author of the study. "It starts out completely random and then gets feedback. Next time the robot picks an expression, there's a bias towards putting the motors in the right configuration."

Now I'm no terrorist, BUT IF I WAS, Machine Perception Laboratory, just sayin'.

Robot Teaches Itself to Smile [wired]

Thanks to Dirk, Dennie and RealLifeFup, who asked it to smile for the camera and then shot it because it wasn't really a camera, it was a gun.

Jun 13 2009 Student Makes Barrel Monster, Gets Arrested

I don't care what you say, that's probably the best life those barrels could have asked for. God knows I've run over my fair share and dragged them home.

NC State student Joseph Carnevale, the artist behind the Traffic Barrel Monster, has been arrested for stealing the barrels and "cutting and screwing them together to make a statue," which apparently is a misdemeanor in North Carolina.

The total cost of the damage has been estimated at $360 and a court case is scheduled for July 21st.

WHOA WHOA WHOA -- $360 for four barrels? What are they, lined with crystals? Sounds like somebody in the barrel making business is in bed with somebody at the department of transportation. And they're doing it.

Traffic Barrel Monster Creator Arrested [jalopnik]

Thanks to Ty, who once made a bong out of a traffic cone.

May 17 2009 Another Dorm Used As A Giant Display

This is another video of students from the Polish Wroclaw University of Technology turning one of their dorms into a giant 12 x 10 four-color display. They play all kind of games and animations, so feel free to skip around and realize just how much time was wasted. The group responsible calls themselves P.I.W.O., which is apparently the equivalent of B.E.E.R. in English. Of course it could mean cock rocker for all I know, I'm not Polish.

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Dormitory Turned Into Huge Color Display [slashdot]

Thanks to Mark and Julian, once played Pong against each other on a 2 x 2 display and both lost. And to Emode, who is Polish and informed me that P.I.W.O. does in fact translate to B.E.E.R. and not T.I.T.S., which would have been cool too.

May 5 2009 But Wait, There's More: Beer Pong Trick Shots

This is like 900 hours of beer pong trick shot footage cut down to 3:41. I'm sure most of you will hate it, but there will always be a soft spot in my heart for college-aged boys playing with their ba...ba...ba...buddies. Haha, you thought I was gonna say balls. I HAVE WHAT THEY CALL SELF CONTROL! Also, a Master's degree in Geekologie. mE=mcAwesome!

Youtube

Thanks to Dave, who, for the tip, can play on my team at the weekly beer pong tournament at Orange Ball in Rockville, MD. Airfare not included, sorry buddy.

Mar 30 2009 Time-Lapse Video of Mushrooms Growing

This is a highly erotic time-lapse video of some Psilocybe cubensis "gold cap" mushrooms growing. It was created using 1,661 photos over the course of 5 days, 18 hours and 25 minutes. I really liked the zoom-out effect during the video, I thought that was a nice touch. Also, one time I thought I was a superhero and had a slow-motion fight with my friends in their college apartment. That wasn't mushrooms though, that was Robitussin. But seriously kids: drugs are bad, and I'm living proof. Living proof of awesome, RAWR! Whoa -- did you hear that? Sounded like a dinosaur.

Youtube

Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who found this video even sexier than I did, which is saying a lot because my pants caught fire.

Mar 18 2009 Percent Of Student Virgins Per College Major

As you can see, majoring in Mathematics or Chemistry pretty much guarantees you a sexless college experience. Good for you, hopefully you took a purity pledge or something. Now, if you'll excuse me, "CALLING ALL FEMALE STUDIO ART MAJORS, PARTY AT MY HOUSE -- BRING FINGERPAINT."

Virginity rates among students by major [forwardon]

Thanks to Julian (a poli-sci major) and Romeo, who majored in Juliet. HIYO!

Mar 5 2009 Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server

I just don't get it -- why take the chance? What's wrong with paying some pimply adolescent $6/hour to serve ice cream? You have to look at his ugly face, that's what. Still, I want the record to show that I am anti-robotic ice cream server.

These Kuka industrial robots were programmed by 26 students over 5 weeks to serve ice cream (with toppings!) to attendees at Ohio Northern University's homecoming festivities.

Well, like the saying goes, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for HOLY SHIT THAT ROBOT HAS SPRINKLES -- HIT THE DECK!!!"

Hit the jump for a relatively boring 5-minute video about the servers of death.

Continue Reading " Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server "

Feb 19 2009 Aaaah, College: Russian Beerbong Roulette

I remember one time in college I got so drunk I thought the electrical cord to the mini-fridge was my belt. Long story short: the milk went bad. Anyways, beer roulette: not as fun as beer darts, but how can you compete with the excitement of potentially piercing a friends nads (you can't!).

You fill the barrel in the center with beer (it holds up to two liters) and then you take turns with your companions at pulling out the bottles underneath it. The right bottle will unleash a torrent of amber pain into the unfortunate puller's gullet.

Amber pain? More like amber pleasure. And do you automatically win if you pull all the bottles at once? Yes, you do. Glug glug, bitches, glug glug. Also, that guy in the picture fails at proper bonging technique. But I do like how the chick in the back is drinking wine straight from the bottle. Marry me?

Russian Roulette Beer Bong Only Good for Irresponsible Frat House Fun [uberreview]

Feb 7 2009 Doctoral Student Furious After University Throws Out His Collection Of Lizard Dung

Typically, you don't want bags of crap hanging around for too long. But not Daniel Bennett -- he loves that shit! Now he's furious that Leeds University custodians threw away part of his doctoral work -- a 77lb bag of Butaan Lizard dung it took him 7 years to collect.

"Whether it was the largest collection of lizard shit in the world is uncertain, but it certainly contained the only dietary sample from that little-known species Varanus olivaceus, and probably the most complete dietary record of any single population of animals in South East Asia. Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever."

First of all, Daniel, I don't think "shit" is the proper scientific nomenclature. And secondly, if losing a bag of crap can alter the course of your life forever, well, it's time you take a long, hard look at your life anyways. Just saying, tons of birdshit on my car.

University apologises for lizard dung clear-out [wigantoday]

Thanks to RyanThePerson, who is an actual human and not just shit stacked that high.

Dec 23 2008 Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House

With meat instead of gingerbread! And not just any meat -- deliciously processed meat. Mmmm! The whole abode is held together with a delectable mortar, which you can make yourself using the following recipe:

Wifezilla's Low carb "Meat House" Mortar

2 8oz packages of cream cheese

1/4 cup palm oil

1 package onion soup mix

Blend all ingredients together until smooth and creamy. All to sit in the refrigerator for an hour or so to let the onion flavor blend with the cheese.

Mix that shit up, throw some sausage logs and Slim Jims together, and BAM! -- your very own meat cabin. And speaking of which, I once stayed with twelve other dudes in a single room on a ski trip. It was homoerotic to say the least. A full blown orgy complete with ski poles and goggles to say the most.

Hit the jump for a couple more of the yummy.

Continue Reading " Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House "

Dec 17 2008 Smart: Stolen XBox Located Using Controller

A Missouri State student returned to his dorm room only to find his XBox 360 had been stolen. But one of the controllers had been left, and was still picking up a signal. So, using the peripheral, the gamer was able hone in on the stolen console.

Ketsenburg, who lives in Hutchens House, said that after his Xbox was stolen, he turned on his wireless Xbox controller and found that it was still connecting to his Xbox. Based on this discovery, Ketsenburg said he realized that his Xbox must be nearby, he said.

The controller connected to the Xbox on the fourth, fifth and sixth floors of Hutchens but not on the third floor and seventh floor, so through process of elimination, Ketsenburg said he figured out that the stolen Xbox must be on the fifth floor.

Following the controller's signal, Ketsenburg said he was able to pinpoint the room where his Xbox was stolen.

The 5th floor resident assistant checked the alleged room where the stolen Xbox was and was able to find the Xbox, Ketsenburg said.

Oh man, that's great. The thief is being expelled and Ketsenburg, despite a reformatted hard-drive, is happy to have the XBox back. I swear, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a thief. Which might sound hypocritical seeing how I just stole your heart. Admit it, you love me!

Wireless Controller Helps Recover Stolen 360 [kotaku]

Thanks to Saint Kevin, who once saw a man steal a woman's purse so he tripped the guy and kicked him in the throat until police arrived.

Dec 12 2008 NYU To Offer Video Game Degree Next Fall

NYU will be offering degrees in the design and development of video games starting fall 2009. Load up on Mountain Dew, kids, it's time to get your learn on.

The NYU Game Center, launching in fall 2009, will make NYU the first New York City college to offer such a degree, and one of the few in the country.

"It will do a lot to attract new students to New York and raise the city's profile as a center for gaming," said Center for an Urban Future deputy director Tara Colton, who recently called out New York City for lagging behind its competition in tapping into the videogame market.

Drawing from a private $1 million contribution, and a $200,000 Rockefeller grant, the center will initially be modest in scale. NYU plans to offer ten to twelve students the chance to choose from 70 courses in game design and development next year, with a two-year masters program set to launch in 2010.

Cool. I mean, I'd probably still fail out, but at least the subject material would be cooler than the stuff I learned. Which was nothing. Well, that's not entirely true. I made bongs and shit. And also, radiator wine. You know, by setting bottles of apple juice on the radiator in front of the window for a semester. You ever done that before? My f***, it gets you some drunk.

NYU Launching Videogame Degree Next Fall [shacknews]

Thanks to Alexandria, The Reigning Queen of Nerdopia, who just earned herself an honorary doctorate in awesome from the University of Geekologie.

Nov 30 2008 17,000 Push-Pin Super Mario 3 Mosiac

You know, sometimes you come across something that really makes you appreciate human ingenuity and dedication to a project. This isn't one of those.

What you're looking at it is a 17,000 push-pin mosaic mural, a product of three revisions and a total of two and a half semesters of work. The final revision took a whopping two months of work by the CIS Student Association at the University of the Fraser Valley, and it's currently sitting in the Student Computing Center over there.

17,000 push-pins, wow -- impressive work! And, whether you like the piece or not, I think we can all agree that these kids should be expelled for ganking office supplies.

Hit the jump for several more of the craziness (including an in-progress shot), along with a link to the Flickr gallery.

Continue Reading " 17,000 Push-Pin Super Mario 3 Mosiac "

Nov 26 2008 College Students Play Real-Life Quidditch

This is a video about college students playing a non-wizard version of Quidditch. You know, that game in Harry Potter where the players fly around with broomsticks up their asses. Unsurprisingly, it's taking college campuses by storm (just like Humans vs. Zombies!).

The earthbound variation is called Muggle Quidditch. The sport originated in 2005 when a student at Middlebury College adapted the game for the nonmagical world. Its popularity quickly spread, and today more than 150 colleges throughout the United States have Quidditch teams.

As in the fictional game, each Muggle Quidditch team has seven players: three chasers, two beaters, a keeper, and a seeker. Chasers score points by throwing a quaffle, or volleyball, through one of three hoops (worth 10 points) while trying to avoid bludgers, or dodgeballs, that are thrown by beaters. (If chasers are hit by a bludger, they must drop the quaffle.) The keeper's job is to protect the three goalposts, while the seeker must capture the snitch -- a sock stuffed with tennis balls carried by a person (typically a cross-country runner) dressed in gold. Capturing the snitch nets an additional 30 points and ends the game.

You know, different strokes for different folks. I spent my college career drinking and doing drugs, but Quidditch sounds fun too. And by fun I mean I was thankfully never violated by a broomstick in college. That came later. And splintery.

Not Harry Potter? Not a Problem [butoday]

Thanks to Brett and Hailey, who aren't allowed to play because they can fly.