Oct 29 2009 Wal-Mart: For All Your Funeral Needs
I don't know how long they've been doing this, but Wal-Mart now sells both coffins and urns for all your funeral needs. Currently the website stocks 14 different coffins and 104 different urns. Coffins will set you back between $895 to $2899 and urns from $32 to $243. Now I have no idea how much these things normally cost, but I've got to imagine these are the the most moderately priced receptacles. That said, I'm still stuffing all my relatives in Folgers cans.
Thanks to Chuey The Midget, Blastphemer, Kelly, Josh, Lewis, floor Cheetos and Trick or Trey, who all want to buried at sea in nuclear submarines. Sounds expensive.
Aug 23 2009 It Buuuuuurns!: Scientists Invent Mug That Keeps Beverages At Perfect Temperature
Physicists have invented a coffee mug to keep your beverage at the ideal temperature for 30 minutes. What is the ideal temperature? Allegedly 58 degrees Celsius (136.4 degrees Fahrenheit). I beg to differ.
The key for this magic trick is physics and PCM--phase change material--an extraordinary substance used in construction and winter clothing. PCM is capable of storing and releasing heat or cold.
The perfect mug follows the same principle: It is made of hollow ceramics. Inside there's an aluminum structure--as you can see in the image above--which gets filled with PCM. When you pour in your hot coffee, the heat gets absorbed reaching your personal optimum level based on the amount of PCM in the cup's interior. According to Klaus Sedlbauer, head of the Fraunhofer Institute for Building Physics, you can customize this on manufacturing.
You want to know the ideal temperature of my beverage? It's called ICE COLD BEER. But I will drink it hot if I have to. Last summer I drank a case of beer that had been in the trunk of my car for a week. I peed fire, true story.
Physicists Create Perfect Coffee Mug That Keeps Perfect Temperature [gizmodo]
Aug 6 2009 Fisticups: Because I'm Not A Morning Person
Sure we've already seen brass knuckle inspired coffee receptacles in the past, but, quite frankly, those ones didn't look as good (I did like the blood splatter though). Now the Fisticup from Fred (available mid-September for around $15) -- this is a coffee mug I can really sink my fingers into. But a warning: I will mug you in the face if you even think about asking me to do any work before lunch. You hear that, Steve? You hear that, Dan? Otherwise, two guys, one fisticup, I WILL MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
Fisticup [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Gino, who one punched a coworker with his coffee mug and spilled bourbon everywhere and that's how we all found out he drinks all day at work.
Jun 20 2009 ALMOST Cute: LIttle Robot Making Coffee
This is a video of some guy's robot girlfriend that's been programmed to make him coffee. You know, JUST LIKE A GOOD GIRLFRIEND SHOULD. Am I right, honey? Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be sleeping in the car. BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT HAS AM/FM RADIO.
Thanks to shogunu, who programmed his girlfriend to make toast too. Nice, shogunu -- with jam?
Apr 10 2009 Mmmm, Brain-y: A Darth Vader Coffee Mug
I'm sure this isn't the first Darth Vader coffee mug, but it is the first I've seen with a removable cap that keeps your morning cocktail hidden from the prying eyes and noses of non-alcoholic coworkers.
Let Darth Vader watch over your coffee as you drink deeply from the dark side with the Dark Lord of the Sith! This attractive (and oh-so-shiny) black ceramic mug holds 24-ounces of your favorite beverage, but what's really special is that it features a removable helmet that keeps your drink from getting cold too quickly. Vader will use the Force to guard and keep it at the proper temperature.
The mug costs $17 and could only be cooler if it had a misshapen ceramic head inside that was slowly revealed as you drink your morning apéritif. And speaking of which -- I think the secretary is on to me. God, mind your own business, sugartits!
Thanks to Don Chi Chi's, who once drank jungle juice out of Vader's real helmet at a party and then threw up.
Mar 12 2009 Thrill Seekers: A Ski-Jump Bathroom Stall
This is a bathroom stall in some Japanese ski resort that actually serves as an advertisement for a Coca-Cola coffee product (ad on toilet paper holder and back wall). As you can see, it was designed to look like a realistic ski-jump (or dump), complete with skis painted on the ground and everything. You just sit down, close your eyes, and imagine you're atop the mountain, ready to launch yourself off a cliff. Then open them and realize you've thrown yourself off the seat and shit on your leg.
Another picture after the jump.
Continue Reading " Thrill Seekers: A Ski-Jump Bathroom Stall "
Mar 4 2009 Now You're Cooking!: Wii Breakfast
This is video of a fake video game called Wii Breakfast. It's similar to Cooking Mama, except fake and with way more peripherals. And speaking of breakfast....
OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU BOOZEHOUNDS DRANK THE LAST OF MY GIN?
Thanks to Jillian, who is more than welcome to come over and cook breakfast whenever she likes. Just a heads up though, Jillian -- I like my eggs like I like my panyhose: runny.
Jan 2 2009 D+Caf Strips Detect Amount Of Caffeine In Your Coffee, Ur+In Strips Coming Soon
Some people drink decaf coffee. These people, given normal coffee, will go apeshit, bouncing off the walls and breaking things. Given espresso, they will spontaneously human combust and create a black (coffee) hole that will smell like fresh roasted beans and suck many an oblivious barista into its odoriferous depths. That's why it's important they never drink regular coffee or a Red Bull. To keep the rest of the world safe from these people, somebody developed D+Caf strips.
D+caf test strips are simply little strips of paper coated with antibodies that tell if you a beverage is properly decaffeinated, turning up blue lines if it's got more than 20mg of caffeine per 6oz serving. Even modern decaffeination procedures can't remove every single trace of caffeine, but between 20 and 30 percent of coffee and tea drinks "contain unacceptably high levels of caffeine" according to the strip's maker, Silver Lakes Research.
A box of 20 strips costs $10 and I really wish they were Roof+e strips instead because the Superficial Writer keeps eyeing me salaciously and encouraging me to chug my Appletini.
D+Caf Detects If You're Drinking Real Coffee Instead of Decaf [gizmodo]
Dec 26 2008 New Mercedes Feature Alerts Sleepy Drivers
Mercedes, in their unending quest to save the lives of the rich, is installing a new feature in its E class automobiles (sorry, you C class peasants are still f***ed).
Mercedes studied the brain waves of sleepy drivers, and matched those up with lackadaisical steering tendencies, resulting in a car that can sense if you're spacing out.
Attention Assist uses precision sensors on the steering column to watch your attention level, and if you start to fall asleep, it sounds an obnoxious alarm, accompanied by an icon in the middle of the speedometer suggesting that you pause for a cup of coffee.
No word on whether it can distinguish if you're just masturbating.
Mercedes cars now smart enough to wake up drowsy drivers [dvice]
Oct 22 2008 Coffee May Shrink Breasts, Prevent Cancer
In a recent study by Sweden's Lund University, researcher found that about half of the women participating had a gene that links breast size and coffee consumption.
Healthy, premenopausal women with the gene who drink three or more cups of coffee a day have smaller breasts. Those women also have a lower risk of breast cancer.
I'm all for cancer-free breasts, so if coffee (and smaller breasts) is the way to go, so be it. I like all breasts equally anyways. Ha, except for yours, Superficial Writer. Yeah, solid B's, now stop rubbing them on my monitor.
Coffee Can Shrink Breasts, Study Finds [aolnews]
Thanks to Dan, who is now boycotting Starbucks.
Jun 5 2008 Self-Stirring Coffee Mug For The Fingerless
Are you a lazy bastard or a shop teacher that's had ten accidents? If so, this self stirring mug may be for you. The mugs are made by Gevalia, a company best known for convincing me to sign up for their coffee of the month club through the use of a well placed late-night infomercial featuring a sexy saleswoman with a sultry voice. Anyway, the $19 mug features a special base that runs on two AAA batteries and promises "to gently stir your beverage at the push of a button". Now call me crazy, but what kind of gentle stir creates a freaking whirlpool in your beverage? That picture looks like a blender set on the highest setting. You'd have hot beverage in your lap quicker than you could say "I'm suing you McDonalds because I'm a stupid asshole and the coffee you served me was hot." Still, I'm buying one. Mostly because, unlike that pussy James Bond, I like my martinis stirred -- and served in 12-ounce mugs. Suck it Bond, you couldn't even spy on your own girlfriend in the shower.
Stir Mug Does All Of The Work For You [ohgizmo]
May 7 2008 Portal Inspired Beer Stein Is Making Me Thirsty
This is a Portal inspired beer stein. It costs $15 and was created by a guy named Marc who really liked the game and even sleeps with a companion cube at night and everything. As you can see in the picture, beer is being poured from a tap, entering a blue portal, and then exiting the red portal and filling up a stein. Nothing fancy, just nice and simple. Now before you go off on a tangent about how your penis could make something better, it hasn't, so, yeah. But if it ever does, send it to me and I'll post it. Anyway, I bought one of these to replace my Garfield "I'm not a morning person" coffee mug at work. Except I'm not gonna drink coffee out of it -- I'm gonna drink beer! Sometimes liquor. And if a coworker questions why I smell like the juice I'm gonna stick my foot up the portal to their large intestines*.
*Their b-hole.
Apr 4 2008 Ergonomic Coffee Mug Fits Your Lips
This is a coffee mug designed with a thin wall at the top that's slightly curved to conform to your lips. Now, you know how much I hate to brag, but I can drink like a grown up and don't have any problems with a regular mug. But if you're one of the people out there that can't manage to drink your morning coffee without spilling all over yourself, I have an alternative solution: Ask your mommy to get you a sippy cup the next time she's at the store picking up your diapers. Oooh, burn!
Feb 26 2008 People Take Full-Sized Desktops Into Starbucks To Use Free Wi-Fi Service
Improv Everywhere, an improv troupe that is always up to some sort of ridiculous shenanigans, is at it again. This time a group of them bring full-sized desktop computers (complete with CRTs) into Starbucks to take advantage of the free Wi-Fi. Oh the hilarity. You should see the looks on the faces of bystanders. They're all totally thinking WTF. What a great prank. Almost as awesome as the prank when I hid under my girlfriend's bed and was going to scare her when she went to sleep. It was hilarious! She came home with my boss and another one of my coworkers and took turns doing them while I cried silently and tried to avoid the bedsprings. Yeah, I got her good.
Video after the jump, along with another one of their improv skits in which a ton of them come to a dead stop in Grand Central Station for five minutes. That one is actually worth watching.
Continue Reading " People Take Full-Sized Desktops Into Starbucks To Use Free Wi-Fi Service "
Feb 13 2008 WTF!?: Pimped Out Powder Room Contest By Roto Rooter Is, Hell If I Know -- Awesome?
Unbeknownst to me, Roto-Rooter (the toilet unclogging company) gave away a pimped out man-bathroom last year. It had a beer tap and 42" flatscreen and all this other stuff that is mandatory for a room that you shower and shit in. Well, to keep up with the hip 20-something crowd they're doing it again, this time for the ladies. Drumroll please: The Pimp My Powder Room Contest by Roto-Rooter! You can enter everyday online at their website for a chance to win. It includes all the must haves for a bathroom like a coffee maker, laptop, iPod touch, Nintendo Wii, flatscreen/mirror combo, new shitter, foot bath, virtual window and more. OMG, this thing is totally mine. I came into this ready to make fun of it, but I actually need all these things in my bathroom. I'm even digging the pretty princess pink color scheme. Hey I'm just saying...oh my god I sprouted a vagina!
That being said, I've tried to play Wii from the john before, and it isn't easy. I was getting into a pretty intense tennis battle on Wii sports when a particularly strong backhand sent me reeling off the commode and onto the floor, where, yeah, #2.
Roto-Rooter's "Pimped out Powder Room" sports a Wii, needs a bigger TV [engadget]
Feb 12 2008 Computer Mug Is Surprisingly Conceptual
Jason Farsai has conceptualized the Yuno PC, which is a computer in a coffee mug. He envisions the device having all the necessary morning computer applications: weather, time, traffic, stock prices, comic strips, and email. You can also upload your own screensaver images and just stare blankly at your coffee mug until 11 am like I do. Neat I guess, but completely impractical. Oh, and there's no mention of it being dishwasher safe, so that's, uh, a pretty major design flaw as far as I'm concerned. You got me, I only posted this because of those delicious looking griddle cakes in the picture. Huh? What do you mean it's an English muffin? Are you sure? Shit, well I'd still pound those hash browns.
Several more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Computer Mug Is Surprisingly Conceptual "
Feb 4 2008 Brass Knuckles Mug Is Not Actually Brass
Where I work we have a coffee social every morning from 10 - 10:30 a.m. Seeing as how I try to do as little work as possible I always take advantage of this opportunity to escape Cubeville. The only problem is that people try to be social. Listen, I'm there to nurse my hangover and avoid work -- not to hear about how sick your kids are. So maybe Thabto's MUG might help get my point across. Available in both blood stain and butterfly (wtf?) models, the mugs resemble brass knuckles. Except they're ceramic and will probably shatter into your hand if you ever try to punch someone. While I admire where this product was going, I think there's a much better way to let people know how tough you are and that you should be avoided during coffee socials. Two words: territorial pissing. I come down when the social starts, get my coffee, and then urinate in the corner by the vending machines. Nobody comes within eight feet of me. Hell, most people leave altogether. But just to be safe I still wave a knife around.
Brass Knuckle Cups (Part II) - Thabto MUG [trendhunter]
Thanks to Sebastian, who is lucky enough to be able to kill people with a look, for the tip
Jan 23 2008 $20,000 Coffee Maker Is Redonkdonkdiculous
How much is a perfect cup of brew worth to you? If $20,000 is the answer, then this might be your new coffee maker. Currently it's the only halogen-powered siphon coffee maker in the U.S. and is at the Blue Bottle Cafe in San Francisco.
The whole process of making a cup of coffee is invigorating and lasts 45 to 90 seconds. “The whirlpool, it messes with your mind,” said Mr. Freeman, who practiced stirring plain water for months to develop muscle memory before he brewed his first cup of siphon coffee. “There’s no way to rush it.” The key to a cup of siphon coffee is the temperature variation, the flavor changes as the temperature changes. The flavor is “kaleidoscopic,” says Mr. Freeman.
Uh, okay. Not totally sure what all that means because the only coffee I drink is from 7-11 and not only is the process far from invigorating, the flavor sure as hell isn't "kaleidoscopic." I'm still going to buy one of these brewers though, so I can see what all the fuss is about. And if it sucks I'll just part it out and make some wicked bongs.
$20,000 Coffee Maker Straight from Science Lab [bornrich]
Jan 16 2008 Handpresso: For (Cold) Espresso Anywhere
The Handpresso is what is born when a rogue bike pump makes its way into your house from the garage and humps your coffee maker. It's a portable espresso machine -- all you need is a little coffee pod filter thing and some water. Where you get hot water on the go is a mystery to me, unless you tote a thermos around all the time. The unit costs 99€ (~$145) and could be worth it if you're a die-hard espresso fanatic that can't go 30 minutes without a fix. I'll pass, because I don't like espresso due to the caffeine in it. Caffeine, after all, is a drug -- and drugs are bad. Now a portable still for making moonshine -- that my friends, would be something worth considering.
Two videos of the thing after the jump. But a warning: the second is a little suggestive. And by 'a little suggestive' I mean it suggests that espresso comes out of a man's penis in a movie theater.
Continue Reading " Handpresso: For (Cold) Espresso Anywhere "
Jan 4 2008 Mug Displays The Way You Like Your Brew
The Drink Selector Mug ($24) is a receptacle for hot liquids that has three metal bands around it. The top band is turned to indicate if you prefer coffee or tea. The second band indicates your milk preference (breast, etc.), and the third your sugar. Now I don't know how things are done in other offices, but here I have to make my own damn coffee. Which is actually a good thing, because my coworkers don't really like me. The last time I did get a fellow employee to bring me a mug I'm pretty sure it was urinated in. Now call me crazy, but I like my coffee the same way I like my women -- with no penis involved. So I make it myself, sans dong. Okay, maybe just to stir in the milk.
Drink Selector Mug ensures a perfect brew, every time [dvice]
