Nov 20 2009 Wow, Video Game Religion -- Mass: We Pray
Mass We Pray is a video game to get that Holy Spirit all up in your system and have fun with the whole family at the same time. With fun interactive mini-games like 'Conduct the Choir' and 'Genuflecting', you're sure to make Jesus proud (who's ALWAYS watching, BTW). Looks fun, doesn't it? That said, this is viral advertising for Dante's Inferno dropping in February. But I want to see how many people didn't bother reading this far and think it's real and then make comments about it. Because you know there's gonna be some. Then they're gonna wish they could delete their comments but they won't be able to and we'll all laugh and call them names! Trust me, its WJWD.
Thanks to mensa, Nicole, MoD and daniel, who are praying all the theaters showing New Moon spontaneously combust.
Apr 13 2009 Biblical: And The Lord Said, "Go Forth And Build Me With Modular Plastic Blocks"
Parishioners at a Protestant church in Vasteras, Sweden, kicked off Easter yesterday with the unveiling of a 6-foot tall, 30,000 piece LEGO Jesus. *eyeballing own 6", 18-piece LEGO Jesus* Nice, guys, way to 1-up me.
It took the 40 volunteers about 18 months to put all the tiny plastic blocks together, and their creation shows a standing Jesus facing forward with his arms outstretched.
Church spokesman Per Wilder said the statue at the Onsta Gryta church in the central Swedish city of Vasteras is a copy of Danish sculptor Bertel Thorvaldsen's "Christus" statue on display in Copenhagen.
LEGO Jesuses, now THAT'S what Easter is all about. Am I right? Well, besides dying eggs and projectile vomiting the chocolate bunny from your Easter basket. *HOOOORF* I think I see his ear!
Parishioners create Christ statue from Legos [dispatch]
Thanks to Jeremy and Meema, who had a Peep-eating contest and both lost.
Apr 10 2009 Anything Can Happen: Stripper Turns Nun
Anna Nobili is a 38-year old stripper veteran who has been dancing the lap for 20 years all across Europe. But not anymore! She has seen the light, and now only dances for Jesus. I'd tithe her.
Sister Anna, originally from Milan, says she was 'inspired' during a visit to the shrine of St Francis in Assisi. Deciding she wanted more out of life, Miss Nobili has joined the the order of the Sister Workers of the Holy House of Nazareth.
"I was throwing away my life dancing for men. I was being used as a drug by people who wanted to see me dance."Next week she will be in Rome to perform a ballet called Holy Dance, dedicated to episodes from the Bible, for senior cardinals and bishops.
I apologize if you already watched the video, I meant to warn you it makes no sense, features no quality strip-club action, and only briefly shows Anna doing her new dance for God (around 2:45). The rest is an interview in Italian that I couldn't understand. Still, for 38, she's not the worst looking stripper I've ever seen. Fun fact: they let the dancers perform pregnant in West Virginia. It's true. And I can say that because I was born there. THAT'S RIGHT, I'M WILD AND WONDERFUL, BITCHES, WHAT?!
Sister Anna dances for God after 20 years as a lapdancer [couriermail]
Thanks to Julian, who allegedly saw an arm pop out during a lap dance and *HORF HORF HORF HORF HORF* I can't believe I just wrote that.
Jan 6 2009 Darth Vader Joins Church, Church Not Happy
In this video, somebody awesome dressed up as Darth Vader and joined the procession of the Clergy of the Lutheran Church of Iceland. You can see a couple of the members none too happy about Darth's appearance around the 0:15 mark. Sadly, they were powerless to do anything. Which proves my theory -- even God is a little wary of Vader's force-choke.
Hit the jump for another video from failblog of a highly unethical pizza delivery driver.
Continue Reading " Darth Vader Joins Church, Church Not Happy "
Sep 11 2008 "Now That's What I Call Easter!" Volume 26
Chios, Greece doesn't celebrate Easter with dyed eggs and a big chocolate bunny. No sir, they do it up right -- with two churches firing thousands of fireworks at one another. The tradition dates back to 1889 (OLD!), when Ottoman forces confiscated the islander's cannons and the locals were forced to fight back with homemade rockets. Awesome! Though in retrospect, I'm thankful my church didn't do this when I was growing up. Because then I would have been an altar boy -- and we all know what happened to them...they stole sacramental wine and grew up to be drunkards. Just kidding, they got their asses touched. So yeah, thanks for the grope-free ass, Church of No Fireworks!
Fireworks War, Greek Town Celebrates Easter With a Rocket War Against Its Neighbor [uberreview]
May 15 2008 Alien "Email" Could Arrive As Early As 2015, The Pope Is Totally Cool With That, You Know, As Long As It Doesn't Really Happen
Hisashi Hirabayashi and a colleague used a radio telescope in 1983 to send a message to Altair, a star approximately 16 light-years away.
The message, which is believed to have reached Altair in 1999, consisted of 13 binary-encoded images (71 x 71 pixels each) that showed, among other things, the characteristics of our solar system, the location of our planet, the known chemical elements, whole numbers, human characteristics, and the basic structure of DNA. Their message also attempted to explain biological evolution with a depiction of mammals evolving from primeval life forms (see the image above of the fish crawling onto land).
That one picture looks like a midget kicking a naked woman in the shins, but whatever. Now provided the aliens (if there are any) were intelligent enough to receive and decode the message, they could have a message back to us as early as 2015. Hot damn, I can hardly wait!
Strangely, one of the pictures sent to Altair includes the molecular formula for ethanol along with the kanji characters for kanpai (the Japanese toast of "cheers!") and the English word "TOAST." "I came up with that idea while drinking," Hirabayashi playfully admits. "The aliens probably won't understand that part."
Oh, they'll understand Hirabayashi, they'll understand. Alcohol is the universal language that that makes communication with the opposite sex possible. The googly-eyed bastards will definitely get that. What I'm worried about is them understanding the rest of it.
And in a related story the Vatican has announced that it is perfectly Christian to believe in aliens, despite their not being in the Bible.
The Bible "is not a science book," Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes (Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory) said, adding that he believes the Big Bang theory is the most "reasonable" explanation for the creation of the universe. The theory says the universe began billions of years ago in the explosion of a single, super-dense point that contained all matter.
And when asked why aliens didn't make an appearance in the Bible, Funes noted, "It's not a damn sci-fi novel."
Alien e-mail reply to arrive in 2015? [pinktentacle]
and
Vatican: It's OK to believe in aliens [yahoonews]
Thanks to Melissa, who may be the only person who really knows what's out there
May 9 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Dissolving Bodies With Lye
Well it's not news that lye has been used in the past to dissolve bodies. But now it's being considered as a possible alternative to burying, being shot out of a cannon, and cremation by the funeral industry.
The process is called alkaline hydrolysis and was developed in this country 16 years ago to get rid of animal carcasses. It uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are similar to pressure cookers.
The resulting brown, syrupy residue can then be flushed down the drain, or, if you're a real sicko, applied to waffles with a little butter. However the procedure does not come without its opponents.
"We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.
Hrrm, interesting. So how do you want to go? Personally, I want to go out sticking it to two supermodels. I couldn't care less what they do with my body after that. Just stuff me in a pizza box and throw it out with the trash.
New idea in mortuary science: Dissolving bodies with lye [newsvine]
Thanks Melissa, I hope you live a long, happy life
Apr 23 2008 Founder Of Jedi Church Attacked In Yard By A Drunk Man Dressed In Black Garbage Bag And Wielding Crutch Yelling "Darth Vader!"
Barney Jones is the founder of the Jedi Church. One afternoon he and his cousin were doing their typical thing, you know, filming themselves playing with lightsabers in the yard, when Arwel Wynne Hughes jumped over the garden wall donning a black garbage bag and cape. He had recently put down a 10 liter box of wine, and was wielding a metal crutch. He yelled "Darth Vader!" and hit Barney in the head with his makeshift lightcrutch. Laughing, he then beat Barney's cousin in the leg for good measure.
Hughes could not remember the incident and only realised what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court told. Defending, Frances Jones said alcohol was "ruining (Arwel's) life" and he had no idea where he got the crutch from.
Arwel has since been convicted of two counts of assault, and one count of very poorly impersonating a Star Wars villain.
Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault [bbcnews]
Thanks to Liz, patron saint of beauty and intelligence in the Church of Geekologie, for the tip
