Nov 17 2009 DO WANT: Dinosaur Hatchling Ornaments

Just look at that cute little devil wrapped up all tight in his egg! It's like he's a little present himself -- all he needs is a bow! Show your strictly platonic dino-love this holiday season with this $14 Brachiosaurus hatchling ornament from the Big Bad Toy Store. They make the perfect Christmas momento for children and adults who never stopped loving dinos alike. Unfortunately, I want a REAL dino hatchling for Christmas. I'm talking from my loins. Godzilla, Falkor, Puff, Barney -- one of you better immaculate concept me. DO IT NOW!

Dinosauria Hatching Egg Ornament [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Naja, who better have gotten me a season pass to Jurassic Park.

Nov 10 2009 Genius: Christmas Tree Ornament Flask

Because I'm just as bad as Verizon, here's a Christmas ornament flask. It's pretty genius and I'm committing to covering my tree with nothing but them. No twinkly lights, no angel topper, just a shit-ton of booze. High-five, Santa! You fat bastard.

Cleverly disguised like an ornament, this coated stainless steel flask is here to make the holidays a little brighter (or maybe foggier). Finished with a ribbon-topped twist top and flat bottom (you might need to put it down).

Each flask will set you back $24 from Urban Outfitters, which is kind of steep. So yeah, maybe I won't be decking my halls with them after all. But don't think I still won't hang a bourbon-filled Gatorade bottle from the tree, because I 100% will. And, if I play my cards right, make out with a camel in the nativity. Humpy -- I've seen the way you've been eying me!

Product Site
via
Ornament Flask Makes The Season Fuzzy [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who better have a little shrine to Geekologie in that closet. Come on, I'll give you lock of my hair!

Oct 8 2009 More Sprinkles!: Custom $25K Cupcake Cars

These are three examples of custom cupcake cars that Neimen Marcus is selling for Christmas this year. Each cake will set you back $25K, but makes the perfect gift for the Lollypop Guild member on your list who has everything. Plus, they come with matching hats!

Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the 'hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What's it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood...and mad genius. Launched at Burning Man as a cooperative art car project, the Cupcake Car sprang from the fevered mind of Bay Area artist Lisa Pongrace and her less-rules-more-laughs posse of artists and techno geeks. Yours will be tricked out with your favorite topping, so start thinking flavors.

Yeah, if I ever see a cupcake driving down the sidewalk I'm swearing off drugs forever. Except alcohol. Which, fun fact: I'm petitioning to be included in the food pyramid. STOP FIGHTING IT, FDA!

$25,000 'Cupcake Car' comes with a matching hat [dvice]

Aug 30 2009 Dual Screen Laptops Here Before Christmas (You Hear That, Santa? You Fat Bastard You)

So apparently the dual 15.4" screened gGscreen Spacebook will be released in time for Christmas this year. Also, the elves I've been holding hostage. BUT ONLY IF SANTA MEETS MY DEMANDS.

The Alaska based company, started by Gordon Stewart (yep, that is where the G in gScreen comes from), is aiming its dual screen laptops at professional designers, filmmakers, photographers and really anyone who can't live without a dual screen for everyday productivity...The chassis (which we expect is at least 12 pounds) is built around the 15.4 inch screen (though the first units that come to market will have 16-inch or 17-inch screens) and its twin, identically sized screen slides out from behind the first using a uniquely designed sliding mechanism.

They will run Windows 7 and be powered by Intel Core 2 Duo processors, 4GB of RAM and high-end Nvidia GF900M GT discrete graphics. The plan is for fast 7,200 RPM hard drives and six or nine-cell batteries...."It is absolutely the opposite of a netbook," he told us. Yea that is no kidding with a price tag that he is hoping to keep under $3,000.

Damn! 30" of screen real estate, that's a lot. This thing isn't even a laptop any more. It's a muffintop. ZING!

GScreen's Dual-Screen Spacebook Coming Soon(ish) [gizmodo]

Thanks to Melissa, Mark and Mike, whose names all begin with the letter M. What? I NOTICE THESE THINGS! Did you get your hair cut? All of them, good one.

Jul 13 2009 You're Not So Uncatchable Now, Are You?: Anatomy Of A Gingerbread Man

Jason Freeny, the man behind all the other weird anatomy studies we've featured (and possibly a med school dropout), is back at it, this time with a gingerbread man. Which reminds me: one Christmas my mom made a batch of gingerbread cookies before dinner and said I could only have one or I'd spoil my supper. Well, long story short, I ate like fifteen and got so sick I puked under the Christmas tree. I blamed it all on the dogs. You know what -- it feels good to finally tell somebody. I've been meaning to get this off my chest ever since it happened. 2008 was a bad Christmas for the Geekologie Writer.

Moist Production

Thanks to Jason, the man behind the scalpel.

Apr 28 2009 Rocks: Not Just For Christmas Anymore

As a guy who's no stranger to receiving a sockful of coal on Christmas morning, I wouldn't be surprised to open a birthday present and see the same thing. Thankfully, nobody bothers remembering my birthday anymore. But a Florida mother got pissed when she bought her son a $138 Nintendo DS from Wal-Mart, only to find out the box was full of rocks and a couple pieces of wadded Chinese newspaper (to prevent the fragile rocks from breakage). Wow, porno-laden PSP, you got nothin' on this.

The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.

Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.

Yes, what a mystery. We better call Sherlock Holmes in for this head-scratcher. I mean, WTF? You think a Keebler Elf broke out of a box of cookies, hiked all the way to the electronics department, and restocked the system in the middle of the night? Because that's what I'm leaning towards.

Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box [yahoonews]
and
$138 box of rocks?? [wtsp]

Thanks to Huevo and Lisa, who once had a shopping cart race in Wal-Mart and accidentally ran over the greeter.

Jan 9 2009 TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN: Stupid Kid Gets Wii For Christmas, Doesn't Deserve It

TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN, SERIOUSLY. This is a video of some kid getting wiidiculous after he opens a Wii on Christmas. And let me tell you: based on his behavior, I would have taken that shit right back to the store. But in all seriousness kid, your parents don't love you. Don't believe me? Where was your Wii on Christmas 2006? 2007? Exactly.

NOTE: To everyone else that didn't get a Wii until this Christmas, I'm sure it was just a supply shortage issue.

Youtube

Thanks to Edgar (aka the-iguana) and Sarah, who hope the box was filled with coal almost as much as I do.

Dec 25 2008 Merry Christmas, You Filthy Rebel Scum

Well folks, we've all somehow managed to survive another year and make it to Jesus' B-day Extravaganza, 2008. I imagine you're all enjoying time with friends and family, opening wrapped boxes containing the things you've always wanted. And, if you're not, hopefully you at least know a bar that's open.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, from the Geekologie Writer and his (dog).

Flickr Picture

Thanks to Rich, who saved Christmas with a picture of a stormtrooper wearing a Santa hat.

Dec 23 2008 Santa, Quick!: A Millennium Falcon Sled

It's a well known fact that Santa hates my guts because I caught him boning a reindeer one foggy Christmas Eve while I was trying to piss my name in the snow (not Rudolph though, it was dark). So I'm probably not gonna get anything, but I figured I'd try anyways.

Santa,

Just writing to inform you of a last minute gift idea for yours truly -- a moderately priced ($35) Millennium Falcon sled. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

The Geekologie Writer

P.S. If you do not comply I will be forced to fly your reindeer to the moon, where they will die -- flying reindeer can't breathe in outer space!

Damn I write a good letter.

Star Wars Millennium Falcon Sled [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Pat, who's holding out for an AT-AT sled.

Dec 23 2008 The Ultimate In Christmas Lighting Effects

I vow to be the guy who puts up the ridiculous Christmas lights every year. But no inflatable decorations. Those things are freaking classless. Unless you have them in your yard, in which case, good looking. But we're talking lights here. We're talking serious exterior illumination. We're talking....Light-O-Rama!

Light-O-Rama is an affordable, computerized lighting system designed to control elaborate or simple lighting displays. The Light-O-Rama system can be applied to almost any lighting situation, from stand-alone controllers to synchronizing hundreds of controllers, motion detectors, animation servos and other devices using a personal computer or master controller. Light-O-Rama controllers are micro-processor based (miniature computers inside) and are equipped to produce a number of great lighting effects such as smooth ramping, cyclic/cross fading, dimming, twinkling and many others.

You heard it here folks, miniature computers inside. You just shell out $2,700 for a 128 channel system, plug in a shit-ton of lights, connect to your PC, and presto, you triple the electric bill and burn your house to the ground. But I think we can all agree: it's a small price to pay for a Youtube video I'll watch every Christmas.

Hit the jump for a picture of a fire waiting to happen and a bunch more classic Christmas lighting videos, most of which are OLD AS HELL.

Continue Reading " The Ultimate In Christmas Lighting Effects "

Dec 22 2008 Instant Decorating: The Christmas Cannon

If there's one thing I hate about Christmas it's that fat bastard Santa and his lack of presentry for yours truly. I swear, you write one too many dirty jokes and the boubon-soaked skeezeball (trust me, I could smell his breath when I sat on his lap at the mall in '85. Also, I'm now spreading a rumor he touched my butt) passes your apartment. If there's another thing, it's decorating. It's time consuming, and, come May, you have to take everything down again. That's why the Christmas Cannon is so genius. You just lather something in glue, pump up the cannon, and BAM -- you just Christmas'd that shit. It's as easy as shooting yourself in the foot trying to shoot fish in a barrel. Which, haha, is easier than you think (read: I'm missing two toes and have to wear a special shoe).

DIY Christmas Cannon is a Festive Tinsel Explosion [gizmodo]

Dec 19 2008 Ho Ho Ho, Happy Holidays From Geekologie

Julian Beever is a sidewalk artist that specializes in realistic 3-D renderings when viewed from a particular viewpoint. This is one such piece, and Christmas themed to boot. Who knew Santa lived in a secret underground lair beneath a mail receptacle? That's some serious DangerMouse shit right there. And, based on the expression on Santa's face, I'd say somebody just asked for ass beads.

Julian's Official Site

Dec 18 2008 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees

With Jesus' surprise roller-skating party just a week away, I thought I'd spread some holiday drunkeness in the form of beer bottle Christmas trees. This first one is made from 1,050 bottles, and there's a video after the jump of a Heineken tree with over 2,000. Also, I added a video of some drunkard making a Jagermeister tree out of a big piece of plywood and airplane bottles. It's amazing the time and effort people put into these things. A thousand bottles, 200 lights, 60 man-hours of labor, and one drunk Geekologie Writer to bring it all crashing down. Feliz cumpleaños, Jesus! And tell Santa I'll post nudey pics of Mrs. Claus if he pulls that coal shit again this year.

Hit it for the other videos.

Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees "

Dec 17 2008 Santa, I've Been Good This Year, I Swear. Fine -- I'm Lying, But, Damnit You Chubby Bastard, I Really Want This R/C Tank

And what an R/C tank it is too! The 6ft, 550lb beast is a 1/4 scale replica of a German King Tiger and operates via two 500-watt, 24 volt motors, capable of pulling a car. Complete with a 2ft gun and functional turret, the tank is clearly ready to destroy at its operator's command. Unfortunately, the wickedness costs $10,230, which means laying siege to your neighbor's house is probably gonna have to wait -- till you can steal their car while they're on vacation! Drive that land-yacht right through the bay window. Extra points if you can park upstairs!

Toy tank will blow your mind [thesun]

Thanks to Richthegringo, who once road a tank into K-Mart and raided the blue-light special.

Dec 17 2008 Mmmm, Delicious Gingerbread Geekery

Remember the Lord of the Rings candy battle? Yeah, those orcs looked freaking yummy. Well here comes another sweet (!) gallery, this time of all gingerbread geekery. There's something for everyone, so hit the jump for a bunch more deliciousness. Then get inspired and make your own! Then make out with me underneath the mistletoe! Then make me a sandwich! Haha, and a drink. Don't forget the drink.

Hit it for more NOM.

Continue Reading " Mmmm, Delicious Gingerbread Geekery "

Nov 30 2008 Christmas Came Early This Year (And You Might Too): Gen¹³ Caitlin Fairchild Cosplay

As the angel of holiday cheer, I felt obligated to post these pictures of some chick cosplaying it up as Caitlin Fairchild from the Gen¹³ comic book series. Honestly, I had no idea who Caitlin was, but now I can safely say that her image is burnt into my retinas. Literally, I used a coat hanger and butane lighter. Hit the jump for three more pics, all of which are significantly cheekier than this one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about her ass -- her ass is hanging out.

Hit it, you want to.

Continue Reading " Christmas Came Early This Year (And You Might Too): Gen¹³ Caitlin Fairchild Cosplay "

Nov 12 2008 Best Buy Gift Card Doubles As Speaker, Target Gift Card Doubles As Digital Camera, Geekologie Writer Doubles As Your Father

Reader, I am your father. And you can tell your mother I'm not paying her shit, she's been bleeding me dry for long enough. But I'll still send you a gift card for Christmas, you know, because I love you. And also, if you grow up to play a professional sport, I want you to remember your dear old dad. Anyway, Best Buy and Target are taking a different approach to gift cards this year. By making them both gift card AND present. That's right, the Best Buy card doubles as a speaker, complete with mini-headphone jack, and the Target one is actually a 1.3 megapixel, 8MB digital camera. You ever redeemed a giftcard with pictures of your genitals on it? No? Then you haven't lived. Unfortunately, you have to buy at least $50 cards to get the cool ones. So yeah, there goes my $5 surround sound system.

Hit the jump for a shot of the camera card.

Continue Reading " Best Buy Gift Card Doubles As Speaker, Target Gift Card Doubles As Digital Camera, Geekologie Writer Doubles As Your Father "

Nov 11 2008 Fire: Set Your Wrist Ablaze! (Metaphorically)

Tokyoflash is back at it, this time with their new Fire design.

Created from a fusion of plastics carefully wrapped around a solid, seamless sheet of highly polished stainless steel, Tokyoflash Fire features a new formation of multi-colored LEDs and is a lightweight design, built to last.

Each hole, with two LEDs beneath the surface represents one unit of time. Yellow LEDs indicate hours 1-12, red LEDs indicate groups of 10 minutes and green LEDs indicate single minutes 1-9.

So it's a fairly easy to read model too. Go ahead -- test yourself on the watch in the picture. Did you get it right? If so, pat yourself on the back. If not, put your helmet back on, your mommy's probably worried about you. The Fire is available now for about $130 and makes the perfect Christmas gift for the person who has everything -- particularly wrists.

UPDATE: F*** it, kankles work too.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " Fire: Set Your Wrist Ablaze! (Metaphorically) "

Oct 10 2008 Added To X-Mas List: Kota The Triceratops

Kota the Triceratops is a robot toy for children that "has 11 different movements and reacts to touch and sound." The 37-pound behemoth can even support a child rider up to 60-pounds. Unfortunately, the dino doesn't actually walk, so you'll still have to get your children to fetch your beer the old fashioned way, on a tricycle. Suggested retail price is between $300-$400, but I'm willing to pay upwards of $500 if it could, you know, do a little *wink wink* blogging. That's right, I want it to write for me.

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Keep it up, you're doing great!

Hit the jump for a video of Kota inaction.

Continue Reading " Added To X-Mas List: Kota The Triceratops "

Sep 9 2008 Production Model Photos Of The Chevy Volt

I'm sure many of you have already heard about the Volt, Chevy's stab at an electric car. In case you didn't, here's some info:

The Concept Chevy Volt, with its revolutionary E-Flex Propulsion System, will be different than any previous electric vehicle because it will use a lithium-ion battery with a variety of range-extending onboard power sources, including gas and, in some vehicles, E85 ethanol to recharge the battery while driving.

When it comes to plugging in, the Volt will be designed to use a common 110-volt household plug. For someone who drives less than 40 miles a day, Chevy Volt will use zero gasoline and produce zero emissions. For longer trips, Chevy Volt's range-extending power source kicks in to recharge the lithium-ion battery pack as required.

Pretty promising right? I thought so. And the concept design (above) was amazingly not the shittiest thing I've ever seen in my life. So what did Chevy change for the actual production model? Everything cool.

Hit the jump to see photos of the Volt that will actually hit the market for 2011, along with two creeps that had something to do with it.

POLL: If both the guys in the following pictures were dressed as Santa and your mom took you to the mall to get your picture taken with him, whose lap would you rather sit on? I'm going with Mr. Mustache.

Continue Reading " Production Model Photos Of The Chevy Volt "