Jan 9 2009 TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN: Stupid Kid Gets Wii For Christmas, Doesn't Deserve It
TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN, SERIOUSLY. This is a video of some kid getting wiidiculous after he opens a Wii on Christmas. And let me tell you: based on his behavior, I would have taken that shit right back to the store. But in all seriousness kid, your parents don't love you. Don't believe me? Where was your Wii on Christmas 2006? 2007? Exactly.
NOTE: To everyone else that didn't get a Wii until this Christmas, I'm sure it was just a supply shortage issue.
Thanks to Edgar (aka the-iguana) and Sarah, who hope the box was filled with coal almost as much as I do.
Dec 23 2008 Santa, Quick!: A Millennium Falcon Sled
It's a well known fact that Santa hates my guts because I caught him boning a reindeer one foggy Christmas Eve while I was trying to piss my name in the snow (not Rudolph though, it was dark). So I'm probably not gonna get anything, but I figured I'd try anyways.
Santa,
Just writing to inform you of a last minute gift idea for yours truly -- a moderately priced ($35) Millennium Falcon sled. Thank you for your time and consideration.Sincerely,
The Geekologie Writer
P.S. If you do not comply I will be forced to fly your reindeer to the moon, where they will die -- flying reindeer can't breathe in outer space!
Damn I write a good letter.
Star Wars Millennium Falcon Sled [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Pat, who's holding out for an AT-AT sled.
Dec 22 2008 Instant Decorating: The Christmas Cannon
If there's one thing I hate about Christmas it's that fat bastard Santa and his lack of presentry for yours truly. I swear, you write one too many dirty jokes and the boubon-soaked skeezeball (trust me, I could smell his breath when I sat on his lap at the mall in '85. Also, I'm now spreading a rumor he touched my butt) passes your apartment. If there's another thing, it's decorating. It's time consuming, and, come May, you have to take everything down again. That's why the Christmas Cannon is so genius. You just lather something in glue, pump up the cannon, and BAM -- you just Christmas'd that shit. It's as easy as shooting yourself in the foot trying to shoot fish in a barrel. Which, haha, is easier than you think (read: I'm missing two toes and have to wear a special shoe).
DIY Christmas Cannon is a Festive Tinsel Explosion [gizmodo]
Dec 17 2008 Santa, I've Been Good This Year, I Swear. Fine -- I'm Lying, But, Damnit You Chubby Bastard, I Really Want This R/C Tank
And what an R/C tank it is too! The 6ft, 550lb beast is a 1/4 scale replica of a German King Tiger and operates via two 500-watt, 24 volt motors, capable of pulling a car. Complete with a 2ft gun and functional turret, the tank is clearly ready to destroy at its operator's command. Unfortunately, the wickedness costs $10,230, which means laying siege to your neighbor's house is probably gonna have to wait -- till you can steal their car while they're on vacation! Drive that land-yacht right through the bay window. Extra points if you can park upstairs!
Toy tank will blow your mind [thesun]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who once road a tank into K-Mart and raided the blue-light special.
Dec 16 2008 Hitchcock The Birds Barbie Is A Real Product
The Alfred Hitchcock The Birds doll is a genuine Barbie, manufactured by Mattel and everything. It's not just a doll that somebody modded in their basement (although by all means feel free to do that yourself).
Dressed in a re-creation of the stylish green skirt-suit worn by the film's ill-fated heroine in an iconic scene, Alfred Hitchfock's "The Birds" Barbie® Doll celebrates the 45th anniversary of the acclaimed film. From the doll's classic ensemble to the perfectly painted expression to the accompanying black birds, every aspect captures the film's infamous appeal.
They run about $40 and are the perfect gift for a daughter that has no idea who the hell Alfred Hitchcock is. Also, I'm a little disappointed there's no Psycho Barbie. What better way to teach our nation's youth about diversity and acceptance than a knife weilding Barbie dressed as a man? Well, a man crossdressed as his dead mother and about to get all stabby on some chick in the shower? I certainly can't think of any.
Thanks to Shayla, who once killed two birds with one stone and then watched a cat eat them.
Nov 12 2008 Best Buy Gift Card Doubles As Speaker, Target Gift Card Doubles As Digital Camera, Geekologie Writer Doubles As Your Father
Reader, I am your father. And you can tell your mother I'm not paying her shit, she's been bleeding me dry for long enough. But I'll still send you a gift card for Christmas, you know, because I love you. And also, if you grow up to play a professional sport, I want you to remember your dear old dad. Anyway, Best Buy and Target are taking a different approach to gift cards this year. By making them both gift card AND present. That's right, the Best Buy card doubles as a speaker, complete with mini-headphone jack, and the Target one is actually a 1.3 megapixel, 8MB digital camera. You ever redeemed a giftcard with pictures of your genitals on it? No? Then you haven't lived. Unfortunately, you have to buy at least $50 cards to get the cool ones. So yeah, there goes my $5 surround sound system.
Hit the jump for a shot of the camera card.
Nov 11 2008 Fire: Set Your Wrist Ablaze! (Metaphorically)
Tokyoflash is back at it, this time with their new Fire design.
Created from a fusion of plastics carefully wrapped around a solid, seamless sheet of highly polished stainless steel, Tokyoflash Fire features a new formation of multi-colored LEDs and is a lightweight design, built to last.
Each hole, with two LEDs beneath the surface represents one unit of time. Yellow LEDs indicate hours 1-12, red LEDs indicate groups of 10 minutes and green LEDs indicate single minutes 1-9.
So it's a fairly easy to read model too. Go ahead -- test yourself on the watch in the picture. Did you get it right? If so, pat yourself on the back. If not, put your helmet back on, your mommy's probably worried about you. The Fire is available now for about $130 and makes the perfect Christmas gift for the person who has everything -- particularly wrists.
UPDATE: F*** it, kankles work too.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " Fire: Set Your Wrist Ablaze! (Metaphorically) "
Oct 10 2008 Added To X-Mas List: Kota The Triceratops
Kota the Triceratops is a robot toy for children that "has 11 different movements and reacts to touch and sound." The 37-pound behemoth can even support a child rider up to 60-pounds. Unfortunately, the dino doesn't actually walk, so you'll still have to get your children to fetch your beer the old fashioned way, on a tricycle. Suggested retail price is between $300-$400, but I'm willing to pay upwards of $500 if it could, you know, do a little *wink wink* blogging. That's right, I want it to write for me.
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Keep it up, you're doing great!
Hit the jump for a video of Kota inaction.
Continue Reading " Added To X-Mas List: Kota The Triceratops "
Sep 12 2008 It's A Sign!: Global Warming Is Real, Phallic
Finally, photographic evidence that proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the North Pole has melted and Santa's penis floated out to sea.
Hit it for the uncensored ice junx.
Continue Reading " It's A Sign!: Global Warming Is Real, Phallic "
