Aug 26 2009 I Love Science: Scientist Plan to 'Reverse-Engineer' Dinosaurs From Modern Chickens
In the best news I've heard in a while, a scientist at McGill University in Montreal (I love you, Canada) is attempting to reverse engineer a dinosaur from a chicken "by altering chicken genes known to have evolved since the Cretaceous."
Needless to say, there are many problems with the very concept of making a dinosaur out of a chicken. For one, dinosaurs, as a group, are defined by only a few characteristics: a hole in their hip socket, some limb bone flanges, and other minor anatomical features. Changing chicken DNA won't produce those traits, because chickens already have them. A chicken, like all birds, is already a dinosaur. Getting rid of its feathers or giving it teeth won't make it more of a dinosaur than it already is.
What in the -- chickens ARE dinosaurs? To the colonel's farm, STAT -- I'm gonna roll myself in corn and die happy!
Scientist Vows To Reverse-Engineer Dinosaur From Chicken [popsci]
Thanks to James, Alexander the Viking, Mr. Robbot, Adam, Dustin, Erik, Myriapode, Tigerh8r, Pepe la PEWPEW, Dominik and Caroline, who will never look at a drumstick the same.
Aug 22 2009 Chicken Buns: KFC's New WTF Sandwich
KFC just released a new sandwich called the Double Down that features bacon and cheese IN BETWEEN TWO CHICKEN FILLET BUNS. Because, seriously, bread is just filler anyways. A recent review:
That's it? That is the sandwich? That's not worth five dollars. Oh... oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don't know what "Colonel's Sauce" is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I'm going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing.
Wow, I kind of absolutely don't want to try that. But I will tell you a chicken joke I came up with last night.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To nug-get to the other side. HIYO! I should do stand up.
Hit the jump for an actual product shot and a commercial.
Jun 2 2009 Mmmm: Poisonous Snake-Bitten Chicken
Apparently poisonous snake-bitten chicken is a popular dish in a parts of China, but it's coming under the heat for being cruel and unusual deliciousness.
Chinese health authorities are putting a stop to restaurants serving chickens which have been bitten to death by poisonous snakes and cooked up for a supposedly detoxing meal.
The dish, served by a small number of eateries in the southern province of Guangdong and the southwestern city of Chongqing, has generated a storm of publicity and controversy in the Chinese media and amongst bloggers.
Wow, that's pretty effed up. Like eating dried tiger penis just so you can pop a boner -- but with even more snake. HIYO!
China puts a stop to snake-bitten cock-in-a-pot [yahoonews]
Thanks to Ken, who once bit a poisonous snake's head off and sucked the venom out just for the hell of it.
May 28 2009 Those Look Fragile: Eggshell Speakers
A guy named Gomhi (who may or may not own chickens) went and made himself some speakers out of a pair of eggshells and Hi-Vi B1S drivers. As you can see, they probably remind you of boobs. Because you're a serious pervert (no amateurs here!). Blah blah blah [insert joke about being careful not to fry your speakers here]. Blogging: I am good at it.
Amazing DIY speakers made of eggshells [dvice]
Thanks to Octopus Pie, anon and Shelly, who prefer their speakers with a side of bacon.
May 27 2009 Hmm: Birds As Smart As Monkeys, Toddlers
In an experiment that helps prove some birds are smarter than they'd look in the bottom of a KFC bucket, a British rook was able to make a tool (hook) in order to accomplish a task (score worms). Allegedly, this puts them on par with monkeys and toddlers. But I haven't seen any toddlers making tools. Just stools. Yeah, in their pants. Birds: 1, toddlers: 0.
They were presented with a small bucket of wriggling worms out of reach at the end of a tube, and next to it a piece of straight wire.
Remarkably, despite never having seen the set-up before, they immediately got to work bending the wire so they could hook out the bucket and tuck in.Unlike most animals which learn tricks through trial and error, they solved the problem immediately and, since they were raised in captivity, had no other birds to show them how to do it.
Just what I've been waiting for. Now I'm going to use a flock of rooks to finally rob the local bank. God knows the squirrels couldn't do it. Could you, you stupid tree rats? I swear, one of you spots a nut and you act like it's the first time you showered with daddy.
Hit the jump for a couple more action shots and a video.
Continue Reading " Hmm: Birds As Smart As Monkeys, Toddlers "
Apr 30 2009 Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can
Hungry? Yeah, but are you whole chicken in a can hungry? That's right folks, Sweet Sue's Canned Whole Chicken (without giblets) is an entire cooked chicken in a can (a big one). Equally perfect for camping trips or throwing up everywhere! Hit the jump to see an uncanning in progress, which will leave you wondering why you've ever eaten anything else. Then go get one. You'll be doubled over on the bathroom floor with the runs quicker than you can say "I think I ate the asshole"! Bon Appétit!
Hit it for the uncanning. Really makes me want one.
Mar 4 2009 Woman Calls 911 Over McNugget Emergency
NOTE: Video consists of the calls to 911.
Not once. Not twice. But three times did Latreasa Goodman call 911 about the lack of McNuggets at her local McDonald's and the manager's unwillingness to give her a refund.
When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."
I'm with you, Latreasa -- McNuggets ARE an emergency. I've nearly killed cashiers for less. Like that time they told me the McFlurry machine was broken -- I was over the counter and had dude's hand in a deep fryer before you could say Value Meal.
A McNuggets "Emergency" [thesmokinggun]
Thanks to Jason and Tank, who have both called 911 because they didn't get the toys they wanted their Happy Meals.
Feb 9 2009 What Happens When Bird Meets Jet Engine
This is a test demonstrating what happens when a foreign object enters a jet engine before buying it dinner first.
Wide Body, Blade-Out Jet Engine Test. Short video showing what happens when a foreign object such as a large bird is ingested in a jet engine. You don't want to be onboard!!!! The joke during training was that you could ingest a 5 lb. bird at 250 kts.......... or a 250 lb bird at 5 kts. They actually have a "chicken gun" they use to fire the chickens into the engines for these tests.
Oh man, just imagine if -- wait, did that just say chicken gun? I want a chicken gun.
UPDATE: So apparently this isn't the chicken gun test after all. Youtube user dknric is a liar! Just like your parents -- you were adopted.
Thanks to Ain, who once sucked a mourning dove into his jetpack's engine and had to crash land in a tree, where he befriended a squirrel. Yay for happy endings!
Aug 11 2008 Montauk Monster Toast Surfaces On eBay
Some clown of asses sold a piece of Montauk Monster toast on eBay.
The life-changing adventure that will culminate with your successful bidding and acquisition of this item all began yesterday morning. In all honesty the morning began like any other for me. I woke gently to the peaceful soft-rock sounds of my local adult contemporary station. After hearing about the local bridge club and their quest to raise funds for their summer charity drive, I was finally compelled to matriculate to the kitchen for my normal Thursday breakfast of fresh grapefruit, small bowl of raisin bran (skim milk), slightly buttered toast, coffee, and 8 ounces of pomegranite juice. I was particularly looking forward to the juice as it is precisely the anti-oxidant superpower pick-me-up I need to help me attack the day.
But my interest and consciousness was quickly rocked to unspeakable heights when I witnessed what happened next. That toast I eluded to earlier had harmlessly popped up from the toaster as normal. But when I grabbed the first piece to lightly glaze with margarine I was stopped in my tracks the moment I saw the ghostly impression of none other than the unbelievable montauk monster laying peacefully in the slightly charred surface of my morning toast. A wave of both horror and wonderment washed over me as I quickly understood what the bystanders that found the actual beast must have felt during those fateful seconds on the beach.
Uh-huh. The winning bid was $810, but the winner has 0 feedback. So it's unlikely they're actually gonna pay for a piece of toast with a monster scraped into it. But there certainly was a lot of interest -- and questions!
Q: I plan to eat this toast. Will I be guaranteed a hint of monster in the flavor? Either way I'm fat and plan to eat it!A: Well, as I said above, eating this toast would be like using the hope diamond as a door stop. But if you insist on eating it after you win the bidding, then you should find it will taste like any other piece of toast. Thanks, David
Q: What brand of pomegranate juice were you drinking?
A: I only drink POM Wonderful. It's too important of a part of my diet to skimp and pinch pennies. Thanks, David.Q: I was wondering if I can get a couple eggs on the side? Would that add to the cost of shipping? Can you also include a couple of those little grape jelly containers that you get at Denny's? Thanks a lot.
A: This auction is for legendary Montauk Monster Toast only. Sorry no eggs on the side. Thanks, DavidQ: Can I get the toast with eggs and bacon?
A: This auction is for toast only. No eggs, no bacon. Sorry. DavidQ: Can I get it with out the crust?
A: This toast will be a full piece of toast as seen in the picture. If you win the auction then you can take the crust off. Thanks, Dave
Oh man, I hate the crust too. It's like bread skin. And you know what they say: skin is in, but fat is where it's at. And also, my pants. My pants are where it's at. If we're talking about my wallet -- but if we're talking about a party, forget about it. These pants haven't even seen a friendly get-together in months.
eBay Auction
via
EBay Seller: 'Montauk Monster' Turns Up on Piece of Toast [foxnews]
Thanks to Kenny Rogers, who in 1997 banged a hooker with a drumstick from his chicken shack.
Feb 11 2008 OMGWTFBBQ Chicken Holder Is Iffy
The Col-Pop is the brainchild of BBQ Chicken USA (a Korean BBQ franchise). They have over 3,500 stores worldwide, but they're just making their way to the states (they have a handful of stores in NY, NJ, and NC), so you may have to wait a bit until you get to experience the awesomeness that is the Col-Pop. Basically it's a cup insert that perches your chicken nuggets safely and conveniently above your beverage. As you can see from the schematic there, it's pretty simple. Almost as simple as the version I created, which is liquefied chicken soda. Not only is it convenient, you don't have to worry about anybody trying to steal your nuggets. You know, because they're liquid and taste like shit.
