Apr 21 2008 Buried Red Sox Jersey For Sale On eBay
If you haven't already heard, the David Ortiz jersey that some asshat buried under Yankee stadium in an attempt to curse the team is for sale on eBay. It's currently at a whopping $70,200 with a little under 3 days to go. The good part about the auction is that 100% of the proceeds will go to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and the Jimmy Fund. So that's heartwarming. And no, I did not call the Red Sox fan that buried the jersey an asshat because I'm a Yankees fan. I have no team preference. The only thing I care about is getting to third base (I have yet to score a run). Just a heads up though for any of you thinking about cursing something in the future -- don't tell anybody about it. Hexes, curses, magic spells, masturbating, and cheating on your girlfriend always work best when no one else knows what's going on.
Thanks to Stav, who is smart enough to keep his curses to himself, for the tip
Feb 26 2008 Reserve A Spot In Heaven & Sin All You Want
Worried about the life you've lived? Don't worry, I'm with you. But now there's hope for even the worst of us sinners thanks to a company selling reserved spots in heaven. That's right folks, for a paltry $12.79 you too can guarantee a pass to the cloudy oasis that is heaven.
The package includes:Heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™
A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?
The Official Heaven Identification Card so you can get around without getting hassled.
Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land.
Now if you're not satisfied with the Essential Package you can opt for the All Access Kit for $15.95. In addition to all the basic crap it includes an " all access VIP pass. This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it." I do like milk and honey, so I may have to drop for the upgrade. Too bad I think this is all a sham. Yeah, it turns out the company also sells reserved spots in hell. That's what tipped me off. Because, let's face it, those spots come free and I've got a whole row reserved.
Heaven Product Page
Hell Product Page
Thanks to Kelly, who doesn't need a stupid pass to be an angel, for the tip
