Nov 3 2009 The One And Only Christopher Walken Performing Lady GaGa's 'Poker Face'

This is a video of Christopher Walken reading Lady Gaga's song 'Poker Face' on the BBC's Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. Trust me, it's every bit as awesome as it sounds. Plus some. MULTIPLIED BY MORE. And then divided by a fraction less than 1.

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Thanks to killerabbit, Russel, The F'n Jem'Hadar and sham, who know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and when to run.

Oct 3 2009 Needs More Cowbell: Geekologie Reader's Christopher Walken Ballpoint Portrait

This is a ballpoint pen portrait of everyone's favorite half-zombie Christopher Walken by loyal Geekologie Reader and comic book artist Jesse Starr. It was created in approximately 30 hours with no errors using nothing but black Bic ballpoint pens. Good lookin', Jesse -- I sure as hell could never do that. You see, I'm too prone to making mistakes. I'm looking at you, son. Kidding! But call your sisters in here so I can look at them.

UPDATE: Portrait is available for sale ($2K) on eBay HERE.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the impressiveness.

Continue Reading " Needs More Cowbell: Geekologie Reader's Christopher Walken Ballpoint Portrait "

Aug 11 2009 I Almost Cried: The Ballad Of G.I. Joe

This is a song and music video entitled 'The Ballad of G.I. Joe', which shows what the G.I. Joe characters do in their spare time, as portrayed by a bunch of celebrities. Cast list:

Scarlett - Julianne Moore

Zartan - Billy Crudup
Snowjob - Zach Galifianakis
Baroness - Olivia Wilde
Lady Jaye - Alexis Bledel
Dr. Mindbender - Tony Hale
Duke - Henry Rollins
Gung-Ho - Chuck Liddell
Shipwreck - Alan Tudyk
Destro - Vinnie Jones
Doc - Laz Alonso
Sargent Slaughter as himself

Now, it's no pork chop sandwiches, but I did hear it was better than the new movie. Which I wouldn't know because I went to a special screening of Iron Man 2. IT PAYS TO BE THE GEEKOLOGIE WRITER, SUCKERS! (I sat at home all weekend and wept into my dog)

The Ballad of G.I. Joe [funnyordie]

Thanks to Riddle, Abbie and The Superficial Writer, who have all done their makekup in Destro's head before.

Jul 3 2009 Anti-Paparazzi Bag Flashes Bulb, Not Privates

Some guy named Adam Harvey designed an anti-paparazzi purse that, when the flashbulbs of the photogs go off, immediately flashes it's own bulb back, ruining their pictures and effectively protecting your privates from showing up on TheSuperficial. Obviously, it's a terrible idea. Terribly terrible. Right up there with the current public decency laws. IT'S HOT OUTSIDE, GIMME A BREAK. Also, a rub-down with that lotion ;). SP my F.

Anti-paparazzi device flashes lewd photographers right back [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, whose anti-paparazzi device looks a lot more like a sock full of quarters.

Jun 3 2009 Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request

We've already featured some fake celebrity Facebook pages on Geekologie, so why not the president's? Yes, why not the president's? That's something I ask my self everyday just once a few minutes ago. Also, if you haven't already joined the Geekologie page on Facebook, you are no innovator. You are a laggard. And, if you know anything about the Everett Rogers Diffusion of Innovation theory, that's the worst kind. Now I know what you're thinking, "Holy shit, the Geekologie Writer must have like thirty genius brains", but you're wrong, I have an infinity. Times infinity. Kidding, totally think with my junk.

Hit the jump to see the whole profile, which may or not feature Kim Jong-il riding a missile (it does).

Continue Reading " Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request "

May 7 2009 It's Math!: Snatch + Star Wars = Snatch Wars

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE. AND I SAY SLIGHTLY BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO MAKE OUT WHAT THE GUY IS EVER SAYING. WATCHING AT FULL VOLUME RECOMMENDED.

You may have seen this already because it came out in December, and if you have, you only have yourself to blame for not sending it to me earlier. I could have made you a star. But instead, Josh and Lewis are gobbling up all your internet fame. Ladies, Josh and Lewis. Josh and Lewis, ladies. See? Now these two are hanging out with a bunch of topless models by a pool ON THE MOON. Just sayin', I have power. But not water. It's all good though because I just turn on the neighbor's hose after he goes to sleep. And I mean that sexually as hell. Anyway, this is a video mashup of scenes from Star Wars with the audio from Snatch called Snatch Wars. Which, I'll admit, I felt was more than a little misleading.

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Thanks Josh and Lewis, your topless models are in the mail. Gosh, I hope I remembered to poke breathing holes this time.

Apr 28 2009 Hmm: TIME's 2009 Most Influential People

Finds moot, the founder of 4chan, at the top of the 100 finalists. Anonymous, did you have anything do with this? Per tipster, z4x0r:

The TIME 2009 Top 100 Most Influential People list's polls have closed, resulting in moot, the founder of 4chan, to be named as the most influential person of 2009. This is clearly due to a massive collaboration on behalf of Anonymous (note: 16,794,368 votes, compared to 2nd place, 2,316,378.) Also to be noted, the first letter of each name, read downward, spells "Marblecake, also, the game." This was also a goal of Anonymous, to spell this particular sentence, in which they succeeded.

Keep up the good work, GW.

Hell yeah I left the 'keep up the good work, GW' in there. That's the shit that makes me wake up every morning. Well, that and napalm (love the smell). Hit the jump to see the top of the list, which does, in fact, spell 'MARBLECAKE (you don't want to know) ALSO THE GAME'. Coincidence, or Scientology is utter bullshit? You be the judge.

Hit it, anon.

Continue Reading " Hmm: TIME's 2009 Most Influential People "

Apr 20 2009 Matthew Perry Seeks Medical Attention After Injuring Hands Playing Video Games

Matthew Perry, with nothing to do since Friends went off the air like twenty years ago, has taken to playing video games. Like an addict. Seen here about to take his first hit with Snoop Dogg, Matthew has a serious gaming problem. So serious he had to seek medical attention after damaging his hands.

The actor admits he spends days on end glued to the screen playing war games on his XBox, ruining the muscles and tendons in his hand.

Perry says, "I play a lot of video games a lot of XBox 360. I played Fall Out 3 so often I had to go to a hand doctor. I used my hand too much and had to get injections in it."

Nice try, Mr. Perry, but I suspect the real culprit here is a little thing I like to call chronic masturbation. Been watching a few too many Friends reruns, have we?

Perry's videogame-mangled hand [yahoonews]

Thanks to Edd, who particularly likes the episodes where you can see Rachel's nipples through her shirt (read: all of them).

Apr 12 2009 Woody Harrelson Assaults 'Zombie' Paparazzo

And in celebrity-related undead news, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer and blamed it on the fact he thought the dude was a zombie. Good lookin', Woody.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

Ha, quite understandably is right. But seriously, Woody, how'd you sneak weed on the plane?

Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie [cnn]

Thanks to Larry, RyanThePerson, Evan and 4thirty, who once beat up a group of vampire paparazzi before realizing they were just a bunch of pale Twihards trying to score a picture of Robert Patteson.

Apr 5 2009 Friend Me: Celebrities' Fake Facebook Pages

For fun on April 1st, PC World Magazine made a bunch of fake Facebook pages for celebrities (we've already seen God's), including, and pretty much limited to: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elvis, Andy Warhol, Satan, Rush Limbaugh, Hillary Clinton, Dr. Manhattan and William Shakespeare. I posted a little of Mr. Gates' there so you could get an idea of what to expect. Go HERE if you want to check them out in their full detail. And if not, hey, we can still be friends. Facebook friends! Seriously, my friend list is empty without you. Haha, I just sent you a virtual bumper sticker, now Superpoke me!

UPDATE: Readers Jess and Zeyd sent me the Facebook page of Greek mythology students. You can see it HERE.

Facebook Pages We'd Like to See [pcworld]

Thanks to Rafi, who still hasn't accepted my friend request. Seriously, just hit the button, bro.

Mar 29 2009 ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face

First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the face until she let go. Damn, that is some freaky cannibal S & M shit. And lastly, since when is being the ShamWow guy not enough to get a dude laid for free? Next thing you know you'll tell me Ron Popeil isn't sticking his Solid Flavor Injector to a bunch of groupies. Now back me up here, Ron. Ron? What do you mean you're a 'Pocket Fisherman'?

Hit the jump for a raggedly looking ShamWow guy and hooker.

Continue Reading " ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face "

Oct 6 2008 Dead Celebrities Made Out Of Fonts

This is a picture of Marilyn Monroe made entirely out of different fonts for an ad in a São Paulo newspaper. Check out three more of Charlie Chaplan, Marlon Brando, and James Dean after the jump, all of which look great. But still, prosthetic U leg and all, Marilyn is the best. I swear, I would hit that like a piñata -- with a Wiffleball bat.

Jump for the rest.

Continue Reading " Dead Celebrities Made Out Of Fonts "

Sep 12 2008 The Latest Microsoft Ad With Bill And Jerry

This is Microsoft's latest (and longest, at 4:30) commercial featuring Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates. I found it moderately entertaining. But what I really took away from the experience was this: if Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld ever stayed at my place, I'd rob those suckers blind. Or at least 20/100. That was a vision joke!

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Thanks to Doug and Popadopolis, you can come stay at my place anytime. Just bring beer.

Sep 5 2008 The New Bill Gates/Jerry Seinfeld Microsoft Ad

Remember when we posted that Microsoft was finally gonna stop taking it up the Vista and combat those "Get A Mac" ads? Well here's the first one, featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld. It has a shoe theme. And, while I did like the commercial, I didn't get the commercial. Is there any getting to be got? It seems like an old Seinfeld episode. Is Microsoft selling churros now?

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Thanks to Terry, who has enough sense to know that big cinnamon sugar pretzels pwn churros.

Sep 3 2008 Untooned Michael Jackson

Done in the same style of untooning as Mario and Jessica Rabbit comes Michael Jackson. In celebration of his 50th birthday, Photoshoppers set out to create a non-surgically enhanced Michael Jackson. As you can see, he looks like a handsome, middle-aged black man. And not a, uh, Geisha girl.

Michael Jackson Sans Surgery [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Tyson, who only believes in one kind of facial surgery -- boobs.

Aug 22 2008 Microsoft Recruits Gates, Seinfeld To Help Combat Apple's Current "Get A Mac" Ads

Apple keeps putting out those "Get a Mac" ads and Microsoft has finally decided it's not going to take them lying down with its ass in the air. So what's the company doing? Starting an ad campaign with "key celebrity pitchman" Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, and Bill Gates.

The campaign is said to be based on the idea of "Windows, Not Walls," stressing the need to "break down barriers that prevent people and ideas from connecting." Something we think open-sourcers might have a laugh at. Anywho, the immediate goal of the campaign is to reverse the negative public perception of Vista and thus incorporates elements of the Mojave Experiment. While we have doubts about the latter, the combination of Seinfeld's pithy observations with a bit of that Bill Gates, self deprecating humor seen in "Bill's Last Day" could be a winning combination.

The campaign, which kicks off September 4th, will cost Microsoft over $300 million, which, if I've done my nautical math correctly, is a lot of freaking clams. More than I could eat in one sitting anyway. If Microsoft gave me a hundredth of that money I could run Apple into the ground single keyboardedly. I'M THE GEEKOLOGIE WRITER DAMNIT, WHEN I TYPE, PEOPLE READ! Isn't that...Jesus, you're not even paying attention are you?

Microsoft enlists Seinfeld, Gates to battle "Get a Mac" ads [engadget]

Thanks Sam, you wanna be part of my smear campaign?

Jul 28 2008 Stephen Hawking In LEGO Form

This is Stephen Hawking in LEGO form. I have no idea of the maker's intentions, but it was posted with this comment:

Professor Stephen Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics - Cambridge University. BEST WISHES ON YOUR TRIP TO THE STARS

So I'm thinking the person was being genuine. Regardless, I think we can all agree that Hawking is one of the most brilliant minds of our time and I'm dumb as hell. Love you, Stephen. Some of my favorite Hawkingisms:

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

Continue Reading " Stephen Hawking In LEGO Form "

May 14 2008 Honda's ASIMO Conducts An Orchestra

To calm your shaking nerves after that last prophetic post, I've decided to put up a less fear-inspiring robot feature. The last time we saw Honda's ASIMO here on Geekologie all he could do was fall up and down stairs (NOTE: you must watch those, it'll make you feel like we stand a chance in the robot war), but now -- now he can conduct orchestras.

The lights dimmed, the sold-out hall grew hushed and out walked the conductor -- shiny, white, 4 feet 3 inches tall. ASIMO, a robot designed by Honda Motor Co., met its latest challenge Tuesday evening: Conducting the Detroit Symphony in a performance of "The Impossible Dream" from "Man of La Mancha."

Whew, not nearly as frightening as the robotic killers in the last post, was it? I thought this might help. You can come out from under your desks now. Although...I suppose the little robotic bastard could stab a person's eyes out with the conductor's baton. Awh, shit. *shuffles back into the closet with my blankey and boob pudding*

Honda robot conducts Detroit Symphony to warm response [yahoonews]

Thanks to Matt F and The Superficial Writer. Say -- Matt and I, we, uh, totally tag-teamed Megan Fox this past weekend*. Yeah, and Optimus Prime taped the whole thing. I thought, I don't know, maybe you could do a post about it.

*High-five!

Jan 7 2008 CES Keynote: Gates' Last Day At Microsoft

Well Bill Gates made the CES keynote again, and this one included a little movie of what his last day at Microsoft might be like in July. It's a tad long, at 8:27, but it's worth watching if you have the time (or you can just skip around). It features every celebrity ever making cameos, and proves that not only is Bill worth more money than the world, but that he should give me some of that money because I'm his favorite Geekologie writer. Bill, if you get bored in retirement feel free to stop by sometime, we could hang out and shoot the shit. Or you could shoot me. You know, for a cool $1,000,000. If shooting isn’t your thing you could stab me a couple times for $50,000 a pop.

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