Nov 19 2009 FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats
Yay, two laser posts in a row! The $17 FroliCat BOLT is an award winning laser lightshow for cats with owners who are too lazy to wave a laser pointer around or have lost the use of their limbs.
Simply turn it on and projects a red dot and moves it in random patterns for 15 minutes, or until your cat (or dog, or baby) realizes what's going on and attacks the gadget itself.
You know why cats love lasers so much? Because they're from the future. Plus it has something to do with their nightvision. No, really, I'm not just making this up. I took a correspondence college course in beertasting science. I wore a lab coat and everything.
Video of the POS in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats "
Nov 18 2009 Why Don't House Cats Grow Into Lions?
This is a clever answer to a query posed in Yahoo! Answers. You can't argue the answerer didn't give them exactly what they asked for, even if it's not what they wanted. Because, let's face it, a lot of people don't even know what they want. I'm looking at you, Mrs.Takes 8 Minutes To Order at the Taco Bell Drive Thru. Next time I'm ramming!
Thanks to TARDISlover, who likes it bigger on the inside.
Nov 16 2009 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Google Streets Car Finally Gets Christened By Bird
I can't believe it took this long. And, who knows, maybe it's happened before. I mean, birds shit on my car all the time. Cats too. And, at least twice this year, a homeless man. Well, from a purely technical standpoint, that was actually IN the car. And speaking of which: DON'T YOU EVER WIPE YOURSELF ON MY SEAT AGAIN. Use the passenger's.
Thanks to Marcos, who has slept in cars but never shit in them. Remember: don't shit where you eat sleep. Unless you pass out on the john, in which case go for it.
Sep 16 2009 Cats Build Sweet-Ass Cardboard Mecha
Kittens driving a cardboard mecha, what could be cuter? Nothing, that's what! Unless there were chipmunks poking their heads out of the missile turrets. Oooh -- and a sleepy bunny somewhere!
Thanks to Ross, who once built a mecha out of sticks but it got blown down by a bad wolf. Ironically, the very same wolf I ride into battle. Sorry about that, Ross.
Sep 14 2009 It Just Makes Sense: Animals With Lightsabers
Animalswithlightsabers.com is a website with a bunch of pictures of animals wielding lightsabers. Because, let's face it: animals and lightsabers go together like waking up and drinking. Or going to bed with a bottle of vodka. It just makes people happy.
Hit the jump for several more of my favorites and another link to the website.
Continue Reading " It Just Makes Sense: Animals With Lightsabers "
Aug 30 2009 Crazy Fool Is "Friends" With A Pack Of Lions
This crazy damn fool, Kevin Richardson, runs a wildlife refuge in South Africa and has become a member of a pack of lions. It is probably the awesomest and stupidest thing I've ever seen (and I once saw a friend jump off the top of his parents' townhouse with a trashbag parachute). Just sayin', you remember how Grizzly Man ended, don't you? SPOILER ALERT: As a giant Timmy Treadwell-shaped grizzly turd. But who am I to judge? I'm just a regular guy who bangs dinos. RAWR! YES....YES....EAT ME NOOOOOOOW!
Thanks to Asbo, who was once accepted into a pod of whales but was later rejected when he tried to suckle one's teat.
Aug 28 2009 Kitty Noises, Autotune Used To Make Song
This is song made using videos of kitty sounds that have been auto-tuned (think Kanye West, but with less bitching and whining) to produce some funky fresh beats. Yes, I am hip to your jive. I'm a cool cat, you dig? I jest, I am a warm dog. And speaking of which -- in college I lived in a house with five other guys, and we had this one roommate who would always boil hotdogs in the same pot of water and then lid the pot and save the water for next time. Dude got mad pissed if you even joked about touched his hotdog water. And that pot would sit there on the stove for sometimes a week between boilings. He was convinced it gave each subsequent batch of dogs more flavor. We were convinced it gave us dysentery.
Thanks to Tom and Edd, who once made a song with their voices synthesized to sound like Chipmunks but then deleted it when they realized that shit's not cool.
Aug 26 2009 I Can't Ever Get Enough: Kitty Om Nom Noms
We've already seen a video of a kitty literally OM NOM NOMing it's food, but guess what? I love kitties (I even heart hairless cats, it's true) so here comes another. Plus, as an added bonus, there are two, count them, TWO kitties in this video. And two times five is ten. And ten, my friends, is one hell of a threesome.
Thanks to josh, who collects little porcelain cats on the window sill in the kitchen because he's your grandma.
Jul 21 2009 Magical: This Three Keyboard Cat Moon Shirt
If the 3 Wolf Moon Shirt was magical, imagine the spells you'll be able to cast with this $20 3 Keyboard Cat Moon Shirt! I mean, it combines the sorcery of the 3 wolf moon shirt AND keyboard cat. Rumor has it, the shirt is so powerful it brought somebody's grandmother back to life and got her pregnant. Seriously, I'm not making this up. Yes I am. It was actually somebody's grandfather. Play me off, keyboard cat!
Thanks to Travis, who once wore a 3 Keyboard Cat Moon shirt to a concert and got to sing with the band on stage.
Jul 14 2009 Cats Manipulate People With Their Purrs
So apparently cats can exploit their caretakers to get what they want through the use of a special purr. I can't say I'm surprised, that's a picture of two of my old cats there (rest in peace, guys). One minute they were purring -- and the next I was teaching them how to read!
Researchers at the University of Sussex have discovered that cats use a "soliciting purr" to overpower their owners and garner attention and food.
Unlike regular purring, this sound incorporates a "cry", with a similar frequency to a human baby's.The team said cats have "tapped into" a human bias - producing a sound that humans find very difficult to ignore.
I dunno, I'm not really that big into babies crying. But maybe that's just my fatherly instincts talking. Read: impregnate and run. What can I say -- I'm a nurturer.
Cats 'exploit' humans by purring [bbcnews]
Thanks to FDSY, Sharkey, RealLifeF***up and Ryan, who are all controlled by an entirely different kind of cat.
This post dedicated in loving memory of The Little Man, October, Jimmy and The Terrorist.
May 28 2009 Where Are These Flying Cats Coming From?
China. They all seem to come from China. And let me tell you something: I'm sure as hell not eating the cat food there.
A kitty in Chongqing, China, is getting some extra-special attention these days: The furry feline has developed wings! Though born looking completely normal, once the cat hit the age of 1, he began growing wing-shaped appendages on either side of his spine.
According to the Telegraph's report, scientists believe the appendages developed due to grooming habits, a genetic defect or a hereditary skin condition.
Nice one, scientists. How about you just admit you have no effing clue. That said, I change my mind about not eating Chinese cat food (zing, local Chinese restaurant). I'm gonna grow wings! Climb aboard ladies, I'll take you places no other woman has ever been. The moon! My bedroom. Washed the dinosaur sheets just for you baby. Also, I have a mini-fridge. With snacks.
Cat in China grows a pair of wings [msnbc]
Thanks to Sharkey and Paul, who are holding out for flying dogs like that funky bitch Falcore the Luck Dragon from The Neverending Story.
Apr 22 2009 Pet Cosplay Festival In Rio de Janeiro
Live near Rio de Janeiro (Brazil)? Do you like pets? Do you like pets dressed up as characters from comic books, video games, movies and cartoons? If so, you're in luck -- there's a pet cosplay festival this Sunday, April 26th! Per the Bablefishily translated page:
The event starts to the 9 Hours and is especially come back advantages fans of livens up and cachorros. E since the 20 better fancies will be awardees, capriche creativity. Valley everything: of Wolverine and Super Man, until Torch Human being (Or Canine Torch).
Beyond everything, if you to want to adopt one cãozinho, Ong ANIDA, through the campaign "Devoid Snout", will go to adopt and to receive donations for the abandoned animals from the city, of which it takes care of.
Sounds like a good time. And for a good cause too. So if you're in the area feel free to check it out and take some pictures. If they're not too blurry (and, quite frankly, even if they are) I'll post them so everyone can 'ooooh' and 'awwwwh' and 'that's so cruel' in harmony. Then we'll record an album and make millions.
Pet Cosplay, Rio de Janeiro [combustao]
Thanks to loyal Brazilian tipster Romeo, who may or may not attend the festival depending on whether his dog is out fighting crime that morning or not.
Mar 20 2009
He's So Cute!: Ninja Cat Part Two Three
Remember ninja cat? How could you forget, that furry little bastard was cute, cute, cute! And how about ninja cat two? That one was a scrumptious little muffin-top too! And now, ninja cat 3! Oh, and I love the sound the guy makes in the end. Sounds like....victory.
Ninja Kitteh Part 2! [icanhascheezburger]
Thanks to Amanda and Jared, who once battled ninja cats for 14 hours straight before admitting defeat.
Mar 3 2009 Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It'
20-year old Acea Shomaker is a failure at life who shouldn't even be allowed to have a cat. I mean Jesus, just look at that bong. Pathetic.
Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a home that Schomaker shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.
Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on Schomaker that alleged possession of drug paraphernalia.Upon re-entering the house, deputies saw Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose duct-taped to a Plexiglass box, in which the cat had been stuffed, Stebbing said.
Shomaker told police the cat was too hyper and he was just trying to calm it down. The kitten is now in good condition in the care of Capital Humane Society. Wow. Now I'm all about some vigilante justice, so I suggest we dose Shomaker with a taste of his own medicine. Namely, we stuff him in a Rubbermaid full of acid. And not the happy face-melting kind either. I'm talking the real face-melting stuff -- that hydrochloric joint. IT BUUUUUURNS!
Hit the jump to see the kitty and the face of a failure.
Feb 23 2009 Boy Born With Cat Eyes, Can See In The Dark
Nong Youhui is a Chinese boy who was born with cat eyes that glow in the dark and enable him to see like a cat in the night (possibly as a result of nuclear waste). He can allegedly see as well in the dark as you can in the light. Except -- WICKA-POW! -- now you can't see shit because your eyes are swollen shut. I warned you, don't look at me funny! Okay, so I forgot to warn you, but still, you should know better.
Dad Ling said: "They told me he would grow out of it and that his eyes would stop glowing and turn black like most Chinese people but they never did."
Experts believe he was born with a rare condition called leukodermia which has left his eyes with less protective pigment and more sensitive to light.
Man, I want leukodermia. So what if I can't go out in the daylight, I don't anyways. But at least when I'll be able to see if the toilet seat's down at night. Am I right ladies? I pee sitting down too!
Cat-boy can see in the dark [thesun]
Thanks to Boing, who doesn't need cat-eyes to see you while you sleep because he's standing over you with night-vision goggles.
Jan 23 2009 No, No, No, We Don't Pierce The Kitties!
Holly Crawford is a 34-year old sadistic dog groomer that decided to pierce the ears, necks, and tails of some cats and sell them as "gothic cats" on the interwebs. After being tipped off by PETA, her home was raided and she was arrested.
She defended herself saying that she did not see any difference between piercing a cat and piercing a human. She said she used sterile needles and surgical soap and that she checked the kittens several times a day to make sure they were healing properly.
Crawford said her dog-grooming business, Pawside Parlor, has plummeted since the raid and that she has received dozens of nasty phone calls.
Piercing pets -- what the f*** is wrong with people? Please discuss. And as a guy with a Prince Albert piercing myself, I've got to admit: sometimes I pee two streams.
'Gothic' pierced cats sold online [thesun]
Thanks to Kathryn, who knows kitties are for loving, not piercing.
Jan 20 2009 Ninja Cat Will Kill You In Your Sleep, Lick Itself
Remember the first ninja cat? That was one stealthy bastard, was he not? He was. Well here comes another feline with killer instincts, this one demonstrating a technique for climbing stairs without detection. Now I'm not saying I wish my cats were more ninja-like, but I do wish they'd learn that just because their two front paws are in the litter box, doesn't mean they're pissing in it.
Thanks to Amanda, who had to scold her cat for throwing shurikens at the dog.
Jan 8 2009 60% Of The Time, It Works Every Time: Anchorman's Sex Panther Cologne
I didn't really like Anchorman, but that's neither here nor there. Now you can buy officially licensed Sex Panther cologne from the movie for only $30 per 1.7-oz spray bottle. No word if it's made with real panther bits or smells like gasoline, but if I had to guess, I'd say wear Old Spice. You'll remind women of their grandfathers. And that, dear reader, will leave more chicks for me. Thanks, suckers!
Product Site
Thanks to Flickledorx, who doesn't need cologne to be flammable. The man is hot!
Nov 11 2008 WTF?: Toyota Corolla Ninja Cat Commercial
This is allegedly a television ad for the new Toyota Corolla. It has a bunch of weird ninja cats in it and doesn't make an ATM lick of sense. And then, to make matters worse, one of the ninja cats steals a car at the end. Now what is this teaching the nation's cat population? Whatever it is, it can't be -- WHISKERS, NO! AWAY FROM THE....*tires squealing* Goddamnit, thanks a lot Toyota.
Thanks to Jaybone the Hispanic Dude from Greenpoint who may or may not be a ninja cat simply going by Jaybone the Hispanic Dude from Greenpoint.
Oct 2 2008 Um, Coooool: A Big Cat Motorcycle
This is a motorcycle made by artist/engineer Lee J Rowland. It has a 1,200cc Buell 97 S3 Thunderbolt engine, and custom air intakes and exhaust to match the fiberglass cat body. It's currently for sale, but being able to cruise down the road looking like you're banging a jungle cat comes at a cost -- $567,000.
Hit the jump for several more of the beast.
