Oct 22 2009 DO NOT WANT (To Pet): Chinese 'Cat Girl'
Normally I love making fun of other people's misfortune, but it's sad when it's a six year old girl. Hopefully this is fake though cause it's coming from The Sun. Although, this IS China we're talking about here, which is notorious for freaky cat shit.
Li Xiaoyuan, from Fengkai in southern China, had a small birthmark on her back just months ago, which has since grown to cover her entire back and parts of her arms and face, The Sun reports.
"None of the other children want to play with her, they are calling her cat-girl and are really mean."A surgeon at Zhaoqing City Dermalogical l Hospital in China's Guangdong province said Li Xiaoyuan may have a rare skin disease that makes normal moles run amok.
I swear, I can't stand it when moles run amok. You know what you need to do? Pour gasoline down all their holes then light that shit. BOOM! Woops -- must have found the gas line. Remember folks: call before you dig.
Chinese 'cat-girl' baffles doctors [ninemsn]
Thanks to Sam, Turtle Boy.
Aug 27 2009 Cry Baby: Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat (R.I.P.)
NOTE: Video possibly NSFW due to cussing (GD) a couple times.
This post originally started as a tribute to Keyboard Cat, who I just found out passed away earlier this year (around May). But then I saw the play him off video featured above of a kid crying about a hockey game and filming it for his Youtube channel when his dad walks in and yells at him for being such an idiot moron. It is amazing. Not that I'd know anything about filming myself crying because sex tapes don't count, right? There was something in my eye!
Hit the jump for another classic play him off from Walker, Texas Ranger (it's even more f'ed up).
Continue Reading " Cry Baby: Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat (R.I.P.) "
Aug 10 2009 Man Blames Cat For Downloading Illegal Porn
A Florida man blamed his cat after officials busted the failure at life for downloading over a thousand images of kitty kiddy porn.
Griffin told police he had been downloading music, and that his cat jumped on the keyboard when he left the room. He said "strange things" appeared on the computer when he returned.
He is being held in Martin county jail on $250,000 bond. No word on any charges against the cat.
In related news, all poorly written Geekologie posts were actually my dog. WOOF!
Florida man blames cat for illegal downloads [guardian]
Thanks to twellve, Richard and Chuck Nunchuck, who only blame their pets for missing homework and farting.
Jun 3 2009 This Is Important: Cat Crawling Into A Couch
This is by far the most important thing you'll watch all day (suck it, the news!). It's a kitten crawling into a couch. I love how its little legs are poking out before it can pull itself in. Did it remind anyone else of a calf being born, but in reverse? No? Fine, me neither then. Dicks.
Thanks to Sophia, who knows important shit when she sees it.
Apr 30 2009 Cat Jumping In And Out Of A Tall Box
Sure it may sound boring, but it's actually entertaining to the power of illegal Mexican fireworks. The first minute of the video shows the cat figuring out how to get IN the box, but the second half is him jumping OUT, which is the awesome part. Watch him launch out at 1:17 (or -0:40 if the timer is counting down) and tell me that's not awesomest thing you've seen all morning. Because if it's not, well, apparently you've already seen some pretty wicked stuff today. Holla atcha boy with a tip, yang.
Cat In A Box [yahoovideo]
Thanks to Conor, who tried training his turtle to jump out of a box but it never would.
Apr 24 2009 Cat Appears Wirelessly Controlled By Printer
This is Molly the cat. Molly the cat appears to be wirelessly controlled by the actions of this home printer. It's a very special connection. Not as special as my printer and I, but that's only because we've been going at it since junior-high. Isn't that right, Inky? Now tone me. Oh yeah, baby. Darker!
Thanks to the-iguana, who once shot a man for calling him an anole.
Apr 14 2009 It's Dangerous To Go Alone. Take This.
This is probably older than the topical gel I found in the back of my medicine cabinet while hunting for my Valtrex multi-vitamins, but that doesn't affect the cuteness. As you can see, it's a cat dressed up as Link. Making him the coolest cat ever (besides your own, I'm sure). Granted, he forgot the apostrophe in "I'm" and can't capitalize to save his last half-heart, but he's a cat for crying out loud. They're notoriously poor with grammar. And also, in general. MR. WHISKERS -- YOU'RE LATE ON RENT AGAIN!
Picture [wtfux]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who agrees he could only be cuter if he was swinging a wooden sword.
Mar 30 2009 Spock Sackboy Lives Long And Prospers
Somebody went and made a crochet Spock Sackboy (Spackboy) in celebration of the upcoming Star Trek movie. Also, I guess they like Little Big Planet. Which makes sense because of, you know, the, uh, transitive property? I don't know, I failed my college proofs class. And not just because I spent most of the period trying to take camera-phone pictures of the girl in front of me's thong. Haha, that would be ridiculous. But I do have several thousand.
Hit the jump to see a couple shots of Spackboy hanging out with a cat.
Mar 11 2009 Go-Go Gadget Ugly: Dr. Claw's Real Face
This is a picture of Dr. Claw's face from Inspector Gadget. For those of you who wanted to keep it a mystery, I'm sorry, but I was too lazy to edit a picture with a censor bar. Oh, and the Easter Bunny isn't real either -- it's just some sex offender in a rabbit costume. Geekologie: shooting straight from the hip since April, 2006.
Hit the jump for a full body shot and bonus MAD Cat.
Continue Reading " Go-Go Gadget Ugly: Dr. Claw's Real Face "
Mar 4 2009 Cat Truck Designed To Pick Up Girls
This is a 1998 Dodge Truck that some guy heavily modded to look like a giant pink cat. A veritable kitty-magnet, if you will. It's currently for sale in Central Ottawa, Canada for $10K.
I have a dodge truck cut in half to make this cat mobile. It has a turbo charger, air intake, neons, aftermarket exhaust, headers and a cat body kit. Made to pick up GIRLS, THEY LOVE IT.
Of course they do. Wait -- didn't I see you circling the middle school?
1998 Dodge [usedottawa]
Thanks to Chris, who picks up chicks the way God intended: with a giant claw.
Feb 9 2009 Awwww: Cat Youth Literally NOM NOMs
This is a video of a kitten literally NOM NOM NOMing its chow. Just listen, particularly around 0:10 and 0:55. Was that not cute? It was. Not as cute as the picture I drew of a panther licking a lion with the words 'Interracial Dating' in a heart, but what is?
This post dedicated to the memories of The Little Man, Jimmy, October, and Tiny.
Thanks to Gabby, who likes to take her time and savor every NOM.
Jan 21 2009 My Turn, My Turn!: Cat Rides Subwoofer
We already discovered cats have a penchant for Roombas, but who knew the little fish-loving shit machines love riding subwoofers as well? Not me. But, as is evident from the video, its like an amusement park ride for the little furballs. Toss some catnip into the mix and it'll be just like that time I got high and puked in Space Mountain. Fun!
Cat Gets Good Vibrations From Subwoofer [gizmodo]
Jan 20 2009 Ninja Cat Will Kill You In Your Sleep, Lick Itself
Remember the first ninja cat? That was one stealthy bastard, was he not? He was. Well here comes another feline with killer instincts, this one demonstrating a technique for climbing stairs without detection. Now I'm not saying I wish my cats were more ninja-like, but I do wish they'd learn that just because their two front paws are in the litter box, doesn't mean they're pissing in it.
Thanks to Amanda, who had to scold her cat for throwing shurikens at the dog.
Nov 24 2008 ZOMG, Cutest Roomba Driver Ever!
This is a video of a cat driving a Roomba. Really warms the cockles, doesn't it? Speaking of which, what the hell's a cockle?
NOUN:
1. Any of various bivalve mollusks of the family Cardiidae, having rounded or heart-shaped shells with radiating ribs.
2. The shell of a cockle.
3. A wrinkle; a pucker.
4. Nautical: A cockleshell.
That makes no sense whatsoever. Ah, here we go:
IDIOM:
cockles of (one's) heart
One's innermost feelings: The valentine warmed the cockles of my heart.
So, ethically speaking, is it okay to eat cockles because they don't have any? Steam on that one for a minute. Then, admit you just got your ass philosophized off by the Geekologie Writer! You little cockle gobblin' fools you.
Thanks to my brother Frank, whose miniature dachshund Link refuses to ride the Roomba. Seriously little guy, do it for Zelda.
Nov 21 2008 Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y
A kitten was born in Australia on Wednesday with two faces. It is super cute and made me wish all pets had more faces. But then I realized how expensive it would be to feed all those extra faces, and decided it wasn't so awesome afer all.
The two-faced feline was one of three in a litter and appears to be doing well.
It hasn't got a name yet, but the owner is thinking of calling it Quasi Modo, according to local news Web site inmycommunity.com.au.
Yeah, Quasi Modo, that won't f*** it up for life. You might as well saw off a couple legs and name it Cripples.
A closeup after the jump.
Continue Reading " Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y "
Nov 11 2008 WTF?: Toyota Corolla Ninja Cat Commercial
This is allegedly a television ad for the new Toyota Corolla. It has a bunch of weird ninja cats in it and doesn't make an ATM lick of sense. And then, to make matters worse, one of the ninja cats steals a car at the end. Now what is this teaching the nation's cat population? Whatever it is, it can't be -- WHISKERS, NO! AWAY FROM THE....*tires squealing* Goddamnit, thanks a lot Toyota.
Thanks to Jaybone the Hispanic Dude from Greenpoint who may or may not be a ninja cat simply going by Jaybone the Hispanic Dude from Greenpoint.
Oct 2 2008 Um, Coooool: A Big Cat Motorcycle
This is a motorcycle made by artist/engineer Lee J Rowland. It has a 1,200cc Buell 97 S3 Thunderbolt engine, and custom air intakes and exhaust to match the fiberglass cat body. It's currently for sale, but being able to cruise down the road looking like you're banging a jungle cat comes at a cost -- $567,000.
Hit the jump for several more of the beast.
Sep 19 2008 Awh, How Cute: A Printer Repair Kitty
This little guy must be the L337 computer repair kitty because that's exactly how I fixed my printer.
Watch it to the end.
Youtube
Thanks to Matthew, whose cat could hack your dog's myspace profile if it wanted.
Sep 17 2008 Ninja Cat Is Mad Stealthy, Will Kill You
Sorry for the late start today folks. You see, my girlfriend and I got in a fight last night over how I like my eggs cooked, and she, in a fit of rage, broke my interwebs. But I've pieced them back together and am ready to roll. So let's do this!
Here's a video of a ninja cat that only approaches when the cameraman isn't looking. Skip about halfway through the video for the good stuff. It's pretty cute. Reminds me of the time The Terrorist tried to jump on the bed but landed on my face and clawed the everliving shit out of it. Thankfully, I have a great personality.
Thanks to Chachoregard, who once ninjad a guy in the face for selling him faulty shurikens.
Sep 5 2008 UPDATE: Now With Video And Cat Picture: Helicopters Teach Themselves To Fly, Hilarity Does Not Ensue, PEW PEW PEW Does
Mad scientists at Stanford have created helicopters that can teach themselves to fly difficult acrobatic maneuvers simply by watching another helicopter perform them. Start building that bunker.
The dazzling airshow is an important demonstration of "apprenticeship learning," in which robots learn by observing an expert, rather than by having software engineers peck away at their keyboards in an attempt to write instructions from scratch."I think the range of maneuvers they can do is by far the largest" in the autonomous helicopter field, said Eric Feron, a Georgia Tech aeronautics and astronautics professor who worked on autonomous helicopters while at MIT. "But what's more impressive is the technology that underlies this work. In a way, the machine teaches itself how to do this by watching an expert pilot fly. This is amazing."
Jesus, so all the robots need is one crazy asshole to teach them how to do something, and it's goodbye humanity. This is depressing. So, to cheer you back up, I'll tell you a funny story.
I'm working from home today and one of the cats (affectionately known as The Terrorist) won't leave me alone. He keeps trying to pull the keys off my keyboard while I type. So I lightly squeezed one of his back legs to see if it was big enough for a meal, and you know what the little Kitler did? He dribbled a little wet shit out his cookie cutter -- just to spite me. Then I had to chase the bastard around the house with a paper towel for five minutes trying to wipe it out of his fur before he sat on something. And that, dear reader, is my life. Happy lunch!
Hit the jump for a picture of the loveable little a-hole after I pawcuffed him.
UPDATE: Video added after the jump, thanks to Whitey, who's way paler than you are.
