Jan 23 2009 Help Prevent Carpal Tunnel With Awethumb!

MORE: carpal tunnel , cell phone , colors , digits , dumb , eh , fail , fingers , health , i've seen it all now , iffy , no , no thanks , not for me , okay , pda , plastic , questionable , safety , stupid , sure why not , text messaging , texting , video , whee! , wow , wtf were you thinking?

This video is chock-full of slanderous lies and half-truths about the dangers of texting in an attempt to sell you little plastic thimbles to slip on your thumbs when using your cell phone. I'm only posting it because 1. I can't believe these pieces of shit and 2. I just love hearing the guy say "AWETHUMB!", particularly at 0:22 and the very end. $11.50 gets you "2 Small & 2 Large Awethumbs and a Microfiber Storage Pouch that Doubles as a Cleaning Cloth". $18.50 gets you everything mentioned above and an Awethumb handjob.

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Thanks to Mother B, who doesn't need Awethumbs, because they're stupid.

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Jan 16 2009 Oh Wow -- An Even Worse Text-Messager

MORE: candy , carpal tunnel , cell phone , come on now , communication , creepy , free candy van , geez , get a life , holy shit , impressive , interview , little girl , records , text messaging , texting , van , wow , wtf

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Remember the story earlier in the week about the girl that sent 14,528 text messages in a month? Well, it turns out she's not the only daughter I'd lock in the basement. Emilee Cox, a 14 year old from Clermont, Florida, sent and received 35,463 texts in a single month. Which, granted, were probably only half actually sent messages. But still, get a life. The best part of the interview:

Haha. Your dad was supposed to email me a picture of you to use. Do you know if he found one?
Uhm idk i think my sister is sending him one.

Got the photos. You are 14, right?
Yes i am.

Wow, even I found that creepy. Anybody else get the feeling the interviewer was at least partially responsible for Willy Wonka's third-quarter earnings?

Full text message interview with Clermont teen who had 35,463 text messages in a month [orlandosentinel]

Thanks to Jessica, who won't return my texts. WHAT'D I DO!?

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