Mar 29 2009 ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face
First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the face until she let go. Damn, that is some freaky cannibal S & M shit. And lastly, since when is being the ShamWow guy not enough to get a dude laid for free? Next thing you know you'll tell me Ron Popeil isn't sticking his Solid Flavor Injector to a bunch of groupies. Now back me up here, Ron. Ron? What do you mean you're a 'Pocket Fisherman'?
Hit the jump for a raggedly looking ShamWow guy and hooker.
Oct 27 2008 Oh God, No. No, No, No: Robot Determines Humans Taste Like Bacon, Are Delicious
Great. NEC's Tasting Robot, the diminutive bastard originally designed to assess wines, has now assessed humans -- and determined they'd taste delicious.
It's all pretty straightforward tech: stick a bit of nosh in front of the robogourmet's infrared spectrometer and it analyzes the reflected light to determine the chemical composition of the sample. A nice trick, although it can only be programmed to accurately identify a few dozen wines.
Innocent enough, you may think. However, when NEC demonstrated the cybersommelier to a reporter and snapper from Associated Press, the robot claimed the former's hand tasted of prosciutto ham, while the latter apparently had the unmistakable whiff of bacon about him.
Great, so it looks like we might end up fighting the robot and zombie apocalypses simultaneously. Wow, could today get any better? Not unless I get hit by a delivery truck. Oh shit -- or see a boob.
Humans taste of bacon, says gourmet robot [theregister]
Thanks to Birchie, king of ruining my day.
Aug 8 2008 GoateeSaver Saves Goatee, Not Self Respect
The GoateeSaver looks like the thing they made Hannibal Lecter wear and protects your goatee while you shave in case you have the shakes or are prone to seizures. The $20 device has height and width adjustments (those three silver rollers) so it's one size adjusts to most. You just bite the attached bit, shave, and you're good to go. Except for my roommate, who just discovered I covered his bit with superglue. What's that? I can't understand a word you're saying, you look stupid as f***.
GoateeSaver, the grooming accessory for the clumsy, inept, or hungover [dvice]
