This is the Happy Birthday Candle. When the flower bulb is lit, it shoots sparkler flames and plays Happy Birthday before unfurling into a blossom of birthday candles. You can get a three pack for $20. Alternatively, you can get a 20-pack of those candles that you can't blow... / Continue →

SWEET COUCH. This is a series of $10 devotional candles from Etsy seller Banana Leviathan featuring characters from video games and sci-fi series. They're currently selling Zelda, Princess Peach, Portal, Dr. Who and Hunger Games ones, with a bunch of other characters coming s... / Continue →

This is a video of a guy using a series of air-punches to blow out a line of candles. It's probably not what you imagined when you read 'hadouken' in the title, and that's 100% my bad. To be fair though, hadouken literally means "wave motion fist", so they kind of are hadouke... / Continue →

You see what they did there? I do. They made the candles look like Charmander's breathing fire. Eagle eyes: I have them. Also, a Tasmanian devil dong. WAABWUBLABLAB!! Whoa, easy there partner. You could probably use the same technique for a dragon cake although I don't kn... / Continue →

Note: Video is after the jump because I don't want your crotch to catch fire on the front page. Wait -- yes, yes I do. Yes I know what tea-lights are! Does that make me gay? No, lovin' on another man's booty would make me gay. Knowing what tea-lights are just makes me appr... / Continue →

Did you know it was hamburger month? Neither did I. But apparently White Castle has licensed burger-scented candles to celebrate the occasion. That's cool. Granted not as cool as the fact I live just a hop, skip and jump from the In-N-Out on Sunset Blvd., but SUCK IT I EAT ... / Continue →

Alternatively, high-py birthday. Do I know my word wizardry or what? And don't "or what" me either or you'll leave me no choice but to WHIP YOUR MONKEY ASS. Yes I'm feeling fighty this morning. I think it was something in my coffee. Namely, the steroids. Kidding, I don't ... / Continue →

Looking for the latest and least greatest in iPhone apps? Check out the $1 "Blower" app. It sucks blows sucks and blows is f***ing stupid. Thanks to the new "Blower" app, iPhone owners will now be able to blow out candles with their handset. Just "switch on your app, turn th... / Continue →

Since it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want, I'm continuing with the celebratory theme with this $7 Wishosaurus candle holder from Fred. It's a plastic molded dinosaur that can hold up to ten candles. So, for my cake, I'm gonna need three. On top of each other. KISS... / Continue →

The Candle Quick is a glorified stove pot that melts pre-burnt candles to make new ones. Melt multiple candles together for unique smell combinations! Including, and virtually limited to: complete stinking ass! The Candle Quick costs $25 and, despite what the picture would h... / Continue →