Jul 17 2009 Cell Phone Lighter: For All Your Cancer Needs
The SB6309 Lighter Phone isn't just the best named cellphone ever, it's also the first with a functional cigarette lighter. Brain AND lung cancers in one fell swoop! But seriously, mind if I do a J?
instruction
SB6309 The world's first mobile phone with lighter!
Patent product Gold cigarette lighter
Defend wind,
No gas,
Never blew out
Suit for high altitude areas
Well technically, those weren't instructions. They were, however, convincing. That's right -- you're looking at the first U.S. authorized dealer! Haha, now my garage is on fire.
Lighter phone may be the most dangerous cellphone ever [dvice]
Thanks to FDSY, who once went to a strip club where the strippers dipped their nipples in wax and you were allowed to light your cigarettes off them.
Apr 20 2009 Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir
I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, that glass has a tumor!", and you're right, it kind of does. The Glass Tank is a conceptual wine receptacle that keeps your glass topped off at a constant level. That way you get drunk with while you're, you know, I've been drinking. Now I know -- 4.20's supposed to be about smoking, but, and it might just be the booze talking -- but I love booze. Also, this is a stupid idea. I already have a wine glass with built in receptacle -- it's called the box. Or, if I feel like being Mr. Fancy Pants, the bottle. Class: you can't spell Geekologie Writer without it.
Hit the jump for one more shot of how it works (air replaces wine in reservoir as you drink).
Continue Reading " Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir "
Apr 9 2009 Dungeons & Dragons Co-Creater Passes Away
Dave Arneson, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons (along with Gary Gygax), passed away Tuesday after battling cancer (sadly, something you can't defeat by rolling a die). He was 61.
Arneson was a driving force behind D&D's creation and his contribution to the world of adventure gaming should not be underestimated. It was Arneson's spark that transformed Gygax's game Chainmail into the first edition of D&D, and begat everything that followed.
Arneson had to fight to get credit for his contributions, filing multiple lawsuits (later resolved out-of-court) against Gygax over crediting and royalties. He nonetheless did return to TSR in the mid-'80s to work with Gygax again. Following that, he began a second career as an educator, working in several schools with a particular focus on how to use gaming as an instructional tool.
You will be missed, Dave. *pouring out a little D20* Save a dragon for me.
R.I.P. Dungeons & Dragons Co-Creator Dave Arneson, 1947-2009 [wired]
Thanks to JMR, who once rolled snake-eyes on two D20's like five times in a row.
Apr 6 2009 I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate
Normally I'm an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That's what I'm talkin' about -- double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. An analogy: Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. With both breathable chocolate and porn you get no ass! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!
Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals," says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.
No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you're interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I'd say one...two...three... *CRUNCH* three.
Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.
Continue Reading " I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate "
Jan 29 2009 Yay?: First Commercially Cloned Dog In US
Ed and Nina Otto are two rich crybabies that just couldn't deal with the cancer death of their dog Sir Lancelot Encore in January, 2008. So what did the couple do? Be happy with their eight other dogs? Adopt another one from the pound? Hell no, that would be too logical. Instead, the Otto's paid $155,000 to have Sir Crapalot cloned by South Korean company BioArts International.
"He's back with me," said Nina, "in terms of the essence of him, as much as you could probably expect to ever get back someone who died."
This is Sir Lancelot, as he was, when he was nice and healthy," said Nina Otto, "probably around the time that we actually took his DNA and froze it.""I know that to a lot of people spending that much money is ridiculous. I've heard some of my friends say 'On a dog?', but it wasn't just a dog. It was Lancelot."
No, he was just a dog. And, despite his name, he probably couldn't even wield a sword. And who's to say this one isn't going to get cancer too? Smart thinking. And on a side note, I have news for you folks: your dog isn't special to anyone but you -- everybody else thinks your dog is plain. Some of your friends probably even think it's sub-plain despite what they tell you to your face. No, the only truly special dog in this world is mine. Ooh, and that one that can walk on its back legs.
Pair Pay £100k To Clone Dead Pet [sky]
Thanks to Clint, whose efforts to clone his favorite turtle have failed.
Nov 13 2008 Styrofoam Gundam Looks Styrofoamy, Tasty
This is a Gundam-esque robot made out of recycled styrofoam packaging. Thankfully, I'm not that afraid of him because I'm pretty confident I could karate chop right through his ass. HI-YA!
Holy shit, he broke my arm. Quick, a lighter!
UPDATE: Mmmm, I love the smell of *cough* burning styrofoam in the morning. Smells like *cough*....cancer.
Recycled Styrofoam Gundam Robot [dinosaursandrobots]
Thanks to Stephanie, who knows the only good robot is one made of packaging peanuts. Or macaroni.
Nov 12 2008 Finally, Some Research I Can Get Behind -- And Drink!: Students Aim To Help Prevent Cancer With Delicious, Refreshing Beer
Students at Rice University are using genetic engineering to develop a beer that contains resveratrol and may help prevent cancer.
BioBeer, as it's called, has three genes spliced into special brewer's yeast that produce resveratrol, the chemical in red wine that is thought to protect against diabetes, cancer, Alzheimer's and other age-related conditions.The only problem, from the students' perspective, is that many of them aren't old enough to legally consume their creation.
Ha -- too young to drink! Maybe you could ask some seniors to go buy you a six-pack of Zima. Just kidding. But yes, that's a picture of my brother and I playing 24-hands a couple weekends ago. We would have played with 40's but my brother (on the left) weighs 135 pounds and 80 ounces of malt liquor would probably kill him. So, yeah, next time. But cheers to being cancer free! And also, somebody help get this tape off my hands.
'Bio-Beer' Designed to Extend Life [discovery]
Thanks to Phil and Pat, who actually play keg hands because they're that hardcore.
Oct 24 2008 I Smell Cancer!: Scotch Tape Emits X-Rays
So scotch tape can produce x-rays (that's a real picture taken with a 30-second exposure showing visible light emission from a roll).
In a tour de force of office supply physics, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, have shown that it is possible to produce X-rays by simply unrolling Scotch tape.
In the current issue of the journal Nature, Dr. Putterman and his colleagues report that surprisingly fierce flows of electrons were unleashed as the tape was unpeeled and its gooey adhesive snapped free of the surface. The electrical currents, in turn, generated strong, short bursts of X-rays -- each burst, about a billionth of a second long, contained about 300,000 X-ray photons.
Great, so now I have finger cancer.
UPDATE: My stapler cured me!
From a Strip of Scotch Tape, X-Rays [nytimes]
Thanks to Raymond, mkaggie, and Sarahj, who have all been exposed to Post-Its.
Oct 22 2008 Coffee May Shrink Breasts, Prevent Cancer
In a recent study by Sweden's Lund University, researcher found that about half of the women participating had a gene that links breast size and coffee consumption.
Healthy, premenopausal women with the gene who drink three or more cups of coffee a day have smaller breasts. Those women also have a lower risk of breast cancer.
I'm all for cancer-free breasts, so if coffee (and smaller breasts) is the way to go, so be it. I like all breasts equally anyways. Ha, except for yours, Superficial Writer. Yeah, solid B's, now stop rubbing them on my monitor.
Coffee Can Shrink Breasts, Study Finds [aolnews]
Thanks to Dan, who is now boycotting Starbucks.
Oct 2 2008 UV Ray Bikini Helps Keep You Cancer Free
The SmartSwim UV Intensity Bikini ($99) has little purple beads right between the tits (and other, more boring places) to let you know how intense the UV rays are. Light purple good, dark purple, cancer. I suppose if you don't want to shell out 99 bones you could buy any bikini and add your own beads, but that would be cheating. And cheating, my friends, wins games.
SmartSwim UV Intensity Bikini warns against excessive exposure [dvice]
Sep 5 2008 Turn Your Scooter Into A Mobile Hotspot
Is your scooter just not geeky enough for you? How about turning that bad boy into a mobile hotspot?
This how-to shows building instructions for putting together a scooter that doubles as a roving wireless hotspot, GPS device, pirate radio station, and even has enough juice to amplify an electric guitar in order to play songs over the web.
Awesome! The only thing you have to watch out for, based on the look of that monster antennae, is spinal cancer. Trust me on this one, I don't break into the hospital and steal patients' meals because I'm not a doctor. I do it because I'm hungry and my wife couldn't cook to save the last living dinosaur.
Wireless scooter lets you wardrive from the fast lane [make]
via
Build yourself a scooter that doubles as a roving hotspot [dvice]
Mar 6 2008 Bee's Project Art Exhibit Detects Diseases
MOMA Online has an exhibit entitled Design and the Elastic Mind which is a bunch of different projects combining art and science. The Bee's Project is one of these. Basically it consists of a number of glass vessels with bees inside. Taking advantage of a bee's highly sophisticated sense of smell, they are trained to detect different diseases, from cancer to pregnancy (which, in my wife's case, IS a disease). If the bees sense a certain odor when a user blows into the device they will fly into a corresponding chamber, indicating the presence of whatever disease they've been trained to detect. Or if you have shit-breath then the bees all congregate in the bottom. You know, because you killed them all.
A couple more pictures and a link to the exhibit after the jump.
Continue Reading " Bee's Project Art Exhibit Detects Diseases "
Sep 27 2007 Ray Gun Makes You Burn, Not Literally
Raytheon demonstrated their Silent Guardian ray gun/box at a recent show. It's a scaled down version of the one you may have seen mounted on the back of Army vehicles awhile ago when they first started messing with this technology. Basically it emits a focused beam of radiation tuned to a precise frequency that stimulates human nerves, giving a burning sensation (similar to the one when you pee). The rays only penetrate a human's skin 1/64th of an inch, so it allegedly doesn't cause permanent damage. I wonder though. Because I used to rest my head against the microwave to watch what I was cooking, and now I'm retarded as hell.
The full picture of a guy touching the box and crapping his pants after the jump.
Sep 18 2007 Crown7 Cigarette Isn't Really A Cigarette
It's less a cigarette and more an electronic nicotine delivery system, seemingly an updated version of this thing. It doesn't produce any smoke, but does hit you with nicotine. It costs $100, and five replacement cartridges run $10. Each cartridge is allegedly the equivalent of two packs of cigarettes, so if you've ever wanted to OD on nicotine, I'd say this thing is your best bet. Neat idea, but I'll just stick to my Sherlock Holmes pipe. Because nothing says "I'm all class" like puffing on a pipe and ogling the ladies through a monocle.
Product Site [thanks to Chris, a man who the ladies find smokin', for the tip]
Sep 13 2007 Bees Sniff Bombs, Make Explosive Honey
A company called Inscentinel Ltd. has developed Vapor Detection Instrumentation, which is scientific speak for a couple bees taped to a piece of foam. The bees stick out their tongues when they smell an odor they have been trained to detect. They have been tested on explosives, drugs, counterfeit goods, food quality, and even cancer. I guess it is pretty neat stuff they're doing there, but I can't help but feel sorry for those little bastards taped up in there looking all cute and cuddly. It does say though that "Bees are happy undertaking their sniffing tasks and are comfortable throughout." I'm just curious what metrics were used to determine the level of bee happiness while working. "Hey little guys you happy in there?" "Bzzzzzzzz" "See, totally happy."
UPDATE: For anyone concerned about the poor bees, according to the company "After their working shift the bees are returned to their hive where they happily live out the rest of their lives and are integrated back into the hive." See, sometimes life does have a happy ending, just not in my case.
A couple more pictures after the jump.
