Mar 25 2009 Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking

Canned bacon. Undoubtedly the best course of The Last Supper, Yoder brand canned bacon can now be yours. Plus, it comes in sweet-ass camo cans. Hey, where'd my bacon go?!?

For the first time in almost 20 years, canned bacon is back in this Country. Not available in any store!

More than 2 years went into the development of this bacon, and we're proud to be able to bring this back to you after improving on a what was a very successful brand of canned bacon made years ago by Celebrity Foods (registered Trademark, all rights reserved).

Each can is 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon. Between 2-3/4 and 3-1/4 pounds of raw bacon go into each can. Each can is the highest quality fresh #1 bacon slices. Cured to our specifications, cooked and then hand wrapped, rolled and packed in the U.S.

My God that sounds delicious. A single can will set you back $12, but that's not really bad considering it's 3 pounds of cooked bacon and will stay fresh for over 10 years. You know -- this might very well be the most delicious thing to ever come in a can. Well, besides this. Here, open it. *POW POW!* Haha, that was Geekologie brand Whoop Ass, bitch!

Hit the jump for a photo-uncanning.

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Feb 20 2009 Bear Sleeping Bag Not Nearly As Nice Or Comfy As My Bear Skin Rug, Ladies?

The Sleeping Bear Pack was designed by Eiko Eshizawa and makes you look like you're sleeping inside a bear just like Luke Skywalker inside a tauntaun. It's nice, but nowhere near as romantic as the polar bearskin rug in front of my fireplace. What do you say -- me, you, a bottle of bubbly and a bowl of ripe strawberries? Too romantic? Okay -- me, you, a sixer of High Life cans and some chocolate syrup? Still? Fine: me, a 40 of Old English and a bag of watermelon Sour Patch Kids.

Bear sleeping bag will keep you safe from bear attacks, I assume [dvice]

Jul 11 2008 Cardboard Toilet Is Obviously Questionable

The Shit Box is a cardboard toilet made specifically for outdoor use. But, if your water gets cut off because you didn't pay the bill, I can vouch it works inside as well. It costs about $31, which the company claims is "an honest price", and is obviously a bold-faced lie. I mean, it's a cardboard box that comes with "10 degradable poo bags (you worthless damn poo bags you, you'll never amount to anything!)". To its credit though, the unit doubles as a stool if you're comfortable hovering over a bag of shit with nothing between you and it but a cardboard lid. Oh, and the name has got to go. Shit box is already what you call an old, crappy car or some idiot's pie-hole. Which, in my girlfriend's case, is not just because she's always blathering some nonsense (although she is). You see, she was in this really twisted viral video...

Hit the jump for a couple more graphics explaining how the unit works in case shitting in a cardboard box is beyond you.

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Jul 10 2008 iPhone On Sale Tomorrow, This Kiwi Got One

Well folks, in case you had forgotten, the 3G iPhone goes on sale tomorrow. And, apparently, this assblastingcap in the photo was the first to procure said device because he lives in New Zealand, and somehow it's already Friday over there. Anybody understand how that works? I don't. Is the world spinning faster over there or something? Does it have to do with magnets? Is it ever like a full week ahead? Because if so I want to go over there, watch the news from over here, and then fly back and play the lottery real quick once I know the winning numbers. Does anybody do that? Is it illegal?

3G iPhone tomorrow, who's getting one? Who doesn't care? Who thought I was being serious about the whole time travel thing? I'm not stupid, I know it doesn't have anything to do with magnets. It's something about Australia's gravitational influence.

That Guy Got His Stupid iPhone 3G, First [gizmodo]

Mar 31 2008 Treepees: Ground-Dwelling Tents Are Lame

Treepees are tents that hang from trees. They kind of remind me of the dangling blue-balls of survival we saw awhile ago. They come in green, brown, or pink and cost $600. You just hang it from a sturdy branch, stake the four corners (if you want), and you're good to go. I want one, because I hate the ground. It's just so...beneath me. All the time. I don't even like touching it. So the treepee is right up my alley. Besides, I've always wanted to know what it's like to be a bear's punching bag. Bring it you sissy-ass grizzly, you hit like a cub!

One more picture of a pink one after the jump.

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Mar 10 2008 The iStraw Is Horribly Named But Cleans Water As You Drink It So You Won't Get Sick

The iStraw, thanks to special micro-filtration technology, makes drinking water from the toilet safer than ever. Available for $40 from ThinkGeek, the straw can filter about 130 gallons and "reduces up to 99.99999% of all waterborne bacteria." Wow, that's a lot of 9's! You can use it to suck directly from streams and lakes, but brackish and turbid water are highly not recommended. The iStraw looks like a magic wand and makes the perfect addition to an outdoor survival kit. I definitely just ordered a few for myself in case of an emergency. My girlfriend is going to have to take her chances with a regular straw. It's not that I don't love her, it's just that, well, okay maybe I don't. I mean I did spend her birthday at a stripclub. And not the one where she works at either.

Germaphobes Rejoice, The iStraw is Here [albotas]