Sep 11 2009 Beef Jerky: Now With More Caffeine
Perky Jerky is beef jerky with caffeine added (via guarana) to help keep you awake and focused on trying to look busy and not like you're just reading Geekologie.
Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world's first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we've combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won't find anywhere else.
Performance enhancing meat snack. I dunno about all that. But if you want to try it, a 2 oz bag will set you back $5. Alternatively, a 2 oz bag of good weed would be like $700. So, yeah, cheaper than good weed.
Thanks to Ryan, Mr. Robbot and Towhee Monster, who get their energy the old fashioned way, directly from the sun. Transform and photosynthesize!
Aug 23 2009 It Buuuuuurns!: Scientists Invent Mug That Keeps Beverages At Perfect Temperature
Physicists have invented a coffee mug to keep your beverage at the ideal temperature for 30 minutes. What is the ideal temperature? Allegedly 58 degrees Celsius (136.4 degrees Fahrenheit). I beg to differ.
The key for this magic trick is physics and PCM--phase change material--an extraordinary substance used in construction and winter clothing. PCM is capable of storing and releasing heat or cold.
The perfect mug follows the same principle: It is made of hollow ceramics. Inside there's an aluminum structure--as you can see in the image above--which gets filled with PCM. When you pour in your hot coffee, the heat gets absorbed reaching your personal optimum level based on the amount of PCM in the cup's interior. According to Klaus Sedlbauer, head of the Fraunhofer Institute for Building Physics, you can customize this on manufacturing.
You want to know the ideal temperature of my beverage? It's called ICE COLD BEER. But I will drink it hot if I have to. Last summer I drank a case of beer that had been in the trunk of my car for a week. I peed fire, true story.
Physicists Create Perfect Coffee Mug That Keeps Perfect Temperature [gizmodo]
Jun 20 2009 ALMOST Cute: LIttle Robot Making Coffee
This is a video of some guy's robot girlfriend that's been programmed to make him coffee. You know, JUST LIKE A GOOD GIRLFRIEND SHOULD. Am I right, honey? Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be sleeping in the car. BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT HAS AM/FM RADIO.
Thanks to shogunu, who programmed his girlfriend to make toast too. Nice, shogunu -- with jam?
Mar 13 2009 Chug Those Dots!: A Pac-Man Energy Drink
Nearly thirty years after the yellow dot-munching fool made his first appearance, the mouthy bastard finally gets his own energy drink. Pac-Man Power Up Energy Drink is a three-dollar 8.4oz cherry flavored caffeine high that'll have you bouncing off the walls before you can say, "threeway with Inky and Blinky. No, wait -- Blinky and Clyde. Okay, whoever the blue and orange ones are, those are the ones I want. Finally answer! Oh, and Ms. Pac-Man can watch if she wants." Haha, caffeine isn't instantaneous, silly!
pac-man energy drink perfect for washing down power pills, pretzels, strawberries and ghosts [technabob]
Jan 2 2009 D+Caf Strips Detect Amount Of Caffeine In Your Coffee, Ur+In Strips Coming Soon
Some people drink decaf coffee. These people, given normal coffee, will go apeshit, bouncing off the walls and breaking things. Given espresso, they will spontaneously human combust and create a black (coffee) hole that will smell like fresh roasted beans and suck many an oblivious barista into its odoriferous depths. That's why it's important they never drink regular coffee or a Red Bull. To keep the rest of the world safe from these people, somebody developed D+Caf strips.
D+caf test strips are simply little strips of paper coated with antibodies that tell if you a beverage is properly decaffeinated, turning up blue lines if it's got more than 20mg of caffeine per 6oz serving. Even modern decaffeination procedures can't remove every single trace of caffeine, but between 20 and 30 percent of coffee and tea drinks "contain unacceptably high levels of caffeine" according to the strip's maker, Silver Lakes Research.
A box of 20 strips costs $10 and I really wish they were Roof+e strips instead because the Superficial Writer keeps eyeing me salaciously and encouraging me to chug my Appletini.
D+Caf Detects If You're Drinking Real Coffee Instead of Decaf [gizmodo]
Oct 22 2008 Coffee May Shrink Breasts, Prevent Cancer
In a recent study by Sweden's Lund University, researcher found that about half of the women participating had a gene that links breast size and coffee consumption.
Healthy, premenopausal women with the gene who drink three or more cups of coffee a day have smaller breasts. Those women also have a lower risk of breast cancer.
I'm all for cancer-free breasts, so if coffee (and smaller breasts) is the way to go, so be it. I like all breasts equally anyways. Ha, except for yours, Superficial Writer. Yeah, solid B's, now stop rubbing them on my monitor.
Coffee Can Shrink Breasts, Study Finds [aolnews]
Thanks to Dan, who is now boycotting Starbucks.
May 19 2008 Caffeine Laced Chips: I'll Just Stick To Coffee
If you're anything like The Superficial Writer, you down several cups of urine-fortified coffee to get you going in the morning (seriously, stop taking my parking spot). Well for those of you out there that aren't into the liquid (or soap) caffeine scene, how about some, uh, chips? That's right, Engobi "Energy Go Bites" are cinnamon or lemon (WTF!?) flavored chips laced with wake-up powder. While I couldn't find the exact amount of crack per bag, each 1.5-ounce serving is advertised as containing "70% more caffeine than those little energy drinks." Yeah, and all for the low, low price of $1.29. To promote the chips, Engobi is taking the chips to the street.
The company is running a "Girls, Guitars and Geeks City Tour," with a Guitar Hero-equipped van, giving gamers willing to leave their basements the chance to compete for Guitar Hero controllers and gear emblazoned with the name of everyone's favorite insomnia-inducing snack product.
And if you were worried that Engobi was run by a bunch of old shriveled nads with no concept of what's cool to their target demographic, fear not.
Says the company's VP, Mark Singleton: ""If this contest, the Engobi girls, or our high-octane Engobi snack chips don't perk you up, I'm not sure you have a pulse. With Engobi on the scene, couch potatoes just earned a place on the endangered species list."
Wow, Mark, wow. You just made a whole bunch of no sense whatsoever. Doesn't gaming promote a certain level of couch/desk chair potatodom? I can't remember the last time I played video games while running a marathon. Unless slapping a Nintendo Power Pad with my hands to beat Cheetah at World Class Track Meet counts. Which, damnit, it should.
Engobi Website
via
Engobi Chips: Caffeinated, Guitar Hero-Friendly [gearlog]
NOTE: Whatever you do, don't go to the Engobi website and then click Products, What's Inside and then scroll over the heaps of shit at the bottom. Trust me, just don't.
Thanks Shawn, lets down a bunch of espressos and punch holes in the wall
Feb 4 2008 Brass Knuckles Mug Is Not Actually Brass
Where I work we have a coffee social every morning from 10 - 10:30 a.m. Seeing as how I try to do as little work as possible I always take advantage of this opportunity to escape Cubeville. The only problem is that people try to be social. Listen, I'm there to nurse my hangover and avoid work -- not to hear about how sick your kids are. So maybe Thabto's MUG might help get my point across. Available in both blood stain and butterfly (wtf?) models, the mugs resemble brass knuckles. Except they're ceramic and will probably shatter into your hand if you ever try to punch someone. While I admire where this product was going, I think there's a much better way to let people know how tough you are and that you should be avoided during coffee socials. Two words: territorial pissing. I come down when the social starts, get my coffee, and then urinate in the corner by the vending machines. Nobody comes within eight feet of me. Hell, most people leave altogether. But just to be safe I still wave a knife around.
Brass Knuckle Cups (Part II) - Thabto MUG [trendhunter]
Thanks to Sebastian, who is lucky enough to be able to kill people with a look, for the tip
Jan 23 2008 $20,000 Coffee Maker Is Redonkdonkdiculous
How much is a perfect cup of brew worth to you? If $20,000 is the answer, then this might be your new coffee maker. Currently it's the only halogen-powered siphon coffee maker in the U.S. and is at the Blue Bottle Cafe in San Francisco.
The whole process of making a cup of coffee is invigorating and lasts 45 to 90 seconds. “The whirlpool, it messes with your mind,” said Mr. Freeman, who practiced stirring plain water for months to develop muscle memory before he brewed his first cup of siphon coffee. “There’s no way to rush it.” The key to a cup of siphon coffee is the temperature variation, the flavor changes as the temperature changes. The flavor is “kaleidoscopic,” says Mr. Freeman.
Uh, okay. Not totally sure what all that means because the only coffee I drink is from 7-11 and not only is the process far from invigorating, the flavor sure as hell isn't "kaleidoscopic." I'm still going to buy one of these brewers though, so I can see what all the fuss is about. And if it sucks I'll just part it out and make some wicked bongs.
$20,000 Coffee Maker Straight from Science Lab [bornrich]
Jan 16 2008 Handpresso: For (Cold) Espresso Anywhere
The Handpresso is what is born when a rogue bike pump makes its way into your house from the garage and humps your coffee maker. It's a portable espresso machine -- all you need is a little coffee pod filter thing and some water. Where you get hot water on the go is a mystery to me, unless you tote a thermos around all the time. The unit costs 99€ (~$145) and could be worth it if you're a die-hard espresso fanatic that can't go 30 minutes without a fix. I'll pass, because I don't like espresso due to the caffeine in it. Caffeine, after all, is a drug -- and drugs are bad. Now a portable still for making moonshine -- that my friends, would be something worth considering.
Two videos of the thing after the jump. But a warning: the second is a little suggestive. And by 'a little suggestive' I mean it suggests that espresso comes out of a man's penis in a movie theater.
Continue Reading " Handpresso: For (Cold) Espresso Anywhere "
Jan 4 2008 Mug Displays The Way You Like Your Brew
The Drink Selector Mug ($24) is a receptacle for hot liquids that has three metal bands around it. The top band is turned to indicate if you prefer coffee or tea. The second band indicates your milk preference (breast, etc.), and the third your sugar. Now I don't know how things are done in other offices, but here I have to make my own damn coffee. Which is actually a good thing, because my coworkers don't really like me. The last time I did get a fellow employee to bring me a mug I'm pretty sure it was urinated in. Now call me crazy, but I like my coffee the same way I like my women -- with no penis involved. So I make it myself, sans dong. Okay, maybe just to stir in the milk.
Drink Selector Mug ensures a perfect brew, every time [dvice]
Jan 3 2008 Caffeine Soap Wakes You Up In The Shower
Well I've known about caffeinated soap for a little while now, but since this tip comes from a very trustworthy source, I'll assume there are many of you out there that haven't. Shower Shock is soap with caffeine in it. You rub it all over that sexy naked body of yours, and next thing you know, BOOM, you're wide awake. Simple as that. Each 4 oz bar has approximately 12 200mg caffeine servings. One bar costs $7 but price decreases the more you buy, down to $38 for ten bars. They come with a warning not to eat them, which is ridiculous, because who the hell would eat a bar of soap anyways (you excluded)? However they don't come with a warning about not jamming four bars up your ass, which is what I did. I haven't slept since '06.
thanks to Raul, who enjoys fast cars and beautiful women regularly, for the tip
Nov 6 2007 Caffeine Necklace: Face It, You're Addicted
For all of you out there that can't function in the morning without a cup of coffee, consider the Caffeine Molecule Necklace. It doesn't actually inject the pure goodness directly into your bloodstream (although it should), but it does let everyone around you know you're addicted (if they know what the hell a caffeine molecule looks like). It's 1.5" wide and both it and the chain are sterling silver. It runs $85, which is more than I expected. You have to be careful with stuff like this though. It could actually be the molecule for something like meth or coke. Like this Chinese tattoo I got on my ass-cheek. The dude swore it meant "100% Tough Guy", but it turns out it actually reads "Enter Here".
Caffeine in a Necklace [uberreview]
Aug 23 2007 Coffee and Tea Mugs Ensure Proper Ratio
Suck UK is at it again, this time bringing us MyCuppa Mugs that have a coloring guide on the inside rim to ensure the proper ratio of coffee/tea to milk. They cost about $15, and are a must if you work with the coffee brewing idiots that I do. Every time I scream at someone to make my damn coffee it's never the right color and almost always tastes like urine.
Aug 16 2007 Connectable Coffee Mugs
Designer Jonathan Aspinall has developed coffee mugs that can be linked together to form a six mug chain that can (allegedly) be easily carried. Each mug has a plus shaped male connection on one side, and matching female on the other. Now I don't know about you, but if I was sporting these around the office one morning, I imagine they would be in a coworker's trunk by mid-afternoon. I'm sticking to my trusty urine sample cup. People don't even come into the cubicle, let alone think about stealing my mug.
Connectable Coffee Mugs [yankodesign]
