Aug 7 2008 Seriously, What Could Go Wrong?: United States Military To Be 30% Robotic By 2020
The U.S. military has a goal -- that it's 30% robotic in twelve years. Why? Because robots don't feel pain, and when they die you just solder them back together or build a bitchin' chair out of the scrap metal.
While advances in robot technology will probably result in more radical robot designs and allow for the military's goal of a 30-percent robotic force, there will always be human involvement in the control process. Researcher Bill Smart had this to say about our future robot army:"It's a chain of command thing. You don't want to give autonomy to a weapons delivery system. You don't want the robot to make the wrong decision."
Wow, somebody actually talking some sense for once. Clever, Bill. Or should I say smart? Get it? Because that's your last name. No, I'm not making fun of you. Jesus, it was a compliment you jackass.
Anyway, this whole human vs. robot for control of weapons systems is a real Catch 22 (love you Joseph). On the one hand, you don't want robots to have any control over anything, because all they want to do is kill us all and have oily robotic orgies. But on the other hand, you put a man in front of a giant red button that reads "DO NOT PUSH, THE WORLD WILL END" and 9 times out of 10 -- as soon as nobody's watching -- he's got his pants around his ankles and is mashing that thing with his dick like candy's gonna rain from the sky.
U.S. Military To Be 30 Percent Robotic In Twelve Years [io9]
Thanks to Karilyn, whose radiant beauty had originally distracted me from giving her credit for the tip.
Jun 5 2008 Self-Stirring Coffee Mug For The Fingerless
Are you a lazy bastard or a shop teacher that's had ten accidents? If so, this self stirring mug may be for you. The mugs are made by Gevalia, a company best known for convincing me to sign up for their coffee of the month club through the use of a well placed late-night infomercial featuring a sexy saleswoman with a sultry voice. Anyway, the $19 mug features a special base that runs on two AAA batteries and promises "to gently stir your beverage at the push of a button". Now call me crazy, but what kind of gentle stir creates a freaking whirlpool in your beverage? That picture looks like a blender set on the highest setting. You'd have hot beverage in your lap quicker than you could say "I'm suing you McDonalds because I'm a stupid asshole and the coffee you served me was hot." Still, I'm buying one. Mostly because, unlike that pussy James Bond, I like my martinis stirred -- and served in 12-ounce mugs. Suck it Bond, you couldn't even spy on your own girlfriend in the shower.
Stir Mug Does All Of The Work For You [ohgizmo]
May 9 2008 Emergency Party Button May Create An Impromptu Sausage Fest, But Hopefully Not, Unless That's What You Were Hoping For
You come home from a long day at the office and it's time to get your swerve on. What do you do? Push the Emergency Party Button of course!
Basically, it is exactly what it sounds like; a button that instantly launches a party. When pressed, the blinds to my apartment close, the kitchen, hallway, dining room, and living room lights dim, the stereo starts blasting Haddaway - What Is Love, black lights turn on, laser lights start moving to the music, a strobe light goes on, and the fog machine starts up. With another press of the button, the party is gone as easily as it started. It may not be the most hi-tech thing in the world, but people sure as hell love it when they come over.
There's a build page here if you're interested in making one yourself. I'm definitely going to, but with a twist. Instead of being an emergency "party" button, it's going to be an emergency "uh-oh, I think that's my girlfriend at the door" button. It won't play music or dim any lights, but it will start the ignition on my jetpack.
A worthwhile video of the system in action after the jump. Oh, and another highly questionable one of some MIT kids that made something similar in their dormroom.
May 6 2008 Zip Holder Keeps Your Zipper Up, Prevents Embarrasing Situations (Exposing Your Junk)
The Zip Holder is a very simple product. It consists for a rubber band that loops through your zipper hole, then over your pants button. It keeps your zipper up so it doesn't sneak down to the bottom and end up exposing your tubesteak to everyone on the #9 train. Pretty clever, but seriously, pants are on their way out -- especially ones with zippers. As a rule I don't want anything with metal teeth (especially Jaws from the Bond movies) that close to my moneymaker. Seriously though, it is my moneymaker. I moonlight for a strippergram company. Lots of Rick Roll requests these days. Hey, I don't care, it pays the bills -- there's no shame in my game. Fine, there is. Tons. Mountains of shame.
ZipHolder Zipper Holder Makes Pantsings Super Difficult [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who doesn't wear pants and the ladies are totally cool with that
Nov 28 2007 Optimus Maximus Keyboard Configurations
Many of you probably already know about the ridiculous Art Lebedev 'Optimus Maximus' keyboard that has been hyped for the past little while. If you don't then it's a keyboard in which the keys are little active OLED displays, capable of being changed to whatever you want. Well now the company has announced different configurations other than the full 113 active button one that costs $1,564. That's right folks, for $999 you can get 47 active buttons, $599 for 10, and for a paltry $462 you can get an active spacebar only. I'll admit the thing looks bad-ass (well, only the 113 and 47 models), but come on Art, $1,513? For that kind of money the damn thing better do my typing for me. What a piece of crappity crap. I mean what absolute garbage. Poppy-cock! This thing is a joke. Trash! Waste of money. Poo-poo. Horribly horrible! Seriously Art, send me a free one and I'll make that all go away.
A video demo after the jump, but the ass-monkey can't hold the camera steady.
Continue Reading " Optimus Maximus Keyboard Configurations "
Oct 31 2007 Fancy Credit Card Looks Like Calculator
Innovative Card Technologies got together with eMue Technologies to come up with a credit card with a "Credit Card Embedded Authentication Device". Basically whenever you're making an internet or mobile-based transaction you have to enter your PIN into the card to receive a one-time-use authentication code to complete the deal. I'm thinking you should probably grab one of these as soon as they're available. Because while you were reading this I joined two "women over 60" themed porno sites using your credit card. Thanks for the wrinkles!
Next-gen credit cards to feature miniature displays and keypads [engadget]
Oct 17 2007 Keyboard Has Lots Of Buttons, I Like Buttons
The Terpstra MIDI keyboard has 280 keys, which is a lot. You can set each key to whatever the hell you want, and all are velocity sensitive. The keys can be removed and swapped as well, in case the factory default pattern just doesn't do it for you. The unit has jacks for a foot switch, volume pedal, and MIDI in/out. I couldn't find a price, but it's probably expensive. I need one though because I'm a musical prodigy. My specialty is the Jaws theme. I've almost got that one down pat.
Terpstra MIDI Keyboard - Needs More Keys [ohgizmo]
Oct 11 2007 Push-up Counter Is Far Too Futuristic For Me
Gotta love Japan. They make every product ever. Take this marvel of modern technology -- the push-up counter ($15). Someone must have traveled far into the distant future to snag this idea. It's a button you push with your chin every time you do a push-up. I don't understand the technology behind this, but somehow your total is displayed on an ultra high-res LCD counter that, get this, goes up to 999! Holy shit! And if you're anything like me the display will always read "1" -- for collapsing on the button and never being able to get up.
Electronic Push-Up Counter won't let you cheat [newlaunches]
