Aug 31 2009 Disney To Acquire Marvel For $4 Billion

Mickey Mouse, in a power move to impress his ratty love interest Minnie, has decided to buy up Marvel Comics for a staggering $4 billion. With the sale come all the right's to Marvel's cache of over 5,000 characters. FIVE THOUSAND!

We believe that adding Marvel to Disney's unique portfolio of brands provides significant opportunities for long-term growth and value creation," Disney president and chief executive Robert Iger said.

"We are pleased to bring this talent and these great assets to Disney."

"Disney is the perfect home for Marvel's fantastic library of characters given its proven ability to expand content creation and licensing businesses," said Marvel chief executive Ike Perlmutter.

I mean, way to go and all, Disney, but this was a pretty foolish business decision if you ask me. What in the hell are you gonna do with 5,000 Marvel characters? You should have just bought the 30 cool ones.

Disney to buy Marvel in $4bn deal [bbcnews]

Thanks to Reverend Faux, Lomig, Jason, Aaron, Lauren, Cade, A Girl Named Michael, draw and jawn, who have all puked on different Disney rides, including It's A Small World (it was Jason!).

May 8 2009 Computer Repairman Breaks Into Office, Steals Hard Drive, Charges To Fix It

Kevin Andrew Lutes (28, of 2121 Cypress Road, Bethlehem, PA) is probably the best computer repairman ever. EVER.

Lutes, who had fixed computers for Action Realty in the past, was called the day after the break-in to repair the broken computer's hard drive. He told the owner he could retrieve her lost data and files.

Meanwhile, the owner of the company called the computer manufacturer, who told her it was impossible to retrieve the data without the hard drive. Police then discovered Lutes' car, with a computer repair sticker on the door, was seen parked in front of the office on the night of the break-in.

On Friday, Lutes brought the computer back with all the lost data and tried to charge the company $50 an hour for 40 hours of work.

Wow, $2,000 to return the computer you stole, that's just good business if you ask me. Get the Better Business Bureau on the phone, I think somebody in Bethlehem deserves a medal. It's baby Jesus!

Computer repairman charged with theft [morningcall]

Thanks to John and Reanda, a married couple who Geekologie together. Nice, guys, I like your style.

Apr 24 2009 Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards

Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers).

Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.

Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.

Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don't judge me.

Meatcards

Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.

Mar 31 2009 Netflix Announces Blu-ray Renting Costs

Yesterday Netflix announced its new cost structure for adding Blu-ray access to you account, just in case you were wondering. Basically, it costs $1 more than the number of discs you can have out at one time (if you're on the 3-at-a-time plan, adding Blu-ray costs $4 a month, for the 4-at-a-time, $5 a month, etc.). So there you have it. Of course, if you're looking to save money instead of spending it, you should do what I do and only rent from The Pirate Bay. And by rent I mean download. And by download I mean I heard they have porn. Which, *poker face* I don't know anything about.

Netflix Blog

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who's still convinced HD DVD is gonna make a comeback.

Feb 26 2009 Must Have!: LEGO Minifig 'Business Cards'

So apparently LEGO employees get custom minifigs made to look like them, complete with printed contact info to use as business cards. Well tickle me jealous! LEGO, if you're reading this, I must have some. Go ahead and use my picture from hotornot. Seriously, I'm a solid 6.5. I NEED THESE BUSINESS FIGS! There's just nothing more gratifying than rolling around with a pocketful of minifigs. Or change. Ching ching, ladies -- Mr. Moneybags coming!

LEGO Business Card [wired]

Thanks to Fally, who would make one hell of a good looking minifig.

Feb 9 2009 Ties: Because Your Neck Deserves A Flag

These $25 ties are made out of 100% synthetic materials, feature classic video game scenes, and can be purchased from a tribe of warrior women. Plus, they're absolutely perfect for the tech blogger who wants to pretend he's a businessman. I'll admit it: I love playing dress up. I have three older sisters so I spent much of my youth parading around the house in a dress with makeup caked all over me. Ahh, those were the days. Now I lay around the apartment in my boxers and have to wait for my girlfriend to go to work before I can even put one of her bras on. It's stifling -- and, damnit, she wore my favorite pumps to work today.

Stylish Classic Gaming Ties [ohgizmo]

Dec 4 2008 Toby Jones Stores Your Stuff On The Cheap

God, I wish he offered a babysitting service too.

Youtube

Thanks to Jake, who's used Toby's services and swears they're legit. Well, as legit as $11 storage can be.

Aug 8 2008 Questionable: Guy Makes 3-D Business Cards

Some guy named Emerson Taymor had himself some 3-D business cards made. It probably isn't a new idea, but hey, it's the first I've seen it. Regardless, I found them kind of questionable (even ignoring the goofy picture). Don't get me wrong: I love wearing 3-D glasses as much as the next guy that dropped acid with his bagel this morning, I'm just saying they seem gimmicky. But being the intrepid reporter that I am, I gave Emerson the benefit of the doubt. So I visited his website to find out what kind of act he performs for birthday parties that warrants such an unusual card, and hello placeholder! Wow Emerson, I don't even know if you can make balloon animals. But you have inspired me. To include a phone number on my business card that I may activate some time in the future.

Hit the jump for two more pictures of the 3-D cards in 2-D form.

Continue Reading " Questionable: Guy Makes 3-D Business Cards "

Jul 8 2008 Scary Crawling Robot Man Is Art, Statement

Apparently Japanese performance artist built this scary ass crawling robot to make a statement about the impending Asian economic crash. Something about how Japanese salarymen are really gonna be crawling along the sidewalk while people stand around and gawk. Honestly I have no idea, which is why I'm not an art critic. I stood in a museum staring at a bunch of squiggly lines for like ten minutes when this woman came up beside me and remaked to her partner, "This is a really profound statement about the technological innovations of the past half century." I turned to them and, confused, asked, "It's not a giant cooch?" Needless to say, the statement Momoyo is making with this robot is beyond me. If I had to guess though, it'd have less to do the plight of the Japanese salaryman because of an economic crash and more to do the plight of a Japanese salaryman with wonky legs whose wheelchair was stolen.

Crawling Businessman Robot Is a Critique On Japanese Salarymen [gizmodo]

Jul 1 2008 Paper Shampoo: Because Liquids Are Sketchy

The last time I tried to fly I woke up on the floor beside the bed. And the time before that airport security confiscated my juice box. Needless to say my hair was unkempt. So how can you get some shampoo on your next flight without a hassle? Simple -- Paper Shampoo.
Paper Shampoo comes in boxes of 30 sheets and costs $12.50 for two packages. They dissolve into a lather whenever you add water (including salt-water, which is awesome because I do the majority of my bathing at sea). Plus they're mint scented. And if there's one thing I've learned in my 40-odd years on this planet, it's this: mint-flavored hair is freaking delicious.

Paper Shampoo lets you travel with clean hair without being branded a terrorist [dvice]

Jun 19 2008 Japan Sees Significant Increase In The Popularity Of Adult Geriatric Films

Apparently business is booming for makers of geriatric boom-boom movies in Japan. Demand for such titles as "Grandparents Getting Down" and "Never Too Old To Bone" has nearly doubled in the past decade. TIME has a whole long article about it, but I thought I'd just include my favorite part, since it's quite possibly the awesomest thing I've ever read, ever.

Besides his glowing complexion, Shigeo Tokuda looks like any other 74-year-old man in Japan. Despite suffering a heart attack three years ago, the lifelong salaryman now feels healthier, and lives happily with his wife and a daughter in downtown Tokyo. He is, of course, more physically active than most retirees, but that's because he's kept his part-time job -- as a porn star.

Shigeo Tokuda is, in fact, his screen name -- he prefers not to disclose his real name because, he insists, his wife and daughter have no idea that he has appeared in about 350 films over the past 14 years.

Dude, you've got your face plastered all over porno boxes (that's him in the picture). How the hell could they not know? The article even says your character has become his own brand. Surely someone has told them. I mean, you're a very distinguished gentleman, and that pipe is a dead give-away. Seriously though, you're my new hero. I wish my wife and family didn't know what I do for a living. They're embarrassed as hell.

Japan's Booming Sex Niche: Elder Porn [time] (nice long article if you're interested)

Thanks Alex and Allyson, but I don't know if I can forgive you

Feb 26 2008 Robotic Breast Massager Is Unsurprisingly Questionable As Hell

Man I have no idea where to even begin with this one, but I'll try. Mr. Wang Wei, owner of Beijing BUBBY (I assume that's Chinese for booby) Robot Technologies, has created a robotic breast massager. Mr. Wei did this when he realized he'll probably never get to touch one himself. I've posted his very convincing business proposal after the jump, which is a must read and explains who can benefit from such a device. As a potential investor I had the unfortunate opportunity to give the device a go, and I've got to say: it felt the exact same as the other time I was groped by a robot with flower-shaped hands. And that one was a window washer.

Mr. Wei's very convincing business proposal after the jump.

Continue Reading " Robotic Breast Massager Is Unsurprisingly Questionable As Hell "

Jan 7 2008 Business Card Autodials Your Phone Number

Tom Ward is an electronic product designer (his business card says so) who has made a business card that autodials his phone number. You slap the corner of the card (which contains a small speaker) against the mouthpiece of your phone and the card emits "a series of DTMF audio tones to automatically dial the phone number you have programmed." He has a post on instructables if you're interesting in making them yourself, and he says he's got the price down to about $2.00 apiece when making them in large batches. I'm definitely going to make some, except I'm not going to program my real number. Nope, I'm going to use some long-ass-distance international number in China. Then everyone I give my card to will have an expensive phone bill for calling China! Oh the hilarity, I can't wait. Of course my business is going to go straight to shit because I've alienated all my customers, but that's a small price to pay for such a great practical joke.

Brilliant Autodialling Business Card [ohgizmo]

Dec 11 2007 USB Business Cards May Be Coming Soon

The M++CARD is no ordinary business card. No sir, this thing has memory storage on the back, allowing a potential employer to attach a USB adapter and peruse all the information (resume, portfolio, etc.) stored on the little bastard. They're definitely slicker than the portfolio DVDs I was handing out to companies last year. Of course it didn't help I was giving out the wrong disks the whole time. Portfolio and Pornfolio really look similar when you're reaching into your briefcase for a DVD. Luckily the puffy-paint I used to decorate the tops made a lot of them unreadable.

USB Business Card [newlaunches]