Jul 17 2009 I Smell A Wedgie Coming: Resident Evil Shirts
This Resident Evil shirt was made to promote the upcoming Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles and will be distributed at the upcoming San Diego Comic Con next weekend.
Well, since Darkside Chronicles is an M-Rated title, we have to have an area where only 17+ are allowed. We figured if we had to be enclosed; we might as well deck out the room and give you an awesome experience playing the game. We are going to have two separate rooms to show off the game, both dark and air conditioned, and each come equipped with banging sound systems.
All you have to do is bring a friend, play through one of the levels in co-op mode, and then you and your partner get to walk away with your very own zombie shirt. Simple.
Neat. Just be careful rocking zombie mode in public, because I, for one, won't hesitate to brain you with a shovel. Brain first, kick corpses later. AND NO COPPING FEELS. This is the word of the Geekologie Writer.
Capcom Comic Con 09: Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles [capcom]
Thanks to Jonah, towhee and meeotch, who are all elite zombie hunters sent back from the future to....oh my God you're robots.
Jun 18 2009 Boom Boom Candles Sadly Not Explosive
These candles were designed by Mystake to look dynamite and bombs. They're called notmy candles, as in "those are notmy penis tracks in the peanut butter". The bomb costs $5 and the dynamite $7, but you can get them both for $11 and save a Lincoln. I mean Washington. Or do I? I don't know anymore.
bomb and dynamite candles are a real blast [technabob]
May 4 2009 Steampunk 'Massager' Really Steam Powered
This steampunk vibrator was created by metal worker Ani Niow and really works, provided you don't mind melting your hand off to pleasure yourself (I came close once after a 14 hour marathon).
While it technically does run off steam, Niow cautions you'll need to wear insulated welding gloves to handle it without getting burned. This is why she's temporarily using compressed air for now.
If she can secure a smaller portable boiler she'll give the thing a run at full power, as was intended.
Good looking, Ani, I like a hint of danger in my sex life. Reminds me of the time I used a live crocodile for a condom.
Fully Functional Steampunk Vibrator Might Scald Your Privates [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who tried dating a toaster but ended up getting burned.
Apr 22 2009 What The?: Questionable Sub Commercial
I love Quiznos. Or, I should say, I loved Quiznos before I found out their ovens encourage employees to have sex with them. I mean, WTF? This isn't how you sell delicious, oven-baked subs, this is how you....damnit, now I want Quiznos.
Thanks to Jordan and Reiko, who have never gone anywhere near a toaster with their junk exposed. Or so they say.
Apr 16 2009 Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby
Some guy went and built a thermal lance (cutting torch) that runs on pure oxygen and the fat from bacon (well, prosciutto). As you can see from the picture, the 5,000°F grease-flame is hot enough to burn through a pan, and straight to our hearts. *swoon*
A thermal lance, typically made of iron instead of bacon, is used to cut up scrap metal and rescue people from collapsed buildings. It works by blowing pure oxygen gas through a pipe packed with iron and magnesium rods. These metals are surprisingly flammable in pure oxygen, releasing a huge amount of heat as they are consumed. The result is a jet of superheated iron plasma coming out of the end of the pipe. For sheer destructive force, few tools match a thermal lance. But iron isn't the only thing that's flammable in a stream of pure oxygen.
There's a video after the jump that explains how he made it, but I'm not into following directions so I just glue-sticked a bunch of bacon to grandma's oxygen mask. Here goes nothin'! *FWOOOSH!* Uh-oh, looks like I'm gonna need another grandma. Quick -- to the old folks home before my parents get back!
Hit the jump for an instructional video.
Continue Reading " Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby "
Apr 6 2009 Cool: PEW PEW Laser Fashion PEW PEW
Hussein Chalayan is a fashion *PEW PEW!* designer I've never heard of, but that's *PEW PEW!* okay because there are probably only a handful of names I would *PEW PEW!* recognize anyway. Unlike The Superficial Writer who, *PEW PEW!*, can rattle off their names and collections faster than you a normal man can *PEW PEW!* fire up a chainsaw. In this particular showcase, now to be known as The PEW PEW! Collection, Husssein had engineer Moritz Waldemeyer add servo-driven *PEW PEW!* lasers to the dresses. Nice, guys. As you can see, the *PEW PEW!* dresses are sure to be a big *PEW PEW!* hit at raves. Unfortunately, you may never *PEW PEW!* see one because I'm suing the pants (!) off Chalayan. You see, I burnt my *PEW PEW!* retinas out trying to score an upskirt shot.
Hit the *PEW PEW!* jump for a bunch *PEW PEW!* more.
Mar 13 2009 Sissypants Suing Over Exploded iPod Touch
A 17-year old and his family are suing Apple after an iPod Touch allegedly blew up in the sissy's pocket and caused 2nd degree burns.
It claims the boy had his i-pod touch off and in his pocket at school on December 4th, when he heard a pop and felt a burning sensation.
The lawsuit is seeking more than 200-thousand dollars in damages.
Pfft, I've got some 2nd degree burns but you don't see me trying to sue Cup Noodles. No, I think there's more to this story than the family is telling us. Namely, their house is about to be foreclosed and there was a reciprocating saw involved in the explosion. Elementary my dear, Watson. Now, fetch me a glass of the good stuff and come sit on Sherlock's lap.
Family Sues Apple Over Exploding iPod [local12]
Thanks to Douche McAllister, who had an entire sever blow up and catch fire in his pants but refused to sue because he's a real man with wrought-iron genitalia.
Feb 4 2009 Lightning Hits Cow, Cow Lives To Moo About It
The cow featured here, who we will refer to as "Well Done", was struck by lightning and lived to chew grass and moo about it, which is apparently rare.
When lightning hits the ground, current flows through the earth in a wide area around the point of impact. This is how a lightning strike can kill a field full of cows - the long wheelbase of the average cow means that a nearby strike induces a significant potential difference across the ground spanned by the cow's front and back legs; current flows through cow, cow dies.
For those of you who aren't science-minded, let me break that down in layman's terms: basically lightning strikes a cow, and makes it delicious. I smell barbecue! Or a cow on fire, same difference.
The path lightning takes through a cow [tywkiwdbi]
Thanks to towhee monster, who attracts lightning like she does men -- with witchcraft.
Dec 23 2008 What To Do In A Plane Crash: Twitter
If you're ever in a plane crash, what's the first thing you should do? Of course -- Twitter about it! That's exactly what Mike Wilson did after Continental flight 1404 veered off the runway at Denver International Airport and caught fire.
"Holy f*cking sh*t I was just in a plane crash," he wrote in a text message shortly after Continental Flight 1404 burst into flames and nearly broke apart, injuring 38 people.
Thirty-two minutes later, Mr Wilson added: "Ugh... My glasses fell off in the mass exodus getting off the plane... Can't see very well."One minute after that, he offered a bit of lightness, perhaps conscious that worried family members might be reading his words: "This was crash No 2 for me. Maybe I should start taking the bus".
Well I can honestly say tweeting is not the first thing I'd think to do in the event of a plane crash. Now copping a feel on a distressed stewardess....that's, uh, I can't believe I just freaking wrote that.
Citizen journalist sets the world a Twitter after Denver plane crash [telegraph]
Thanks to pirhan, who's smart enough to only travel by jetpack.
Dec 8 2008 ISS Orbiting Toolbag Filmed From Earth
Remember last month when a NASA toolbag accidentally floated off into space during a repair to the International Space Station (if not, video after the jump. Skip to about 0:55 to see the loss)?
Endeavor astronaut Heidi Stefanyshyn-Piper's loss has turned out to be an amateur star gazers' event of the season. The $100,000 tool bag slipped out of her reach and floated into space while she was trying to clean up a greasy mess on the starboard section of the space station. The tool bag is now dubbed ISS Toolbag and is orbiting the Earth. According to Space.com, Edward Light spotted the orbiting tool bag using 10 x 50 binoculars from his backyard in Lakewood, New Jersey.
The orbiting tool bag weighs approximately 30-pounds. It measures 20-inches wide and 12-inches long. The tool bag contains two grease guns, a scraper tool, a large trash bag and a small debris bag. Given the size and dim magnitude of the orbiting tool bag, star gazers will need binoculars or a small telescope to view it.
The video above is actual footage of the bag sailing by. Go here and enter your ZIP code to find out when and were to look to see the toolbag for yourself. Alternatively, come over to my place around six when my roommate gets home.
Hit the jump for the loss video.
Dec 2 2008 Mystical Fire Powder Turns Your Fire Different Colors, Is Probably Mad Carcinogenic
$2.29 will get you a 25 gram sachet of Mystical Fire Powder. What is Mystical Fire Powder? It's powder. That you toss in the fire. To make it all mystical and shit. Sorcery yo, sorcery. The stuff makes your fire burn with all sorts of crazy colors and will stunt your growth if you eat too much of it. But it's so good! If you're a cheapskate and don't want to drop a whole nine quarters and four Canadian pennies on the powder, I'll tell you what else makes fires turn cool colors: burning witches! And remember: a woman is every bit the witch you accuse her of being. Accuse often. Yelling helps. Also, brandishing a pitchfork and getting the townspeople riled up.
One more of a sweet blue flame after the ja-ja-ja-jump.
Nov 10 2008 A Darth Vader Toaster: Dark Side That Bread
This $55 Star Wars toaster burns a perfect Vader face into each and ever slice of delicious multi-grain bread (not included) and is available for pre-order even as I type (ships in January).
If there's something every Sith Lord knows how to do it's make a balanced breakfast. While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster.
A Darth Vader face in your toast is cool and all, but I can think of plenty of other things I'd rather have burnt into my toast. Namely butter and jam. ZOMG I'm gonna be rich!
Thanks to Romeo, who can burn whatever he wants onto his toast because he has laser eyes.
Nov 4 2008 Space: Screw It, It's Just A Vacuum-y Landfill
Space: Our vacuum-y landfill to the north, south, east, and, uh, left.
A 1,400-pound (635-kilogram) ammonia tank burned up over the Pacific Ocean late Sunday, more than a year after an astronaut chucked it from the International Space Station because it had become obsolete, NASA said yesterday.
Astronauts routinely trash equipment in space. Most of it - including a 212-pound (96-kilogram) video camera stand Anderson got rid of during the same spacewalk - burns up before making impact on Earth.
What the -- we're already trashing space? I swear, if I see a single freaking McDonald's cup on the way to Moonbase Brothel, it's somebody's ass. And hopefully an alien stripper's -- in my lap.
Trash crash: Space litter makes landing [sciam]
Thanks to loyal Geekologist Hunter, who, even on his birthday, takes the time to send tips. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!
Oct 21 2008 Website Makes Notifying Sexual Partners About Possible STD Exposure Quick, Easy, And Painless (Minus The Burning)
Does it hurt when you pee? Look down. Did the toilet lid fall on your penis? If so, disregard. But if not, get tested. And then use the inSPOT website to notify all your past sexual partners you may have given them something. Originally developed for gay and bisexual men, the site can be used by anybody to let their recent partners know they may have have been exposed to disease. I'm sending them instead of Christmas cards this year! Oh, hold on, incoming.
UPDATE: Great, just great. Now my penis is gonna fall off.
Thanks to Kelly, who urges Geekologie readers to wrap it up twice and still rubberband a Funyun bag on for good measure. Remember: you never can be too safe. Or onion-y.
Sep 12 2008 Burn Whatever You Want Onto Your Toast. Cha-Ching, eBay Fortune Here I Come!
Similar in concept to the Note Toaster, comes this little marvel of bread heating technology. The brainchild of industrial designer Sung Bae Chang, the Scan Toaster connects to your computer via USB and can burn pretty much whatever the hell you want onto your bread.
The toaster utilizes a network of toasting "modules" -- hot wires that rotate within a 30 degree radius -- that burn the image or text you have selected onto the delicious slice of your choice.
Awesome. Crank out a Virgin Mary or Large Hadron Collider and start raking in the dough on eBay. Or, if you want to get really creative, a giant member spewing butter or jam. Just saying, sex sells. Unfortunately my condo doesn't -- somebody buy this freaking dump already.
Scan Toaster puts the power of 'miracle toast' in the hands of mere mortals [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who's looking for a lovely lady to butter his bread. And also, make him an omelet.
Aug 19 2008 World's Largest Digging Machine Is Huge
The world's largest digger is a giant trencher built a couple years ago by German manufacturer Krupp. It took more than 5 years and $100 million to design and manufacture.
The machine is almost 95 meters (311 ft) high and 215 meters (705 ft) long which is just like almost 2.5 football fields in length with 45,500 tons in weight. Maximum digging speed is 10 meters (32 ft) per minute and it can move more than 76,000 cubic meters (~2,700,000 cubic ft) of coal, rock, and earth per day.
Wow, pretty impressive. You get two of these things working around the clock for a couple days and I could finally bury my girlfriend. Haha! No, but seriously honey, go to the gym.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the digging behemoth.
Continue Reading " World's Largest Digging Machine Is Huge "
Jul 15 2008 Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed
If there's one thing that's sad, it's the death of a pet. Followed distantly by $1.2 billion plane crashes. And, while we've already posted another picture and video of the crash, here are some nice close-ups of the now infamous wreck. Pretty sad isn't it? I think so. Of course, it's not as bad as when Hammy the Hamster went. There are very few things sadder than watching your dad cook and eat your only friend because you couldn't make it to base in a little league game.
Hit the jump for two more pictures, including one of a firetruck and another of two doctors crawling through a field with a steampunk computer. Just kidding, apparently they're deactivating remaining explosives in the ejector seat.
Continue Reading " Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed "
Jul 14 2008 Woman Selling 'Cursed' iPhone On eBay
eBayer noli.tumi may have purchased hot pink hair extensions and fake eyelashes in the past, and even dabbled in selling jewelry, but now she's going for the gusto and selling her brand new 3G iPhone. Oh, did I mention it's cursed? And that she's asking $8,180,000.50?
When I opened the package.The phone was on.
There were no cute buttons, no touch screen. (NEVER touch the screen, I'll tell you why later on.)
Instead, there was a blurry image of Steve Jobs burned into it. At first I didn't recognize it at all, my brother told me he was sure it was Steve Jobs. We looked through some pictures online and we are pretty sure the image is that of Steve Jobs.
I tried to rub it off thinking it was a joke, but the screen was SUPER HOT. I pretty much burned my fingers and as I type this, the middle and ring fingers on my right hand barely feel the keys on this keyboard. Never ever touch the screen of this ipod. The sides are cool room temperature, but the screen is intensely hot.
The image doesn't move, it's burned on so its not on the LCD. The LCD doesn't even turn on. However the sound does work, and occasionally (ussually when someone is looking at it or talking about it, but it might be a coincidence)
The iPhone chuckles, loudly!Steve Jobs just laughs at me. Over and over and over. I've had it for a day and it hasn't run out of batteries. The sound still works. It laughs while I sleep. It laughs at me in the car. At work. Everywhere.
I was going to return it, but maybe someone is interested in this haunted piece of technology.
Now I'm not saying noli is trying to pull our leg here, but I am saying it's f***ed up she's charging $3.99 for shipping. I call witch, somebody start a fire.
Thanks to Dimitri, who's trying to sell a cursed pager. Buy it now, $2.
Jul 2 2008 Using A Laser-Etch Machine To Brand Yourself
What you're looking at is a picture of a guy's hand. A guy who stuck said hand into a laser-etching machine and used it to brand a robot image into his skin. There are a bunch more laser-etch tattoos/brands after the jump if you're curious what burnt skin looks like, so check them out. There's also a video and link to the instructables detailing how the guys did it and what the experience was like. Which, to me, looks a little tamer than when I got branded with a heated coat hanger freshman year of college. My leg scabbed to the bedsheets when I passed out that night. Then I woke up the next day, developed an infection, slipped into delirium, and woke up two days later when my friends were taking me to the hospital. It was a crazy semester, but I still managed to pull out a solid 1.57 GPA. Skills: I've got tons. Brain cells: not so much.
Hit the jump for a VIDEO, more pictures and the links. And yes, it's a true story.
Continue Reading " Using A Laser-Etch Machine To Brand Yourself "
Jun 5 2008 Self-Stirring Coffee Mug For The Fingerless
Are you a lazy bastard or a shop teacher that's had ten accidents? If so, this self stirring mug may be for you. The mugs are made by Gevalia, a company best known for convincing me to sign up for their coffee of the month club through the use of a well placed late-night infomercial featuring a sexy saleswoman with a sultry voice. Anyway, the $19 mug features a special base that runs on two AAA batteries and promises "to gently stir your beverage at the push of a button". Now call me crazy, but what kind of gentle stir creates a freaking whirlpool in your beverage? That picture looks like a blender set on the highest setting. You'd have hot beverage in your lap quicker than you could say "I'm suing you McDonalds because I'm a stupid asshole and the coffee you served me was hot." Still, I'm buying one. Mostly because, unlike that pussy James Bond, I like my martinis stirred -- and served in 12-ounce mugs. Suck it Bond, you couldn't even spy on your own girlfriend in the shower.
Stir Mug Does All Of The Work For You [ohgizmo]
