Oct 9 2009 What If?: There Were No Super Mario Brothers

This would happen. So yeah, be thankful for Italian plumbers. Except for the pair that stole all the copper piping out of my house. Those two can go to hell.

Animated Gif

Thanks to PK, who once stopped a Bullet Bill from destroying the earth by deflecting it with a giant tennis racket. TOO BAD YOU BLEW UP THE SUN.

Jun 15 2009 Tactical Corsets Provide Pew Pew Protection

Tactical Corsets are "high-fashion high-function clothes for empowered women" and are available with or without body armor depending on the level of "action" you see on a day to day basis.

Tactical gear is no longer an all boys club. Tactical Corsets bring female operators MILSPEC features like MOLLE modular pouch attachment webbing and self-adjustable quick-release buckles in a load-bearing carrier designed to support the female form.

Count me in. And by me and I mean you, ladies. Okay, and me. What -- I look good in black! Also, stilettos.

Tactical Corsets

Thanks to Watch-303, who once took out a whole tribe of amazon women but made them all pay for their own dinners.

Jun 5 2009 XM-25 Shoots Laser Guided Exploding Bullets

I haven't decided if the new XM-25 will be a useful weapon against the robotic uprising yet, but I'm leaning towards *pew pew*. Hook me up government, I pay my damn taxes. Well, I did last year anyways.

The system is clever enough to detonate its exploding 25mm bullets within 3 feet of their targets, picking off unfortunate foes with uncanny accuracy, even when they're hiding behind obstacles.

After calculating the target's distance with a laser rangefinder, this lethal weapon sends a radio signal to a chip inside the bullet. That brilliant projectile can precisely measure the distance it's traveled, exploding at precisely the right distance for maximum killage.

Oh shit yeah I need one of these. Maximum killage, that's what I'm talking about. You here that, Skynet -- MAXIMUM KILLAGE. I will ride into battle atop my trusty tyrannosaur steed and pew pew your shit all up. Then, my mount will dine on all the dead Terminators while I reach around him for a job well done.

XM-25 rifle shoots tiny laser-targeted smart bombs [dvice]

Apr 24 2009 Bra Deflects Bullet, Saves Woman's Life

A Detroit woman's life was saved when a shot fired at her was deflected by the underwire in her bra, leaving her with only minor injuries.

The woman, who lives on the west side of Detroit, had seen the youths breaking into the house next door while her neighbour was away. Police believe one of the gang saw her looking out of the window and fired at her.

The suspects then drove away after the shooting.

Local police Sgt Eren Stephens Bell told the Detroit News: "We need to get some bulletproof vests made from that. It is some strong wire."

Yeah you do, Sergeant. You need bulletproof vests made from the underwire in a 57-year old's bra. Because I'm sure the lingerie company doesn't just buy used coat hangers from the nearest dry cleaner. But they do. That's exactly what they do.

Bullet bounces off US woman's bra [bbcnews]

Thanks to Flash Dave, Chuck Nunchuck, and JMR, who only recommend women wear bras when in fear of being shot.

Feb 20 2009 Woman's Weave Proves Tighter Than A Speeding Bullet, Saves Life From PEW

A woman's tightly woven hair weave allegedly saved her life from a gunshot fired by her ex-boyfriend.

The 20-year-old Kansas City woman told police Juan Kemp, her ex-boyfriend, opened fire on her while she was inside her car at a Kansas City convenience store Wednesday night.

Bonds' back window and tail light were shot out, but it is what police found in her weave that is amazing. Detectives pulled a spent bullet from the back of Bonds' head. It had become lodged in her weave.

(Hairdresser Kim) Walton said while the weft is the strongest part of the weave and would be the most difficult to penetrate, she finds it hard to believe a weave could stop a bullet.

Captain Brokenheart of the USS Fails At Life and his friend were later arrested. Now, physicists out there: is this even possible? I feel like it had to be a ricochet or something. There's just no way. But, if there is a way, this guy needs a weave!

Woman's hair weave stops bullet [woai]
and
News Video [yahoonews]

Thanks to Julian, who once caught a speeding bullet in his teeth but lost a filling.

Feb 4 2009 Scientists Invent Longer-Term Sleeping Pill

I don't get it, I put one in my nightcap before bed and I barely slept a wink. Then, just a few minutes ago, I blew a hole in the urinal during a routine bathroom break. WTF?!

sleep forever pill [szymon]

Thanks to Romeo, who one slept 24-hours straight. God, I want to do that.

Jan 20 2009 BOOM, Headshot!: Sniping App For iPhone

Now you can shoot things with better accuracy thanks to BulletFlight, a $10 application available for the iPhone and iPod Touch.

Users can mount their iPod touch to their rifle, and then use the iPod's touch-screen to tap in details about the wind conditions, ammunition type, distance to the intended target and even the wind speed.

"Unlike other apps, BulletFlight does not output information in table format," says the application's iTunes page. "What it does do is dynamically give you the solution you need now to take that shot."

Really? Attaching an iPhone to a sniper rifle? Terrorists everywhere will laugh at you. Thanks but no thanks, I prefer to do my sniping the old-fashioned way -- with a powerful burning laser. PEW PEW!

Sniper rifle software launched for iPod touch [telegraph]

Thanks to Tony and Larry, who only make heads explode with knowledge, son.

Dec 9 2008 Pentagon PEWing For Guided Bullet Tech

The Pentagon is tossing $22 million at developing guided bullet technology that would enable a bullet to change course midflight because it wasn't shot right first in the first place, the wind changed, or the head you were aiming at moved. *closing blinds* Greeeaaaaat.

Darpa won't say, publicly, how far, how long and how accurate they want the new bullets to be -- all that information is classified. But they will say that Exacto should contain a next-gen scope, a guidance system that provides information to direct the projectile, an "actively controlled .50-caliber projectile that uses this information for real-time directional flight control," and a rifle. "Technologies of interest may include: fin-stabilized projectiles, spin-stabilized projectiles, internal and/or external aero-actuation control methods, projectile guidance technologies, tamper proofing, small stable power supplies, and advanced sighting, optical resolution and clarity technologies."

Hey Darpa, I hate to ruin the party, but guided bullets already exist. They're called missiles. Yeah, they're laser guided and they shoot out of my penis. PEW on this, moneywasters! Oh, just a minute. *PSSH* Oh -- *PSSSSHHH* Aaaahh -- *PSSSSSHOOOOOOOOW!!*

Pentagon Shoots $22 Million Into Guided-Bullet Tech [wired]

Thanks to Erick, who came up with that PEW *WHOOSH* PEW thing, and never misses the urinal.

Dec 7 2008 Wait, What?: Medical Handgun Coming Soon

The Palm Pistol is a single-shot firearm aimed (!) at folks who may have trouble shooting a regular gun and probably shouldn't be anyways. The company behind the weapon hopes to have it classified as a medical device for the elderly and people with arthritis. Holy shit.

"It's something that they need to assist them in daily living," says Matthew Carmel, president of Constitution Arms in Maplewood, New Jersey, which hopes to manufacture the Palm Pistol - now just a patent and specifications. "The justification for this would be no more or less for a [walking aid] or wheelchair, or any number of things that are medical devices," he says.

Wow, now I want a medical ninja sword.

Ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity. Using the thumb instead of the index finger for firing, it significantly reduces muzzle drift, one of the principal causes of inaccurate targeting. Point and shoot couldn't be easier.

Point and shoot couldn't be easier. More like point and shooting yourself in the freaking leg (aka Plaxicoing) couldn't be easier. Seriously though, my grandpa has arthritis and lives in a bad part of the assisted living facility, I'm getting him one.

UPDATE: Right, Alzheimer's -- the old coot shot me!

Company tries to get gun classed as medical device [newscientist]

Thanks to Spikey and Bordmanator, who only fire headshots.

Dec 1 2008 Yes Please!: A Sweet Chainsaw Bayonet

So I was out shooting the ol' shotgun the other day, and I thought to myself, "self, could blasting the hell out of this stump get any more awesome?" And the answer, dear reader, is yes, a chainsaw bayonet would have totally made it awesomer. PEW PEW, BRUUUM BRUUUM BR BR BRUUUM!! Oh yeah, that's the stuff. The stuff of boners.

Hit the jump to see a picture of the saw mounted on a shotgun, along with a video of a guy terrorizing pumpkins with the AR-15/saw combo. Fun for all ages!

Continue Reading " Yes Please!: A Sweet Chainsaw Bayonet "

Nov 26 2008 Italian Police Find Cellphone Gun: Excuse Me, I Need To Answer This....PEW PEW!

Italian police discovered a .22 caliber cellphone gun during a raid on a Camorra (Naples Mafia) compound.

Fully loaded, the gun's capable of firing four shots in quick succession through the antenna using buttons on the keypad as the trigger. Officers also seized bullet proof vests, drugs, ammunition and thousands of pounds in cash.

Screw the gun, thousands of pounds in cash? Are talking pounds the monetary unit or pounds as in I weigh far too many of them? And if it is the latter, tell me they were all ones. Then give me a stack -- Thanksgiving at the strip club!

Mafia 'mobile phone gun' seized [bbcnews]

Thanks to Georgethefirst, who still rocks a pager gun because he's oldschool.

Nov 24 2008 Bullets And Paper Cuts: Hellboy's Samaritan

This is a papercraft model of Hellboy's revolver, the Samaritan. It's pretty freaking wicked and features a working hinge, loadable bullets, and complicated instructions. Hit the jump to see another pictures of the intricacy. But if there's one thing I've learned during my brief tenure on this planet we call f***ed, it's this: don't ever bring a paper gun to a knife fight -- you're gonna get stabbed.

Hit the link for the 14-page printable instructions.

Continue Reading " Bullets And Paper Cuts: Hellboy's Samaritan "

Nov 19 2008 Korean Soldiers Get New Halo-y Armor

The Rupublic of Korea's troops are stepping into winter fashion in a big way -- with all new threads and a sweet-ass rifle.

The new new battle uniforms would provide protection against nuclear, biological, and chemical attacks, and would feature automatic temperature control. A new protective vest is also planned. In addition to keeping the lead out, the helmet will be prewired for minicam video transmission, GPS navigation, and assorted networking gear

And the gun?

The double-barreled K-11 assault rifle lets the shooter fire either NATO 5.56- or 20-millimeter grenades, all off the same trigger. Day and night aiming is accomplished with a thermal target seeker and laser that calculates distance automatically--a true point-and-shoot.

Oh man, WANT! I just question how legitimate this new gear is seeing how the picture looks suspiciously like someone Xeroxed the cover of an old sci-fi novel.

Hit the jump for a 5:00 video about the new rifle. Pretty sweet drop-test footage starting at 4:15.

Continue Reading " Korean Soldiers Get New Halo-y Armor "

Oct 7 2008 Make Your Own Ice Bullets For Killer Cocktails

Can you believe that title? I'm a freaking idiot, true story. But I do like these ice cubes. The Bullet Ice Cube Tray makes ice cube rounds that look like AK-47 bullets and costs $13.25. Unfortunately, you have to add your own gunpowder if you want to fire them. But, as an added bonus, the bullets will melt before the police arrive. The perfect murder? MWAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

Hit the jump for a look at the trays.

Continue Reading " Make Your Own Ice Bullets For Killer Cocktails "

Aug 19 2008 Now With Movement!: Slow Motion Bullets

Yesterday we had still images of bullet destruction, and today -- video! It's actually a PSA created by a London radio station's "Peace on the Streets" campaign against gun violence. Just watch it. Then argue in the comments section about gun control like you all love to do. I'm not taking sides though because I'm an unbiased reporter, but I will say this: I once brought a knife to a gunfight and accidentally stabbed myself pretty bad.

Youtube

Thanks to Charlie, who knows that the pen is mightier than the WMD.

Aug 18 2008 Eye Candy: More High Speed Photography

It's been a while since we've featured some delicious high-speed photography here on Geekologie, but at long last the wait is over, and I'm proud to announce: I am NOT THE FATHER! *high fives* Anyway, yeah, high-speed photos of shit getting shot up. There's a couple more after the jump, including a perfectly good can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Which, while saddening, led me to the development of an awesome new product. Bulletproof koozies, bitches -- I'm gonna be rich!

Hit it for three more and a link to a much larger Flickr gallery.

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: More High Speed Photography "

Aug 15 2008 Fire Beer, Not Bullets: The Beerdolier

Last week it was the Beer Belt, and now this week, the Beerdolier. Oh hell yes! The $15 Beerdolier holds six cans of sweet beer AND keeps them cold thanks to its unpatented koozie technology. These things are freaking awesome! Can you imagine a world in which a war (World War Brew) is fought with beer instead of bullets? I can, it's called Utopia, and I just drank all the ammo. Oh, time for a munitions dump.

The Beerdolier: Drink Like a Commando [gizmodo]

Jul 22 2008 Gun + Knife = Gnife Knun Knife-Gun

The Knife-Gun is the lovechild of a small caliber handgun that humped a switchblade at the monthly gun & knife show they hold at the civic center. I couldn't find much more information on it, except that they're allegedly for sale and it looks like it shoots a pretty small caliber round. Probably more effective than the WASP Knife at a distance though. But it probably sucks underwater. Still, I love hybrid weapons, and this little puppy inspired me to invent the boomerang grenade. See, you pull and pin and throw it, and then it flies around and comes ba....okay, so it needs some work.

Youtube

Thanks Lee, I owe you a beer. Haha, just kidding.

Apr 28 2008 The Urban Security Suit Protects, Looks Good

The Urban Security Suit is the brainchild of Dutch designer Tim Smit. It's a jacket/hoodie made out of neoprene with body molded kevlar added in all the right places. As an added bonus it's got a gas mask pocket and is white with gray accents. No word on if they'll really be made or if Tim is just waving his dong in the wind, but either way, I want one. I already have a gas mask though, so I don't want to pay extra for that. I like the look, I think it makes you look like some sort of modern ninja. And, as someone who was born with a ninjato sword for one arm and a grappling hook (sorry, mom) for the other, I think I'd know. Not only that, but I've since had my eyes replaced with throwing stars. So yeah, I'm pretty much a ninja authority and all around bad-ass mother (literally, I left my kid at Arby's once). Did I mention I've beat every Ninja Gaiden game ever made? Because I have.

Several more pictures of the suit after the jump.

Continue Reading " The Urban Security Suit Protects, Looks Good "

Apr 8 2008 Protect Ya Neck With A Bulletproof Hoodie

The Defender Hoodie is bulletproof (and questionably stabproof and taseproof). It comes packed with "2mm of Type IIA bulletproofing, enough to stop a 9mm full-metal-jacket round at a velocity of 1,090 feet-per-second." Unfortunately it costs $600 and doesn't have any bulletproofing in the hood. So you better hope whoever has beef doesn't have any aim. And now, a word from the Wu-Tang Clan.

I see em duckin my dart gun, bustin, from every angle

Worldwide total carnage, the sickest flow
that be code named Agent Orange, killin you slow
It's only right you pay homage
to those that's bout to blow like that shit up your nose, solid
as a rock when I strike target, ver-bal
Be screamin on you like a drill sargeant, her-bals
got me where I wanna be right now, don't know the time
Check the hour on your sundial, watch me shine
Drunk off of cheap wine
Each line be on point when I speak mine
On behalf of my crew, SUUUUUUUUUUU, Enter the Wu

Oh man, I love that part about being drunk off of cheap wine. I've been known to do that. Seriously though, I think we can all agree gun safety is the real issue here.

Defender Hoodie: Look Good, Avoid Bullets [gizmodo]