Sep 15 2009 Tough Times: The iPhone Recession Case
Tough economic times call for even tougher men patrolling the streets with leather chaps and cute hats. And I am one of those men. Also, you don't want to spend too much money during a recession because then you won't have enough for drinking. And drinking, as I'm sure many of you know, is one of the very few things that make life worth living (in addition to the internet and the love of a good woman). Enter the Case-Mate iPhone 3G/3GS Recession Case. Priced at a paltry $1 (or 10 for $8), the cardboard case is the perfect protection for an iPhone toting cheapskate. Plus, they're great for starting fires. In the bedroom. I'm talking about that freaky deaky shit! Oh yeah, baby, that's the stuff -- now hit me with the extinguisher!
Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget, who doesn't have to pay for airfare because he ships himself in a flat-rate box from the United States Postal Service (pay me bitches).
Apr 29 2009 Highly Questionable: No Wash Boxers
No Wash boxers were designed by 29-year old medical student Rob Libfeld who claims he came up with the idea when he noticed how embarrassed patients in the hospital were of their soiled, all white underwear. As you can see, the $13 drawls are all yellow in the front and brown in the back, so you can piss and shit to your incontinent heart's content with little to no visible embarrassment. However, there will still be a smell, so be sure to look around quizzically to expel any blame.
No wash underwear hides stains, not odours [newslite]
Thanks James, and remember: he who protested it, foam-crested it.
Mar 16 2009 Real Life Spider-Man: Paralyzed Man Walks Again Thanks To Brown Recluse Spider Bite
David Blancarte lost the use of his legs nearly 21 years ago in a motorcycle accident. And now, thanks to the bite of brown recluse, he can walk again.
I'm here for a spider bite. I didn't know I would end up walking," says David.
A nurse noticed David's leg spasm and ran a test on him. "When they zapped my legs, I felt the current, I was like 'whoa' and I yelled," he says. He felt the current and the rush of a renewed sense of hope. "She says,'your nerves are alive. They're just asleep'," explained David.Five days later David was walking.
David basks in his glory and gives a ray of hope to other hoping to walk again. The 48-year-old former boxer and dancer is taking it in stride, knowing his best days are still ahead.
David's dream is to see his 14-year-old twin daughters grow up and get married so he can walk them down the aisle and have that first dance.
Well ain't that some cockle-warming Peter Parker/John Locke shit! To tell you the truth, I haven't been having much luck with my manhood lately, and I did see a black widow out by my treefort yesterday....
IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!
UPDATE: And it just fell off. Great.
Hit the jump for a news report video for those of you who can't read.
Feb 12 2009 Donkey Kong T-Shirt Turns Man Into Ape
Ever wanted to pretend you were an ape? Well you don't need a novelty t-shirt. You just crouch down real low and drag your knuckles on the ground and grunt a whole bunch. That's what I do, and I, my friends, was a gorilla for Halloween one year. The defense rests. Anyway, for a spine-tingling $28 you can get this (probably unlicensed) Donkey Kong t-shirt. And speaking of Donkey Kong, the snow levels in Donkey Kong Country -- ugh! I threw my controller at the TV not once, not twice, but twenty-thrice. SCREW YOU, STUPID SPINNING LAUNCH BARRELS! And, while I'm at it, suck it Zelda II! Wait, was that....blasphemous? Oh my God, what have I done?
Thanks to Russell, who needs no excuse to hurl barrels at unsuspecting plumbers.
