Nov 16 2009 Bacon Sunrise Is The New Tequila Sunrise

I love tequila sunrises. You know why? They're fruity, come with a little umbrella, and go down great with breakfast. Which, more often than not, is two quarts of mimosas I mixed into an orange juice carton. I SHOULD WRITE A BOOK ON EATING HEALTHY. But, for those of you that prefer a solid breakfast, maybe you'll be interested in this bacon sunrise, which is actually just some bacon, an egg and a couple sprigs of inedible greenery. Now imagine if you were miniaturized and walking those rolling bacon hills. Would you stop to enjoy the eggrise or would you be too busy driving bacon into your mouth to notice? No need to answer, I've got your number.

Hit the jump for another one of a bacon road.

Continue Reading " Bacon Sunrise Is The New Tequila Sunrise "

Nov 1 2009 Stay Fresh: Mad Muffin Beyond Bagel Dome

The Bagel Dome (Dome Dome Dome) is a $40 battery powered vacuum dome made to keep bagels and other oxygen-hating perishables fresh (JUST USE A DYSON, GOD). I contacted the manufacturer and the lady on the phone said it also works for donuts but I have my doubts. Which is exactly why I just invented the Donut Dome, which isn't just a Bagel Dome with 'Doughnut Dome' scratched into the plastic EXCEPT IT IS BECAUSE I'M A GENIUS INVENTOR. I also discover elements and name them after my pets! Rutherfordium? That was me. Great dog.

The Bagel Dome: I'd buy it just based on the name [dvice]

Oct 21 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Bacon Jam

Bacon Jam is jam made out of bacon. It is probably man's crowning achievement and goes great on toast alongside some super-runny eggs. I know this because I have a knack for choosing incredible food pairings. You ever tried peanut butter and jelly? That shit's legit!

.....what the heck is bacon jam?...

It is something we've been cooking up for a couple of years now on our trailers and for our burgers

.......we take a big bunch of really really good bacon, and render it down...add a bunch of spices..onions, etc..and let it simmer for about 6 hours...give it a quick puree, and blast chill it...and you have bacon jam..

8oz jars will set you back $17 including shipping and probably won't even last a day at the rate you go through bacon. Admit it, glutton. Order two.

Product Site
via
Bacon Jam: It's Bacon You Can SPREAD [topcultured]

Thanks to Bay Kon, mike469x, Bolleke, Aisha, Alejandra, Leslie, James, Spikey DaPikey, and anyone else who sent this in becausebecause searching 'bacon' in my tip box nets 1,900 results.

Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes

Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.

Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.

Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.

'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.

First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!

Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]

Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!

Aug 7 2009 Yes, Please!: ChefStack Pancake Machine Cranks Out 200 Pancakes Every Hour

The ChefStack Pancake Machine is my dream come true and can produce up to 200 golden brown patties from heaven every hour IN THREE DIFFERENT SIZES. WEEEEEEOH WEEEEEOH WEEEEEOH! Sorry, that was an ambulance passing. Where were we? Oh yes, I LOVE PANCAKES. One time I even had some with blueberries in them. They were good -- BUT NOT AS GOOD AS THE ONES WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND SPRINKLES! You just throw a bag of batter (pancake only, please) in the machine and you'll be neck deep in circular syrup receptacles before you can say, "Remember when Vito turned out to be gay and made out with Johnny Cakes towards the end of The Sopranos? I thought that was romantic." Aaaaaand now I want some johnnycakes.

Product Site

Thanks to twellve and Mih0, who prefer their pancakes made the old fashioned way: with real cocaine.

Jul 7 2009 Dude, You Should Totally Get A Bacon Tattoo!

I think it's safe to say we would all eat that, but I would go the extra mile and lick the pit. Happy lunching!

Picture [flickr]

Thanks, son, now go to your room. Mommy and daddy are going to wrestle.

May 23 2009 Delicious: The Spoonful Of Cereal USB Drive

This is a USB drive that looks like a spoonful of cereal. And, just like Mary Poppins would say, "a spoonful of cereal helps the....WHY ARE THERE GRAPE NUTS IN MY LAPTOP, YOU LITTLE BITCHES?!?"

Hit the jump to see a video of the cereal in action.

Continue Reading " Delicious: The Spoonful Of Cereal USB Drive "

Apr 29 2009 About Time: Anti-Robot Denny's Commercial

Truthfully, I rarely go to Denny's because I prefer IHOP's Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity combo (two eggs, two bacon strips, two pork sausage links and two buttermilk pancakes crowned with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping). But I may make a change after seeing this commercial, which highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish! The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.

Youtube

Thanks to Scurls, who knows a Carnation Instant Breakfast just won't cut it.

Apr 27 2009 It's Scientific: Bacon Cures Hangovers

In a study that surprises nobody who's woken up still Tyrannosaurus Wrecked from the night before in a puddle of someone else's urine and eaten the breakfast of gods, scientists have discovered bacon really does cure a hangover.

"Bread is high in carbohydrates and bacon is full of protein, which breaks down into amino acids. Your body needs these amino acids, so eating them will make you feel good."

"Bingeing on alcohol depletes neurotransmitters too, but bacon contains a high level of aminos which tops these up, giving you a clearer head."

Researchers also found a complex chemical interaction in the cooking of bacon produces the winning combination of taste and smell which is almost irresistible.

As a matter of fact, I remember reading somewhere in the Bible that the Apostles would all fry camel (a close relative of the pig, don't bother looking this up) after a night of boozing. So, yeah -- bacon: it's what Jesus would do.

Also, that's me in the picture.

Bacon sandwich really does cure a hangover [telegraph]

Thanks to The Baconator, Kevin, Rick, Cam, Duffman, Jonathan and Barry, who know the best way to cure a hangover is to start drinking again.

Apr 4 2009 Breakfast Of The Ancients: Baconhenge

Baconhenge is what the ancients ate for breakfast before battling the shit out of each other with rocks and tree branches. Also, sacrificing virgins to the potato gods and dancing around with gourds on their junk (trust me, I mistakenly sat in on an anthropology class when I was high). So, what's in the delicious meal? Basically a bunch of bacon-wrapped French toast sticks standing in a dozen-egg frittata. Mmmm.

Let Baconhenge be the site of your seasonal celebration! Let bacon stand in for the sacrificed Year King, French toast for the Grain Goddess, the eggs in the frittata for the Cosmic Egg, and the vegetables for the bountiful Earth on which we live.

Yeah, you could do that. Or just eat it because it's freaking delicious. Bon Appétit! Or, as we say here in the U.S., Bon Appéboob.

Hit the link for the entire recipe.

Baconhenge [theanticraft]

Thanks to Steve, who got an immediate Bon Appéboner when he saw Baconhenge in real life.

Mar 23 2009 The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :(

The Super Nintoaster is a Super Nintendo in a toaster's body. It's similar to that time I dressed as a woman and solicited men at the bar (Friday), but nowhere near as good looking. It's maker, Mr. Vomitsaw, discusses:

Built from nothing more than a Super NES, a toaster, four different types of adhesives, magnets ripped from a broken hard drive, six orange LEDs, a bunch of resistors, plexiglass, and many many spare wires. Not too dissimilar from my previous toaster, only this time the temperature comtrol knob DOES serve a purpose! If for some reason you feel the need to adjust the brightness of the orange LEDs, now you can.

Good looking, Mr. Vomitsaw. Or should I call you Mr. Barfblade? Pukepruner? Heavecleaver?

Hit the jump for a video of the SNES toasty-ness.

Continue Reading " The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :( "

Mar 4 2009 Now You're Cooking!: Wii Breakfast

This is video of a fake video game called Wii Breakfast. It's similar to Cooking Mama, except fake and with way more peripherals. And speaking of breakfast....

OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU BOOZEHOUNDS DRANK THE LAST OF MY GIN?

Youtube

Thanks to Jillian, who is more than welcome to come over and cook breakfast whenever she likes. Just a heads up though, Jillian -- I like my eggs like I like my panyhose: runny.

Dec 26 2008 Now That's A Tasty Website: The Bacon-izer

Want to add some delicious flair to any website? Then just type http://bacolicio.us/ before a site's URL (e.g. http://bacolicio.us/http://www.geekologie.com/), and presto, you're licking fingerprints off your monitor. Right now the bacon is wearing a Santa hat in the spirit of the holidays, but I believe typically the delectable strip is naked. Oh, and esurance -- you're being charged for the extra ad in the picture.

baconize websites with bacolicio.us [technabob]

Nov 7 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Super Obama World

Super Obama World is an online game you can play and a take off on -- you'd never guess in a million years -- Super Contra. I jest, it's soon to be 44th U.S. president Barack Obama in Super Mario World. Except it's not actually Super Mario World, it just looks similar. You run around in Alaska stomping pigs and collecting American flags. It wasn't the worst game I've ever played, but that's only because I've had games played with my heart. True story -- the red team pulled it out Temple of Doom style and started kicking it around like a soccer ball.

Official Website

Thanks to Caroline and Romeo, both of whom claim there's a warp whistle to the White House hidden somewhere in the third level.

Sep 17 2008 Mini Kegs: Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

Etsy seller hesslerk is selling this sleek Heineken mini keg amp for $120.

My liver suffered to bring you this awesome amp, don't worry... the beer went to a good cause!

The sleek design and sound quality will blow you away! Works great for Guitar, Bass, and MP3 players. Plugs into a standard wall outlet. The amp has a power switch and volume control.

I want it. I can't even play the guitar and my MP3 player got stolen by a monkey while vacationing in Costa Rica, but I still want it. I mean, I love beer. Which explains why I woke up in jail and had to make up a lame excuse for why I showed up for work so late.

Hit the jump for one more picture.

Continue Reading " Mini Kegs: Not Just For Breakfast Anymore "

Sep 12 2008 Burn Whatever You Want Onto Your Toast. Cha-Ching, eBay Fortune Here I Come!

Similar in concept to the Note Toaster, comes this little marvel of bread heating technology. The brainchild of industrial designer Sung Bae Chang, the Scan Toaster connects to your computer via USB and can burn pretty much whatever the hell you want onto your bread.

The toaster utilizes a network of toasting "modules" -- hot wires that rotate within a 30 degree radius -- that burn the image or text you have selected onto the delicious slice of your choice.

Awesome. Crank out a Virgin Mary or Large Hadron Collider and start raking in the dough on eBay. Or, if you want to get really creative, a giant member spewing butter or jam. Just saying, sex sells. Unfortunately my condo doesn't -- somebody buy this freaking dump already.

Scan Toaster puts the power of 'miracle toast' in the hands of mere mortals [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who's looking for a lovely lady to butter his bread. And also, make him an omelet.

Sep 10 2008 A Nice NES-y Breakfast: Thanks Nintoaster!

The Nintoaster is a Nintendo inside a toaster. You insert a game, press the lever down, and presto -- a nice heaping portion of NES-y breakfast in no time. It even glows red like a real toaster. But don't try sticking bread in there, because it won't work! Combine this sucker with the Wake N' Bacon and you've got yourself a well balanced breakfast. I'd kill for a cartridge and bacon sandwich right now, that shit's legit.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of the make and testing.

Continue Reading " A Nice NES-y Breakfast: Thanks Nintoaster! "

Sep 3 2008 Star Trek Set Built Out Of Rice Krispie Boxes

Mmmm, looks delicious, doesn't it? Sure does. Self proclaimed Trekkie and Krispie Bob Prior built various Star Trek sets out of Rice Krispie boxes. Why? Because they're goddamn delicious, that's why.

His 50 models include the Starship Enterprise, its command bridge and captains James T Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard.

The car park attendant, who says his favorite characters are Kirk, Scotty and McCoy, took six months to put together his cardboard collection, and roped in sons Nigel, 25, and Daniel, 20.

Uh-oh, this is worse than I thought. Run away, Nigel and Daniel. Run away from your virginity! Let the old man build all the cereal ships he wants, he's already stuck eating the same brand everyday. But for you, there are still options -- Lucky Charms, Raisin Nut Bran, Cookie Crisp, and, if you swing that way, Fruity Pebbles and Honey Bunches of Nuts. The point is, taste the different flavors before it's too late! Ha, you see what I did there? I used cereal as a metaphor for being sexually promiscuous. You just got your RDA of Literary Krispies!

Hit the jump for a picture of some ships and the man himself.

Continue Reading " Star Trek Set Built Out Of Rice Krispie Boxes "

Jun 27 2008 Toaster Launches Your Bread When It's Done

Freddie Yauner is a nutjob. A nutjob with a dream. A pretty lame dream. A dream of building The Highest Popping Toaster In The World. And here it is. It uses high-pressure CO2 and a mechanical arm to blast your toast through the ceiling and kill the woman in the apartment above yours that you swear must run on the freaking treadmill directly above your desk all day long. That's it, I'm going up there and screaming at her until she cries.

UPDATE: Damnit, she distracted me with a loaf of banana bread and I forgot what I went up there for. I think she's a witch.

Insane toaster launches your toast high into the air for some reason [dvice]

Thanks to Lee, king of problematic neighbors.

Jun 2 2008 Geek Side Is The Best Side: Geek Gang Signs

Here are some geek gang signs that some nerds came up with when they were working on a secret handshake. As you can see, they're pretty questionable. But not nearly as questionable as the leftover red beans and rice I just had for lunch. Half the beans jumped out of the bowl and tried to stab me with my own fork while the rice just sat there and watched. Long story short: I had to go hungry, which sucks because all I had for breakfast were two hits of paper and four bonghits.

Geek Gang Signs [accordianguy]

Thanks Shawn, now lets come up with a super-sweet Geekologie handshake. Got any ideas?