Nov 21 2009 Food For Thought Your Feet: Bread Shoes

They're slippers. They're made out of bread. You can wear them then eat them. But you won't, because that's disgusting. I jest, knowing you you probably will. Freak. Just remember to take them off first.

Martynas Birskys of the Vilnius-based design studio DaDaDa sells slippers made out of bread. For your comfort, you can select from various sizes and grains. It's hard to argue with his sales pitch "eatable...dries itself... made from bread...first in fashion...needs no pressing...feels good in dry climate ...won't sag."

Tipster crystal noted these would probably go great with a little -- wait for it -- wait for it -- toe jam. I get it! I get it! you're trying to steal my job.

Bread Shoes [neatorama]

Thanks crystal, BUT I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU.

Nov 6 2009 Wow: LHC Shut Down Over Piece Of Baguette

Apparently coming back from the future to destroy itself isn't the only problem the Large Hadron Collider has to face, now it's being sabotaged by crumb dropping birds. CODE BREAD! CODE BREAD!

The Large Hadron Collider, the world's most powerful particle accelerator, just cannot catch a break. First, a coolant leak destroyed some of the magnets that guide the energy beam. Then LHC officials postponed the restart of the machine to add additional safety features. Now, a bird dropping a piece of bread on a section of the accelerator has, according to the Register, shut down the whole operation.

The bird dropped some bread on a section of outdoor machinery, eventually leading to significant over heating in parts of the accelerator. The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident, but the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.

Wow, that's -- what's the word I'm looking for? Pathetic. And by pathetic I mean damn yeah I left that baguette there. YOU AREN'T DESTROYING MY WORLD, LARGE HADRON COLLIDER! Next time I'm bringing jelly.

Baguette Dropped From Bird's Beak Shuts Down The Large Hadron Collider (Really) [popsci]

Thanks to Futuju, Stephen, Kristi, you've got mail and sham, who tried to train squirrels to sabotage the LHC with acorns but the little bastards just kept hiding them.

Mar 23 2009 The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :(

The Super Nintoaster is a Super Nintendo in a toaster's body. It's similar to that time I dressed as a woman and solicited men at the bar (Friday), but nowhere near as good looking. It's maker, Mr. Vomitsaw, discusses:

Built from nothing more than a Super NES, a toaster, four different types of adhesives, magnets ripped from a broken hard drive, six orange LEDs, a bunch of resistors, plexiglass, and many many spare wires. Not too dissimilar from my previous toaster, only this time the temperature comtrol knob DOES serve a purpose! If for some reason you feel the need to adjust the brightness of the orange LEDs, now you can.

Good looking, Mr. Vomitsaw. Or should I call you Mr. Barfblade? Pukepruner? Heavecleaver?

Hit the jump for a video of the SNES toasty-ness.

Continue Reading " The Super Nintoaster Burnt My Cartridge :( "

Jan 31 2009 Good Enough To Eat: A Hamburger Dress

Oh goodness, now that's a 1/4 pounder I could really sink my teeth into. Seriously -- I'm a vampire. I vant to suck your bun.

Hit the jump for side and rear views -- yow yow!

Continue Reading " Good Enough To Eat: A Hamburger Dress "

Nov 10 2008 A Darth Vader Toaster: Dark Side That Bread

This $55 Star Wars toaster burns a perfect Vader face into each and ever slice of delicious multi-grain bread (not included) and is available for pre-order even as I type (ships in January).

If there's something every Sith Lord knows how to do it's make a balanced breakfast. While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster.

A Darth Vader face in your toast is cool and all, but I can think of plenty of other things I'd rather have burnt into my toast. Namely butter and jam. ZOMG I'm gonna be rich!

Product Site

Thanks to Romeo, who can burn whatever he wants onto his toast because he has laser eyes.

Sep 12 2008 Burn Whatever You Want Onto Your Toast. Cha-Ching, eBay Fortune Here I Come!

Similar in concept to the Note Toaster, comes this little marvel of bread heating technology. The brainchild of industrial designer Sung Bae Chang, the Scan Toaster connects to your computer via USB and can burn pretty much whatever the hell you want onto your bread.

The toaster utilizes a network of toasting "modules" -- hot wires that rotate within a 30 degree radius -- that burn the image or text you have selected onto the delicious slice of your choice.

Awesome. Crank out a Virgin Mary or Large Hadron Collider and start raking in the dough on eBay. Or, if you want to get really creative, a giant member spewing butter or jam. Just saying, sex sells. Unfortunately my condo doesn't -- somebody buy this freaking dump already.

Scan Toaster puts the power of 'miracle toast' in the hands of mere mortals [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who's looking for a lovely lady to butter his bread. And also, make him an omelet.

Sep 8 2008 Your Own Personal Peanut Butter Machine

Mmmm, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I've eaten tens of them. And nearly a dozen more peanut butter and banana sammies. So why not invest in my own personal $50 nut butterer?

Make your own warm, delicious peanut butter at home--for much less than store bought butter! Fill the top bin with your favorite shell nuts (you can also use macadamia, sunflower, cashews and more) and select chunky or smooth texture. In minutes you have creamy, all-natural nut butter perfect for baking, sandwiches, and crackers. Hopper holds up to two cups of dry nuts.

Oh man, this reminds me of the time my college roommate made a Nutella and penis sandwich and tried to seduce ducks by the pond. Seriously though, somebody invent a bread machine and I'm set for life.

UPDATE: Ha, turns out bread makers already exist -- mine should be home any minute!

Make Your Own Peanut Butter [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Silver Sided, who thinks gold is tacky.

Jun 27 2008 Toaster Launches Your Bread When It's Done

Freddie Yauner is a nutjob. A nutjob with a dream. A pretty lame dream. A dream of building The Highest Popping Toaster In The World. And here it is. It uses high-pressure CO2 and a mechanical arm to blast your toast through the ceiling and kill the woman in the apartment above yours that you swear must run on the freaking treadmill directly above your desk all day long. That's it, I'm going up there and screaming at her until she cries.

UPDATE: Damnit, she distracted me with a loaf of banana bread and I forgot what I went up there for. I think she's a witch.

Insane toaster launches your toast high into the air for some reason [dvice]

Thanks to Lee, king of problematic neighbors.

May 16 2008 WTF, That's Gross: Bread Head Bakery

Kittiwat Unarrom got a master's degree in fine arts and now makes lifelike body parts out of bread at a bakery in Thailand. All the disturbing yeast sculptures are made out of dough, raisins, cashews and chocolate. He'll also paint the outside with some sort of edible paint to give it an even more gruesome appearance. When asked why he does it, Kittiwat replied, "I'm a wackjob and I like making people sick".* And what does The Geekologie Writer think of these bready body parts? We may never know -- he's too busy puking up the Spaghetti O's sandwich he had for lunch.

*As interpreted by yours truly.

UPDATE: VIDEO added after the jump.

More pictures after the jump, but warning: they're more graphic than the first one. Yes, I'm a girl. I wear frilly panties.

Continue Reading " WTF, That's Gross: Bread Head Bakery "

Jan 31 2008 Breakfast Time Gaming: Tic Tac Toast

Mmm, toast. So simple, so bready, so delicious. And so fun to play with thanks to the Tic Tac Toast stamper! All you do is press the mold into your bread, toast it, and presto - tic tac toast. Whee! Screw boring X's and O's, the best part about this modern miracle is you get to choose what condiments to play with. As you can see from the picture, you can even play with, uh, chewed gum and pieces of raw meat. Hell yes, winner gets food poisoning.

Tic Tac Toast, Helping You Play With Your Food [laughingsquid]

Thanks to Sebastian, Tic Tac Toe champion of the galaxy, for the tip