Oct 21 2009 WoW Tankard O' Terror To Be Real Product

I'm not allowed to play World of Warcraft anymore because my mom canceled my account but I'm still buying this Tankard O' Terror stein because I want to brain my enemies with it. For those of you not the know, the Tankard O' Terror is a mace weapon dropped by Coren Dinebrew during the 2009 BrewFest event in the game.

Those guilty of emaciating their bodies by whiling away months of life in World of Warcraft are probably going to have a little trouble with the heft of this 4 lb tankard, especially if it is filled to its two-liter capacity (which will add another 4.5lbs to the overall weight).

The tankard will cost $50 and be available in January. Plus, I heard chugging the full stein provides +10 drunkeness. Better equip your Pukey Boots!

Product Site
via
Tankard O'Terror Replica Stein, a Manly Vessel For Uber-geeks [uberreview]

Sep 27 2009 Scientists To Pull Pictures From Your Brain

I know for a fact the government can pull images from a person's brain because they've been probing around in my dome for years, messing with the delicate ecosystem up there. And one time when I was being interrogated I saw a picture of a dinosaur in an agent's file folder, SO I KNOW. Anyway, apparently they've decided to make the technology public knowledge.

Having modeled how images are represented in the brain, the researchers translated recorded patterns of neural activity into pictures of what test subjects had seen.

To construct their model, the researchers used an fMRI machine, which measures blood flow through the brain, to track neural activity in three people as they looked at pictures of everyday settings and objects.

As in the earlier study, they looked at parts of the brain linked to the shape of objects. Unlike before, they looked at regions whose activity correlates with general classifications, such as "buildings" or "small groups of people."

Once the model was calibrated, the test subjects looked at another set of pictures. After interpreting the resulting neural patterns, the researchers' program plucked corresponding pictures from a database of 6 million images.

Soon, everyone will have a photo printer in the back of their head to print off worthwhile images they've seen. Me? I already have one. Don't believe me -- check this stack of pictures. What? Don't act like you've never seen a dinosaur penis before!

Brain Scans Reveal What You've Seen [wired]

Thanks to Anit, who can read minds like comic books: with incredible difficulty.

Aug 30 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Siamese Rubik's Cubes

As far as I know, these conjoined Rubik's cubes have existed forever but I wouldn't know because I have enough trouble with a regular one without removing all the stickers and then backing over it with my dad's truck while sobbing and subsequently taking out the mailbox. BOOM! Recent post tie-in for the win! I AM THE L337357 bL0993R! But for those of you that are into Rubik's, you may want to consider these conjoined cubes from Deal Extreme. And, as you may well know, Siamese sextuplets are multiple times the fun of a single woman. Isn't that right, ladies? Not you righty, I'm talking to the middle ones.

Hit the jump for a couple of the other configurations available.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: Siamese Rubik's Cubes "

Aug 4 2009 Cops May Get Portable Drug Detectors Soon

So apparently law enforcement agencies may have access to roadside drug detectors soon, to determine if you've been been drugging and driving EVEN IF YOU HID YOUR STASH SOMEWHERE REALLY GOOD (read: not your butt, they always look there).

Spit into this little plastic test tube, and you're busted -- any cocaine, heroin, cannabis, amphetamines, and methamphetamine you might be partying with is no longer a secret.

Phillips, a company that makes TVs and all kinds of other techno-stuff, created this sophisticated dope-a-lysing device using nanotechnology, with a clever use of electromagnets and nanoparticles that can separate the sober from the impaired. After 90 seconds, the verdict shows up on a color-coded readout.

Damnit Phillips, you just made it a whole lot harder to talk my way out of a ticket. You know what i told the cop the last time I got pulled over? Me neither, I was high. ON YOUR NATURAL MUSK. Now get over here and let me whiff those pits.

Roadside dope tester on the way [dvice]

Jul 17 2009 Cell Phone Lighter: For All Your Cancer Needs

The SB6309 Lighter Phone isn't just the best named cellphone ever, it's also the first with a functional cigarette lighter. Brain AND lung cancers in one fell swoop! But seriously, mind if I do a J?

instruction

SB6309 The world's first mobile phone with lighter!
Patent product Gold cigarette lighter
Defend wind,
No gas,
Never blew out
Suit for high altitude areas

Well technically, those weren't instructions. They were, however, convincing. That's right -- you're looking at the first U.S. authorized dealer! Haha, now my garage is on fire.

Lighter phone may be the most dangerous cellphone ever [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who once went to a strip club where the strippers dipped their nipples in wax and you were allowed to light your cigarettes off them.

Jul 1 2009 Video: Using 'The Force' To Levitate A Ball

This is a video of some guy from the New York Post getting to play around with the Star Wars Force Trainer that's set to hit the market in a few months. I posted it for two reasons: 1. the toy is cool and I want one badly and 2. I could have done a much better review. DAMNIT FOLKS, LET ME PLAY WITH THE NEW TOYS. I can review the hell out of things. I have opinions. People listen to me. Don't you? Don't you listen to -- ARE YOU WEARING HEADPHONES?! You are a dick. But seriously, buy this.

NY Post Video: Star Wars Force Trainer in action [dvice]

Jun 27 2009 First Image Of A New Memory Being Formed

Allegedly, this is the first image captured of a new memory being formed on the cellular level. If your brain were dinner, new memories would be the glowing noodle appetizer.

The image shows that proteins are created at connections between brain cells when a long-term memory is formed. Neuroscientists had suspected as much, but hadn't been able to see it happening until now.

Scientists still want to understand more about how our brains translate memories made on the go into long-term storage. Since synapses are connections between cells, experts think that fortifying these connections, or perhaps even making new ones, helps our minds associate different ideas and form memories of connected events.

Speaking of memories, you remember the time we snuck off and made out in that house that was being built? Yeah, that was really, um -- that wasn't you, was it? Oh synapse!

First Image of a Memory Being Made [livescience]

Jun 19 2009 Great: Another Rat-Brain Controlled Robot

Well, we've already featured one rat-brain controlled robot, so why not another? This particular model is controlled via Bluetooth by the neurons from a rat's brain THAT'S KEPT IN A JAR. The video goes on to explain that different rat brains have unique personalities and all control the robot differently. That's right -- CYBORG RODENTS WITH PERSONALITIES! Welcome to hell, world. Oooh, nice basket -- is it Longaberger?

First Real Cyborg: A Robot Controlled By A Living Brain [videosift]

Thanks to Jen, Matthew, Anton and Ace the Inhaler, who can control rat brains with their brains. Guys -- let's rob a bank!

May 27 2009 Hmm: Birds As Smart As Monkeys, Toddlers

In an experiment that helps prove some birds are smarter than they'd look in the bottom of a KFC bucket, a British rook was able to make a tool (hook) in order to accomplish a task (score worms). Allegedly, this puts them on par with monkeys and toddlers. But I haven't seen any toddlers making tools. Just stools. Yeah, in their pants. Birds: 1, toddlers: 0.

They were presented with a small bucket of wriggling worms out of reach at the end of a tube, and next to it a piece of straight wire.

Remarkably, despite never having seen the set-up before, they immediately got to work bending the wire so they could hook out the bucket and tuck in.

Unlike most animals which learn tricks through trial and error, they solved the problem immediately and, since they were raised in captivity, had no other birds to show them how to do it.

Just what I've been waiting for. Now I'm going to use a flock of rooks to finally rob the local bank. God knows the squirrels couldn't do it. Could you, you stupid tree rats? I swear, one of you spots a nut and you act like it's the first time you showered with daddy.

Hit the jump for a couple more action shots and a video.

Continue Reading " Hmm: Birds As Smart As Monkeys, Toddlers "

May 24 2009 Fun: Mind-Control Game Coming This Fall

Mattel's much anticipated Mindflex game is allegedly dropping this October for $100. For those of you who think like I do, that's 3 lapdances at a reasonable strip club, or almost 12 at the ones I go to.

It's not often that a Mattel toy targets the 18 - 128 demographic, but we'll be frank -- the Mindflex has us all sorts of intrigued. Originally introduced at this year's CES, said game is a brain-powered fun-fest that relies on intense mental activity to control the height of a ball suspended in a column of air.

It sounds similar to that Star Wars toy coming out, but way more involved. I want one. And not just because I've been honing by ball controlling mind skills for years but *concentrating* did you see that? Look again. Now the left one's lower!

Product Site
via
Mattel's Mindflex coming October 1st for $99.99 [engadget]

May 5 2009 Sap Cap Is Actually A Weapon In Disguise

The Sap Cap is no ordinary headwear. Oh no, the baseball hat actually has a pocket of "unique impact material that is 110% the density of lead and will not rust" sewn into the back. Granted it's no Oddjob razor hat, but may do in a pinch (also: your clumsy ass would probably cut your own arm off with an Oddjob hat). Just remove the cap, hold by the brim, and proceed to brain your opponent. Now call me old fashioned, but I still prefer a sock full of quarters. Not only is it a lethal weapon, but you can also pay strangers' expired parking meters. But not too many! Lest you find yourself wielding an empty sock. Which, as I'm sure you all know, is only effective for beating yourself. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!

Sap Cap turns your hat into a deadly weapon [dvice]

Apr 29 2009 3D Chess Adds Dimension To The Game

Tired of playing plain old chess? 3-way chess just not cutting it for you anymore? How about some 3-D chess? What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, rolls over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack, and fits on your back, It's 3D CHESS CHESS CHESS! Ooooh snap -- you just got Ren and Stimpy'd! Anyways, this 3D chessboard was designed by Ji Lee and bears an unstriking resemblance to Star Trek Tri-Dimensional Chess. Truthfully, I never even know the rules for chess*, I just like playing with the pieces. Haha -- my castle just stomped one of your guys with the hat! Now it's gonna....WHAT'S YOUR HORSEY DOING ON MY QUEEN?!?

3D Chessboard Is Like Q*bert for Smart People [gizmodo]

*I was kidding for the sake of the article, I'm actually a Grand Dungeon Master.

Apr 1 2009 Great: Controlling Robots With Your Mind

The Honda Research Institute Japan, along with ATR and Shimadzu Corporation (all of whom can expect threatening letters from yours truly) has developed a system that makes it possible to control robots with your thoughts alone. Wow, this doesn't sound scary at all.

The technology uses electroencephalography (EEG) and near-infrared spectroscopy (NIRS) to allow a human to control a robot, in this case the Honda ASIMO, using mere thought. The technology offers up to 90 percent control accuracy without the use of physical implants, a huge milestone in human-to-robot interface that the research group hopes will yield new advances in robotics and artificial intelligence.

What could possibly go wrong? Besides everything. And by everything I mean the destruction of the entire human race. And also, this LEGO castle I'm building. But I put so much time into it!

Hit the jump for a video explaining the technology.

Continue Reading " Great: Controlling Robots With Your Mind "

Feb 24 2009 I See Your Brain: Fish Has See-Through Head

The barreleye (Macropinna microstoma for you ichthyologists) is a deepwater fish that has a see-through, fluid filled head in which it moves its eyeballs. And that, dear reader, is freaking awesome.

Barreleyes, just a few inches long, are thought to eat small fishes and jellyfish. The green pigments in their eyes may filter out sunlight coming directly from the sea surface, helping the barreleye spot the bioluminescent glow of jellies or other animals directly overhead. When it spots prey (such as a drifting jelly), a barreleye rotates its eyes forward and swims upward, in feeding mode.

What a freak! Reminds me of a girl I used to date that had a wandering eye. My God that turned me on. When she was looking at you it was like she was looking through you. Well, with her good eye anyways, the other was always wandering over your shoulder. Damn I miss that eye.

Strange Fish Has See-Through Head [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who has eyes in the back of his head that he can't use because he needs a haircut.

Feb 17 2009 I Need A Rx!: Pill May Help Erase Memories

Finally, doctors are developing a pill that can help erase bad memories. Yes! Take two and forget to call me in the morning.

The method, using existing blood pressure pills, could be useful for weakening or erasing bad memories in people with post-traumatic stress disorder, the researchers say.

Some ethicists see problems, question whether such treatments begin to alter what it means to be human.

There's apparently a natural way to rid yourself of bad memories, too. A 2007 study involving brain scans found that test subjects had the ability to suppress specific memories at a particular moment in time through repeated practice.

First of all, is ethicist a paying position? I may want to apply. Secondly, there's an even more natural way of erasing memories -- it's called binge drinking. Unfortunately, it hasn't been working for me lately. So, let's get down to the brass tacks: how many pills do I need to erase nine years?

Pill May Be Able to Erase Bad Memories [aolnews]

Thanks to Dave, who's still trying to forget about the girl he woke up next to. Dave, that's your wife, man.

Feb 9 2009 'Sixth Sense' Device Created, Sadly Doesn't Capture The Ghost That Lives In My Closet

The brainiacs at MIT have gone and created a 'sixth sense' device, which is basically a smart phone/camera/projector combo small enough to be worn on your face like my fist. KA-POW! Also, it does stuff, and won't leave you bruised.

The device...can turn any surface into a touch-screen for computing, controlled by simple hand gestures. The gadget can even take photographs if a user frames a scene with his or her hands, or project a watch face with the proper time on a wrist if the user makes a circle there with a finger. The device can recognize items on store shelves, retrieving and projecting information about products or even providing quick signals to let users know which choices suit their tastes.

Other than letting some of you live out your fantasy of looking as cool as Tom Cruise in 'Minority Report' it can really let you connect as a sixth sense device with whatever is in front of you," said MIT researcher Patty Maes.

"It is very much a work in progress. Maybe in ten years we will be here with the ultimate sixth-sense brain implant."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Brain implants -- that's where I draw the line. There may be nothing but cobwebs, The Golden Girls theme song, and a candy bar wrapper up there, but, damnit, this is my brain we're talking about here. That said, I'll saw my own skull open if it gives me x-ray vision.

MIT researchers make 'sixth sense' gadget [physorg]

Thanks to Ain and Icehawg, who created a 7th sense device but their research was muffled because it was too far ahead of its time.

Dec 24 2008 Scientists Say 'Sex Chips' Are Coming Soon

Sex chips. My God, what if they come in honey bbq flavor?

The chip works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain.

Neurosurgery professor Tipu Aziz, said: "There is evidence that this chip will work. A few years ago a scientist implanted such a device into the brain of a woman with a low sex drive and turned her into a very sexually active woman. She didn't like the sudden change, so the wiring in her head was removed."

An electronic machine, named the Orgasmatron (pictured above), taken from the 1973 Woody Allen film Sleeper, is already under development by a North Carolina doctor, who is modifying a spinal cord stimulator to produce pleasure in women.

I mean, this is great and all, but for the ultimate in pleasure, I've got two words for you: me. Baby, I will take you places you've never been. Including, but not limited to: the emergency room, and Advance Auto. Ladies?

'Sex chip' being developed by scientists [telegraph]

Thanks to Pete, who, behind me (not literally), is the world's 2nd greatest lover. It's true, he even has the coffee mug to prove it.

Dec 12 2008 Invasion Of Privacy: Scientists Aim To Extract Images/Dreams Directly From Your Brain

A team of Japanese researchers believe they're well on the way to developing a technology capable of displaying whatever is on a person's mind. Including pictures, dreams, and, God willing, sex with dinosaurs.

While the team for now has managed to reproduce only simple images from the brain, they said the technology could eventually be used to figure out dreams and other secrets inside people's minds.

"It was the first time in the world that it was possible to visualize what people see directly from the brain activity," the private institute said in a statement.

"By applying this technology, it may become possible to record and replay subjective images that people perceive like dreams."

Say, this reminds me of one of my own favorite dreams: I exit my cave wearing only an animal pelt. I spot a triceratops -- it catches my gaze. I approach and begin tenderly rubbing its horns while making cooing sounds. The beast gores me. I lay in the mud, bleeding to death. With my last breath I reach out to touch its genitals and....it crushes my arm with a single stomp from one of its massive legs. i wake from the dream dripping sweat, and also, other stuff. Damn -- I should write romance novels!

Dreams may no longer be secret with Japan computer screen [yahoonews]

Thanks to austin, Derrick, Ain and Zombie Bob, who have the ability to make your dreams come true, but only if you buy their set of instructional video for three easy payments of $39.95.

Dec 10 2008 Craft Time!: Make Your Own Zombie Barbie

Want to make your own zombified Barbie doll? No problem. All it takes is some paint, a razor blade, some Sculpey, a regular Barbie doll, and some brains (!). Hit the jump to see the basic process, which is so simple even a zombie could do it (!). Ha, this reminds me of when I was a kid and I'd always steal my little sister's Barbies and rip their heads off and set them on fire. Without fail the brat would always threatening to tell mom on me. So you know what I did? I told her I'd murder her imaginary friend if she even thought about it. Love you Kaitlyn!

Hit it for a bunch more, including the process.

Continue Reading " Craft Time!: Make Your Own Zombie Barbie "

Nov 29 2008 Tilt-Shift Video Makes Big Things Look Small

Tilt-shift video: I don't even know what it is.

Tilt-shift photography can be used for many things, but one of the more interesting is a technique used to trick the mind into thinking very large things are very small. Tilt-shift takes advantage of our familiarity with very close up images of small things, where the object of interest is in focus, but everything else is progressively blurred.

You know, you could almost write a novella about all the things I don't know. Ha, just kidding, tilt-shift video was the last piece of the puzzle. Knowledge: the shit's like money for your brain. Drugs: drugs are like your brain getting robbed by a bearded man who uses the money to take it on a tropical vacation. Whee, Mexico!

Amazing Tilt-Shift Video From Monster Truck Rally [jalopnik]

Thanks to Jake, who allegedly has some tilt-shift video of your girlfriend he'll post on the internet if you don't send him all your Star Wars figurines.