Aug 27 2009 Stripteas Teabags Aren't What You Think

Unless you thought they were teabags that cling to the side of your teacup via paper stripper, in which case, congratulations, you were correct. Unfortunately, unlike those novelty pens that showcase a naked women when you turn them upside down, you don't get to see any privates. Which is actually fine with me CAUSE I DON'T WANT NO MAN'S JUNK IN MY TEA ANYWAYS. Except you, Earl Grey.

Super sexy tea bags [newlaunches]

Thanks to Tim and sergei, who never miss tea time because they like to put on their big hats and be dainty.

Apr 3 2009 I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls

You heard right, 31-year old Utrecht-based designer Sander Reijgers modifies track jackets with parts from blow-up dolls to make them mad sexy. It's about time!

I customize existing tracksuit tops with parts of the blow-up dolls: the head, the breasts, the vagina, the anus. These dolls are so ugly and vulgar that turning them into something beautiful has become a challenge for me. The doll is a means to convey something else.

ZOMG, I want one! Except I want mine to have like a hundred vaginas and two nipples on the head like little antennae. Wait till the people on the bus seem me! "ZIP ZAP, I AM FROM MARS."

Hit the jump to see several better ones, I only chose this picture for the front page because of that junkie's ass.

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Jan 11 2009 Pixelated Beauties: I'm Just Gonna Pretend They're Naked LEGO Women, Whoo-Whoo!

NOTE: GALLERY PROBABLY NSFW.

This is a gallery of probably NSFW pixelated naked chicks by artist/photographer Jean-Yves Lemoigne. Hit the jump for an uncensored version of this pic, as well as several others. And I must say: Yow yow! They look like super sexy naked LEGO chicks, don't they? This handkerchief says yes! And also, "For The Superficial Writer's tears only". Woopsie.

Hit the jump for the steamy action that, when viewed from across the room, sort of looks like a naked chick if you squint really hard and shake your head.

Continue Reading " Pixelated Beauties: I'm Just Gonna Pretend They're Naked LEGO Women, Whoo-Whoo! "

Jan 10 2009 Blue Screen Of Lust: Real Computer Pron

This is a video of some computer porn. Like computer porn in the truest sense: computer parts getting it on with one another. It really didn't do much for me, but that's probably because it's super softcore compared to a lot of the other stuff I've seen. Haha, you know what I'm talking about -- that real quadcore shit.

Youtube

Thanks to Nick, who claims he doesn't find this sort of thing titillating. He's a liar.

Jan 4 2009 Sexy Pole-Dancing LEGO Minifig Works For Tips In The Everfrost Mountain Brewery

High atop the snow-covered peak of Everfrost Mountain the elves brew a wicked batch of grog -- a grog so powerful it can etch diamonds and make a Goron's pee burn. I'm telling you, that stuff will even put hair on an infant's chest. It's true, look at my newborn. Just kidding, that's a Furby. Anyway, this is a LEGO brewpub built by a guy named Andrew. And what brewpub is complete without a pole-dancing LEGO minifig? None. And this particular dancer is powered by a 9v motor, so she spins about the pole like a champ -- in both directions (video after the jump)! Which is a lot more than I can say for the last stripper I saw -- she tried to slide down the pole upside down and fell on her neck! Needless to say, I took my dollar back while she was dazed.

Hit the jump for a short video of Plastica doing her thing on the pole.

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Dec 29 2008 Sexy Kinetic Dresses Respond To Stimuli

Walking City is a fashion collection by designer Ying Gao that includes three dresses that respond to different stimuli. The one in this video has a proximity detector. So when you get near it starts opening its little flower-looking accouterments. Pretty freaky looking. There's another video after the jump of a dress that blows itself up whenever a wind sensor is set off. The third one sucks so I'm not going to mention it. Sadly, none are as cool as the dress that turns into a naked woman. Which, as far as fashion goes, is the boner.

Hit it for the other one.

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Dec 5 2008 Stripper Robots Make Me Question My Life

As a vehement hater of all things robotic, these stripper-bots have me in quite the quandary. I freaking hate robots, but my god do I love some strippers. So, what's the deal -- should I hate them? Should I love them? Should I still tip? Haha, I never tipped in the first place!

Hit the jump for an older video of the pole-freaking robots at some concert. BBC video here.

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Sep 15 2008 Own Your Own T-Rex Statue With Movement And Blood Curdling Roar!

This isn't actually made from real bones (although for $22,000 it damn well should be), but it is an accurate skeletal statue of a young Tyrannosaurus E-rex (it does me anyway). Hit the jump to see the statue's movement and hear its roar, both of which are pretty freaking impressive. Now they just need to add some silicon skin, a couple life-like entries, a ladder for easy access, and what in the hell is wrong with me? That's right, nothing.

Hit it for the video.

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Jun 19 2008 Japan Sees Significant Increase In The Popularity Of Adult Geriatric Films

Apparently business is booming for makers of geriatric boom-boom movies in Japan. Demand for such titles as "Grandparents Getting Down" and "Never Too Old To Bone" has nearly doubled in the past decade. TIME has a whole long article about it, but I thought I'd just include my favorite part, since it's quite possibly the awesomest thing I've ever read, ever.

Besides his glowing complexion, Shigeo Tokuda looks like any other 74-year-old man in Japan. Despite suffering a heart attack three years ago, the lifelong salaryman now feels healthier, and lives happily with his wife and a daughter in downtown Tokyo. He is, of course, more physically active than most retirees, but that's because he's kept his part-time job -- as a porn star.

Shigeo Tokuda is, in fact, his screen name -- he prefers not to disclose his real name because, he insists, his wife and daughter have no idea that he has appeared in about 350 films over the past 14 years.

Dude, you've got your face plastered all over porno boxes (that's him in the picture). How the hell could they not know? The article even says your character has become his own brand. Surely someone has told them. I mean, you're a very distinguished gentleman, and that pipe is a dead give-away. Seriously though, you're my new hero. I wish my wife and family didn't know what I do for a living. They're embarrassed as hell.

Japan's Booming Sex Niche: Elder Porn [time] (nice long article if you're interested)

Thanks Alex and Allyson, but I don't know if I can forgive you