Nov 4 2009 How To: Open A Wine Bottle Sans Corkscrew
Ever needed to open a bottle of wine but didn't have a corkscrew? Apparently all you need a shoe and something rock hard. LIKE MY ASS ABS ASS. Alternatively, break the top off and chug the whole bottle. I mean, unless you're cool being a sissy boy. Trust me, manliest way to drink wine. AND THERE AREN'T MANY.
MacGyvered Inebriation: Guy Opens Wine Bottle With Shoe [uberreview]
Sep 17 2009 Genius!: Neck Tie Beer Bottle Opener
The After Office Tie, by Argentinian design firm Sinapsis, appears to be an ordinary neck tie when worn under a suit. But little will your boss know that there's actually a bottle opener at the bottom perfect for opening happiness (read: booze) while on the clock! You know, this reminds me: one day I almost finished a whole case of beer at work. *glug glug glug* Aaaaaaaand I did it! Now, who's down for happy hour? I will drink your ass under the table! Oooh, and while you're down there -- you spy any loose Chex mix? I like the cereal bits.
Concept: Tie with built-in bottle opener [crunchgear]
Thanks to Jason, who opens beer bottles with his eye socket like a normal pirate.
Aug 26 2009 Genius: Booze Light Helps Prevents Spillage
The ElectraPour LED bottle top was designed to light up the stream of fire-water pouring from a bottle so that when you're home alone drinking in the dark you don't miss your glass (read: man up and drink from the bottle like a normal damn person). Each top will set you back $7.30 or you can pick up one short of a baker's dozen for $81. Alternatively, only drink liquor over 150 proof and always light it on fire. But if you do, remember these important words: stop, drop and pop & lock. Now you're breakdancing on fire!
Hit the jump for a video of the light in action.
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Jun 22 2009 Go Plates: Stacking Food On Your Beer
Go Plates are reusable party plates (not to be confused with party hats) that sit on top of your beer can, bottle or plastic cup, allowing you a free hand for playing grab-ass with all your friends or whatever it is people do at parties (I've never been to one). A pack of 42 will set you back $48.50, which isn't too bad considering their reusable (read: I'll lay them all out on the floor and let the dog lick them before putting them back in the cabinet). Party at my house!
Thanks to Gino, who once choked on a hors d'œuvre and had to be given mouth to mouth by a very sexy lady.
Jun 12 2009 Skinny Blonde: Australian For Sexy Beer
Skinny Blonde Beer comes from Australia and has a skinny blonde chick on the front of the bottle that, when the temperature gets hot enough, loses her top. And, to give you a demo of this model of modern boobosity, they have the six chicks in the picture above to provide NSFW examples. So, head over to the website (provided you're over 18, or under and don't mind sinning) and give it a go. After watching just the first girl I ordered 30 cases of the stuff. Also, I might have just gotten stuck in a bottle. BWHAHAHAHAH A -- like it's that big!
Skinny Blonde Beer NSFW
Thanks to jlcnuke, who agrees this beer/boob combo is giving explosions and boobs a run for its money.
Jun 3 2009 For Questionable Sale: Ghosts In Bottles
Want a pet ghost but too big a wuss to kill somebody in your own house? Well you're in luck, because now you can buy bottled ghosts for a scant $20. Just don't drink them!
Each Ghost is captured from a reported haunted establishment, (house, hotel, ship, cemetery, etc), by our Ghost Hunters.
We seal the ghost in it's own bottle. The bottle is sealed for your protection.You may release the Ghost at your own discretion and at your own risk.
The Ghost in the Bottle is contained mysteriously and is therefore sealed with wax shortly after the Ghost is caught. The bottle is sealed for your protection. It comes with very important information . We supply the Ghost, you supply the name. Individual Ghost experiences may vary as "Each Ghost is Unique"!
Pfft, bottled ghosts. Like a ghost couldn't get out of a damn waxed bottle if it wanted to. THEY'RE NOT GENIES YOU IDIOTS. I swear, some people don't know supernatural shit.
Thanks to Roger, who actually has a genie in a bottle and her name is Christina.
May 28 2009 Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit
Can't commit to growing a sweet freaking mustache? Or maybe you just can't grow facial hair? Whatever the case, these Pops Staches from Shane Blomberg, Andrew Reeves and John Healy may be for you. You just pick a style, attach it to your favorite soda, and never be caught not holding the soda to your lips. This just in: work great on 40's too! Awesome. But personally, I rock a traditional handlebar. Which, due to its inherent danger, you must be this tall *flailing arms* to ride. Ladies?
Hit the jump for a picture of the different styles and a closeup.
Continue Reading " Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit "
Mar 12 2009 Wine: World's Most Complicated Corkscrew
This is the world's most complicated corkscrew. It not only opens a bottle, but pours it into your glass as well. The machine was allegedly made out of 300+ found parts and is going into limited production of 100 units. Which makes me wonder just how "found" the parts really were. Anybody else get the feeling they were "found" in a box of ordered supplies? Clever. But not nearly as clever as my corkscrew, which is a machete. Yeah, I learned the trick watching Big Trouble in Little China. "Nothing or double, Jack". Pork Chop Express FTW!
Now feel free to leave your favorite Big Trouble quote in the comments.
The Corkscrew a Marvel of Mechanical Artistry [uberreview]
Jan 21 2009 Beer Hoodie: Look, Bartender -- No Hands!
I've got the feeling this has existed forever, but just in case it hasn't, here it is -- the $36 Beer Pouch Sweatshirt with Hood.
Finally! You can carry around a beer while leaving your hands free to high five a complete stranger in the stands, carry more beer, or operate your hands-free cellphone. The Beer Pouch Sweatshirt is perfect for sporting events, picnics, and really boring offices.
Features a 30 square inch pouch with elastic band and an insulating liner to keep your beer ice cold. The pouch can stretch to accommodate soda cans, bottled water, and even cans of soup and bottles of whipped cream.
Wow, I think that effectively convinced me not to buy one after all. Not that I was going to anyways -- I've already got a beer carrier. Isn't that right, wench? Wench?
NOTICE: Now hiring new beer wench. Must be able to lift 20 lbs, support 190. Large breasts a plus, penis a minus.
Product Page
Thanks to pirhan, who hand-frees beer the old fashioned way, with one of those beer helmets.
Jan 7 2009 Motorola's New Carbon-Neutral Cell Phone
Motorola unveiled what is believed to be the first carbon neutral (and sideways) cell phone at the 2009 Consumer Electronics Show this week. The W233 Renew Phone is made predominately out of recycled plastic bottles and Motorola hopes it will help the company bust a circuit all up in the environmentally friendly market segment.
Motorola said it was the world's first carbon neutral phone. As well as using recycled materials for the plastic casing, the company also pledged to offset the carbon dioxide used in manufacturing, distribution and operation of the phone through investments in renewable energy sources and reforestation.Motorola, which has lost market share by being slow to follow trends such as touchscreens and high-speed data links, also plans to showcase three different items at CES: a relatively large touchscreen tablet phone, a rugged phone, and a rechargeable cable TV remote control with a find feature.
Holy shit -- a rechargeable TV remote with a find feature! That's new and exciting! Seriously Motorola, I can see why you've been struggling. And who can get that excited about your recycled-plastic phone anyways -- it looks like the same piece of shit i was rocking three years ago (minus the lime green). Now a cell-phone manufactured out of used condoms, THAT would be something. Aural sex anyone?
Motorola phone made from recycled bottles [msnbc]
Thanks to ITSELF, who once had phone-sex with some chick at 411 and didn't even have to pay.
Dec 18 2008 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees
With Jesus' surprise roller-skating party just a week away, I thought I'd spread some holiday drunkeness in the form of beer bottle Christmas trees. This first one is made from 1,050 bottles, and there's a video after the jump of a Heineken tree with over 2,000. Also, I added a video of some drunkard making a Jagermeister tree out of a big piece of plywood and airplane bottles. It's amazing the time and effort people put into these things. A thousand bottles, 200 lights, 60 man-hours of labor, and one drunk Geekologie Writer to bring it all crashing down. Feliz cumpleaños, Jesus! And tell Santa I'll post nudey pics of Mrs. Claus if he pulls that coal shit again this year.
Hit it for the other videos.
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees "
Dec 15 2008 Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights
It's a fact: in a barfight you want to be wielding a nice glass bottle. Or a heavy mug. Or a pool cue. Or a handful of darts. Or a knife. What you don't want is a paper bottle. You try papercutting an enemy and he's gonna to choke you out. And God knows what he's going to do to you while you're unconscious. Suffice it to say it's not buy you a new drink. Anyway, these are paper bottles. They're supposed to be eco-friendly or something (only 14% of the 60 million plastic bottles used daily in the US are recycled) and cut down on packaging and shipping costs. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But one thing's for certain: a bottle, by the Merriam-Geekologie definition, has to be glass or plastic. So these aren't really bottles, they're reservoirs. Much like a teat, which *suckle* mmmm.
Two more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights "
Sep 18 2008 I'll Send An O.S. To The World, I'll Send An O.S. To The World, I Hope That Someone Gets My, I Hope That Someone Gets My, I Hope That Someone Gets My, Computer In A Bottle
Some guy, tired of little ships, decided to build a PC in a bottle. As you can see, it's pretty damn good looking. Inspired, I made my own and brought it into work to show off. Hold on, I'll take some pictures of it and post them after the....goddamnit, who drank my computer? Superficial Writer, I catch you pissing RAM and I'll kill you.
Hit the jump for a couple more.
Aug 6 2008 Pure Class (And Alcohol): The Beer Belt
The Beer Belt costs $18 from Urban Outfitters and holds six cans or bottles. But I assume if you're buying this you'll be carrying bottles. And not just because they're classier (although they are), but to carry six cans, you just put your belt through a loop in one of those plastic 6-pack carriers that strangles birds. But whichever way you go, there's one thing for certain: you'll be looking damn good. And, depending on how fast you drink, chugging warm beers. Just saying, scientists invented ice for a reason.
May 8 2008 The Tetris Theme Played On Empty Bottles
First the RC car Mario theme, and now this. It's a video of the Tetris theme "as arranged in the Dr. Mario & Tetris SNES video game". It's played by three people and a bunch of empty bottles. It seems like they originally recorded it at half speed and then sped the video up (it sounds like there's a metronome clicking in the background too). But I could be wrong (I've been wrong before). All I know is that these kids have some serious talent and I want to support them. By, uh, drinking all the booze out of the bottles they need. I'm what's considered a "generous patron of the arts". I bet you didn't know that about me did you? What about the nipple on my back?
Youtube
Thanks Shawn, how about you and I split a bottle of bourbon? I'm buying.
Apr 15 2008 Mario Theme Played With RC Car And Bottles
In this world there are two kinds of things: those that are awesome, and those that make me want to kill myself. This is an awesome one. AN AWESOMELY AWsome one. That was me yelling. I know, I'm a little hoarse (but not the kind that kids ride around at birthday parties, those ones smell and shit everywhere. Actually, maybe I am). This is a video of an RC car playing the Super Mario theme by driving by and hitting bottles with a little metal whacker. I've watched it ten times and it's still cool. I can't believe the guy can drive the car that straight. Or that they found an empty parking garage to do it in. The parking garage around here is a scary place. The last time I had to store my car there I saw no less than two vagrants peeing in corners, some raunchy couple doing it in the back of a compact car, and what may or may not have been a dead hooker stuffed under an SUV (I didn't have the courage to poke her with my tire iron).
A big thanks to Daniel and Tombo, both of whom could write books about being cool, for the tips
Jan 14 2008 Overkill: Opening A Beer With A Chainsaw
Now you know how much I hate to brag, but I can bite the top off a beer bottle if I need to. I sure as hell don't need a damn chansaw to do the job for me. And if the guy in the video is any indication of the type of person that opens a beer bottle with a chainsaw, that type of person is an idiot. I do like the noise the top makes though when it flies off. However I was hoping the dude would do a little more cutting, like, oh, all of his toes off. You know, the ones protected by his black sock and sandal.
Beer Bottle Opened with Chainsaw [techeblog]
Dec 21 2007 I'm In Love: Robot Opens And Pours Beer
The autonomous Bottlebot will pick up, open, and pour your beer into a glass. It was built by a college student for an engineering project, and it's pretty clear that this kid is the best and brightest in the class. That robot is A+ material. I would like to hire him on the spot. Sure I'm just hiring a night attendant at the gas station, but with his ingenuity and drive, he could make assistant manager in less than a year.
A must see video of the guy in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " I'm In Love: Robot Opens And Pours Beer "
