Nov 16 2009 Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles

Apparently battery-powered illuminated liquor bottles are becoming all the rage. They're supposed to grab your attention when you're trying to decide what to order at the bar. Yeah, TOO BAD I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WANT (one of everything -- and keep the cherries coming).

Ballantine's new "Listen to Your Beat" campaign includes an electroluminescent label with graphic equalizer display. Designed by London-based "The Core," this label is more evidence of a trend towards animated, self-illuminating liquor labels. Similar to these battery-powered T-shirts, audio references seem to occur frequently in youth-oriented liquor packaging. (The J&B bottle above is another example.)

You know if you really want to sell liquor you don't need ridiculous gimmicks like light-up bottles. No, what you need is me. I could sell firewater to a teetotaler AND get him to drink it. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! Aaaaaand you're vomiting on my shoes. Now wipe your mouth, we're doing it again.

Hit the jump for several videos of light-up bottles in action.

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Jun 12 2009 What Fridays On Geekologie Should Look Like

Look around. Does your desk area match the one in this picture? If not, you're doing it wrong. This is a picture of Geekologie loyalist naas's Friday interweb setup entitled 'fridays on geekologie'. And as you can see, the man really knows how to internet. After all, this is a website best viewed in squinting one-eyed resolution. Vomit optional.

naas' Flickr Stream (with a bunch more booze and a ton of shots from Japan)

Thanks to naas, who urges you all to please, Geekologie responsibly.

Apr 28 2009 They'll Never Find It!: Powdered Alcohol

I've known about powdered alcohol for a while now because I remember reading an article about powdered wine being available to campers (also great for water into wine tricks!). *HORF* Just kidding, I'd totally drink it. But now it's hitting the mainstream, and soon you'll see powdered alcohol mixes popping up everywhere (read: your teen's bookbag).

No word on price or availability just yet, but rest assured they'll be a ton of companies jumping on the 'sneaking alcohol into church/school' bandwagon. Which, honestly, I've been doing for years. Now I know what you're thinking, "But how, Mr. Geekologie Writer?" And the answer to that, my disciple, is in my stomach. In a tied-off balloon. Next to all the coke.

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and
Product Page (coming soon)

Thanks to Mars, who once beat the shit out of Mercury for orbiting funny.

Apr 27 2009 It's Scientific: Bacon Cures Hangovers

In a study that surprises nobody who's woken up still Tyrannosaurus Wrecked from the night before in a puddle of someone else's urine and eaten the breakfast of gods, scientists have discovered bacon really does cure a hangover.

"Bread is high in carbohydrates and bacon is full of protein, which breaks down into amino acids. Your body needs these amino acids, so eating them will make you feel good."

"Bingeing on alcohol depletes neurotransmitters too, but bacon contains a high level of aminos which tops these up, giving you a clearer head."

Researchers also found a complex chemical interaction in the cooking of bacon produces the winning combination of taste and smell which is almost irresistible.

As a matter of fact, I remember reading somewhere in the Bible that the Apostles would all fry camel (a close relative of the pig, don't bother looking this up) after a night of boozing. So, yeah -- bacon: it's what Jesus would do.

Also, that's me in the picture.

Bacon sandwich really does cure a hangover [telegraph]

Thanks to The Baconator, Kevin, Rick, Cam, Duffman, Jonathan and Barry, who know the best way to cure a hangover is to start drinking again.

Apr 2 2009 Today's Awesome Failure Award Goes To....

Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box.

Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accused of trying to rob Sykes Liquor Store in Trenton Monday night. Police said the owner, who was behind the counter, triggered the lock after the man grabbed a bottle of Hennessy cognac and bolted for the door.

The man then allegedly pulled out a handgun and demanded to be released. But the owner said he saw that the gun was a fake, refused to unlock the door and called police.

Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.

Wow, that is both sad and awesome at the same time. Kind of like the first time I had sex, but without the -- oh wait, he was crying. Yep, exactly like that then. Next, an idiotic failure at life who called 911 after "locking" herself in her car.

A woman called Kissimmee police to say she was locked inside her car at the Walgreen's on John Young Parkway near Poinciana.

"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."

The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door. The woman said she would try, and then, she said, "Yes, I got the door open."

Can we please get that woman's license revoked? And also, oxygen supply. If only she hadn't gotten reception....damn you, Verizon network!

Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails [yahoonews]
and
Woman to 911: Help! I'm locked inside my car [orlandosentinel]

Thanks to Joemo and Jason, who have never cried because when they feel a tear coming they just punch themselves in the eye until it goes away.

Mar 11 2009 Hopside Down: It IS Worth Crying Over Spilled Beer -- And I'm Man Enough To Admit It

Hopside Down is a beer glass by Fred & Friends that looks like an inverted bottle. It hurts my brain just to look at and I couldn't imagine myself successfully drinking out of it without pouring beer in my shoes. Still, maybe there are a few of you out there that are more skilled in the ways of drinking than yours truly. Ha, that was the biggest lie I've ever told -- nobody beats the GW at the game of life called drinking. Isn't that right, F. Scott?

The Ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald: It's true -- I have a hangover as Big as the Ritz. I....feel Curiouser Than The Case of Benjamin Button This Side of Paradise. You sir, are indeed the Last Tycoon (BOOM -- literary headshots!). Hey, stay away from my wife!

Me: Shut up, Francis. Hey Zelda -- wanna touch my Master Sword?

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Thanks to Matt, who only drinks out of his boot because he's a real cowboy. Now let's raise and rope broncos!