Oct 3 2009 Twilight: The Way It Should Have Been

This is video from G4's Attack of the Show (featuring Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn) depicting what Twilight would have been like if there was a just and fair God. But there isn't, so guess who'll be watching New Moon opening night? NOT ME! My guess is a shit-ton of 13-year old girls. Plus your girlfriend.

Olivia Munn`s Twilight: Don`t Date Vampires [iambored]

Thanks to me.vicky, who once bit the head off a bat because she thought she heard it talking in vampire-speak.

Sep 8 2009 WTF Is Wrong With You?: Twlight Corn Maze

This is a Twilight themed corn maze in Utah (a state best known for people forgetting is a state) celebrating the new movie that's coming out later this year that I, for one, can't wait to see (read: I'd rather have ants eat my eyeballs while I'm awake and screaming and a dominatrix hammers at my junk with a meat tenderizer). I just put this up for you ladies out there that are in love with this garbage and know what 'Team Jacob' means. Because I sure as hell don't. *Googling* Holy shit, this teen-wolf character actually sounds pretty cool. NOOOOOOT. High five for the oldschool burn!

Also, haiku contest winners will be announced later tonight (I still have 400 haikus left to read).

'Twilight' fans can get happily get lost in corn [ohnotheydidnt]

Thanks to pstone, who has never run through a cornfield backwards but has been to prison. Similar feelings.

Sep 3 2009 New And Improved: The Bookmark II

I typically use a gum wrapper or dog-ear the pages to mark my place in a book, but hey, a glorified rubber band, that's cool.

The Bookmark II is a simple rubber band with an arrow on one side and a "Bookmark" tab on the other. The arrow allows you to point to the line you were last reading and the tab to open the book up to the appropriate page. It's simple.

If you'll notice, the arrow in the picture is pointing to a line with a dirty word. That's subliminal advertising! It's working too, I just ordered a hundred. I'm gonna wear them like LIVESTRONG bracelets!

The Bookmark II [ohgizmo]

Aug 3 2009 Teen Girls Gaming: Twilight MMORPG Coming

I can't even begin to express how excited I was when I found out a Twilight massive mutiplayer online roll playing game (MMORPG) was in development by BrainJunk (no kidding) Studios. Seriously, I got so worked up I almost jumped off the roof of my apartment building.

Brandon Gardener, head of the software development for the project recently spoke to the Examiner. He describes the game as:

"an open non-linear world set around Forks. I like the idea of letting players explore the world, and discover new amazing things that are not even covered in the book or the movie..."

Mr. Gardener based the story line around Twilight and Midnight Sun so players can play from Edward or Bella's perspective. He also wants to include New Moon so players can experience phasing into a werewolf.

Wow, can you say a bunch of creepy old guys trolling for teen girls in a video game? Because I can. It's pronounced Twilight: The MMORPG.

A Twilight based MMORPG is in development [twilightsource] (I lurk the shit outta that site)

Thanks to Arron, who is buying multiple PC's even as we speak.

Jul 31 2009 Teen Suing Amazon For Deleting Book From Kindle, Or, Why I Don't Have My Homework

A teen has filed a class-action lawsuit against Amazon for remotely deleting a copy of George Orwell's '1984' off his Kindle without his knowledge or the right to do so.

Justin D. Gawronski, 17, "now needs to recreate all of his studies," alleges the complaint filed Thursday in Seattle by the law firm KamberEdelson, LLC.

Gawronski took copious notes using the Kindle that were linked to particular passages in the book, the court document says, and while those notes are still accessible, they are useless without the passages they reference.

Amazon has apologized for remotely deleting copies of 1984 and another Orwell novel, Animal Farm, in mid-July without informing customers.

Jay Edelson, the lead attorney in the lawsuit, said in a statement that the plaintiffs "appreciate Amazon.com's new-found contrition, but words are not enough. Amazon.com had no more right to hack into people's Kindles than its customers have the right to hack into Amazon's bank account to recover a mistaken overpayment."

Now I'm not saying Amazon should have done that, but I am saying that Justin is pretty lazy for not just going back through the book and finding the passages again. Not that it matters anyways because I'm pretty sure this is just a sorry excuse for not having your homework ready on time. But seriously, one time my dog really did eat my homework. And by homework I mean weed.

Amazon sued for wrecking teen's Kindle work [msn]

Thanks to Laura and Joemo, who would have just sent their teacher a corrupted file like a normal person.

Jul 23 2009 Good Times: Librarian Book Cart Competition

This is a video of the winners from the American Library Association's Book Cart Drill Team World Championship. I'm not even kidding. I AM ADULTING.

The secret lives of librarians took center stage at the American Library Association's annual conference earlier this month. There was dancing, there were costumes, there was music, and, of course, there were book carts.

Teams bring acrobatic splits, book cart headlights, and dry ice effects to the floor in the quest to win first place and the coveted gold book cart trophy that comes with it. "It changes the whole image of librarians," added Ison.

Needless to say, this is some of the sexiest footage I've seen IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. And I used to judge the Geriatric Olympics, so I know my stuff.

Hit the jump for the second and third place winners.

Continue Reading " Good Times: Librarian Book Cart Competition "

Jul 10 2009 For The Ladies: Twilight, The Board Game

I can't say I'm surprised there's a Twilight board game, but I can say that I'm a little disappointed nobody's bought it for me yet. DON'T YOU LOVE ME? Ooh, a review:

This game is terrible. There are trivia cards to do with the movie but the other questions are all depending on what you roll with the die or they ask us to write down what the other player's favorite animal, movie,band etc. They have absolutely nothing to do with the movie and they are pointless. I thought it would be like trivial pursuit and different categories about the movie scenes, etc. To accomplish a task you have to roll a die and depending on what number you get you accomplish the task. These are pointless tasks and are not challenging at all. A 2 year old could do that. This is coming from a person that has loved the books, movie and anything else to do with twilight. The game is not worth what you pay for it. The pieces aren't the best quality and the cards are flimsy. What a rip off. Buyer beware.

Oh man, that was way too many words for me. Somebody summarize it for me. I ordered two.

Amazon Product Page

Thanks to Paul "the party animal", who was man enough to admit Edward is a hot piece of ass.

Jun 24 2009 Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line

So apparently (I can't believe I'm writing this) there's a Twilight makeup line coming out from DuWop, the cosmetic line being used during the filming of the new movie, "Blue Moon" or whatever. Want to look like a vampire and save $16? Don't sleep.

Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.

This special limited edition Lip Venom is a sneak preview of our highly anticipated Twilight Venom, debuting this Fall. Lip Venom V is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Lip Venom V is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip conditioner with a bite, and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and vitamin E.

This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been reached.

WOW. I just bought like 30 billion shares of DuWop stock. Also, I'm not afraid to admit that I love the Twilight series, and I'd be happy to stay up all night talking to any of you (legal) Twihards out there about Edward Cullen and just how sexy he is. Provided we do it topless. Oh, and call him by his codename: The Geekologie Writer.

Hit the jump to see the Edward and Bella Barbie dolls coming out this fall. And tell me: is it just coincidence Edward's head is shaped like a dildo? I THINK NOT.

Continue Reading " Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line "

Jun 24 2009 Interesting: Ray Bradbury Hates The Internets

Ray Bradbury, seen here showing you how to properly do an alien, hates the internet. The author, despite his often futuristic, sci-fi themes, may secretly be a unabomber.

"The Internet is a big distraction," said Ray Bradbury, author of Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles, while speaking out in defense of libraries in The New York Times.

"Yahoo called me eight weeks ago," he said. "They wanted to put a book of mine on Yahoo! You know what I told them? 'To hell with you. To hell with you and to hell with the Internet.'

"It's distracting," he continued. "It's meaningless; it's not real. It's in the air somewhere."

It's not "in the air somewhere", Ray, it's a series of tubes. One minute of fact-checking on Wikipedia could have told you that. Just sayin'.

Ray Bradbury to Yahoo: "To hell with the Internet!" [scifiwire]

Thanks to Chase and FDSY, who love the internet for all the joy porn it brings to their lives.

Jun 19 2009 Perfect Bookends For Your Star Wars DVDs

These 6" x 12" x 7.5" hand painted Trash Compactor Bookends are available for pre-order (shipping April 2010) from the Star Wars Store for $190. And for those of you that don't do math good, that's almost $100 per side. And speaking of sides, seriously, you have to choose one. It's either me or him. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'HIM'?! You're dead to me.

Trash Compactor Bookends Will Hopefully Crush Your Prequel DVDs [gizmodo]

Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who doesn't bring people back from the dead anymore because of insurance issues.

Continue Reading " Perfect Bookends For Your Star Wars DVDs "

May 26 2009 Sneak Preview: The Third Generation Kindle?

This is a sneak preview of the 3rd generation Kindle robot book. It's pretty much exactly what I expect to see Amazon roll out next year. And speaking of rolling out -- transform! I said transform! *touching breast* Stupid mannequin.

The Kindle 3 [collegehumor]

Thanks to Julian, who never learned to read and is already on the waiting list.

Apr 7 2009 Violence Escalates Between Twilight Fans (Twihards) And Non-Twilight Fans (Anti's)

That's right folks, diehard Twilight fans (Twihards) are waging war on their non-teen vampire loving brethren (Anti's) for talking smack on the series. Thankfully, there's a discussion board that has collected all the cases of Twihards attacking Anti's with books, bricks, knives and flare guns. I'm sure some of them are fake, most are poorly written, but a couple of them were pretty funny. They're broken into categories, depending on the severity of the attack, ranging from slap on the wrist, to police worthy, to felony. You know, I always suspected these books were brainwashing readers into lives of violence. This Twilight series is even worse than gangster rap! And, oh God, my girlfriend is one of them! BURN IT WITH FIRE!

The Twihard Attack Directory [twilightsucks]

Thanks to Watch, who once called Dracula a blood-sucking taint and then peed in his sleeping-coffin.

Feb 12 2009 Good Times: David After The Divorce

Remember David, the little kid who was high as a kite after going to the dentist? Well this is him 20 years later after going to get a divorce. The video was made by a couple members of the Upright Citizens Brigade theater. I thought it was humorous, but possibly only because I can relate. And now David, I'd like to share with you a passage from my memoir, The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger, that may help you through this troubled period.

"...and in my hour of darkness I approached The Superficial Writer with my problems. Prophetically, he spoke, "Lap dances. As many as you can get before they catch on." Then, stuffing a stack of photocopied $20's in my jacket pocket, he sent me on my way.

Later that night, as I entered The Cat Box for the first time, I felt a lightness about me -- as if a giant weight bitch had been lifted from my shoulders..."

Like that? Well stay tuned for Chapter 6: Getting Tested. The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger hits book shelves this fall.

If that video wasn't your cup of tea hit the jump for the David After The Dentist Remix as well as Chad Vader After The Dentist.

Continue Reading " Good Times: David After The Divorce "

Feb 4 2009 Clever: Video Games As Classic Book Covers

This is a bunch of video game covers in the style of classic books. They were very cleverly made. I posted some more of my favorites after the jump, along with the link to an even larger gallery. So go check them out. Then, check me out. Can you tell I'm flexing? Because I'm not, I'm naturally this muscular. Steroids, folks, they made my penis disappear.

Hit it for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Clever: Video Games As Classic Book Covers "

Jan 28 2009 One Cake To Fill Them All: LOTR Desserts

That's right folks, that's a freaking cake right there -- the city of Minas Tirith in all it's fondant-y glory. Wow. Now I'm confident I speak for all of us when I say 'my God would I lay siege to that city -- with a fork!' Am I right? "Thou shall not pass....on seconds!" Thanks Gandalf, I'll have another. Oh, uh-oh -- whipped cream fight!

Hit the jump for several more LOTR cakes, including a pretty solid looking golden ring.

Continue Reading " One Cake To Fill Them All: LOTR Desserts "

Dec 3 2008 Platzhalter Bookshelf Has Room To Grow

The Platzhalter bookself expands in the middle as your literary collection does so you've got room to store all those delicious pages. Of course, you could just buy a bigger bookshelf. Or another one. Still, a clever idea, I'll give them that. And also, extra points for it turning into a giant V. And speaking of giant V's....I should probably just quit now while I'm ahead.

Platzhalter Bookshelf Splits To Store Extra Books [gizmodo]

Nov 21 2008 God's Facebook: Genesis Edition

This is God's Facebook page from the time of Genesis. Unfortunately, I only have screenshots of it because the dude won't accept my friendship request. You sell your soul to the devil for a blogging job ONE TIME....

Hit it for the rest, which I thought was pretty clever.

Continue Reading " God's Facebook: Genesis Edition "

Nov 20 2008 Cooking With Wookiee: Star Wars Cookbooks

You ever spent time in the kitchen making confectionery love to a Wookiee? Ha, me neither then. But now you can whip up Star Wars-y dishes (sans Wook hair) in no time thanks to this two cookbook set.

Each volume is loaded with different types of inter-galactic recipes: drinks, breakfasts, main courses, desserts, and more. Volume 2 adds some great new culinary concoctions, such as Boss Nass Broccoli, Opee's Sea Crunch, and Darth Double Dogs (doubling as a light saber you can eat!) Age is no issue when it comes to Star Wars cuisine - kids as well as adults will have a great time with these books. Whether you drove to your first Star Wars flick or just had your fifth birthday, there's no reason you can't whip up some Crazy Cantina Chili at near light speed.

The books are available as a set from ThinkGeek and will set you back 15 space bones apiece. Unfortunately, there were no Ewok recipes. I swear, you don't cook those furry bastards just right and they end up all gamey. Now tauntauns, you can't go wrong with those guys. Hoth chickens, that's what I call them.

Product Page

Thanks to Pedro, a Brazilian reader who doesn't know it yet but is gonna let me crash at his place when I come to Brazil. Isn't that right Pedro?

Nov 5 2008 R.I.P.: Michael Crichton Passed Away

It is with a heavy heart that I write Michael Crichton, 66, author of such genius as Jurassic Park, The Andromeda Strain, Congo, Disclosure, and Timeline, passed away unexpectedly yesterday. He was battling cancer.

While the world knew him as a great storyteller that challenged our preconceived notions about the world around us -- and entertained us all while doing so -- his wife Sherri, daughter Taylor, family and friends knew Michael Crichton as a devoted husband, loving father and generous friend who inspired each of us to strive to see the wonders of our world through new eyes," his family tells ET. "He did this with a wry sense of humor that those who were privileged to know him personally will never forget.

We're gonna miss you Michael, save a spot for me in that great dinosaur park in the sky.

Jurassic Park Author Dies Unexpectedly [usmagazine]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer for sadly bringing this to my attention.

Oct 23 2008 Learning is Fun!: The Star Wars Alphabet

If you're anything like me, you taught yourself to read off the back of a cereal box you had to use as a pillow (or, alternatively, newspaper sheets). Rough times. But look at me now -- shit, still rough times. Anyway, this is some cute Star Wars alphabet art. As you can see, A is for Ackbar. I went through the whole set and picked out a couple of my favorites, which you can see after the jump. No, which you WILL see after the jump. Going through them all took upwards of twenty clicks, and I'll be damned if I clicked in vain. Repent, dear reader, repent! But seriously, who do l pay to get my sins absolved?

Hit it for two more and a link to the worthwhile gallery.

Continue Reading " Learning is Fun!: The Star Wars Alphabet "