Feb 4 2010 There's No Doubt: I'd Be Good At This Game

This is not a game you try to beat, this is a game you try to play for as long as possible. ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A START. Come on, unlimited retries!

The Nipple Gamepad T-Shirt [gizmodo]

Thanks to mrHiggins, Yopoleo, Tony8688, Nelson, David B. and ffffffffffffffffffffffffff, who have never played this game. Ooooooh, burnt for sending tips! You're bad, GW, you're bad.

Feb 1 2010 Keeping It Classy: Large Breasted Mouse Pads

Because Japan has infinitely cooler (and 10x perverted) everything, it was only a matter of time before they beat us to the invention of breasted mouse pads. I don't know where you get them, and I don't know why you would get them, all I know is I did get them. Which, fun fact: fondling your mouse pad while talking to coworkers CAN count as sexual harassment. Shocking, I know. (Anybody hiring?)

Big Breasted Mousepads [buzzfeed]

Thanks to emerica and CEW, who have never been caught in the janitor's closet with a mouse pad. Yet.

Jan 29 2010 Discrimination!: Australia Bans Small Breasts

You know that saying, "more than a mouthful's a waste"? Yeah, me neither. And apparently neither does Australia. The country has decided to ban smaller looking breasts from adult content because of pedo-y concerns.

The ban (RC) on small breasted women in adult publications has been made by the Australian Classification Board allegedly on the grounds that such images could be construed as child pornography, even where those publications comply with American law and keep certification that performers are over 18.

Female ejaculation has been banned on the incredible grounds that "the depictions are a form of urination which is banned under the label of 'golden showers' in the Classification Guidelines" and/or "Female ejaculation is an 'abhorrent' depiction." Notably here male ejaculation is completely legal under the same guidelines, attracting an X rating in Australia.

First of all, breasts of all sizes are awesome. And secondly, what's up with this female ejaculation thing? Talk about a double standard. You outta be ashamed of yourself, Australia! And to think Britain used to use you as a giant penal colony. What happened?

Millions Of Extra Sites To Be Censorsed As Australian Gov. Bans Small Breasts, Female Ejaculation [inquisitr]

Thanks to Korey and Tofu Butcher, who'll take all the breasts they can get, regardless of size or number of nipples.

Jan 8 2010 You've Got To Be Kidding Me: Cleavage Caddy

The cleavage caddy may look like a breast-shaped CD holder for your car's sun visor, but it's not. No, it's a purse a woman (or moobed gentleman -- hopefully with a monocle) stows between their breasts (look at me using the proper nomenclature!) and bra.

An insert for your bra with or without an added lace accent to to enhance your attire with a feminine influence. If you choose the lace version, the lace covers your cleavage, adding an extra element of modesty, while still allowing you to carry all of your personal items discretely tucked in your bra. These are worn anchored to the bra by the elastic strap with a snap. Tuck away your keys, credit cards, lipstick and more!

Caddies cost $30 and are guaranteed to make your boobs look all angular and pointy and generally undesirable. But will guys still stare at them? Absolutely. Available in medium (below 38D) and large (above 38D) something something MOTORBOAT! *BWUBWUBWUBWWUB!* Pulitzer me.

Product Site

Thanks to Justin, who totally didn't find the site searching "cleavage" on Google (yes he did too).

Dec 16 2009 Doing It Wrong: Flasher Hit By Flashed Car

A female flasher who was showing motorists her own airbags (metaphorical magic!) ended up distracting one virgin so badly he ran over her. AAAAAAAHHH BOOOOOBIES!!

Cherelle Dudfield, 18, rolled over the car's bonnet and hit the windscreen but escaped serious injury.

The New Zealand teenager was later arrested and has now admitted disorderly behaviour. She said she was egged on by a friend to flash her breasts while standing in the middle of a road in Invercargill on New Zealand's South Island in September.

Judge David Holderness called her actions dangerous, adding that she was lucky not to have been badly hurt. She was fined £120 (~$195)

Damn, hit by a car AND charged almost $200. This reminds me of the time I pulled over on the highway to relieve myself and caused the lunar lander to crash. I already told you NASA, I'm not paying!

Flash crash teen knocked over [thesun]

Thanks to Andrew MacGregor, who once flashed his junk on an overpass and got a thumbs down from two motorists in a row.

Nov 12 2009 Pfft, I Knew That: Staring At Breasts Is Good For Your Health, Prolongs A Man's Life

This is probably entirely fake and a giant hoax but I don't care because, well, breasts. Also -- don't question my journalistic integrity or I will swell your eyes shut so bad you'd be lucky to squint a nipple.

According to German research published in New England Journal of Medicine, men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.

"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.

For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.

I'm gonna be immortal! Kidding, I don't stare at breasts because I'm a gentleman and wear a top hat. But for the rest of you, go for it. You can start HERE (slightly NSFW, giant tank-topped boobs). I know, it's like a fountain valley of youth, right?

UPDATE: FAKE. But don't let that stop you from trying. Maybe you're the exception.

Looking at Breasts is Healthy [wholefitness]

Thanks to T. Brian, who is probably the healthiest man alive.

Nov 4 2009 Breast Scarf Ever (See What I Did There?!)

This is a boob scarf made out of gym socks and what may or may not be dried apricots. They cost $45 and are available from Etsy seller Lourdesoftheflies. I think you only get one pair for that price though. RIPOFF!

almost look real!

almost feel real!
almost are real!

great for winter!

If you can actually convince someone that these almost look and feel real, you could probably sell safety matches to the devil. That said, I bought two pairs just to be safe. Worse comes to worse I'll fill them with pennies and swing em around like nunchucks.

Etsy Product Page

Thanks to Rich Waffle_u, who better not waffle me unless he wants a face full of knuckles!

Sep 16 2009 Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge

If God didn't want us drinking from boobs our whole lives, then why did he make them so appealing in adulthood? Also, why don't dinosaurs have nipples? These and many other life changing questions will be answered in my forthcoming tell-all, "The GW: A Life of Blogging". But honestly, when I first saw these $25 Boob Ice Luge molds I didn't even know what I was looking at. And did that stop me from ordering 20? No, my bank account balance did. But I still got 12!

Are you tired of your boring old Ice Luge? Planning a racy bachelor party and need an exciting way to chug your alcohol? Then you need this fabulous Boob Ice Luge! Just fill the breast mold with water, and in two days, you will have two rock hard boobs waiting to be filled with an alcoholic beverage of your choice!

"Rock hard boobs". Wow, that was a turn off. Don't get me wrong, I'd still drink out of them all night, I just wouldn't hang around after the party and try to take them home with me. Yes, yes I would. I don't even care if the nipples melt off!

Hit the jump for the uncensored shot.

Continue Reading " Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge "

Sep 10 2009 New Bouncy Feature In Ninja Gaiden Σ II

Apparently by shaking your PS3 controller while playing the upcoming Ninja Gaiden Sigma II you can make your characters boobs bounce around all crazylike (which helps explains THIS advertisement). Also, I'm more than a little disappointed we didn't have this feature for the original NES. I'm looking at you, Princess Toadstool circa Super Mario 2. You too, Mario.

See Ninja Gaiden Sigma II Boob Bouncing In Action [kotaku]

Thanks to Pedro, who makes boobs bounce the old fashioned way: with a Ping Pong paddle.

Sep 9 2009 Study: OMG Women Have Faces!?

In a unshocking report released by the New Zealand's University of Wellington, researchers found that most men don't know that women have faces. Only breasts. Haha! But seriously -- what's a face?

Researchers found that virtually half - 47 per cent - of men first glance at a woman's breasts. A third of the "first fixations" are on the waist and hips, while fewer than 20 per cent look at the woman's face.

Not only are breasts often the first thing men look at, they also glance at them for longer than any other body part, the experts discovered, the Daily Mail newspaper in the UK reported.

Hey, different strokes for different folks (I always check for a penis first).

Scientific proof that men look at women's breasts first and their face is almost last [dailytelegraph]

Thanks to deadbodyman, who's still not convinced women have faces. OR BREASTS (foot fetish).

Jul 31 2009 Take Note: This Is How You Sell Video Games

In some of the best marketing I've seen in my entire life (and yours too), the makers of Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 went and attached some fake plaster boobs to a wall. I just pre-ordered like 80 copies and I don't even own a television or video game console.

The plaster mammaries assumedly belong to Sigma 2's Ayane or Momiji -- both are playable in this iteration of the game (the text which appears at the end of the video actually says "a female ninja appears")

The video consists of a bunch of people walking by and touching the breasts, which, be honest, you would have too. There's no shame in my game -- I totally would have. Then I'd have come back that night with a chisel AND MAKE THEM MINE.

Bizarre Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 marketing features wall molestation [joystiq]

Thanks to Richard, who could sell safety matches to the devil.

Jun 29 2009 I'm In Love

I have never felt feelings like this before. Marry me?

Hit the jump for a couple more of the before and after.

Continue Reading " I'm In Love "

Jun 26 2009 Swedish Women Win Right To Tan Topless

In what will probably be the awesomest news I'll hear all day, Swedish women in Malmö have officially won the right to go to public pools with their knockers hanging out. *sniff* I think we're really making progress here.

...some on the council had lobbied for wording which would have required women to keep their nipples covered, but Forsberg explained that attempting to enforce such a rule would have been too complicated.

"We don't define what bathing suits men should wear so it doesn't make much sense to do it for women. And besides, it's not unusual for men to have large breasts that resemble women's breasts," he said.

OH HO, you just had to sneak a manboob burn in there didn't you? I'M WORKING ON THEM, OKAY? And by working on I mean fondling. Oooh la la.

Yay Sweden! Swedish Women Won Rights to Bathe Topless [neatorama]

Thanks to Mags, who was in shock I hadn't already motorboated this story.

Jun 23 2009 The Kush: $55 Nighttime Breast Support

The Kush is a $55 (PLUS S&H!) piece of molded plastic women put between their breasts before bed to "gently support and cushion the weight of a woman's breasts". $55, really? For $10 I'll come over and slip my own, much more natural breast supporter between those puppies. Obviously, I'm talking about a rolling pin. Ladies? Come on -- I'll let you make cookies in the morning!

Kush infomercial makes everyone feel good [adfreak]

Thanks to Todd and Jcon, who are selling empty soda cans for $5. But if you're worried your breasts might crush a can, call me.

Jun 17 2009 A Magical Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder

The Magic Missile Massage Bra from Pangao is supposed to make you breasts larger through the use of a little sorcerer and massaging "forceful vibration balls". Yes, forceful vibration balls. Plus, it comes standard with a pretty sweet spiderweb pattern. But what else can it do?

• Make breast up.
• Dredge breast glands.
• Eliminate blood stasis.
• Effectively prevent women from breasts diseases and flaccid
• Also can move fat and make a well-shaped figure.
• If use it often, you can have a sound sleep, immunity from disease and better internal secretion.

Pretty convincing, huh? I know, I just bought thirty and my breasts were already huge! I plan on wearing them all one on top of the other for exponential tissue growth. ZZ's, here I come! I may need a bigger wheelbarrow.

Magic Massage Bra Enlarges Breasts [gizmodo]

Thanks to ffffffffff, who is offering free massages if you're concerned about the safety of using forceful vibration balls.

Jun 12 2009 Skinny Blonde: Australian For Sexy Beer

Skinny Blonde Beer comes from Australia and has a skinny blonde chick on the front of the bottle that, when the temperature gets hot enough, loses her top. And, to give you a demo of this model of modern boobosity, they have the six chicks in the picture above to provide NSFW examples. So, head over to the website (provided you're over 18, or under and don't mind sinning) and give it a go. After watching just the first girl I ordered 30 cases of the stuff. Also, I might have just gotten stuck in a bottle. BWHAHAHAHAH A -- like it's that big!

Skinny Blonde Beer NSFW

Thanks to jlcnuke, who agrees this beer/boob combo is giving explosions and boobs a run for its money.

Jun 7 2009 WoW Gold Farming Website Pays $500K For Tattoo Ad On Adult Film Star's Ample Chest

Russian adult film star Anna Morgan (seen above, possibly named after that chick in The Ring) was paid $500,000 to get a tattoo on her natural DD breasts advertising a World of Warcraft gold-selling website. Ah, capitalism. Also, breast advertisement ever.

The WoW Gold selling website, MyMMOShop.com has paid Russian porn star Anna Morgan to tattoo their company's logo and website URL to her breasts. The company feels that her natural dd sized breasts will provide an ample space for the advertisement. Given the number of films porn stars tend to make in a year's time, the tattoo should be seen many thousands of times. Anna has agreed not to alter the tattoo for at least two years.

Wow, I don't know what to say. This is simultaneously the most brilliant and saddest thing I've ever heard. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry or try to motorboat my monitor. BWUBWUBWUBWWUB! I chose wisely.

Porn Star Paid $500,000 To Tattoo Company URL & Logo To Her DD Breasts [newsguide]

Thanks to Troy, who once ran a Snuggie ad on his junk. The rest, is history.

Jun 5 2009 Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets

It's Friday, and, since I love you all, how about some sexy Star Trek and Star Wars themed corsets made by Etsy seller Evening Arwen? The Star Trek corsets go for $200 a pop and the Star Wars models (which include the rest of the costumes, but not the actual women), are $500 (trooper) and $600 (Vader). So hit the jump to see them and get all beep boop and blah blah blah is anybody still reading this? No? Okay good. I SAID HIT THE JUMP ALREADY.

Hit the jump. Do it now!

Continue Reading " Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets "

Jun 2 2009 Best Website EVER (Geekologie Excluded)

Explosionsandboobs.com is just that. Explosions. And. Boobs. That's it. Every time you visit you get one shot of an explosion and one of sweater melons. Nothing to read (minus "and"), just awesomesauce in its rawest form. BOOM! Boobs. Just like that.

Explosionsandboobs

Thanks to jonat8han, who has a crazy ass numeral in the middle of his name. And to D-Bizz, who doesn't.

May 18 2009 Experiment: Which Dog Do Women Like Best?

This is a video of an experiment called 'Puppy Pulling Power' that helps determine which breed of dog women respond to most. Basically some guy attached a digital camera to a dog's collar that takes a picture every time it detects a smile. Or breasts. Quite possibly breasts. Whatever the case, I'm adopting everything the pound has to offer. Cats too. Ladies?

Hit the jump for some of the sweater yammier images, along with a graph showing the success of the various dogs, and a longer, 10 minute movie about the project.

Continue Reading " Experiment: Which Dog Do Women Like Best? "