Nov 17 2009 Bomb-Proof Wallpaper: But Is It Wolf-Proof?

Berry Plastics and the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers teamed up to develop X-Flex, a wallpaper with woven Kevlar strong enough to prevent bomb blasts from blowing all your shit up. Nice, but is it Big Bad Wolf proof? That mother can huff and puff!

X-Flex works so well that the armed forces are considering redecorating its army bases in Iraq and Afghanistan with the stuff. And, mindful of the commercial value, Berry Plastics is considering manufacturing a version for civilians

There's a video of the guys at Popular Science hitting the paper with a wrecking ball after the jump, which, at least according to my code of testing, didn't prove anything. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE BOMB PROOF, WHO CARES IF IT'S WRECKING BALL PROOF? No, if you want real bomb-proof safety, you need to buy my anti-bomb bombs. Basically, when a bomb detonates it sets these ones off and the explosions are equal but different and everything is gravy. Trust me, I know fisics.

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " Bomb-Proof Wallpaper: But Is It Wolf-Proof? "

Jul 31 2009 Robotic Moles To Deliver Goods Underground

An army of little robots that travel through a city's existing sewer lines delivering packages of death to unsuspecting recipients. That sounds wonderful.

The brainchild of designer Phillip Hermes, the Urban Mole is a capsule that travels through existing networks of underground pipes in order to transport packages as diverse as groceries, signed documents and any title that appears on Oprah's Book Club.

According to VisionWorks, "The pipe system is structured like a road network - the more traffic, the bigger the pipe." Electric rails within the pipes provide juice for the Mole's motors in a system that works like a miniature subway. Still more pipes run from drop-off points to delivery centers called MoleStations...where customers can retrieve their items locally. The designer estimates that the average cross-town delivery could take place in less than ten minutes.

Interesting, but it'll never work. Mainly because you and I are gonna sit down there with night vision goggles and crowbars and bash every single one of these things open waiting for a shipment of diamonds. Then, we'll order pizza and party with the ninja turtles. COWABUNGA!

Hit the jump for a coupe more shots of the conceptual couriers.

Continue Reading " Robotic Moles To Deliver Goods Underground "

Jul 8 2009 Problem Solved!: Turning Urine Into Hydrogen

Finally, I can sleep at night: scientists have discovered a way to turn urine into hydrogen. And you said I was crazy for collecting it in milk jugs!

From a group led by chemist Gerardine Botte of Ohio University comes a report (just published in the Royal Society of Chemistry's journal Chemical Communications) that hydrogen has been produced from urine.

According to a July 3, 2009 story on PhysOrg.com, "Urine's major constituent is urea, which incorporates four hydrogen atoms per molecule -- importantly, less tightly bonded than the hydrogen atoms in water molecules."

"Botte uses electrolysis to break the molecule apart, developing an inexpensive new nickel-based electrode to selectively and efficiently oxidise the urea. To break the molecule down, a voltage of 0.37V needs to be applied across the cell -- much less than the 1.23V needed to split water.

So, you know what this means, right? Wait for it....wait for it....the P-bomb. Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. Make sure to tip your bartender and maybe steal a bottle for me when they're not looking. *tap tap* Haha, is this still on?

21st-century alchemy: Hydrogen from urine [bookofjoe]

Thanks to towhee, who pees in swimming pools.

Apr 27 2009 BA-BOOM: This Vase Is The Bomb, Son!

Can you believe that's actually the title I used? Me neither. Maybe I'll come back and change it later (read: I won't). So, A Peaceful Bomb Vase is a flower depository designed by Owen & Cloud to look like a bomb. It's supposed to serve as a statement about how not cool war is (despite what video games may have taught you).

Taiwanese design duo Owen and Cloud designed this piece as a statement against war, and the result is a one of a kind, striking piece.

I hate to break it to you, but that's not one of a kind -- I count like thirty of them. Still, I like. And they do carry a powerful message. One about how beautiful bombs can be. No? Make floral arrangements, not war? Okay, so maybe I don't get it. Fun fact: you could almost write a novella about the things I don't know. Almost.

A Peaceful Bomb Vase [likecool]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once dropped a bomb so powerful they had to close the bathroom for two whole days.

Mar 25 2009 Wow: Man Survived Two Atomic Bombings

93-year old Tsutomu Yamaguchi was recently recognized as the first survivor of both the Nagasaki and Hiroshima atomic bomb droppings of 1945. Allegedly, he still pisses depleted uranium.

Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on Aug. 6, 1945, when a U.S. B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He suffered serious burns to his upper body and spent the night in the city. He then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki just in time for the second attack, city officials said.

"As far as we know, he is the first one to be officially recognized as a survivor of atomic bombings in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki," Nagasaki city official Toshiro Miyamoto said.

Thousands of survivors continue to seek official recognition after the government rejected their eligibility for compensation. The government last year eased the requirements for being certified as a survivor, following criticism the rules were too strict and neglected many who had developed illnesses that doctors have linked to radiation

Speaking of radiation, I want some freaking superpowers already -- and I'm not afraid to go atomic to get them. Atomic Fireballs that is! *CRUNCH* ZOMG, too hot, too hot!!!

Man Survived 2 Atomic Bombings [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat and MoD, who have both survived three bombings and now have x-ray vision. So, what color underwear am I wearing, guys? Ha, those are my nuts is right!

Jan 9 2009 New Presidential Limo Ready For Action Jan 20

CLICK HERE FOR FULL SIZE IMAGE

Remember the new presidential limo that Cadillac designed to be PEW PEW proof? Well it's been approved for use starting January 20th and is jam-packed with all kinds of exciting features like extra presidential blood (I'm not kidding) and 8-inch thick (me too, ladies) doors that weigh as much as a 757's cabin door. I thought it was funny the driver side window is the only one that goes down and even it only 3-inches (me too, ladies) to "pay a toll or talk with secret service agents running alongside". Pay a toll? Get freaking real! I know the picture is small, so click here to see the full size image and read all those little words. Then, read my lips: No. new. tickets. Seriously, I'm already driving on a suspended license. Shhhhhh!

Inside the Rocket-Proof Obamamobile [gizmodo]

Thanks to Pat and Vossk, who allegedly both banged hookers in the back of this thing while it was being built.

Nov 17 2008 Oooh, Nice Ride: The New Presidential Limo

General Motors, best known for their delicious line of breakfast cereals, has designed an all new presidential limo for when Barack Obama takes power next year. They were going to do it four years ago, but figured, f*** it, let's focus our efforts on going belly-up for awhile. Anyway, the car.

Most of the specs of this car are top secret, but a few tantalizing details are floating around, such as the five-inch-thick windows that are about half as transparent as regular glass and can stop projectiles from assault rifles, rocket-propelled grenades and high explosives. It's also said to be built of a combination of blast-proof ceramics and exotic metals, and certainly won't have a convertible top or sunroof. While GM's trying to make it look like a Cadillac DTS, it's based on the company's line of heavy-duty 2500 trucks.

Top secret specs my ass. I'll tell you all about this thing: It runs on a rocket engine powered by the tar-like blood of terrorists. It can also hover. Comes complete with dinosaur chauffeur who doubles as sexual masseuse should you hit rush-hour traffic. AM/FM radio. Four tires and spare donut in the trunk. Mini-bar. Wicked two-tone paintjob. Left and right turn signals. Bomb proof undercarriage. 7MPG city/13 highway. A real pussy magnet. I'm serious -- the CIA stole my blueprints.

Obama's new presidential limo is built like a tank, looks like a Cadillac [dvice]

Aug 15 2008 British Ministry Of Defense Plans To Start Using Bomb-Dropping UFOs Within The Year

The British Army plans on deploying these little UFOs within the next years to drop bombs and bugs (listening devices, not earwigs) behind enemy lines.

Without any external blades and using a two stroke petrol engine, the unmanned aerial vehicle can enter a building either through a window or door and send back high-quality images on its video camera feed.

With efforts being made to make an electric engine that generates little noise, the Fenstar's inventors, hope it could be quiet enough to snoop into rooms and plant listening devices without being seen or heard. Similarly it could also plant explosive devices to kill the enemy.

Yeah, you definitely need to work on the noise factor, otherwise that thing'll be PEW PEWed out of the sky quicker than you can say "Holy shit, miniature aliens!" But seriously, how come every piece of new technology has to be used for war. Planting bombs? How about planting trees? I'm talking weed here folks. I don't know what that has to do with any of this, but it definitely does now. Am I right? Well let me finish. Say, you gonna eat the rest of that? Okay, so the enemies smoke the weed, right, and then -- seriously, give me a bite, I've got the munchies. Mmm, this is good -- what do you call it? A wet-nap, huh? It's real lemon-y.

Flying saucer that can plant explosives or bugs set for frontline [telegraph]

Thanks to Blumama, from Redpapa.

Jun 9 2008 Lightning Guns To Help Fight The War On Terrorism, Old People With Pacemakers

A company called Applied Energetics is developing lightning guns capable of stalling cars and shorting IEDs from a safe distance. They were originally planning on using them on people, but have since moved to cars and bombs after an unsuccessful attempt at rounding up test subjects (bums). The weapon is expected to be ready within 5-6 years and I'll definitely be adding one to my anti-robot arsenal. You hear that, Zeus? I said I won't be needing your lightning bolt services after all. Your rates were ridiculous anyways you greedy bastard. Oh, and while I'm at it -- I banged your wife/sister Hera! Two birds with one stone, baby! Chalk it up.

Lightning Guns to Short Out Cars, Fry Roadside Bombs [gizmodo]

Thanks Sev, don't lightning me bro!

Mar 14 2008 Camera Can See Through Clothing But Sadly Not In The Way That I Was Hoping For :(

The ThruVision camera, using T-ray ("terahertz ray") technology, can see through people's clothes. The technology has been used by astronomers for some time to study stars, and recently somebody decided to test it on a woman's blouse. Ha, I just said blouse, I'm so old school. Anyways, you won't spot any boobage, but the camera can detect drugs, weapons and explosives from up to 25 meters away.

(T-ray) radiation is a form of low level energy emitted by all people and objects. These are able to pass through clothing, paper, ceramics and wood but are blocked by metal and water. The system works by collecting these waves and processing them to form an image which can reveal concealed objects.

So yeah, the systems are likely to be implemented in airports, subways, train stations, etc. God I'm depressed about this. I get a message in my inbox that reads "Camera that can see through clothing invented" and naturally I got pretty excited. Too bad it only sees in colored blobs. Someone give me a call when the actual T-T ray camera is invented.

Camera 'looks' through clothing [bbcnews]
and
New Brit Security Camera Sees Through Clothes [therawfeed]

Thanks to Franco, who I forgive for the false hope, for the tip