Nov 12 2009 Pfft, I Knew That: Staring At Breasts Is Good For Your Health, Prolongs A Man's Life
This is probably entirely fake and a giant hoax but I don't care because, well, breasts. Also -- don't question my journalistic integrity or I will swell your eyes shut so bad you'd be lucky to squint a nipple.
According to German research published in New England Journal of Medicine, men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.
"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.
For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.
I'm gonna be immortal! Kidding, I don't stare at breasts because I'm a gentleman and wear a top hat. But for the rest of you, go for it. You can start HERE (slightly NSFW, giant tank-topped boobs). I know, it's like a fountain valley of youth, right?
UPDATE: FAKE. But don't let that stop you from trying. Maybe you're the exception.
Looking at Breasts is Healthy [wholefitness]
Thanks to T. Brian, who is probably the healthiest man alive.
Nov 4 2009 Breast Scarf Ever (See What I Did There?!)
This is a boob scarf made out of gym socks and what may or may not be dried apricots. They cost $45 and are available from Etsy seller Lourdesoftheflies. I think you only get one pair for that price though. RIPOFF!
almost look real!almost feel real!
almost are real!great for winter!
If you can actually convince someone that these almost look and feel real, you could probably sell safety matches to the devil. That said, I bought two pairs just to be safe. Worse comes to worse I'll fill them with pennies and swing em around like nunchucks.
Thanks to Rich Waffle_u, who better not waffle me unless he wants a face full of knuckles!
Nov 3 2009 The Gift Of Love: A Beating Heart Plushie
Looking for the perfect gift for that special someone? Give them your heart! Well, not your actual heart (unless you know that creepy mother from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). With just a shake this $18 anatomically correct heart from ThinkGeek begins making beating noises and pulsating in your lover's hand! Perfect to sleep with whenever your significant other is out of town. Or in town cheating on you!*
*Tear absorbent
ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Plush Beating Heart: Halloween and Valentine's Day All Rolled Up Into One [uberreview]
Oct 28 2009 Ever Wonder What Mario Looks Like Naked?
Scary as hell, that's what. Like an adult-sized baby with a serious case of the wonk-eye. I don't think I'll never be able to look Mario straight in the face again. Like a friend who catches you staring at his package in the locker room after some racquetball. That said, how about somebody make one of these for Princess Peach? Unless that makes me a creep, in which case my tipster requested it. Yeah Aisha, you perv!
What's Underneath, Mario? [kotaku]
Thanks to Aisha, who totally asked for the Princess Peach thing, swear.
Sep 30 2009 Slings Let The World Know How You Did It
This is a series of slings that lets the rest of the world know how you went and broke your arm. And as a guy who's broken his thumb once and arm twice, I've got to admit: it's never stopped me from still doing dumb shit all the time. High-five for never learning lessons! But seriously, now I've got a wonk-arm now with a giant metal plate and screws in it that sends shockwaves up my arm whenever I try to do push-ups. Which is EXACTLY why I don't work out. AND HELL YES I SET OFF AIRPORT METAL DETECTORS! Just like Luke Skywalker -- except I'VE never tried slipping my sister the tongue. Step-sisters don't count!
Illustrative Slings Show How That Arm Got Boned [gizmodo]
Thanks to Romeo, whose magnetic personality alone is enough to set off an airport metal detector.
Sep 11 2009 Noooo!: Prego-Bot Gives Birth To Robo-Son
In one of the most f'ed up things I've seen in recent history, the University of Arizona Medical Center has a robotic woman that gives birth to a robotic son so that medical students can witness the horrors of robotic birth firsthand.
Named Noelle, she grunts, screams, yells at the doctors, pees, bleeds -- and yes, even gives birth (to a cute little robot baby named Hal).
Paid for with a $40,000 grant from Miami-based Guarnard Scientific, the university bought Noell, baby Hal, and another, smaller robot-baby in January. Then Noelle was taken out of commission for a while when medical students (yelp!) broke her pelvic bone.an average of 20 medical students a week diagnose all sorts of birth complications like cesareans and breach births. Noelle can even hemorrhage, all while screaming in pain and yelling things like "don't touch me" at the medical students.
Great, at this rate she's gonna have like 1,000 babies a year. WHO KEEPS KNOCKING THIS ROBOTIC BITCH UP? I'm looking at you, shifty night patrolman! DUM DUM DUM!
University of Arizona Medical Students Help Robot Give Birth to Baby Robot [phoenixnewtimes]
Thanks to Demon Spawn, who get it pregnant with like thirty little devil babies.
Aug 7 2009 Seriously, I Would Eat This Brain Cupcake
I would eat this zombie brain cupcake (made by Flickr user xsomnis) and then ask for seconds. And if there aren't any seconds, well, I'm looking at your head. I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS, SON. The hypothalamus is my favorite!
zombie food [xsomnis' Flickr]
Thanks to Jessica, who once brained a zombie with a crowbar and then licked the crowbar afterward. It's true, I saw her.
Jul 31 2009 Robotic Arms Have Come A Long Way. A Long, Much More Deadly Way (Hold Me)
This is a video of a bunch of different robotic hands showing how dexterous they are at bouncing balls, gripping things, throwing things, catching things and a bunch of other fun stuff robots shouldn't be allowed to do. I mean, what is this, robot gym class? Next thing you know they're gonna be whipping your ass with a wet towel in the locker room. WHICH IS ONLY FUN WHEN TWO GROWN MEN DO IT. Am I right guys? Love that game.
Thanks to Chris and Aroinak, who once shot a bot in Reno and didn't even stick around. Way to go guys, there could have been more.
Jul 30 2009 Blocky Love: A Tetris Heart Tattoo
A Tetris heart tattoo, I love it. I can't really tell what part of the body it's on, but I'm gonna go ahead and pretend it's not the taint. Because that would be a big one.
Hit the jump for several more Tetris tattoo, including another heart.
Jul 16 2009 *Ring* Hello -- Death?: Novelty Skull Phone
I honestly thought novelty phones went out of style when people stopped using land lines, but hey, maybe your grandparents want a damn skull phone. That's cool. Just don't let them get on the interwebs lest they hand their life savings over to a Nigerian prince. Anyway, the $25 Thriller Skull Phone from Brando is available in white and metallic copper finishes and has blue LED eyes that light up when the phone is ringing. Sadly, it's not even cordless. WHO THE HELL STILL USES CORDED PHONES? Fun fact: I saw a payphone the other day. Did you know we still had those? Me neither. There was a hooker standing nearby and everything.
brando's thriller skull phone: so this is what happened to skeletor [technabob]
Thanks to FDSY and cakey, who make all their calls the old fashioned way: by yelling.
Jul 13 2009 You're Not So Uncatchable Now, Are You?: Anatomy Of A Gingerbread Man
Jason Freeny, the man behind all the other weird anatomy studies we've featured (and possibly a med school dropout), is back at it, this time with a gingerbread man. Which reminds me: one Christmas my mom made a batch of gingerbread cookies before dinner and said I could only have one or I'd spoil my supper. Well, long story short, I ate like fifteen and got so sick I puked under the Christmas tree. I blamed it all on the dogs. You know what -- it feels good to finally tell somebody. I've been meaning to get this off my chest ever since it happened. 2008 was a bad Christmas for the Geekologie Writer.
Thanks to Jason, the man behind the scalpel.
Jun 25 2009 That's Depressing: Dead People Jewelry
Want some jewelry that will remind you of your deceased loved ones because it's made with parts of them? Then you're in luck, thanks to necromancer and design student Anna Schwamborn (not to be confused with Anna Schwamdied).
Besides pure hair being used, cremated human ashes are mixed with black bone china, the world´s highest class porcelain.
The objects are supposed to be worn close to the body of the mourner symbolizing a lasting physical connection between two individuals even after death.Furthermore this collection is supposed to remind the wearer on the fragility and appreciation of life and most importantly, acting as a keepsake.
Wow, that was depressing. Quick, I need something entirely inappropriate. Got it -- ex-girlfriend panty collection for the save! Whew, that was a close one.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the possibilities.
Jun 23 2009 Don't Squash Me, Bro!: Cockroach Heart May Hold Key To Better Artificial Human Hearts
Sure it may look like an electric motor inside a bocce ball inside a bomb with nipple shields glued on, but it's actually a pump inside a bocce ball inside a bomb with nipple shields glued on. And apparently it's the key to building a better heart.
...while human hearts have four chambers, a cockroach heart uses 13 leaving plenty of redundancy. When a chamber fails in a human heart, you basically have a heart attack and most likely die, while a cockroach can have a chamber fail and barely notice it.
This new Biventricular Pump artificial heart developed at the Indian Institute of Technology in Kharagpur, uses a multi-chamber design just like those pesky roaches, and designer Sujoy K. Guha says that this vastly improves its long term reliability when compared with more traditional pneumatic designs.
Well alright, I'm all for a better built heart. Especially considering how women are so prone to RIPPING THEM OUT AND TEARING THEM APART. No, really, I'm not bitter.
Indian artificial heart design uses cockroach heart technology [dvice]
Thanks to FDSY, who is helping me build an iron heart.
Jun 23 2009 UPDATE: 56 Star Faced Girl A Dirty Liar
In an unshocking turn of events that surprised no one, it turns out the tattooed star face girl is a dirty liar and a slag. Okay, I dunno about the slag part, but I've always wanted to say it and figured now's my chance.
Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, claimed that she'd asked for three small stars but fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with a whole galaxy on her face.
But she has now confessed she knew exactly what tattoo parlour owner Rouslan Toumaniantz was doing but changed her mind later.She said she lied because her father was "furious".
Pathetic. Of course your father got furious, Kimberley, THAT'S WHAT FATHERS DO. Also, drink and forget your birthday. :(
Tattoo girl: 'I lied about my stars' [metro]
Thanks to Thumperchica, who called this from the beginning because she has common sense can see the future.
Jun 23 2009 Only In Latvia: Secure A Loan With You Soul
Actually, I heard it works in hell too. But for those of you that like it a little cooler, a Latvian firm is offering loans of 50 to 500 Latvian lats ($100 to $1,000) secured only by your immortal soul.
Riga-based firm, named Kontora, does not require credit history record or proof of employment.
According to the agreement, the only security required of the borrower is their immortal soul, which they are asked to confirm as their previously unmortgaged property.
Damn you, previously unmortgaged property clause! You see, I was in Georgia sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot. I won a bike. With a red-hot poker for a seat. Damn you, devil!
Latvian firm accepts souls as guarantee for credits [mosnews]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who lost his soul in a game of beer pong. Jesus, Spikey -- I like your style.
Jun 19 2009 Wow, Just Wow: NES Controller Scarification
Link is possibly NSFW depending on how your boss feels about vomit on your keyboard. GRAPHIC: LOOK AT YOUR OWN RISK.
After the jump you will find a picture of BME member Metal_Games, who had the likeness of a NES controller cut into the back of his leg AND THEN THE SKIN REMOVED. Hey, different strokes for different folks. I like freestyle.
The stencil went on, and we were ready to go. Starting with the lines, the pain wasn't half as bad as I'd expected. In fact, it was a breeze for the most part. It took Jeffrey, the artist, about 20 minutes to cut all the lines. A couple of deep breaths, and we went straight on to removing the skin...
Fun fact: it took me five smelling salts to write this post.
Hit it if you dare.
Continue Reading " Wow, Just Wow: NES Controller Scarification "
Jun 2 2009 For The Ladies: Reader's Sweet Zelda Tattoo
In a power move to impress Zelda tattoo girl (she's mine!), Geekologie Reader Erik got a badass Zelda tattoo of his own. Which, I think we can all agree, contrasts the flaming skull beautifully.
Thanks to Ronni and Erik, who know swinging a master sword and yelling is the way to any woman's heart.
May 7 2009 Wow, That's Pretty Brutal: 8-Bit Fatalities
Flickr user tastypaints.com has a dream. A dream about what Mortal Kombat-style fatalities would look like in oldschool, 8-bit games. Nice, tastypaints (I'll keep him occupied, you call the nuthouse).
Before Mortal Kombat, violence in video games was largely unheard of or ignored because of its extreme pixelized simplicity. But when Liu Kang and Sub Zero came along to finish off arcade goers the world changed and parents were in an uproar (not mine though).
Just because you didn't see pac-man violently tearing into the ghosts with his jaws, or mario smashing in the brains of a goomba, thats what I knew was happening. I knew my goal was to kill these enemies, so Mortal Kombat wasn't a big change for me. And so, I decided to show everyone just what I imagined was happening when these little blocky, pixelized abstractions did when they came into contact with eachother, but in a much more visceral, and gory way than could ever be shown with limited graphical systems.
Interesting, tastypaints (are they on their way -- did you tell them to bring a straitjacket?). Hit the jump for two more, and then check out the Flickr gallery to see them all. Haha, they're here! Tastypaints you are going away for a long, long time you demented little -- NO NOT ME, HIM! WHAT IN THE....DAMN YOU, GEEKOLOGIE READER! Well played.
Hit it.
Continue Reading " Wow, That's Pretty Brutal: 8-Bit Fatalities "
May 5 2009 Pfft, Who Needs Ears?: Pierced Glasses
Born without ears? Lose them in a samurai sword fight? Whatever the case, for those of you who have found yourself both aurally and ocularly challenged, you may want to consider pierced glasses. Pierced glasses are a pair of prescription eyeglasses that stay affixed to your ugly mug via a piercing through the nose. Pretty clever. Not as clever as just having Lasik surgery so you can shoot lasers out of your eyeballs, but hey, laser vision isn't for everyone. And, incidentally, neither are laser-wangs. Go ask The Superficial Writer why he's blind in one eye.
Pierced Eyeglasses [bmezine]
Thanks to Warfaremonkey, who wears a pierced hat and is now limited to the use of his animal brain like Phineas Gage.
Apr 21 2009 Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye
Rob Spence has had eye problems since a shooting accident at 13. Now 36, Rob had the eye removed three years ago and decided he wants a video camera in it's place. Only problem: getting a video camera in its place.
Thus far, they've built devices that create wireless NTSC signals--the sort of standard wireless signal a television uses--and are now working on getting this to work in sync with a miniature camera and a battery, all attached to a printed circuit board, all of which has to fit inside a prosthetic eye.
So in the meantime Rob sports the Terminator eye to drum up interest in the project and try to score some funding. Good luck, Rob. And by good luck I mean I won't hesitate to go John Connor on that ass if I have to.
Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the superlong article.
