Oct 4 2009 Don't Tell The Robots!: Blood Powered Lamp
Awesome, a lamp powered by human blood. Because this will end well.
What if, every time you wanted to switch on a light, you had to bleed? Would you think twice before illuminating the room, and in turn, using up energy?
That's the idea behind the blood lamp, invented by Mike Thomspon, an English designer based in The Netherlands. The lamp contains luminol - the same chemical forensic scientists use to check for traces of blood at a crime scence. Luminol reacts with the iron in red blood cells and creates a bright blue glow. To use the lamp, you first need to mix in an activating powder. Then, you break the glass, cut yourself, and drip blood into the opening.
And this, my friends, is how our robotic overlords will read their Kindles at night. And I'll be damned if I become some robot's lamp juice. You hear me?! You will never take my blood! Quick, Edward, bite me! DO IT NOW, NANCY! *swoon* God I love your hair.
Lamp Runs On Human Blood [livescience]
Thanks to Dustin, who has never kissed a vampire (he didn't like).
Sep 28 2009 Not Just For Vampires: Blood Energy Drink
Blood Energy Potion is a $6 energy drink (availableJanuary 2010) that was made to look -- and have the same nutritional value -- of real blood. That's pretty gross.
"The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! "
Pfft, forget synthetic blood. I drink the real deal. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MY FALLEN ENEMIES?! Say, none of you had AIDS, right?
Product Site
via
Blood Energy Drink [likecool]
Thanks to Ste, who is holding out for a bile energy drink. HORF.
Sep 15 2009 Are You Out Of Your Damn Mind? Alternatively: Oh Helllllllll No: A Needle Wielding, Blood Sucking Robot
Can you count the number of things wrong in the picture above? If you answered, "every single one", congratulations, you are correct. You see, Bloodbot is a robot designed to stab you with a needle. And I think we can all agree: that is exactly NOT what Jesus would do.
The robot consists of an arm with a needle and a probe. In order to find an accessible vein, the robot probes around your arm until it finds an area of flesh that is a little bit less squishy than the rest. Then it jabs you with a needle, and when it feels a little pop indicating that it's punched through into a vein, it knows to stop the jabbage, lest it go right through the other side of your vein, out the back of your arm, and into your femoral artery, causing a massive amount of hemorrhaging that will no doubt kill you in minutes.
So far, the robot is accurate about 78% of the time.
Hell no. Helllllllllll no. I don't care if it's accurate 110% of the time, no robot is getting anywhere near these precious, alcohol filled veins with a needle. I'd rather stab myself in the heart with a cannonball. And not just because I'm a pirate, but I do love booty. Seriously -- back that thang up, wench!
Bloodbot Stabs You Like A Pro [botjunkie]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and qix, who once stabbed a pair of robots in the eyes with syringes full of acid and made them melt from the inside out. Nice, guys, I like your style.
Sep 1 2009 I Must Have It!: Magical Unicorn Juice
Some guy on eBay recently sold the last jar of unicorn semen in the United States for $31 plus $3 flat rate shipping. If you were the buyer please contact me, as I must have some. *ahem* For science, for science (if I repeat things it makes them real).
This is possibly the only jar of Unicorn semen left in the united states.Unicorns were bred for their magic and keen night hunting skills to protect lepreachauns that had been injured in battle during the civil war. Unicorns were only found in two places on the planet, the northern and southern hemispheres. Anyone in possession of this rare and magical fluid will be able to swim with the wolves and fly with the dolphins as its powers are still being found.I opened the jar while i was on my computer and my computer flickered for a minute and i realized the semen had helped me kill Yogg-Saron on my World of Warcraft account and i recieved the Shawl of Haunted memories and the Mantle of the Wayward Conqueror. i have already been blessed and recieved my gift...so i'm going to pass the power onto someone else. Do not drink the unicorn semen as the power is too much for the human digestive system and could change your DNA and give you the shits. Bid, but Bid Wisely.
Do not drink, my ass. I have an iron stomach (and lung) and am gonna guzzle that whole jar like I'm shotgunning a beer. LASER VISION, YOU WILL BE MINE!
Thanks Chris, but if I found out you bought it and aren't sharing, well, that's just cruel. GIVE ME A SIP!
Sep 1 2009
Possessed: The Boy Who Cries Wolf Blood
15-year old Calvino Inman is just like any other 15 year old boy. Except he's possessed by the devil and cries tears of blood. BURN HIM WITH FIRE! Now I'm not saying this a hoax, but I am saying I caught Calvino siphoning red food coloring up his ass (strictly by accident, I swear). DUM DUM DUM! Book 'em, Danno.
Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who has to remind herself how to walk or she gets all tripped up.
Jul 8 2009 Problem Solved!: Turning Urine Into Hydrogen
Finally, I can sleep at night: scientists have discovered a way to turn urine into hydrogen. And you said I was crazy for collecting it in milk jugs!
From a group led by chemist Gerardine Botte of Ohio University comes a report (just published in the Royal Society of Chemistry's journal Chemical Communications) that hydrogen has been produced from urine.
According to a July 3, 2009 story on PhysOrg.com, "Urine's major constituent is urea, which incorporates four hydrogen atoms per molecule -- importantly, less tightly bonded than the hydrogen atoms in water molecules.""Botte uses electrolysis to break the molecule apart, developing an inexpensive new nickel-based electrode to selectively and efficiently oxidise the urea. To break the molecule down, a voltage of 0.37V needs to be applied across the cell -- much less than the 1.23V needed to split water.
So, you know what this means, right? Wait for it....wait for it....the P-bomb. Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. Make sure to tip your bartender and maybe steal a bottle for me when they're not looking. *tap tap* Haha, is this still on?
21st-century alchemy: Hydrogen from urine [bookofjoe]
Thanks to towhee, who pees in swimming pools.
Jul 6 2009 Gruesome: Billboards Bleed When It Rains
An ad agency in New Zealand made a series of billboards that remind drivers to slow down and "drive to the conditions" during the rainy season. The billboards, which feature a young person's face, start bleeding whenever it rains.
"The advertising agency that came up with the sign says the goal was to reduce the road toll by creating maximum awareness through unease."
Unease is right, I can barely look at my monitor, let alone the road. HOLY SHIT I'M DRIVING.
Bleeding Billboard [buzzfeed]
Thanks to towhee, who just pulls over and makes out whenever it rains. Oooh la la.
Apr 5 2009 Let Me Guess, Robots Invented These Too: Little Batteries Powered By Human Blood
It may look like the world's smallest golden wallet, but it's actually a cyborg battery. You see, in the future robots will harvest humans to provide the blood they need to recharge their batteries. Well, happy Sunday to you too!
A small colony of yeast lives inside each battery, and this living core of the fuel cell can draw energy from glucose (sugar) in blood flowing around it. According to New Scientist:
The yeast-based fuel cell produces around 40 nanowatts of power, compared to the microwatt a typical wristwatch battery might produce, Chaio says. That might be enough power for some devices if it were coupled with a capacitor to allow energy to be stored. The yeast could also be genetically engineered to boost its power output.
Great news. No really, that's just wonderful. Currently, scientists are considering the cyborg battery for use in pacemakers and other implantable devices, while robots are considering how much blood they need to power chainsaws and laser blasters. But I'll tell you one thing -- ain't no robotic vampire drilling this neck. Eat oak, Dracu-bot! *tink* Oh shit.
Batteries That Feed on Blood [io9]
Thanks to David, Jon and Jamie, who refuse to donate blood to a damn robot.
Mar 24 2009 British Scientists Producing Synthetic Blood
Apparently British scientists are ahead of everyone else in the race to produce a synthetic blood supply using stem cells. Go you, Britain, here's a teacake.
Because stem cells multiply indefinitely, it would be possible to enormous quantities, researchers said.
The cells can be made from universal donor embryos - the O-negative type - and can be guaranteed to be free of infections because they have never been inside a human.The idea of destroying embryos to create stem cells raises ethical issues, but in theory, just one embryo could meet the nation's needs.
Stem cells aside, I think the real issue is this: if synthetic blood is so readily available, how are we going to track the vampire population? I've seen Blade, those bastards are crafty. I suggest we start culling the herd now before it's too late. And speaking of culling -- I'll take care of Edward, you get the rest.
British scientists on course to become the first to produce synthetic human blood [dailymail]
Thanks to phuzzygish, who one made some pretty believable synthetic blood with corn syrup and food coloring.
Feb 27 2009 Guy Makes Realistic Bioshock Syringe
Harrison Krix, the same guy that made the realistic Portal gun for his girlfriend has gone and made himself an ADAM syringe from Bioshock. Krix is a prop designer by trade, so it comes as no surprise he loves making this sort of thing.
Krix started with the pump and handle of the syringe, which he noted was modeled in the game after 1920's era gasoline pumps. Guess there are a lot of old-timey gasoline scraps lying around Atlanta, because Krix found his own pump, circa 1926, to use in his project. After that, he found a glass container to hold his "ADAM," added a cap to the end of the handle, and then stuck on the needle, which he built from a foot-long piece of PVC.
From there, he built some LED lights into the ADAM chamber to give his ADAM (which he made with red dye, hairgel and water) that freshly-harvested-from-human-flesh glow. For the piece de resistance, he attached a baby bottle nipple to the ADAM chamber, so you can pretend to drink the ADAM just like a Little Sister would. After that, it was just a matter of adding weathering effects to make the thing look like it'd been around the block of a failed underwater utopia.
I'd drink from it. Krix does commission work too so check out his blog if you're interested in him making you something. I'm already requested a Master Sword and Triforce though, so it may take him a while to get to your project. And speaking of which: I really don't feel safe when I come to visit, you should move.
Hit the jump for several more shots(!) of the awesome.
UPDATE: ZOMG, he already made a Master Sword, along with Hylean shield and Midna's helmet! Go here to check them out.
Dec 29 2008 Mmmm, Gutsy: A Thorax Cake
Damn that looks delicious. I just want to eat it up. Then slather the leftovers on a naked chick, take some moderately tasteful(!) erotic photographs, and sneak out a window while she cleans up.
The plan was for each organ to be made out of a different kind of cake and to secrete a different color of fluid when it was cut into. Previous heart cakes have bled fresh, homemade raspberry sauce. Sadly, the organs didn't bleed as well as I had hoped when I cut the cake, as each organ was relatively small and couldn't hold much sauce. Also all the moving around after filling the organs made it hard to keep the sauce contained in the little cavities I hollowed out. The heart bled pretty well, but the other organ fluids weren't very dramatic.
Heart - orange cake with raspberry sauce
Lungs - apple spice cake with strawberry sauce
Kidneys - orange cake with blueberry sauce
Stomach - ginger cake with mango sauce
Liver - chocolate cake with kiwi sauce
Small Intestine - jelly roll with red currant jelly
My God does that sound good. And I'm not even a big fan of purification organs. Now pipe organs -- that's another story. DOOT DOO DOO DOO DOO -- DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT!! Anybody? Phantom of the Opera!
Hit the jump for a ton more of the construction and final product.
Nov 21 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: World's Worst Cookbook
This is the world's worst cookbook. It's called Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes. I just puked in my mouth a little.
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!
The 61-page cookbook costs $25 and looks like a joke. So I put one in my shopping cart and proceeded to the checkout waiting for some sort of April Fool's notification. Nope, I just ordered a jizz cookbook.
Product Page (which, if you go to you can actually use the little picture on the left to look through some of the book. Which I totally didn't do.
Thanks to Julian, who invited me over for dinner. NOM NOM NOM!
Oct 8 2008 I Lost His Arm: Detachable Parts Zombie Doll
The Dismember-Me Plush Zombie from ThinkGeek ($15) is a cuddly little zombie with detachable parts. You can rip his arms, legs and head off, and his brain even comes out. To eat! However, the toy is not for children.
Choking Hazard - Small Parts. Not suitable for Children under 3 years. This is an Adult toy.
Haha, no, this is not an adult toy -- adult toys require batteries and lube. Also, a willing partner. Ladies?
Hit the jump for one more picture and a video of the undead bastards.
Continue Reading " I Lost His Arm: Detachable Parts Zombie Doll "
Jun 6 2008 OMGWTFNOBBQ?: Cannibal Banquets
A "Cannibal Banquet" is gross and involves eating a sort of fake human.
Here's how the Cannibal Banquet works... a pinata-like "body" is carefully crafted, then stuffed with edible goodies in a red sauce. More "sauce" is somehow embedded into the outside covering - "skin" as it were - of the body so that it will appear to bleed when cut into.
What.The.F***? And I thought the Bread Head Bakery was an assault on good taste. This cannibal banquet is a fullblown wack attack. I'd still try it though. Save the neck for me, Clark. Ooh, and a breast.
Hit the jump for worthwhile before and after shots (don't worry, the beaver is pixelated in traditional Japanese porn fashion).
Nov 19 2007 Temporary Tattoos: When Love Doesn't Last
Freedom 2, a tattoo ink company, has just released a line of ink that can be removed with a single laser treatment. The ink is produced by encasing water soluble pigments within insoluble polymers. The ink is visable as long as the small polymer beads (5-6 microns) aren't ruptured. When a laser does break the beads during removal, the soluble ink is reprocessed by the body and the tattoo disappears. Geez, where was this when I got married the first two times? Women get pretty disturbed by my 'Martha Forever' and 'Samantha Till I Die' tattoos whenever I remove my pants. Well, by those and the fact that I just took my pants off on the bus.
Erasable Tattoos Are Less Of A Regret [ohgizmo]
Sep 11 2007 Rechargable Batteries Run On What?
Urine! That's right folks, the NoPoPo (!!!) batteries from Japan can be recharged using your own bodily fluid (or any other that's primarily water). When the charge dies in these things you use that little baster that it comes with to charge them back up. Allegedly the magnesium and carbon react in a magical way to produce more energy. No word on price or how you're supposed to get urine into the little squeeze tube, but I imagine not easily. Just don't get lazy and try to cut out that step by peeing directly in your electronics. You'll end up not charging anything but your personals. ZAP!
Rechargable Batteries Run On What? [therawfeed]
