Oct 31 2009 Guy Needs 1M Facebook Fans And Girlfriend Will Let Him Turn House Into A Pirate Ship
First of all, the only Facebook group you really need to join is Geekologie's (and NOT The Superficial's). But if you're into joining every group possible you can join this guy's, whose girlfriend has agreed to let him pirate-theme their house if he gets 1,000,000 fans.
I've always wanted to be a pirate, and the onlyway I can truely do this is to live aboard a pirate ship, as I am tied into a house and a mortgage with this house, and I dont live anywhere near the sea, the only thing I can do is to turn my house into a massive pirate ship.
I already have enough money to buy some wooden slats from B&Q, I just need to get my girlfriend to agree to remortgage the house so that I can afford decking, and masts, and eventually sails.If 1 million people joined this group it would help her understand that this isnt such a bad idea, and lots of people would do it as well, and it would help my dream come true.
If you can leave a piratty message on the wall, it would also help.
I was going to join but then I saw dude already has 988,756 fans, so he's practically there. And by 'there' I mean on my shit-list. NOBODY OUT PIRATE-HOUSES ME!
Thanks to Nikki, Dan, AJ and Lemrin, who all live in ninja-houses and have vowed to burn dude's pirate house to the ground to prove their stealthy supremacy.
Oct 9 2009 Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea
The $200,000 WaterCar is the lovechild of a Corvette that fell in love with a cigarette boat. But, like having sex with a mermaid, everyone will tell you it was just a manatee.
Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car, and you get the WaterCar Python, the fastest and highest-performing amphibious vehicle in the world. If zipping over the water at a top speed of 60mph doesn't float your boat, it'll accelerate on land at a neck-snapping 0-to-60 speed of a mere 4.5 seconds.
Call me old fashioned, but I like all my vehicles single-purpose. If it drives on the road, I don't want it in the ocean or sky. I mean, that's just more stuff to go wrong. And wrong, my friends, is the opposite of right. And two Wrights made an airplane. ZING! Thanks for that one, dad.
Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the thing in action (worthwhile stuff starts at 0:50).
Continue Reading " Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea "
Jun 15 2009 Raytheon Gets Contract For Laser Weapon
Raytheon, a company best known for my brother and I both swearing we saw an airplane land on top of one of their buildings in Huntsville, Alabama, has received a Navy contract to draw up the initial design of a powerful burning 100-kW Fee Electron Laser (which may or may not look like an automotive engine) to be mounted on seagoing vessels. Pew pew? No. PEW PEW!
Once designed, the naval operators could adjust the wavelength of the laser, which wasn't possible with conventional lasers. This helps compensate for the varying humidity associated with ship-borne situations.
The laser beams could be used against missiles, airplanes, or even boats.
I need one of these for my car. Seriously, I'm tired of sitting in traffic. And let me tell you, I don't just road rage, I road man-rage. You ever seen a guy tear off his own steering wheel, jam it down an air-conditioning vent and then sob uncontrollably? If you've ridden with me you have.
Navy/Raytheon working on 100kW weaponized laser: cue the 'pew-pew' sound effects [dvice]
Jun 10 2009 Iceberg, Dead Ahead!: Your Own R/C Titanic
Want a 1:150 (~6-foot) R/C scale model of the Titanic? These monster water gobbling whores allegedly have over 300 handmade parts and take over 400 man-hours to complete. You can buy them too, provided you've got a cool $2,500 lying around. Which, if you do, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE? *sockful of pennies you in the face* Haha, the boat is mine! TOOT TOOOOT! [Insert joke about going down on my ship]
Product Page
via
Remote-controlled scale model of the Titanic is asking for trouble [dvice]
May 18 2009 Not A Plane: Winged Submarine Is Confused
The Super Falcon isn't a bird at all. OR IS IT?!? No, it's not. It's a submarine with wings. The brainchild of British inventor Graham Hawkes, the sub is capable of diving to depths of 1,500 feet, achieving breakneck speeds of up to six knots (~7MPH or some really kinky bondage), and traveling approximately 25 nautical miles on a battery charge.
Mr Hawkes said: 'After twenty years of prototyping, Super Falcon is our most advanced and elegant submersible yet, encompassing all the innovations we made in introducing underwater flight from the surface to the bottom of the ocean.'
'It is advanced enough to go barrel-rolling with dolphins, spy-hopping with whales or searching for sunken galleons,' Mr Hawkes added.
Oh hell yes -- I want to go barrel rolling with dolphins and have sex with the Loch Ness Monster! Nessie -- NESSIE! She's a relative of the dinosaurs you know. RAWR! Or should I say WUWW!? That's RAWR underwater.
Hit the jump for several more shots of all the fun to be had.
Continue Reading " Not A Plane: Winged Submarine Is Confused "
Feb 12 2009 Music Video: I Never Thought I'd Be On A Boat
NOTE: Video is clean version but still has lots of bleeping out since every other word is a bad one. Watch at full volume.
This is the latest from The Lonely Island, the SNL crew that made a music album. The song, I'm On A Boat, is about being on a boat. Which *yawn* is nothing special if you're a pirate captain like me. Screw your boat, I'm on a ship, bitches.
I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate shipYou best swab my deck or I'll hook that lip
I got cannons -- I got an anchor too
Come pillage with me on the ocean blue
I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate ship
I gots a wooden leg, bitch, I walk with a limp
We gettin' treasure -- and that booty too
I pop my pistol "YAAAAR!", while I'm aiming at you
And that, my friends, is how it's done. Now where do I sign for the record deal?
Clean Version [youtube]
and
Uncensored Version
Thanks to Jon, who is more than welcome to come sail away with me, Styx style.
Nov 26 2008 Rubber Duckies To Solve Global Warming
No, not really. But the yellow buggers are helping scientists track the speed of melting glaciers. Whee?
Should Greenland's 2.17 million square miles of ice ever melt completely, the water could raise sea level world-wide by 24 feet, swamping coastal cities that are home to millions of people. As Dr. Behar at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory soon discovered, though, there isn't much money for global-warming experiments in Greenland.
Consequently, Dr. Behar and his colleagues at the University of Colorado this past August released 90 yellow rubber ducks into the melt water flowing down a chasm in the largest of Greenland's 200 glaciers -- the Jakobshavn Isbrae -- which has been thinning rapidly since 1997.Each duck was imprinted with an e-mail address and, in three languages, the offer of a reward.
Geez, what shameless litterbugs. Wait, did that say reward? What do you think it is, $100? Okay, now what's $100 times 90 -- $900,000 right? Let's charter a boat!
Rubber Duckies to Help Track Speed of Melting Glaciers [foxnews]
Thanks to Sam, who doesn't play with toys in the bath anymore.
Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down
Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.
Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.
You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!
Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.
Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "
Oct 10 2008 Sure, Why Not?: A Giant Guitar Boat
Like the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough build a giant freaking guitar boat and cruise around in that mother like PUT PUT PUT". Am I right? I'm wrong. Anyway, this is Indie rocker Josh Pyke taking a fully functional guitar boat for a spin in the music video for his song "Make You Happy". I tried to find the video and couldn't, but apparently the dude's got some musical skills. But no boating ones. He crashed into a dock and spilled a ton of notes. You know, notes -- like musical notes. Because it's a guitar. Fine, somebody come AIDS me in the face, I deserve it.
Giant guitar is a seaworthy motorboat [dvice]
Oct 9 2008 Uh-Oh, I Think We're Sinking: Titanic Ice
A couple of days ago it was ice bullets and today, ice boats. The Titanic to be precise. Gin & Titonic ($7.49) by Fred are little boat and iceberg shaped ice molds meant to resemble the Titanic. Buy several sets to play drinking Battleship!
Thanks to Karina, who I'd risk drowning in a sea of gin to save any day.
Jul 23 2008 RC Fishing Boat Does The Work For You
Ha, did my boss just catch me playing Solomon's Key on FireNes (note: version 1.1 is out so it may work now for those of you that were having problems) when I was supposed to be making a spreadsheet? Yes, yes he did. Anyway, some Japanese company is selling an RC fishing boat called KAMOME. It does all the work for you, so it's not even like you're fishing anymore, it's like you're driving an RC fishing boat. The 24 pound boat comes with a sonar system for spotting fish, GPS capabilities, and can catch fish up to about 4.5 pounds. The radio controller has a 5" LCD that displays the sonar and other ship data and has a range of about 1/3 of a mile. Unfortunately the damn thing costs over $5,000. So now instead of boring your friends with the story about "the one that got away", you can tell them the one about the Geekologie Writer sinking your $5,000 RC fishing boat.
JAPAN: Radio Controlled Fishing Boat [hobbymedia]
Thanks Francesco, now lets torpedo that sucker, just for the halibut.
Jul 17 2008 Epic Failure: Kid Riding Jet Ski In Hot Tub
This is a short video of an asscap riding a jet ski in a hot tub. It's every bit the epic failure you'd expect. The whole time I was waiting for a cruise ship to come along and crush the dumb bastard to death, but my prayer went unanswered. Something about God hating me.
UPDATE: I'd like to apologize to all of you who were misled into thinking that Captain Numbnuts of the USS Special Ed was going to hurt himself by the inclusion of "epic failure" in the title and post. If it's any consolation, there was nobody wishing him more harm than myself. And also, YAAAAAAAAA! *UMPH* -- there, I just punched myself in the go-go-gadget-gonads for you.
Jul 8 2008 Dolphin Submarine/Boat Thing Could Be Fun
The Innerspace Dolphin and Seabreacher and water vessels designed to look and behave like actual dolphins. They're powered by a little engine in the back and you can do all sorts of fun stuff like barrel rolls, jumps, dives and drownings. I want one pretty bad. The Seabreacher just became available for sale this spring, unfortunately I couldn't find a price. Allegedly the smaller Dolphin model went for around $50,000, but I couldn't find any verification of this figure. Anybody know? Also, do you think they'll come out with a Dolphinbreacher model in the future? Because that's what I really see myself doing. Besides, I've already had sex with a porpoise. The porpoise was to get my girlfriend pregnant so she wouldn't leave me! HAH AHA HA HAH AH !! She left anyways. Hated puns.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, a commercial of the thing in action, and a link to the website if you want to buy one.
Continue Reading " Dolphin Submarine/Boat Thing Could Be Fun "
Jun 27 2008 Half RV, Half Houseboat, All Totally Awesome
Cool Amphibious Manufacturers International retrofits RV's to make them amphibious. You just drive the massive mother into a lake, and presto, houseboat for the weekend. I want one badly but they cost anywhere between $850,000 - $1.2 million, putting them about $850,000 - $1.2 million out of my price range. Oh well, I guess I can always steal the neighbor's RV and drive it into the lake. It might float. Some sugar in the gas tank should do the trick. Check out a link to the company's website after the jump -- they even make an amphibious SUV and sports car. Neat shit. Certainly brings new meaning the the phrase, "I drove my RV into a lake", doesn't it?
Friend: What did you get into this weekend?
Me: You know, the usual -- I drove my RV into the lake.
Friend: HA! No seriously.
Me: I'm being serious, it's amphibious.
Friend: Man, if you're just gonna lie--
Me: Fine asshole, I had sex with some chick from outerspace.
Friend: No way! Do they really have three tits?
Hit the jump for some more shots and a link to their pictureful website.
Oh, and have a great weekend!
Continue Reading " Half RV, Half Houseboat, All Totally Awesome "
Jun 26 2008 World's Largest Pool: No, Not The Ocean
Although it might as well be. The San Alfonso del Mar is a 1,013 meter, 19-acre pool on the central coast of Chile. It holds 66 million gallons of filtered sea-water and even has a 115-foot deep end (making it even deeper than yesterday's pool). Although I think we can all agree this is actually less of a pool and more of a man-made lake. I have a rule: if you can boat on it, it's not a pool. But that's just me. As you can see, the pool is just a stone's throw from the beach, which begs the question, "Did you not see that massive natural pool right there before you built this thing?" Regardless, it took approximately five years and $2 billion to complete. Maintenance costs are estimated to be about $4 million a year -- and that's just to retrieve floaters!
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the ridiculousness.
Continue Reading " World's Largest Pool: No, Not The Ocean "
Jun 16 2008 A Lilypad For The Flood-Induced Apocalypse
The Lilypad Floating Ecopolis for Climate Refugees is a giant floating city that people can live on when the world floods because Al Gore was right. It looks weird but I reserved a spot anyways because I'll be damned if I live in a flooded house. Unless fish promised to swim around my legs while I watch TV, in which I'd consider it. Similar in concept to the Freedom Ship, this mammoth floater would likely cater to the rich. The architectures behind the design believe we'll need these things by 2100 because half of the world will have disappeared underwater. Or maybe just a third will be flooded, I forgot what they said. Maybe just my bathtub. The most unbelievable part about the whole thing? That they had the gall to include marine life in the picture! HA -- like they'll be anything alive in the oceans by 2100. I know, pretty depressing. Seriously though, I have to have sex with a mermaid before they're extinct.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures (including one in which they intentionally made a city look like it's burning even though they're just supposed to be the lights from cars and buildings), along with a link to the project page with a bunch more info.
Continue Reading " A Lilypad For The Flood-Induced Apocalypse "
May 30 2008 I Want This Boat -- The Wallypower 118
The $33 million Wallypower 118 is the boat of my dreams. Its 118 feet are powered by five engines -- 2 diesels for tooting around the marina, and 3 jet turbines, for pirating at over 70 MPH. At top speed it guzzles a liter of fuel per second, which limits the range of its 22 ton fuel tanks to 400 nautical miles (compared to 1,500 nm if you're just putting around with the diesels at 9 knots). I could go on and on about how I want to get one and pirate my life away, but instead I'll just say this: I take back all the mean things I said about the guy that has sex with cars, because I would totally do this boat.
A TON more pictures that you WILL look at because I spent a lot of time editing them (and there's one of a chick in a bikini from 50 miles away). Also, some videos.
May 27 2008 Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me
This is allegedly the world's first solar-powered speedboat, the Dutch-built Czeers MK1. The 33-foot aquatic transportation device is capable of doing about 30 knots (~35 MPH) and is powered entirely from energy generated from its 14 square meters of photovoltaic cells. No word on cost, but who cares, I definitely couldn't afford one (if you think you could though we should be totally be friends). So, you think it'll make an appearance in the next Bond flick? I sure hope not -- I'd hate to see it destroyed in one way or another. But what I wouldn't hate to see is the return of Pussy Galore. Unless they insisted on using the original actress from Goldfinger (Honor Blackman, 82). If I saw Bond hitting that in the theater I'd gouge my eyes out with the straw from a $6 soda. Actually, forget about Galore, they should just try to get her granddaughter, Snatch Abunch.
A bunch of close-ups of the boat after the jump.
UPDATE: Horrible quality video with an allegedly awesome soundtrack added.
Continue Reading " Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me "
Apr 7 2008 Man Builds Canoe Out Of Used Chopsticks
Shuhei Ogawara is a former city employee of Koriyama, Japan. He worked in city hall, and one day decided that it was f'ed up all the cafeteria's disposable chopsticks were going in the trash after a single use. So what did he do? What any normal person would -- he somehow retrieved said chopsticks and made a freaking canoe.
Ogawara spent over 3 months gluing 7,382 chopsticks together into strips to form the canoe shell, to which he added a polyester resin coat. The canoe weighs about 30 kilograms (66 lbs), which is a bit heavier than an ordinary cedar canoe, but Ogawara is confident it will float. A launching ceremony is planned for May at nearby Lake Inawashiro.
That's awesome. As someone who regularly throws things in the lake to see if they float, I'm behind you, Ogawara. Also, I stabbed my roommate with a used chopstick once. But not before I coated the tip with wasabi. He died. Suck it, poison dart frogs.
Canoe made from disposable chopsticks [pinktentacle]
Thanks to Melissa, who never lets me down, for the tip
Feb 22 2008 Waveboat Is A Boat Attachment For Jet Skis
The Waveboat attaches to a Jet Ski in under 60 seconds and effectively turns your personal watercraft into a boat. It costs $8,000 but is currently only available for attachment to Yamaha Waverunners. That may change if they catch on. And I definitely see that happening. Just look at all the extra beer storage space it provides. You could fit kegs up there.
UPDATE: The Geekologie writer does not condone the act of drinking and boating. Despite the fact that they were seemingly made for each other. But trust me, I wrecked my buddy's boat. In my defense though that mermaid really did come out of nowhere.
The Waveboat - Turn your personal watercraft into a jetboat in 60 seconds [bornrich]
