Oct 31 2009 FYI: This Is How Geekologie Gets Written

I was sitting on it the whole time!!

Picture [thechive]

Thanks to Uberscooter, as badass as a scooter can be.

Oct 21 2009 WoW Tankard O' Terror To Be Real Product

I'm not allowed to play World of Warcraft anymore because my mom canceled my account but I'm still buying this Tankard O' Terror stein because I want to brain my enemies with it. For those of you not the know, the Tankard O' Terror is a mace weapon dropped by Coren Dinebrew during the 2009 BrewFest event in the game.

Those guilty of emaciating their bodies by whiling away months of life in World of Warcraft are probably going to have a little trouble with the heft of this 4 lb tankard, especially if it is filled to its two-liter capacity (which will add another 4.5lbs to the overall weight).

The tankard will cost $50 and be available in January. Plus, I heard chugging the full stein provides +10 drunkeness. Better equip your Pukey Boots!

Product Site
via
Tankard O'Terror Replica Stein, a Manly Vessel For Uber-geeks [uberreview]

Oct 15 2009 Fail: Drunkest Man Ever Tries To Buy Beer

MUST WATCH. Sad and funny at the same time -- my favorite!

This is what may very well be the world's drunkest (plus pills!) man attempting to buy beer from a convenience store. His perseverance is amazing. Don't get me wrong, he still fails miserably, but he's a hero in my book. Because, sometimes, trying is enough.

Drunkest Guy Ever Goes for More Beer [break]

Thanks to Eddie, who's been known to stand outside the convenience store at 7AM waiting for it to open so he can buy beer. Been there, Eddie, been there.

Oct 14 2009 Bottle Tops: Because Cans Can Be Tricky

Bottle Tops are plastic lids that snap onto aluminum cans. You know, because you're too special needs to drink out of a can without spilling. Jesus, ask your mom for a sippy-cup already. However, if you absolutely must, a 12-pack of different colors will set you back $10. But be warned!

But seriously the tops of canned drinks can be really dirty; one commenter on Boing Boing Gadgets agrees with me and gives the thumbs down to the Bottle Tops as well. But the others say that it's perfect for beer for a couple of reasons - one, because it keeps the carbon dioxide from escaping, so you don't have to worry about not being able to empty huge cans of booze, and two, because if you cover the can itself the bottle top makes it look like you're drinking an energy drink.

No. But you know what IS perfect for beer? My mouth. Which, MEDICAL FACT: is also perfect for burritos!

Hit the jump for the terrible tv commercial.

Continue Reading " Bottle Tops: Because Cans Can Be Tricky "

Sep 27 2009 Mobile Bar: Beer Bike Totes Two Kegs, Pizza

The Beer Bike was designed and created by Hopworks Urban Brewing of Portland, Oregon, and features two kegs and taps, plus a hot pizza storage unit. Impressive, but I can't even imagine pedaling two full kegs of beer around. I mean, those bitches are heavy. Sure, I've dated three-keg girls before, BUT I NEVER OFFERED THEM RIDES ON MY HANDLEBARS, NOW DID I?! I didn't. I demanded piggybacks!

Beer Bike! [mostlyhere]

Thanks to Kevin, who built a bike with an actual mobile brewery on the back.

Sep 25 2009 Whee!: Beer Blaster Shoots Beer, Soda

The Beer Blaster is a $23 beer/soda pistol available from ThinkGeek that punctures a shaken can and uses the carbonation to blast your enemies with sticky sodie (or a friend's open's mouth with delicious beer) from up to 10 feet. Also, who would have thought that Harry Potter would turn from a life of magic to a life of contributing to the delinquency of minors on the playground? Didn't see that one coming! Or did I? I totally did.

ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Beer Blaster [likecool]

Thanks to Ste, who once shot himself in the face with a keg and was the life of the party. But did you wear a lampshade and piss in the stove?

Aug 27 2009 Sure He's Happy?: Enterprise Dog Costume

This is a custom canine USS Enterprise costume made out of cardboard and Bud Light cans. And I have to admit, Bud Light was a smart choice because of its superior drinkability. I'm serious, those things are so drinkable one time I guzzled a whole cooler full of them. There must have been at least 20. This was like an hour ago. Then I started cutting up this box and....holy shit that's my dog!

This dog goes where no dog has gone before [scifiwire]

Thanks to FDSY who made a Millennium Falcon costume for his cat but the cat ran away.

Aug 24 2009 Questionable: A Shocking Beer Bottle Opener

This is a cheap $3.50 bottle opener that shocks any idiot moron foolish enough to ignore the giant 'Shock Can Opener' graphic on the front. Plus, hopefully their hand will be wet so they really get it. Me? I wouldn't care. You could hook a car battery to my nips every time I opened a beer and I'd still drink a whole case CAUSE I AM A THIRSTY DUDE.

Product Site
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electric shock bottle opener gives you a buzz before your booze does [technabob]

Jul 21 2009 Blue Beer From Melted Icebergs, Seaweed

The Japanese, in their unending quest to make the awesomest stuff on the planet (minus robots), are manufacturing blue beer made from melted icebergs (take that you Titanic sinking bitch!). And, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I have already had colored beer on St. Patty's day before. It made my throw up green!

Okhotsk Blue Draft stands out for its cool color and interesting (yet not off-putting) ingredients. The brew is made using water melted from icebergs that float each year onto Hokkaido beaches from the chilly Sea of Okhotsk, an arm of the North Pacific ocean bordered by Japan and Russia.

Then Abashiri went one step further and used seaweed to give their brew and icy blue tint. Perhaps not the greatest selling point but it does make Okhotsk Blue look, well, different. As for the taste... reports state that Ryuho isn't at all bad as beers go, and if you didn't know there was seaweed in it, you likely wouldn't guess there was.

Abashiri also manufactures red and green beers (picture after the jump) because, honestly, what better way to teach your children their colors? Son, fetch daddy another purple one. I said purple, this is blue -- YOU WILL NEVER BE A PAINTER!

Hit the jump for a shot of the other colors and a commercial for the beer.

Continue Reading " Blue Beer From Melted Icebergs, Seaweed "

Jun 22 2009 Go Plates: Stacking Food On Your Beer

Go Plates are reusable party plates (not to be confused with party hats) that sit on top of your beer can, bottle or plastic cup, allowing you a free hand for playing grab-ass with all your friends or whatever it is people do at parties (I've never been to one). A pack of 42 will set you back $48.50, which isn't too bad considering their reusable (read: I'll lay them all out on the floor and let the dog lick them before putting them back in the cabinet). Party at my house!

Product Site

Thanks to Gino, who once choked on a hors d'œuvre and had to be given mouth to mouth by a very sexy lady.

Jun 16 2009 Well It's About Freaking Time: Beer Pouches

CarboPouches are pouches made to be filled with delicious life-nectar. They were designed by the Beverage Pouch Group (not to be confused with Capri-Sun) for nanobreweries (read: you) that don't want to invest in expensive bottling equipment.

The best part is the "organoleptic film structure" that doesn't change the taste of the beer at all. The slightly flexible pouch gives the beer room to fizz, and it's easy to fill with the cap on the bottom.

I don't care if they find out organoleptic film causes cancer, I am gonna drink the hell out of these beer pouches. BEER ON THE GO BABY. Move over, disposable coffee cup!

Beer in a pouch doesn't add metallic tastes, easy to fill [dvice]

Thanks to Romeo, who drinks his beer the way God intended: all day long.

Jun 12 2009 Skinny Blonde: Australian For Sexy Beer

Skinny Blonde Beer comes from Australia and has a skinny blonde chick on the front of the bottle that, when the temperature gets hot enough, loses her top. And, to give you a demo of this model of modern boobosity, they have the six chicks in the picture above to provide NSFW examples. So, head over to the website (provided you're over 18, or under and don't mind sinning) and give it a go. After watching just the first girl I ordered 30 cases of the stuff. Also, I might have just gotten stuck in a bottle. BWHAHAHAHAH A -- like it's that big!

Skinny Blonde Beer NSFW

Thanks to jlcnuke, who agrees this beer/boob combo is giving explosions and boobs a run for its money.

May 19 2009 *PEW PEW* GLUG GLUG: The Beer Gun

As a man-child who's no stranger to chugging beers and puking on himself and then losing a shoe and cell phone only to find them both in the kitchen trash the next morning, I love beer. Like, love it, love it. But only bottles, not cans (cut me once, shame on you, cut me twice SHAME ON YOU AGAIN, YOU ARE A TERRIBLE LOVER!). Also, I really like guns because the very heart of George 'Sawed-Off' Washington beats inside my chest. So anyway, this 22 Machine Gun Glass stands 18-inches tall and is by far the coolest thing to drink out of besides boobies. *ahem* Ladies -- I'm a little parched over here. What? I WANT STRONG BONES!

Submachine gun beer bong, a weapon for those who must be forced to guzzle [coonessroundup]

Mar 26 2009 The Saddest 'Bottomless Beer' I've Ever Seen

The 'Endless Beer' keychain is a little keychain that gives sad alcoholics everywhere the sensation of opening the same empty beer can over and over. Because honestly, what's more fun than disappointment (besides getting hit in the nuts by the space shuttle)? Available in June, the fun-filled devices will run about $9. And, for as much shit as I talk, I'm totally buying one.

Endless Beer Can Popping Keychain! [rinkya]

Mar 19 2009 Beer2D2: The Most Delicious Robot Yet

Beer2D2 is the illegitimate child of BaR2D2 and a cocktail waitress (or this amp) and makes beer-fetching robots obsolete because he IS the beer. What's your new alcohol-toting buddy made of?

Beer2's technical specs:

Head - 1945 chrome BLC utility light shell.
Eye - vintage movie camera lens w/adjustable spring-loaded aluminum casing.
Body - 4.7 liter "adult soda" mini-keg.
Legs - propane tank valve handles, brass spacers, drilled-out washers, pair of aluminum Lady Josephine shoe butler (wall-mounted shoe shine holders).
Feet/base - 3 mini bread loaf pans, lamp hardware and a 1/2″ precision drilled aluminum base plate.
+assorted nuts, bolts, screws and, of course - lockwashers!

Daddy, I want a Beer2D2 and I want it noooooooow! GLUG GLUG GLUG. Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about -- robot brains. Hey, no biting! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!

Beer2-D2 [make]

Thanks to jj, who noted that this droid is indeed, "Rad to the power of Sith". And Alan, who accidentally left the tap open and drained R2 of all his deliciousness. Damn you!

Mar 11 2009 Hopside Down: It IS Worth Crying Over Spilled Beer -- And I'm Man Enough To Admit It

Hopside Down is a beer glass by Fred & Friends that looks like an inverted bottle. It hurts my brain just to look at and I couldn't imagine myself successfully drinking out of it without pouring beer in my shoes. Still, maybe there are a few of you out there that are more skilled in the ways of drinking than yours truly. Ha, that was the biggest lie I've ever told -- nobody beats the GW at the game of life called drinking. Isn't that right, F. Scott?

The Ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald: It's true -- I have a hangover as Big as the Ritz. I....feel Curiouser Than The Case of Benjamin Button This Side of Paradise. You sir, are indeed the Last Tycoon (BOOM -- literary headshots!). Hey, stay away from my wife!

Me: Shut up, Francis. Hey Zelda -- wanna touch my Master Sword?

Product Site

Thanks to Matt, who only drinks out of his boot because he's a real cowboy. Now let's raise and rope broncos!

Feb 28 2009 Yes Please!: World Of Warcraft Beer Steins

Oh hell yes. Now that's what I call drinking like a king! A Lich King. ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING! These World of Warcraft beer steins come in three models: the Lich King (pictured here), the Blood of the Horde, and the Alliance United (go HERE to check those out). Each costs $90 and is far superior to a Solo cup, both in volume AND ability to be used as a weapon. KA-CRACK! -15 your skull.

Order Page
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World of Warcraft: Wrath of The Lich King Beer Stein [uberreview]

Feb 19 2009 Aaaah, College: Russian Beerbong Roulette

I remember one time in college I got so drunk I thought the electrical cord to the mini-fridge was my belt. Long story short: the milk went bad. Anyways, beer roulette: not as fun as beer darts, but how can you compete with the excitement of potentially piercing a friends nads (you can't!).

You fill the barrel in the center with beer (it holds up to two liters) and then you take turns with your companions at pulling out the bottles underneath it. The right bottle will unleash a torrent of amber pain into the unfortunate puller's gullet.

Amber pain? More like amber pleasure. And do you automatically win if you pull all the bottles at once? Yes, you do. Glug glug, bitches, glug glug. Also, that guy in the picture fails at proper bonging technique. But I do like how the chick in the back is drinking wine straight from the bottle. Marry me?

Russian Roulette Beer Bong Only Good for Irresponsible Frat House Fun [uberreview]

Feb 4 2009 Mmmm: Sierra Nevada Is Making Bio-Fuel

There was a time in my life when I drank Sierra Nevada like it was my job. Sadly, I was fired. And now the company is making bio-fuel with beer leftovers.

Sierra Nevada, brewer of delicious beers, has purchased a MicroFueler, a contraption that produces ethanol from water, sugar and yeast. Yeast also happens to be a major byproduct of beer fermentation, allowing them to make fuel out of beer leftovers.

Sierra Nevada powers cars with beer leftovers [dvice]

Jan 21 2009 Beer Hoodie: Look, Bartender -- No Hands!

I've got the feeling this has existed forever, but just in case it hasn't, here it is -- the $36 Beer Pouch Sweatshirt with Hood.

Finally! You can carry around a beer while leaving your hands free to high five a complete stranger in the stands, carry more beer, or operate your hands-free cellphone. The Beer Pouch Sweatshirt is perfect for sporting events, picnics, and really boring offices.

Features a 30 square inch pouch with elastic band and an insulating liner to keep your beer ice cold. The pouch can stretch to accommodate soda cans, bottled water, and even cans of soup and bottles of whipped cream.

Wow, I think that effectively convinced me not to buy one after all. Not that I was going to anyways -- I've already got a beer carrier. Isn't that right, wench? Wench?

NOTICE: Now hiring new beer wench. Must be able to lift 20 lbs, support 190. Large breasts a plus, penis a minus.

Product Page

Thanks to pirhan, who hand-frees beer the old fashioned way, with one of those beer helmets.