Jun 3 2009 Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That's some sauce, Russia. Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too.

Official Site
via
Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews]

Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

Mar 18 2009 Rare Quadruple Moon Transit On Saturn

Will you look at that -- four of Saturn's moons (from left to right) Enceladus, Dione, Titan, and Mimas, all transiting its face at the same time. Amazing! This picture was taken by the Hubble Space Telescope and just recently released by NASA. You know, pictures like this really get me thinking about the beauty of space and just how small we are compared to the vast expanse outside our own atmosphere. Also, naked-ass aliens gettin' freaky deaky on the moon.

Hit the jump for a cool time lapse photo of the transit in progress.

Continue Reading " Rare Quadruple Moon Transit On Saturn "

Mar 13 2009 Avon Selling The Resident Evil T-Virus

So apparently Avon is selling the T-virus to unsuspecting women who want fuller, plumper looking faces. Little do they know they're gonna get just the opposite!

First from Avon: injectable-grade facial filler. A skin care breakthrough! Fullness perfected, not injected!* Dramatic results for dramatically less! Super concentrated serum.** 3x the level of injectable-grade hyaluronic acid for dramatic filling & plumping.*** In just 3 days, begins to reduce the look of deep folds. In 2 weeks, 82% of women saw more youthful fullness in the cheek area.**** In 4 weeks, dramatically reduces the look of deep facial folds and hollowness.

In 5 weeks, you're a zombie and the GW has to take your head off with a shotgun because he won't put up any of your 'NAR NAR BRAINS' zombie bombie bullshit. PEW PEW, Avon, PEW PEW.

Product Site
and
Avon's Derma-Full Totally Looks Like The T-virus [totallylookslike]

Thanks to gordon and residentistEVIL, who called in Rad to the power of Sick today and rushed out to pick up Resident Evil 5.

Feb 26 2009 Oooh, Shiny: A Non-Reversing Mirror

Finally, I can sleep peacefully at night.

Hicks, a mathematician at Drexel University, Philadelphia, used computer algorithms to generate the mirror's bizarre surface, which curves and bends in different directions. The curves direct rays from an object across the mirror's face before sending them back to the viewer, flipping the conventional mirror image.

Awesome. I want them installed on the ceiling above my bed. Because then, wait -- it would still look me making love to myself, wouldn't it? Damn.

Reflecting on a new generation of mirrors [newscientist]
and a cool gallery of
Anamorphic Art [newscientist]

Thanks to twellve, who doesn't need a non-reversing mirror because she stopped wearing eyeliner when he found out it was tested on bunnies.

Nov 26 2008 Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces

A group of Israeli computer scientists think they've developed a program that can beautify a human face based on the innate preferences humans have. As you can see from the "beautified" Mona Lisa there, they've failed. I could have done a better job in Microsoft Paint.

"We were able to fit a mathematical model to this set of data that we've gathered, namely the images that we showed to people and their responses in terms of the beauty scores that they chose to give to each image," said Lischinksi.

Um, dude? Your mathematical model blows monster dino-dick.

The team then applied the model to modify images so as to make them appear more attractive. They are now exploring a variety of potential commercial applications for the software, Lischinski said.

"This is something we're looking into," he said. It remains to be seen whether women would simply use the improved image as a guide to more effective makeup application or whether people take it to a plastic surgeon and say: "Make me look like that."

Ladies, this is such garbage -- you're all beautiful just the way you are. Especially naked. And I mean that.

Keep the pictures coming.

Hit the jump for a real human face comparison.

Continue Reading " Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces "

Nov 13 2008 For The Ladies Everyone: A Makeup Fridge

Korean manufacturer IDOCI is releasing a small refrigerator specifically designed for storing cosmetics. The unit will keep eyeliner, blush, rouge, lipstick, war paint, and fake blood in "the ideal 8 - 12 degree Celsius (46 - 53 Fahrenheit) range." Not only that, each fridge has an interior light. So you can see the shit inside! No word on price, but they do come in a ton of different colors. Which, if you're actually considering a fridge for your makeup, is probably far more important than cost.

Hit the jump for color options!

Continue Reading " For The Ladies Everyone: A Makeup Fridge "

Nov 4 2008 Move Over Hot Or Not: A Digital Face Analyzer

BAPA (Balanced Angular and Proportional Analysis) Web is a web-based facial analyzer that apparently determines if a person is attractive or not (for a fee). You know, based on balanced angular and proportional analysis. So if you have big lips and tiny eyes, you're screwed. If you have chiseled features and a wicked scar from a bar fight like I do, you're in. As long as the programmers were smart enough to take badass scars into consideration. Oh shit, and eyepatches. Also, I burnt my good eyebrow off cooking ramen the other night. I'm gonna go ahead and use a picture from a few years back.

UPDATE: The computer's smoking -- it's a sign!

UPDATE: The computer caught fire -- things are looking good!

UDPATE: The computer exploded -- I'm ugly :(

Product Page

Thanks to Antonia, who doesn't need a program to tell her she's smoking hot.

Oct 2 2008 UV Ray Bikini Helps Keep You Cancer Free

The SmartSwim UV Intensity Bikini ($99) has little purple beads right between the tits (and other, more boring places) to let you know how intense the UV rays are. Light purple good, dark purple, cancer. I suppose if you don't want to shell out 99 bones you could buy any bikini and add your own beads, but that would be cheating. And cheating, my friends, wins games.

SmartSwim UV Intensity Bikini warns against excessive exposure [dvice]

Sep 4 2008 WTF!?: Crystal Embedded Contact Lenses

Ah yes, rocks and eyes. I mean, what a perfect match. Enter "Sparkle", a contact lens with tiny Swarovski crystals encrusted around the edge. I've got to admit, this has got to be the most brilliant eye-care product I've seen since pepper spray. Seriously, what could go wrong? Well, besides looking sexy. I'm gonna make myself a pair, I'll let you know how scandalously super-sexified I look.

UPDATE: Okay, so I glued some glitter and broken glass onto my regular contacts. Here goes nothing!

UPDATEDER: Wow, good thing I can type without looking, because I can't see a thing. Seriously though, how long does it take to grow a new pair? Ha, I'm talking actual ball balls now, mistook the paper shredder for a commode.

Sparkle - Swarovski studded contact lenses for blinged vision [bornrich]

Thanks Mary, and I trusted you to lead me to the bathroom. Pfft, some friend you are.

Aug 18 2008 Geez, You Could Have Just Asked Me: Scientists Confirm Beer Goggles Are Real

In an announcement that shouldn't surprise anyone that's seen the majority of women I've slept with, scientists have concluded that beer goggles are, in fact, real.

Surprisingly, the beer goggles effect was not limited to just the opposite sex among the ostensibly straight volunteers recruited for the study -- they also rated people from their own sex as more attractive.

Beer is making me gay.

"The main question is whether these effects are specific to faces, or whether we would rate anything as more attractive after a drink," Munafo said.

Future research could expose people who have been drinking to landscapes or the faces of puppies and other animals, "to see if alcohol has a more general effect on perceiving beauty in the environment."

I don't like where this is going. I am NOT having sex with animals. Or a damn landscape. Well, unless it's the sun setting over a mountain range. I'd ravage that shit.

Hot or not? Look again - 'beer goggles' are real [msnbc]

Aug 8 2008 GoateeSaver Saves Goatee, Not Self Respect

The GoateeSaver looks like the thing they made Hannibal Lecter wear and protects your goatee while you shave in case you have the shakes or are prone to seizures. The $20 device has height and width adjustments (those three silver rollers) so it's one size adjusts to most. You just bite the attached bit, shave, and you're good to go. Except for my roommate, who just discovered I covered his bit with superglue. What's that? I can't understand a word you're saying, you look stupid as f***.

GoateeSaver, the grooming accessory for the clumsy, inept, or hungover [dvice]

Jul 22 2008 For The Geekologie Ladies: Fishy Pedicures

First, there was the 24K gold facial, and now, fish pedicures. Apparently they're really taking off in the Washington D.C. area and women are flocking to the Yvonne Hair and Nails Salon to let Garra rufa "doctor fish" carp eat the dead skin and calluses from their feet. I can almost guarantee those little guys would go belly up if I stuck my boats in the tank, but maybe these women take better care of their feet than I do.

Ho (the salon owner) said the hot water in which the fish thrive doesn't support much plant or aquatic life, so they learned to feed on whatever food sources were available _ including dead, flaking skin. They leave live skin alone because, without teeth, they can't bite it off.

Ho believes his is the only salon in the country to offer the treatment, which costs $35 for 15 minutes and $50 for 30 minutes. The spa has more than 1,000 fish, with about 100 in each individual pedicure tank at any given time.

Wow, $50 to set your feet in a fishtank for 30 minutes? What's the world coming to? I mean, besides a robot apocalypse? I'll tell you what, you come over to my place and I'll let you set your feet in my fishtank for $25. Of course, you only get 10 minutes. But trust me -- the piranhas are far more efficient than a bunch of crappy carp. Seriously, 30 minutes and they'd be down to the bone. I've also got a snapping turtle if you want your nails done.

UPDATE: The grizzly should be ready to cut hair by August, call for an appointment.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, including a really worthwhile one of three MILFs with their feet in the tank.

Continue Reading " For The Geekologie Ladies: Fishy Pedicures "

Jun 9 2008 UPDATE: Eagle Gets Bionic Beak Story

Remember the bald eagle whose beak was shot off by some asshole poacher? Well she's finally rocking a bionic replacement, albeit temporary. "The new beak is only a temporary fix, designed to nail down precise measurements." That's a real picture of it there. Beauty (the eagle) needed the fake beak in order to grasp food and not require hand-feeding.

"She's got a grill," joked Nate Calvin, the Boise engineer who spent 200 hours designing the complex beak.

HAHAHAHA! A grill! A bird with a grill, that's priceless. *wipes tear* God, you should do standup.

Seriously though Nate, my hat's off to you and everyone else volunteering their time and expertise. You've all done a great job and made me hate people a little less.

Eagle wounded by poacher gets new beak [msnbc]

Thanks for keeping me up to date Matt, now lets go find that poacher

Apr 18 2008 Sunlight Poem Projector Is Brilliant, Beautiful

The One Day Poem Pavilion is cool and proof that the sun is smarter than you think. By sending his rays through an arrangement of pre-cut perforations he makes poems appear in the shadow of the little pavilion. You only get to see one stanza at a time, so it takes a good while to read an entire poem (worthwhile time lapse video here).

Using a complex array of perforations, the pavilion's surface allows light to pass through creating shifting patterns, which-during specific times of the year-transform into the legible text of a poem. The specific arrangements of the perforations reveal different shadow-poems according to the solar calendar: a theme of new-life during the summer solstice, a reflection on the passing of time at the period of the winter solstice.

That's beautiful. If I had any talent for building things I'd be tempted to construct one in the backyard with a little bench and maybe a garden gnome. No, a whole family of garden gnomes. I love those ornery little bastards. Well, except for papa gnome -- he's always trying to steal vegetables out of my garden. Plant some yourself you lazy freaking cheeseweasel!

Another picture of the pavilion's poetic beauty and a link to the time lapse video (in case you missed the link in the text), after the jump.

Continue Reading " Sunlight Poem Projector Is Brilliant, Beautiful "

Apr 8 2008 Bleeehhh!: You Don't Even Want To Know

Okay, since the baby chocolates turned out to be a hoax, submitter beefytee decided to really ramp up the creepy, disturbing factor to an 11 with this tip. If you've recently eaten lunch or are about to, save reading it for later.

Placenta 10000 is a jelly drink. With placenta. Pig placenta. 10,000 mg worth (hence the name). I just puked in my mouth. Now it's dribbling out onto the keyboard.

Placenta is said to have regenerative properties, especially concerning beauty, and can help with dieting as well. At about $8 per drink, it's expensive, but Japanese aren't exactly known for sacrificing their health and looks for a couple of bucks either.

If 10,000 mg/serving just doesn't cut it for your placenta-loving pallet, they have a Placenta 400,000 concentrate (on the left in the picture) so you can make...Ms. Piggy... bleeeehhhh!!...cocktails.

Placenta 10000 jelly drink is FOSHU for beauty [cscout]

Thanks to beefytee and his incredible steak shirt for the tip

Apr 2 2008 Software Program Detects Female Beauty

Tel Aviv University student Amit Kagian has created a program that can detect female faces and features that will be considered beautiful by most people.

It uses 98 parameters that showed up in the faces ranked most beautiful by 30 test subjects, including facial symmetry, hair color, skin texture, and deviation from what was determined to be an "average face."

Allegedly it has proven to be accurate at predicting faces that test groups will find beautiful as well. Super duper, but I don't care. You want to know what a beautiful woman looks like? I'll tell you: She has hair on her head or is bald, has teeth (at least some, but none is okay), preferably doesn't wear a patch (although I can make exceptions), and lacks a penis or it is at least smaller than mine. Actually, scratch all that, my only requirement is boobs. Big or small, I love them all. Hey, that rhymed. I love you ladies. *blink* Damnit, that was supposed to be a wink. *blink* Aww, screw it.

Software spots femaile beauty, but we can already do that [dvice]

Mar 28 2008 For The Ladies: Golden Girl 24 Karat Facials

Are you an independently wealthy woman? A gold(!) digger? Do you like blowing wads of cash? If so you may want to consider this 24 karat luxury facial treatment. For about $360 you can get an 80-minute gold leafing of your face.

Ron Razeggi, U.S. chief operating officer of the manufacturer, UMO, said: "The skin tries to reject the gold because it's a foreign object. In order to do that, it builds new cells.

"Right now, the body produces new cells every 28 days. But this accelerates the cell-building and, as a result, it firms and tightens the skin."

Well there you have it ladies, straight from the jackass's mouth. In all honesty though, if you're a woman and reading this website I'm confident you're already beautiful inside and out (not to mention intelligent and complete with a great sense of humor) and don't need this crap. Besides, you don't even get to keep the gold after the treatment.

Spa strikes gold with the anti-aging 24-karat facial [dailymail]

Thanks to Silas, who is practically made of precious metals, for the tip

Mar 27 2008 For Geekologie Ladies: A 360 Degree Mirror

This mirror is made so you can see all angles of your head at one time. "The 360 Degree Mirror saves you from constantly twisting your neck while you style your hair by featuring a seven panel 360 view that makes all angles visible simultaneously." It costs $40 and the middle mirror is illuminated using three AAA's. I don't need one though. I know what the back of my head looks like. It's bald(ing) and looks like shit. I'd prefer to go right on thinking that it doesn't exist. I'm sure the wife would go apenuts for one of these though. She's always doing her hair up like that chick in the picture. How she can control a blowdryer and brush at the same time is a mystery to me. Must be a woman thing. Like complaining and buying shoes. Ooooh, burn!

UPDATE: Just kidding ladies, that was a joke. Like your driving. HAHA, gotcha again!

UPDATE: Wife...Has...Balls...In...Vice...Is...Searching...For...Hammer...SOS

360 Degree Mirror [trendhunter]

Thanks to Sebastian, which I would name my son if I was still able to procreate, for the tip

Nov 8 2007 Stripping Weathergirl: No Movement In Pants

The Weathergirl Weather Station ($70) is a home weather station that features the time, temperature, and humidity. It also features a scantily clad weathergirl that gets down to a bikini if it's hot enough. YOW YOW! I don't know what she wears if it's freezing out, because these were the only pictures available. Maybe she's content with a mini-dress in the winter. I know I am. On women -- not me silly. Now if the damn Weather Channel would take a hint and start dressing their weathergirls a little more like this one maybe I'd start tuning in instead of getting the weather online.

Stripping Weathergirl Weather Station [coolest-gadgets]

Oct 15 2007 Google Vanity Ring Is A Status Symbol

The Vanity Ring, a project by Markus Kison, is an update of the ring as a status symbol. Basically it keeps a running tab on the number of Google hits your name gets. You personalize the ring using some custom software, and every night you plug the little sucker into its docking station and it updates your hit count. Great idea, if you're famous and vain as hell. But if you're anything like me, the counter will never pass the number you do yourself unless you change your name to "nude pictures", "free porn", or "hot singles ready to have sex in my area".

A Google Ring on your finger [core77]