Sep 22 2009 WoW Freakout Kid Versus Grandmother
This is a video of the infamous WoW freakout kid arguing with his grandmother, who's been sent over to watch him and his brother for the weekend. Now I really wanted to believe that these videos are real, but this one's the nail in the coffin for being fake. And not just because octogenarians are notoriously bad actresses (and will shit themselves on set), but she actually references him trying to jam the tv remote up his ass. Now I know how you're feeling, and yes, it's like Santa isn't real all over again.
Tough Granny Teaches Grandson a Lesson [break]
Thanks to Adam, who plays BINGO with his grandma on Tuesday nights and she always has him sneak a bottle of booze in. Fun lady!
Sep 17 2009 OMG!: Kids Kill Gollum By Panama Lake
A group of teens hanging out by a lake in Panama saw the elusive Gollum climbing out of his cave and did what any respectable youths would do: beat it to death with sticks.
According to reports in Panama, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out of a cave while playing in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City.
Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the beast with sticks before throwing its lifeless body into a pool of water.A hooked claw visible in one of the photos has been cited as evidence for the popular theory that the creature was a sloth that somehow lost its hair.
Wow you little assholes, you beat a hairless sloth to death. That's low. I mean, aren't sloths slower than turtles? You could have gotten high, had a four course picnic and taken a nap afterward and the thing would have still been like a foot from where it was before you packed the bong. That said, did you get the One Ring?! BECAUSE I MUST HAVE IT. I collect jewelry!
New 'Montauk Monster' spotted in Panama [telegraph]
Thanks to spoon platoon, Pesche and DoucheBag, who would have at least asked the poor bastard for an autograph first.
Sep 11 2009 But I Don't Wanna Hit Him!: WALL-E Piñata
This is a custom made WALL-E piñata from Etsy seller victorof1980s. This crazy mother is trying to sell the thing for $200. $200 for something your kid is gonna beat to shit with a stick and not even remember by next year! No thanks. When my children have birthdays they get the same kind of piñata I had growing up: a grocery bag with a face drawn on the side. I remember one time I hit it so hard I dented a can of succotash! Also, all the bananas got real mushy.
wall-e pinata filled with candy, not garbage [technabob]
Thanks to naas, who hate WALL-E but loves beating things with a dowel.
Jul 21 2009 Finish Him!: Little Kid Versus Clone Trooper
This is a video of a unisex little kid beating a clone trooper in the head with a fake lightsaber. It's pretty much the awesomest thing I've seen all day minus my neighbor taking a naked shower with the garden hose. He's hairier than I would have guessed.
Thanks to alex, who once laser blasted a stormtrooper but the beam ricocheted off his armor and now alex has to wear an eyepatch. YAAAR!
May 5 2009 Sap Cap Is Actually A Weapon In Disguise
The Sap Cap is no ordinary headwear. Oh no, the baseball hat actually has a pocket of "unique impact material that is 110% the density of lead and will not rust" sewn into the back. Granted it's no Oddjob razor hat, but may do in a pinch (also: your clumsy ass would probably cut your own arm off with an Oddjob hat). Just remove the cap, hold by the brim, and proceed to brain your opponent. Now call me old fashioned, but I still prefer a sock full of quarters. Not only is it a lethal weapon, but you can also pay strangers' expired parking meters. But not too many! Lest you find yourself wielding an empty sock. Which, as I'm sure you all know, is only effective for beating yourself. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!
Jan 23 2009 No, No, No, We Don't Pierce The Kitties!
Holly Crawford is a 34-year old sadistic dog groomer that decided to pierce the ears, necks, and tails of some cats and sell them as "gothic cats" on the interwebs. After being tipped off by PETA, her home was raided and she was arrested.
She defended herself saying that she did not see any difference between piercing a cat and piercing a human. She said she used sterile needles and surgical soap and that she checked the kittens several times a day to make sure they were healing properly.
Crawford said her dog-grooming business, Pawside Parlor, has plummeted since the raid and that she has received dozens of nasty phone calls.
Piercing pets -- what the f*** is wrong with people? Please discuss. And as a guy with a Prince Albert piercing myself, I've got to admit: sometimes I pee two streams.
'Gothic' pierced cats sold online [thesun]
Thanks to Kathryn, who knows kitties are for loving, not piercing.
Jan 22 2009 Wear Your Effing Wriststrap!: Woman Hits Dog With Wiimote, Killing It, Neighbor Revives
Kathy White hit her five-month old miniature Sheltie, Ozzy, in the head with a Wiimote when she was bowling with her daughter. Note: she didn't actually throw the remote, she was still holding it.
"We had just got the Wii for Christmas," explained owner Kathy White, "so we were trying it out, and that's when Alexis and I were bowling and Ozzy was standing by me and he jumped up and I hit him in the temple and killed him instantly."
Her first instinct was to call her neighbor Pene Honey for help.
Thankfully, Pene managed to come over and revive the dog with a little mouth to nose action.
Now she knows you have to be careful when playing a Wii.
"I just want people to be aware of their environment," White said, "especially small dogs and children so this doesn't happen to them. Because it was a horrifying experience and I don't want anyone to go through this."
I take it you didn't read the instructions before playing, did you, Kathy? No? Didn't notice the warning screen either? Jesus, how have you not died in a kitchen fire? Kathy White: astonishingly still alive after 40 years of not following instructions.
Hit the jump for a video report that will make you want to call animal services.
Jan 9 2009 TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN: Stupid Kid Gets Wii For Christmas, Doesn't Deserve It
TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN, SERIOUSLY. This is a video of some kid getting wiidiculous after he opens a Wii on Christmas. And let me tell you: based on his behavior, I would have taken that shit right back to the store. But in all seriousness kid, your parents don't love you. Don't believe me? Where was your Wii on Christmas 2006? 2007? Exactly.
NOTE: To everyone else that didn't get a Wii until this Christmas, I'm sure it was just a supply shortage issue.
Thanks to Edgar (aka the-iguana) and Sarah, who hope the box was filled with coal almost as much as I do.
Mar 24 2008 Robot Drummer Is Cute, Makes Me Emotional
Whenever I see a cute robot I always get a little emotional. Mostly because of that movie with the little robots in it where the one gets injured and dies. Or maybe it doesn't die, I can't remember. I just know I was sadder than hell. What was the name of that movie? Let me do some searching. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED! *sniffle* Oh my God somebody give me a box of tissues.
Okay I'm holding it down. Meet Yellow Drum Machine. He's a little robot that cruises around the room running into things. When he hits something that seems like it might make a pretty noise he bangs on it a couple of times and takes audio samples. If he likes what he hears he busts out with a little beat using his metal tinker and another butt bopper. He was constructed by robot hacker fritsl out of a bunch of random parts, including, but not limited to: a PICAXE 28 microcontroller, a sound sampler, and a cheese crate. Damn is he cute or what? If I do ever have a child with my Roomba mistress, I can only hope he comes out looking half as handsome. And with treads. So I can ride on him like a tank. Tankboy, take me to the liquor store.
Two worthwhile videos after the jump, one of him playing a glass of fruit punch, and another of him playing the wall in somebody's bathroom.
Continue Reading " Robot Drummer Is Cute, Makes Me Emotional "
Aug 23 2007 Table For Bedroom Security
Designer James McAdam has come up with the Safe Bedside Table, which is a table that comes apart to form a shield and beating stick. Which, um, pretty much every table does if you kick it hard enough. Now I don't know about you, but I am more into guns for bedroom security. Sure I've accidentally shot a few girlfriends in the past, but I just don't sleep as well without the comfort of a gun under the pillow.
Table For Bedroom Security [ohgizmo]
