Jun 11 2009 Dino Break Ups: The Story Of My Life
If you've ever wanted to get to know me better, watch this video -- it's the story of my life. And, if you can't tell, I don't perform well in relationships. But don't let that stop you. Ladies?
Thanks to helliebee and Megan, who just realized they don't want to date me after all.
May 21 2009 Ghost Caught On Film In British Museum
Some BBC employee allegedly took a picture of a ghost at a museum in England. This is the picture, and, quite frankly, I just don't see it. Unless it's an Arab smoking a hookah with a hand down his pants. That I can see.
Mr Sandys, 30, was photographing at the reputedly haunted Edward Jenner Museum in Berkeley, Gloucestershire, and captured the image on his camera.
"It was a bizarre formation of light showing a mystery figure in a doorway," he said. "I am sure it was not caused by sunlight or dust in the air."I checked again and looked in the doorway but I could see nothing."
He went on: "As a BBC employee I wouldn't dare doctor an image or I would lose my job."
Same here, Mr. Sandys -- I would never doctor an image for fear of losing my job. BWAHAHAHAHA! No but seriously, how can you be sure it wasn't the sunlight and dust? What are you, some kind of dustologist? And, if so, is it true dust is mostly fly assholes and eyeballs?
Mystery figure shocks cameraman [bbcnews]
Thanks to Romeo, who would have kicked that ghost in the nuts and stolen its shoes.
May 4 2009 Uh-Oh: A New 'Zombie' Strain Of Swine Flu
The BBC is reporting a new 'zombie' (H1Z1) strain of swine flu that is capable of resuscitating the recently dead. Holy sawed-off shotgun shit!
After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it's victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during "resurrection."
If you haven't guessed, this is fake as hell, but the story looks like a genuine BBC article (see picture). The only catch is it's hosted on another website (bounce.with.me.uk). Still, you can probably trick at least a few of your dumber friends into buying it. And, if they do fall for it (and they are ladies), I want you to convey a message for me: I'm the world's greatest lover.
EU quarantines London in flu panic [bouncwith]
Thanks to herbert, Trin, Alex 'Bloody Shadow' and andrew, who tricked all their friends into drinking the Kool-Aid and are now all friendless.
Aug 26 2008 Move Over, Goblin Shark: Robots Are Scarier
I told you. I told you robots would kill us all. This is a clip from a new BBC show, The Wrong Door, which is about robots and how much they want to hurt us. And speaking of the wrong door, I accidentally opened my roommate's after grabbing a snack in the middle of the night. Hello anime comic, hello penis in hand! Hello awkward silence, lifelong scarring, new roommate wanted ad.
The Wrong Door: If Terry Gilliam Directed Transformers as a TV Variety Show [gizmodo]
