Nov 11 2009 Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty
Is there any better way to celebrate Veterans Day than playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2? Yes, but that doesn't mean there isn't a blow-up doll in a bathtub in the game. And, as a guy who's no stranger to trying to shower around a blow-up doll, let me tell you: I accidentally popped her with a loofah :(
Hit the jump for the arguably NSFW uncensored version.
Nov 5 2009 Shower With 3-D Wrap Around Touchscreen
Listen, I love standing in the shower watching full-length movies as much as the next water waster (which is why I just had a swimming pool sized hot water heater installed), but what's the matter with a traditional projection setup? I swear, people are always trying to one-up me. Too bad I know how to do that turtle shell trick in world 3-1 of the original Super Mario and can get unlimited one-ups. Suck it -- I will always out one-up you!
The Roca Waterdrop Shower Room surrounds you by a 3D touchscreen, allowing you to watch movies while you bathe. The touchscreen also allows you to control the temperature of the water and the intensity of the jets.
I mean, sure if you want to be tacky about it. I think we can all agree the touchscreen is a little much. I would have gone with voice-control. AND WHERE ARE THE LASER EXFOLIATORS? Cheapskates.
Oct 30 2009 Making Not So Beautiful Music Together
Ever wanted a toilet seat that looks like a guitar? It's not high on my list of priorities either, but if you already have every other thing in the world maybe it's time for one. Jammin' Johns come in guitar and piano varieties and will set you back about $180. They go perfect in music themed bathrooms. Which -- oh God please tell me you don't have a themed bathroom. Unless it's beach themed, those are fine. I love the little shell soaps!
Hit the shot for another guitar and a shot of a piano.
Oct 15 2009 Brass, Glass And Ass: A Steampunk Toilet
This is a picture of a highly questionable steampunk toilet. This is just the tank here, you have to actually watch the video after the jump to see the brass (painted) seat and shit (but not literally, the bowl's clean). Still, a cup holder, that's smart. Who knew those Victorians were such forward thinkers? BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T. I'm pretty confident they pissed in clay jugs or, worse, right out the window. Which, OMG, I'm relieving myself oldschool style! Haha -- sorry Mrs. Harding, but you should watch where you're walking!! Cute dog.
Hit the jump for a the video of the brass throne in action.
Continue Reading " Brass, Glass And Ass: A Steampunk Toilet "
Sep 14 2009
Starry Nights Baths: Nirvana LED Bathtub
I haven't taken a bath since I was too short to see over the side of the tub, so I don't need a fancy bath fixture. But maybe you do. I heard women take a lot of baths because it makes shaving easier. Speaking of which, what do women shave anyways? I suspect it's their chests!
The Nirvana Bathtub is basically an normal tub that's been outfitted with 360 LED lights on the surface. Touch controls allow you to adjust the lights as well as the water, and a hand shower is motion activated.
Pfft, screw a LED tub -- I'm holding out for a laser bath! I'm gonna get all prune-y and blind at the same time. Just sayin', vision is for the weak and I can benchpress the bar plus 45lbs on each side!
Nirvana bathtub combines a bathtub and a planetarium [dvice]
Aug 28 2009 Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures
Junior Fritz Jacquet is an artist that loves working with paper and has created a series of small masks by bending and folding empty toilet paper rolls. Good looking, Junior (we named the dog Indiana). I really think this is testament to the creativity of the human mind. It's amazing, you know? Junior here sees an empty toilet paper roll and thinks art. Me? I think, "damnit -- what hand's it gonna be this time?"
Hit the jump for a whole gallery of faces.
Continue Reading " Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures "
Aug 21 2009 Creepy: An Edward Cullen Shower Curtain
Because it's a well known fact vampires are pervbags that like to stare at you while you piss, here's a custom Edward Cullen shower curtain. It was handpainted by Etsy seller CustomShowerCurtains and will set you back a cool 75 bones. Now, you may be wondering why I'm posting a Twilight shower curtain in the first place. And the answer to that, my friends, is for the womens. Apparently they love this shit. Also, shoes and cooking. DO I KNOW THEM OR WHAT?!
Thanks to Jay, who caught Bella watching him projectile vomit after a long night of drinking.
Aug 20 2009 About Time!: Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper
The pinnacle of human achievement: glow in the dark toilet paper. Finally, I can sleep at night...knowing that if I have to get up to go to the bathroom, I at least won't sit in the sink again. Or will I? I probably will. It's like a bidet!
Perfect for power cuts, this groovy glowing loo roll means that if you don't want to wake anyone up in your household by turning on the light, it'll cast its green glow over your bathroom, so you can find your way around.
Neat, but each roll will set you back $8 and change. And, as cool as glowing toilet paper is, I can't imagine you'd want something radioactive so close to your privates. I mean, who wants glowing children? Besides everybody! Which is exactly why I just wrapped my penis in a roll. See -- it looks like a mummy!
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need glowing toilet paper to find his ass.
Jul 14 2009 Blown Off The Throne: Toilet Paper Prank
I'd never seen this prank before, but maybe you have. Regardless, it's awesome. Now I don't want to spoil it, but I love how the girl put a hidden camera in the bathroom TO FILM HER DAD USING THE JOHN. Because that's a healthy father/daughter relationship.
Thanks to Towhee, who once got tape-measured off the john and hit her head on the bathtub and almost drowned. Pranks are dangerous, kids.
Jun 22 2009 Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub
Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom, a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!).
The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process.
As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can't blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH HA HA! God, I needed that.
Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.
May 19 2009 Closer To The Action: Kneeling Pee Bench
The Tenshi no Hizamakura (Angels Knee Pillow) is a little bench designed to get men lower to the action and help prevent urine misplacement. No word if it actually comes with the flying pee genie in the picture, but that would pretty awesome if it did (and also a bargain at $60).
...according to the manufacturer, House Doctor, urinating into the toilet from a certain height results in hundreds of droplets of spray & splash being ejected from the bowl - yes, they actually COUNTED the droplets - and in Japanese households it's the wife who gets to perform the toilet cleaning services.
Ha, maybe America and Japan aren't so different after all. Get it? Because the women do the cleaning here too! Isn't that right, honey? Honey? HONEY?! Shit. Note to self: rerun singles ad. Bigger penis this time.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the questionableness that I'll never need because I always sit down.
Continue Reading " Closer To The Action: Kneeling Pee Bench "
May 18 2009 I've Seen It All Now: A Twittering Toilet
That's right folks, a toilet that Twitters every time it's flushed. Because if that's not a sign of the apocalypse, what is? Your mom making out with a robot. Oh, I thought you were asking. What do you mean I said it? LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Now, where were we? Right, a Twittering toilet.
@ last user: Great, you clogged me -- about to overflow. Shit on your floor commencing in 3...2...
Twitter Page
via
Twitter Toilet Tweets Your Poo [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, clownpounder and Dogless, who don't need Twitter to tell them they should feel two pounds lighter.
Apr 30 2009 Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can
Hungry? Yeah, but are you whole chicken in a can hungry? That's right folks, Sweet Sue's Canned Whole Chicken (without giblets) is an entire cooked chicken in a can (a big one). Equally perfect for camping trips or throwing up everywhere! Hit the jump to see an uncanning in progress, which will leave you wondering why you've ever eaten anything else. Then go get one. You'll be doubled over on the bathroom floor with the runs quicker than you can say "I think I ate the asshole"! Bon Appétit!
Hit it for the uncanning. Really makes me want one.
Apr 22 2009 Shower Curtain Gets Stabby On H2O Wasters
Elisabeth Beucher's 'Green Warrior Shower Curtains' help control your water consumption by slowly inflating its spikes (via a questionably energy efficient air pump) as you shower. Stay in too long and you get stabbed. Drop the soap and experience prison. While I do find this design admirable, I have an even better way to curtail water wastage: don't pay your gas or electric bill. You'll still have cold water, and cold water, my friends, is the key to shorter showers. Seriously, I'm down to 35 seconds. Haven't seen my balls in weeks!
Happy Earth Day everyone!
in honor of earth day: the shower curtain that impales you [theinteriormind]
Thanks to Travis, who only bathes the way God intended: with a woman to scrub his back.
Apr 18 2009 Crazy Sink Is Crazy, Drains Onto The Floor
The Abisko Washbasin from Eumar isn't even a basin. It's a freaking waterslide. A waterslide sink that drains onto the floor. How hilarious would it be if some bar installed this thing and forgot to put in the drain? Or even better -- you clogged it with a bunch of paper towels! HAHAHA, water damage is so funny! But seriously, it would be cool to spit blood in the sink and watch it sail down the stream. And why would you be spitting blood? I dunno, sometimes you just *WA-POW!* that's why.
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the questionable modernity.
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Mar 13 2009 Quattro Technology Toilet Flushes Anything
Sure the St Thomas Creations Toilet with Quattro Flushing technology can flush 2.5 lbs of baby carrots, 4 whole plastic chess sets, 3 lbs of large gummi bears, 18 large hot dogs, 78 plastic letter and number refrigerator magnets, 3.5 lbs of grapes, 20 golf balls and 3.5 lbs of dog food, but what about a turd?
The World's Most Flushingest Toilet [presurfer]
Thanks to Romeo, who once flushed an elephant down a toilet and it remembers.
Mar 12 2009 See It In Action!: The UroClub Commercial
We posted on the awesomeness that is the UroClub last year. And now, there's a commercial that explains just how easy and convenient it is to use (read: screw cap off, piss in it, screw cap on). Best quote: "The UroClub comes with a towel and appears that you're just checking out your club." Also, I loved how the last five seconds of the commercial featured three guys standing side by side pissing on a tree and pretending they're not trying to sneak a peak at each others' johnsons. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it common courtesy to leave at least one tree between you and another pisser? Just sayin'.
Gold Club Fail [failblog]
Thanks to iron angel for hitting me with the follow up. Now hit me with those digits, girl! That is, if you are a girl. Otherwise, forget that number I gave you.
Mar 4 2009 Fully Automated, Computer Controlled Shower Will Kill You While You Bathe, I'm Sure Of It
The Aquapeutics (now to be known as AquaPEWtics) luxury steam shower has everything a person could want, plus a whole bunch of other crap, and a $4,300 pricetag.
This spaceship-worthy shower is loaded up with two handheld showers, a waterproof LCD TV, a radio, massage jets, a steam box, overhead lights, an alarm, and other crazy crap. The whirlpool and steamshower are computerized, letting you set your program to run when you get in, and it's all very fancy.
I WANT IT! I heard it even washes your balls and polishes them to a shine. Which, I think we can all agree, while painful, would be well worth the shellacking. QUICK -- LOOKIE HERE! Haha, blinded you.
Aquapeutics shower is just a little bit over the top [dvice]
Feb 18 2009 Smell Gamey? You Need Playstation Soap
So check it: you smell like ass. I'm serious, you're reeking up the interwebz. You need to get yourself some $5 Playstation controller soap from Etsy seller Digitalsoaps. Looking for something a little old schooler? No problem, they sell $8 NES controller bars as well, in such exotic flavors as pink sugar, juicy watermelon, apple jack and peel, coconut lime verbena, dragon's blood, and unicorn's semen. On a side note, when I get ripe my pits smell like really onion-y chili-cheese dogs. Your musk is different. But I like your natural pheromones. I think I'm attracted to you. Kiss me. Did you feel any chemistry? I felt some. It felt like your boob. I copped a feel!
Hit the jump to see the NES controller soap.
Feb 9 2009 Make Calls In Private With The Isophone
The Isophone may like a giant waterbug banging your brain, but it's actually a device designed to provide uninterrupted peace and quiet while you're making phone calls.
The Isophone is essentially a telecommunications device providing a service that can be described simply as a meeting of the telephone and the floatation tank. The user wears a helmet that blocks out all peripheral sensory distraction whilst keeping the head above the surface of the water... a space is created for providing a pure, distraction free environment for making a telephone call.
I need one. Like yesterday. Ooh, and a pool. This bathtub just isn't cutting it anymore. *knocking* Damnit -- SHUT UP MOM I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE! What's that? Fish sticks for dinner? Hot damn, I'll be out in a sec!
Hit the jump for several more shots of this chick using the device.
Continue Reading " Make Calls In Private With The Isophone "
