Nov 16 2009 Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles
Apparently battery-powered illuminated liquor bottles are becoming all the rage. They're supposed to grab your attention when you're trying to decide what to order at the bar. Yeah, TOO BAD I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WANT (one of everything -- and keep the cherries coming).
Ballantine's new "Listen to Your Beat" campaign includes an electroluminescent label with graphic equalizer display. Designed by London-based "The Core," this label is more evidence of a trend towards animated, self-illuminating liquor labels. Similar to these battery-powered T-shirts, audio references seem to occur frequently in youth-oriented liquor packaging. (The J&B bottle above is another example.)
You know if you really want to sell liquor you don't need ridiculous gimmicks like light-up bottles. No, what you need is me. I could sell firewater to a teetotaler AND get him to drink it. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! Aaaaaand you're vomiting on my shoes. Now wipe your mouth, we're doing it again.
Hit the jump for several videos of light-up bottles in action.
Continue Reading " Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles "
Oct 12 2009 Good Ideas: Roofie Detecting Lip Balm
2 Love My Lips is $16 lip gloss that comes with test strips to determine if your drink has been roofied with drugs like GHB or Ketamine. It's a smart idea and I urge everyone to keep a close eye on their beverages at all times (and not just because I'll ninja-drink that shit, but I 100% will).
"If a drink tastes funny, or you are suspicious something is amiss simply dab the ends of the taper in your drink and if they turn blue tell your friends immediately and get help from Security and the Police."
Seriously, roofies are no laughing matter and if you suspect your drink's been spiked I want you to ask me to chug it. BECAUSE I WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU. Knight in shining armor? No, I'm trying to forget that bad.
Sep 27 2009 Mobile Bar: Beer Bike Totes Two Kegs, Pizza
The Beer Bike was designed and created by Hopworks Urban Brewing of Portland, Oregon, and features two kegs and taps, plus a hot pizza storage unit. Impressive, but I can't even imagine pedaling two full kegs of beer around. I mean, those bitches are heavy. Sure, I've dated three-keg girls before, BUT I NEVER OFFERED THEM RIDES ON MY HANDLEBARS, NOW DID I?! I didn't. I demanded piggybacks!
Beer Bike! [mostlyhere]
Thanks to Kevin, who built a bike with an actual mobile brewery on the back.
Aug 26 2009 Genius: Booze Light Helps Prevents Spillage
The ElectraPour LED bottle top was designed to light up the stream of fire-water pouring from a bottle so that when you're home alone drinking in the dark you don't miss your glass (read: man up and drink from the bottle like a normal damn person). Each top will set you back $7.30 or you can pick up one short of a baker's dozen for $81. Alternatively, only drink liquor over 150 proof and always light it on fire. But if you do, remember these important words: stop, drop and pop & lock. Now you're breakdancing on fire!
Hit the jump for a video of the light in action.
Continue Reading " Genius: Booze Light Helps Prevents Spillage "
Aug 18 2009 What Could Go Wrong?: Zombie Themed Bar
Donny Dirk's Zombie Den is a zombie themed bar in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I don't know how I feel about it.
The stunning new interior comes straight out of a 1950s Las Vegas lounge (the classic part). The zombie stuff (i.e. the kitsch) is hilarious, and more nuanced than you'd expect from a bar named Donny Dirk's Zombie Den. In the corner, a small chainsaw sits inside a glass case that reads "In case of zombie attack, break glass." The bartenders all dress like Simon Pegg in "Shaun of the Dead" -- white button-up, red tie and blood stains. The friendly female servers wear long black gowns. Again: This is a classy zombie joint.
First of all, classy and zombie should never appear in the same sentence unless we're talking about an undead Mr. Peanut or Monopoly. And secondly, a zombie bar, not unlike a robot bar, is a bad idea. There's a reason you're not allowed to bring weapons into drinking establishments, you know. A stupid reason. pew pew!
Zombie resurrection [startribune]
Thanks to deadbodyman, whose dinosaur bar I always rent for my private parties.
May 11 2009 Hello Laaaaadies: The Pheromone Ring
Pheromone, named in honor of the goddess Pheromoneus, is Greek for "bonertime". Also, you're sort of being flipped off there in the picture, so consider that a little present from me to you. Anyway, this ring emits pheromones (Greek for "Spanish Booty Juice") whenever you push it in order to attract the men/women your way. Just like flies to honey. Or the Geekologie Writer to the guy in the dinosaur costume at his son's birthday party. Which *ahem* totally never happened (seriously, return my calls, I'd like to book you again).
Squeeze the side, and the S ring emits perfume juiced with pheromones. Three scents for each sex, all custom mixed.
You have to inject the perfumes into the ring with a hypodermic needle which is supposed to invoke the "clinical process" of getting ready for a date. The scent is released when you squeeze the side, causing the tiny piezo tubes to contract.
Hey, I don't care how it works, just as long as it does work. Now I am heading straight to the bar and I am going to pheromone (Greek for "my natural, onion-y musk") some chick RIGHT IN THE EYES. And, if that doesn't work, I'm going with Plan B: tranquilizer darts. I'm not the creep, you're the creep!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of seduction.
Apr 16 2009 I'll Have Another: The Triforce....OF BOOZE!
The Triforce is a shot made of equal parts dark rum, banana liqueur, and Goldschläger. It sounds delicious (minus the combination of rum, banana and cinnamon), and I'm going to drink them until I start seeing fairies. You know, like Julia Roberts in Hook. But way nakeder. YOW YOW, TINK!
So all you Zelda fans know the Tri-force has three parts. Link (courage), Zelda (wisdom), Gannon (strength), and The Geekologie Writer (awesome). That was the inspiration for this drink. I chose a dark Rum for Link, since he represents courage, and the nick-name for rum is "liquid courage." Then there is 99 Bananas for Zelda. It's smooth and refreshing (and since she is a girl, she gets the fruity part - duh!). And lastly there is Goldschläger for Gannon, representing strength, because it is the part of this shot that really kicks your ass.
Cool, but Goldschläger doesn't really kick your ass. I mean, it's 87 proof cinnamon-flavored mouthwash. No, I suggest we ramp up the "strength" aspect of the drink. I'm thinking moonshine. And by thinking I mean manufacturing. Unless you're a cop, in which case I really did mean thinking.
Meet me by the old oak tree.
Gamer Drink: The Triforce [thedomesticscientist]
via
Slam Down A Triforce, Go Back In Time [kotaku]
Thanks Julian, I bought a round on your tab while you were in the bathroom. And drank them all. They tasted like happiness.
Apr 9 2009 Two Chicks In A Bar Having A Lightsaber Fight
NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO UNDERWEAR.
This is a fake commercial for men's body spray that features two chicks having a lightsaber battle over some tainty dude that smells good. SPOILER: they cut each other's clothes off, making it the best commercial for a fake product EVER. I just ordered like a million cases. Or, I dunno, left my credit card number as a Youtube comment.
Thanks to Dustin, Dallas and CJ, who once saw two chicks have a lightsaber duel while Jello wresting. I know, I should write erotic fiction.
Apr 4 2009 Hardcore: Man Gets Hand Cut Off With Samurai Sword, Punches Attacker With Stump
Peter Rogers is a hardcore dude. First he insults some guy's girlfriend's mother, and then, in the resulting bar fight, gets his hand cut off with a samurai sword but continues to punch his attacker in the face with his bloody stump. Wow, Mr Rogers (I really loved your little train set!).
Detective Garda Tony Gleeson told Dublin Circuit Criminal Court that Russell severed Mr Roger's hand at the wrist with his first swing of the sword and his hand fell to the ground. Mr Rogers continued to struggle with Russell and at one stage punched the accused in the face with the stump of his arm.
Det Gda Gleeson said that Mr Rogers had been in the pub with a number of friends that day when he heard someone shout, "there's the c**t" before he was struck from behind with a hammer. This blow came from Russell's co-accused and friend who was then wrestled away by bar staff.Russell then swung a samurai sword at Mr Rogers and continued to strike at him four or five times before staff dragged him away. He was restrained by the bar manager but managed to escape and fled the scene.
Det Gda Gleeson said that one customer picked up Mr Rogers' hand and placed it in ice in a black bag. The victim was taken to the Mater hospital where he underwent emergency surgery to re-attach his hand. He is 'unlikely to regain full use' of limb.
First of all, good looking, Mr Rogers (I loved that episode where you visited the post office!) Secondly, how the hell do you get a samurai sword into a bar? I mean, I can't even count the times I've been frisked because a doorman suspected my penis was a WMD (which, to their credit, it totally is. Ladies?). Lastly, sorry to hear about your hand, Mr Rogers (don't forget to feed the fish!), but look on the bright side -- Best. Strangers. EVER.
Sword attacker sliced off victim's left hand [independent]
Thanks to Matthew and Cian, who once got their hands cut off but only cried about it. Wow, you two could really learn a thing or two from Mr Rogers here. Including, but not limited to: how to be a good neighbor.
Mar 31 2009 Man Scores DUI On Homemade Barstool Kart
Kile Wygle (awesome name), 28, recently received a DUI after crashing his homemade bar-stool kart (pictured) and calling 911.
Kile crashed his bar stool near his Newark home earlier this month and called 911 due to his injuries. When an officer arrived and asked Wygle what happened, he answered, "I wrecked my bar stool." According to a Newark Police Division report, a copy of which you'll find here, Wygle's homemade ride is powered by a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine. Wygle noted that the bar stool could hit nearly 40 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 when he wiped out late in the afternoon on March 4 (a witness told police that he spotted someone driving a "strange motorized machine" before the crash). A plastered Wygle, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, was charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license, both misdemeanors. His bar stool was not impounded.
Damnit Kile, why'd you have to go and call the cops? You should have just brushed yourself off and then popped wheelies all the way home. You could have been Rad to the power of Sick! But nooooo. Now you're just DUI to the power of APB: Kile's riding his bar-stool drunk again. You failure.
Cops Bust Stool Fool [thesmokinggun]
Thanks to Jerkster, Just...A Guy, Timo, Stacey, Chris and BiSScuiTT, who are all smart enough to drive on the sidewalk.
Mar 27 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'I Do' Wedding Bands
'I Do' wedding bands were created by Sakurako Shimizu and are similar to waveform bracelets but much more matrimonial. They were cast in palladium and 18K gold and feature a waveform version of the words "I do". Of course, if you were smart you'd sneakily have an "I don't" cast. That way, when you're caught groping another woman's teat at the bar you can just point to your ring and mouth the words "I don't" to your wife, who may or may not douse you with a Jager shot and stiletto you in the nads. But hey, boobs ARE the spice of life. And also, glitterstim. Now who's down for a Kessel Run?
Hit the jump for another pic and a link to artist's website, which also features a pretty badass Atari chip ring.
Mar 11 2009 Hopside Down: It IS Worth Crying Over Spilled Beer -- And I'm Man Enough To Admit It
Hopside Down is a beer glass by Fred & Friends that looks like an inverted bottle. It hurts my brain just to look at and I couldn't imagine myself successfully drinking out of it without pouring beer in my shoes. Still, maybe there are a few of you out there that are more skilled in the ways of drinking than yours truly. Ha, that was the biggest lie I've ever told -- nobody beats the GW at the game of life called drinking. Isn't that right, F. Scott?
The Ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald: It's true -- I have a hangover as Big as the Ritz. I....feel Curiouser Than The Case of Benjamin Button This Side of Paradise. You sir, are indeed the Last Tycoon (BOOM -- literary headshots!). Hey, stay away from my wife!
Me: Shut up, Francis. Hey Zelda -- wanna touch my Master Sword?
Thanks to Matt, who only drinks out of his boot because he's a real cowboy. Now let's raise and rope broncos!
Mar 9 2009 You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword
The Belt Sword is a questionable sword hidden within a belt. It was created to make dorks feel safe even though in a real-life situation they'd either forget they were wearing the thing or stab themselves trying to get it out. Also, they look suspiciously like aluminum-foil wrapped cardboard. The belt with 24" and 27" swords costs $150. $210 if you want five swords (24", 27", 29", 31", and 33"). Sorry folks, but I'm not interested. No, unlatching my buckle releases another, much more powerful weapon. Obviously, I'm talking about a flying dragon. *unbuckling* KA-P....uh-oh. Looks like the proverbial chicken has flown the coop. And, oh God -- taken off with the eggs.
Hit the jump to see more of this chick, along with a picture of the system and links to the product page and video demonstrations.
Continue Reading " You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword "
Dec 15 2008 Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights
It's a fact: in a barfight you want to be wielding a nice glass bottle. Or a heavy mug. Or a pool cue. Or a handful of darts. Or a knife. What you don't want is a paper bottle. You try papercutting an enemy and he's gonna to choke you out. And God knows what he's going to do to you while you're unconscious. Suffice it to say it's not buy you a new drink. Anyway, these are paper bottles. They're supposed to be eco-friendly or something (only 14% of the 60 million plastic bottles used daily in the US are recycled) and cut down on packaging and shipping costs. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But one thing's for certain: a bottle, by the Merriam-Geekologie definition, has to be glass or plastic. So these aren't really bottles, they're reservoirs. Much like a teat, which *suckle* mmmm.
Two more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights "
Dec 4 2008 Kinda Tacky: Diamond Plate Foosball Table
Foosball: the sport of champions. And by champions I mean those who like to drink in dark, smoke-filled bars. Which I freaking rule at! *high-five* Whoa, watch the drink buddy. So yeah, a $1,200 foosball table with diamond plate accents. This thing is straight tacky as shit but might look okay in a garage. Provided it's in pieces. Under a big blue tarp. With bricks holding it down. Geekologie: helping not sell your company's products since 2006.
Thanks to KXHone, who, along with yours truly, could school any of you mothers. Bring it!
Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom
This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.
Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]
Nov 10 2008 It's About Time!: A Comfy Computer Chair
While this was originally designed as a barstool for kilt-wearing Scots, I think we can all agree it doubles as the world's most ergonomic computer chair. It even has an ashtray for cigars!
Scottish Bar Stool (for Kilts) [imagef1]
Thanks to Ubergeek85, 85th in line for the the throne.
Sep 23 2008 Oak Bar Hides Sweet Video Game Setup
Let's face it, drinking and video games go together like drinking and firearms -- a match made in heaven. So why not build yourself a video game bar? This oak bar hides four joysticks in a fold down panel in the front (picture after jump), which are connected to a PC and the flatpanel on the wall. Not a bad setup, but I'm sticking to my shooting gallery. POW POW POW POW meow POW. Oh shit.
Hit the jump for two more pictures.
Aug 18 2008 Geez, You Could Have Just Asked Me: Scientists Confirm Beer Goggles Are Real
In an announcement that shouldn't surprise anyone that's seen the majority of women I've slept with, scientists have concluded that beer goggles are, in fact, real.
Surprisingly, the beer goggles effect was not limited to just the opposite sex among the ostensibly straight volunteers recruited for the study -- they also rated people from their own sex as more attractive.
Beer is making me gay.
"The main question is whether these effects are specific to faces, or whether we would rate anything as more attractive after a drink," Munafo said.Future research could expose people who have been drinking to landscapes or the faces of puppies and other animals, "to see if alcohol has a more general effect on perceiving beauty in the environment."
I don't like where this is going. I am NOT having sex with animals. Or a damn landscape. Well, unless it's the sun setting over a mountain range. I'd ravage that shit.
Jul 3 2008 Robot Bartender Serves Beer, I Don't Tip
Mr. Asahi was made by Japanese based Asahi Breweries and serves beer before stealing your girlfriend and making out with her in the walk-in cooler. It took over 200 man-hours to build Mr. Robobeer and he's pretty much limited to opening bottles and pouring draft beer. Did I mention he talks? He talks. Now I'm torn here because for once in my life I'm strangely attracted to a robot, but I think it's only because he serves beer. I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or, okay, my roommate and the arm of the sofa. Great, now he's drooling on me.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of Mr. Asahi in action.
Continue Reading " Robot Bartender Serves Beer, I Don't Tip "
.jpg){kind=link}