Jan 16 2009 Virgin Auctioning Virginity Allegedly Gets $3.7 Million Offer -- I Should Know, It Was Me!

Remember 'Natalie Dylan', the 22-year old strumpet who's claiming to be a virgin so she can auction off her virginity to your dad? Yeah, well in what appears to be the longest-running auction ever (my last post was in early September), Natalie has allegedly received a $3.7 million dollar bid. Which, I want it to be noted, I wouldn't even pay for a virgin t-rex. F*** it, not even an albino virgin t-rex. Also, just look at that chick -- I've seen plenty of virgins (or at least the same one in the mirror everyday), and that ain't no Mary.

Natalie allegedly received over 10,000 bids and plans to use the money to go to college (read: get even bigger implants and become an adult-film star). Best of luck, Natalie, I'm rooting for you. And also, bidding. Tosseth aside thine chastity belt -- thou virginity is mine! F***, now I'm even creeping myself out.

22-Year-Old Sells Virginity Online -- and Feds Can't Do a Thing to Stop Her [foxnews]

Thanks to Bryan and The Superficial Writer, who, despite pooling their Whopper coupons, only came up with enough for a 30 seconds apiece with Natalie -- not that they'd need anymore. HIYO!

Dec 26 2008 Cell Phone Goes PEW PEW PEW PEW

Remember the cell phone gun that Italian police found in a raid on the mafia? Turns out they're mad popular in Europe. And, I've got to tell ya, I'd almost be fooled if it looked like a Blackberry and not a phone from the 90's -- the 1890's (note to self: fact check 19th century cell phone technology). Some guy ranting about the pieces of shit:

Most see airport security as a pain. Some deal better than others. Some feel violated, when you watch this movie, you'll understand why they want your cell phone through the x-ray machine. If you get asked to test your cell phone at the airport, this is the reason. Because cell phone guns have arrived. These phones are not in the U.S. yet, but they are in use overseas. Beneath the digital phone face is a 22 caliber handgun capable of firing four rounds in rapid succession using the standard telephone keypad. European law enforcement officials are stunned by the discovery of these deadly decoys. They say phone guns are changing the rules of engagement in Europe. Be patient if security asks to look at your cell phone or turn it on to show that it works. They have a good reason! Welcome to our NEW WORLD!!

New world? Would that be a brave new world? And, if so, hook me up with some of that soma! Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Now, who wants to hit up the feelies?

Video Demo of Cellphone Gun Shows How Effective It Could Be [gizmodo]

Dec 7 2008 Wait, What?: Medical Handgun Coming Soon

The Palm Pistol is a single-shot firearm aimed (!) at folks who may have trouble shooting a regular gun and probably shouldn't be anyways. The company behind the weapon hopes to have it classified as a medical device for the elderly and people with arthritis. Holy shit.

"It's something that they need to assist them in daily living," says Matthew Carmel, president of Constitution Arms in Maplewood, New Jersey, which hopes to manufacture the Palm Pistol - now just a patent and specifications. "The justification for this would be no more or less for a [walking aid] or wheelchair, or any number of things that are medical devices," he says.

Wow, now I want a medical ninja sword.

Ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity. Using the thumb instead of the index finger for firing, it significantly reduces muzzle drift, one of the principal causes of inaccurate targeting. Point and shoot couldn't be easier.

Point and shoot couldn't be easier. More like point and shooting yourself in the freaking leg (aka Plaxicoing) couldn't be easier. Seriously though, my grandpa has arthritis and lives in a bad part of the assisted living facility, I'm getting him one.

UPDATE: Right, Alzheimer's -- the old coot shot me!

Company tries to get gun classed as medical device [newscientist]

Thanks to Spikey and Bordmanator, who only fire headshots.

Sep 2 2008 11-Year Old Girl Field Strips And Reassembles AR-15 Rifle In Less Than A Minute

This is a video of 11-year old Mackenzie disassembling and reassembling an AR-15 in less than a minute. Her father made the video as a PSA to let any middle schoolers out there know that, if you break little Mackenzie's heart, she's gonna murder your whole family.

Once Again, We See That Girls Mature Faster Than Boys [gizmodo]

Jul 22 2008 Gun + Knife = Gnife Knun Knife-Gun

The Knife-Gun is the lovechild of a small caliber handgun that humped a switchblade at the monthly gun & knife show they hold at the civic center. I couldn't find much more information on it, except that they're allegedly for sale and it looks like it shoots a pretty small caliber round. Probably more effective than the WASP Knife at a distance though. But it probably sucks underwater. Still, I love hybrid weapons, and this little puppy inspired me to invent the boomerang grenade. See, you pull and pin and throw it, and then it flies around and comes ba....okay, so it needs some work.

Youtube

Thanks Lee, I owe you a beer. Haha, just kidding.

Jul 17 2008 DeWalt Edition M-16 Is Power Tooltastic

Kidding, it's not really a DeWalt edition rifle, it's just an M-16 some guy modded to look like one. Apparently, it's supposed to look like a nail gun.

I'd just picked up a new (to me) M-16 and was in the process of fixing it up a little. It needed new furniture anyway, so I sourced the safety yellow stock, guard, and grip. Then, I went down to the DeWalt factory service place a few miles from the house to get a sticker. There, I saw they had brand new battery casings, so I picked up one of those too. I got home, found a short magazine , and got to work.

Yeah buddy, that's what I'm talking about. I freaking love modded weapons (except these ones) and even dabble in them a little myself. Like when my wife was at work today I modded a bazooka to look like her hair dryer. Anybody want to go out for coffee tomorrow morning, say around 8:00?

UPDATE: Added more pics after the jump.

Continue Reading " DeWalt Edition M-16 Is Power Tooltastic "

Jul 15 2008 The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset

The iGiveUp is a Bluetooth handset in the form of a gun. You just put the barrel in your ear and pull the trigger to make and receive calls. There's an Instructable if you want to make your own, and it's not too complicated. The concept may or may not have been developed by the guy who made Mana Energy Potions seeing how his Instructibles name is ManaEnergyPotion and there's a picture of him surrounded by bottles of the stuff. I've got to hand it to whoever is responsible though, there have been many times when I'd have rather have just wrapped this life up than take a phone call. Like this morning when my parole officer called to ask why my ankle monitor reported I'd been in Vegas over weekend. You know what I told him? Because I love drinking, gambling and prostitutes. Which, incidentally, is how I got arrested in the first place. As the saying goes: you can't teach an old dog not kill another hooker.

Hit the jump for a video of the folks showing the gun off to people waiting in line for the new iPhone.

Continue Reading " The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset "

Jul 14 2008 Impressive: Homemade Paintball Sentry

Some dude made a paintball sentry that automatically detects moving objects and lights them up (with paintballs, not light, silly!). It's pretty freaking impressive. Skip to 2:00 to see an impressive distraction test, 3:30 to see a kid on a trampoline getting destroyed, and then keep watching to see the thing shooting at a guy speeding by in a Jeep. The kid that made the unit hopes to sell them once he's fine-tuned the design, but claims, "My ridiculously low income is the only thing slowing me down." Tell me about it, paintball sentry maker, I'm right there with ya. My ridiculously low income is the only thing keeping me living in my parent's attic. Well, that and I've befriended the mice. Haven't I, Cheesy Weesy? You're my little mousey wousy, aren't you? Gimme kissy. OW, YOU BIT ME YOU LITTLE....uh-oh. Aw George, I can still tend the rabbits, can't I?

Some Guy Went and Built a Sentry Gun [kotaku]

Thanks to Harry and Sev, both of whom could easily dodge the paintballs with their l33t ninja skills

Jul 8 2008 Shooting Simulator: Use Your Own Gun

The ST-2 indoor shooting simulator is just the thing you need if you thought Duck Hunt was the awesomest game ever when you were a kid. They system is currently being used by the Russian and Slovakian shooting teams in preparation for the Olympics, and I want one installed in my basement. It's advertised as the "first simulator for shotgun and rifle shooting designed specifically for demanding users such as shooting instructors" and gives you feedback explaining what you did wrong should you miss a shot. You know, stuff like, "you have shitty aim", and "you were distracted by the couple having sex in the bushes". Which is a bad idea. Because one time I tried playing Duck Hunt with daddy's gun and accidentally shot stepmommy while she was vacuuming.

ST-2 shooting simulator keeps your aim sharp [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who I've head can dissolve an entire urinal cake with a single urination.

Apr 15 2008 DIY Security System Is Awesomely Dangerous

I love DIY projects. Especially ones that involve automatic weaponry. So needless to say this one's a hit in my book. Hanif Molavizadeh, an Afghani citizen, rigged up this little security system to keep his home safe from unwelcome guests. If the system's alarm is tripped it dials Hanif's cellphone, which he then uses to talk to the intruders via speaker phone. If that's not enough, he can remotely fire a few rounds from the AK-47. Oh hell yes! During a test run Halif "forgot" to remove the live ammo, and a bullet shot through his window and ricocheted off a neighbor's place. I say "forgot" because I'm pretty confident that was just Mr. Molavizadeh's way of letting the neighbor's know not to f*** with his stuff. Now, not to fire my own assault rifle or anything, but I definitely had the idea of booby-trapping the doors in my house with guns a long time ago. Unfortunately I read a story about how that's illegal. And now I can see why -- I accidentally killed the cat-sitter.

Kalashnikov Equipped Burglar Alarm [uberreview]

Mar 4 2008 Machine Gun Cuts Down Tree, Sets It On Fire

From time to time I look up from drowning my sorrows in beer and liquor at the bar to see what's on the television. And this is one thing I happened to see: An episode of Mythbusters where they tested the myth of being able to cut down a tree using a gun. They started with little machine guns (which all failed), and finally moved on to this behemoth -- the Dillon M134D Gatlin Gun. At 3,000 rounds per minute the gun fells the tree in 45 seconds -- AND sets it on fire. AWESOME! Plus Kari was the one shooting it, and I have a crush on her. So it was extra hot for me, like the leftover curry I had for breakfast. Which, just like Kari, made my heart burn.

Worthwhile video of the gun in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Machine Gun Cuts Down Tree, Sets It On Fire "

Dec 21 2007 Corner Shot Weapon Shoots Around Corners

The Corner Shot is a gun that shoots around corners. Models start around $5,000.

The Corner Shot consists of a segmented, assault rifle-type folding stock, pistol-grip contraption, onto which is attached a pistol of choice and a compact, detachable color video camera. A lateral left and right swinging hinge mechanism and a remote trigger control allow the user to drop the hammer on targets from behind the safety and comfort of any right-angled structure.

They also make the unit in assault rifle and "personal" grenade launcher versions. Which is news to my ears, because I've been looking for an "around the corner" grenade launcher for sometime. Of course I'm going to have to modify the unit to shoot cheeseburgers. That way I can feed my wife from the hallway without fear of losing an arm.

UPDATE: A video of a "kitty corner shot" added after the jump, which is a stuffed cat on the end of a corner shot gun. Thanks to ck for the tip.

Video of the Israeli police force putting the thing to use after the friendly fire.

Continue Reading " Corner Shot Weapon Shoots Around Corners "