Aug 27 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Banana Phone
The Banana Cellfoam is a $10 piece of foam rubber that molds around your mobile phone, making it appear as though you're taking calls with a banana. Which I think we can all agree is pretty genius. Plus, you can turn your phone on vibrate and tell a friend to call for an instant sex toy! Kidding, that's icky. Holsters for the banana phone are also available, or you can just keep it in your pocket and save $8 while gaining some much needed respect from the ladies. You know, because they won't think it's a banana -- they'll think it's a gun! And firearms, dear reader, should be respected at all times.
Thanks to Matt, who once tried to impress the ladies with a whole pocketful of bananas but ended up getting beat within an inch of his life by a monkey that escaped the circus riding a tiger.
Jun 18 2009 Gorilla Gets All Stabby At Calgary Zoo
A gorilla at the Calgary Zoo picked up a knife left by one of its keepers and threatened to stab another primate if it didn't reveal the whereabouts of its banana horde. Okay, not really. But it did swing the knife around menacingly. I lie. BITCH I'LL CUT YOU!
"He grabbed the knife exactly in the correct position and he smelled it and looked at it," said Calgarian Joe Scheffler, who was at the zoo with his wife, Heike. "A few seconds later, another gorilla came and he was very interested.
"He tried to get the knife, but the gorilla with the knife lifted the knife for his buddy . . . it seems to me that the gorilla with the knife was a little bit angry and he lifted his hand with the knife."It was just (like) a scene from a crime," added Scheffler, whose wife snapped photos of the incident.
Suddenly, as though it sensed danger, Scheffler said the second gorilla stepped away and the knife-wielding gorilla walked a short distance and placed it on an old chair in the exhibit.
Oh man, animals with weapons. This reminds me of the future!
Gorilla caught holding knife at Calgary Zoo [calgaryherald]
Thanks to Jeremy, who once brought a lightsaber to a knife fight but was disqualified for cheating.
Apr 16 2009 I'll Have Another: The Triforce....OF BOOZE!
The Triforce is a shot made of equal parts dark rum, banana liqueur, and Goldschläger. It sounds delicious (minus the combination of rum, banana and cinnamon), and I'm going to drink them until I start seeing fairies. You know, like Julia Roberts in Hook. But way nakeder. YOW YOW, TINK!
So all you Zelda fans know the Tri-force has three parts. Link (courage), Zelda (wisdom), Gannon (strength), and The Geekologie Writer (awesome). That was the inspiration for this drink. I chose a dark Rum for Link, since he represents courage, and the nick-name for rum is "liquid courage." Then there is 99 Bananas for Zelda. It's smooth and refreshing (and since she is a girl, she gets the fruity part - duh!). And lastly there is Goldschläger for Gannon, representing strength, because it is the part of this shot that really kicks your ass.
Cool, but Goldschläger doesn't really kick your ass. I mean, it's 87 proof cinnamon-flavored mouthwash. No, I suggest we ramp up the "strength" aspect of the drink. I'm thinking moonshine. And by thinking I mean manufacturing. Unless you're a cop, in which case I really did mean thinking.
Meet me by the old oak tree.
Gamer Drink: The Triforce [thedomesticscientist]
via
Slam Down A Triforce, Go Back In Time [kotaku]
Thanks Julian, I bought a round on your tab while you were in the bathroom. And drank them all. They tasted like happiness.
Nov 11 2008 Get That 'Peeling A Banana' Feeling Anytime!
In the same vein as the bubble wrap popper and envelope ripper, comes the banana peeler, a device that gives its user the sensation of peeling a banana, complete with sound effects. The Dazzling Banana will cost six coconuts when it hits stores in Japan next March. Sadly it isn't edible (although I'll still sure as as hell try). While six pineapples isn't bad, but what's so fun about peeling bananas? I prefer my bananas pre-peeled. Now mush you stupid monkeys, MUSH!
UPDATE: It was brought to my attention that calling monkeys stupid doesn't do justice to their keen intellect. So, my little banana peeling minions, I apologize. Now put the turds down, and nobody gets tazed.
Dazzling Banana an electronic Banana peeler [newlaunches]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who has a banana in his pocket. If that's a good thing -- if not, it's a wad of cash.
Oct 14 2008 Condometric Gives It To You Straight (Or Slightly Curved To The Left, Ladies?)
The Condometric is a condom with convenient measurements along the side so your partner can point and laugh and you can feel inadequate.
Condometric is the first prophylactic that measures and shows off the penis' length. Condometric helps us flaunt what we've got. It's about believing we can handle whatever we wish to take on, regardless of size.
Haha, 6 whole inches -- I'm perfectly average! What? Centimeters? Goddamnit.
Condometric [likecool]
Thanks to Lindsey for making me feel like Timmy Tiny Dick.
May 23 2008 Awesomeness!: Weezer's New Music Video Features A Bunch Of Youtube All-Stars!
Weezer's "Pork and Beans" music video is freaking awesome. It's got a bunch of Youtube stars in it that they got together to shoot the video. Just watch it. Like right now, at work. Crank the volume up, break the knob off, and sing along like a freaking maniac (extra points if you take your shirt off or whip your thing out). When your boss comes knocking tell him The Geekologie Writer told you to do it and that if he wants to contact me he's gonna have to use the email tip line. I don't need that asshole calling and interrupting Drunkfest: Memorial Day Weekend Edition.
Thanks James, that video made my day, come over and we'll grill out and drink beers
Mar 27 2008 Donkey Kong Jungle Juice Is A Misnomer
We've seen several video game inspired energy drinks here at Geekologie, and even a Nintendo offering, but now comes another -- Donkey Kong Jungle Juice. Spotted at the Nintendo World Store in New York, the drink comes packed with all those sperm-reducing agents* energy drinks are known for. Apparently the concoction is pink, smells like bubble gum, and has the flavor of carbonated Kool-Aid. There are theories circulating that it's the exact same stuff that's in the Mario can, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was. You can score a can from Anime Castle for $2.25 if you still want to try. I'm going to pass though, as a matter of principle. Everyone knows jungle juice is alcoholic and does not come in a Donkey Kong can. No sir, jungle juice is a combination of Everclear and every other kind of liquor you have in your college apartment mixed with Hawaiian Punch and Sunny D. You scoop it right out of the cooler it was mixed in with a Solo cup. It gets you drunk as shit and makes you puke and pass out on the bathroom floor while people bash your brain in with the door trying to get in to take a piss.
*This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. It has, however, been evaluated by Deez Nuts.
donkey kong jungle juice doesn't taste like bananas [technabob]
Sep 6 2007 Keep Your Fruit Fresh And Unblemished
I can tell you want one already, even without being entirely sure what it is. Well that's understandable, I was the same way when I first saw it. Introducing the Banana Guard! It keeps your favorite taser shaped fruit safe and unbruised on your way to work or school. They cost $6, and are available in a variety of colors, with glow in the dark coming out soon. What better way to look cool and let people know you care about fruit than rocking the Banana Guard. Excuse me sir, is that a Banana Guard in your pocket? Hell no lady, that's my penis. I ate my unbruised banana for lunch. Thanks Banana Guard!
One more of the benefits of the product after the jump.
