Nov 13 2009 Ladies: Quick Conversions Cooking Towel

I've never cooked anything in my life except crystal meth and I ended up blowing up the trailer, but I have eaten things before. Including, and virtually limited to: cereal and pudding. What can I say, I'm a health nut. Anyway, the Useful Towel is a $22 piece of fabric with conversions and stuff on it. I think. I actually don't know what they are, it all looks like jibber-jabber to me. But I'd still tie it around my waist and prance around the kitchen bare-assed. Suck it, Jamie Oliver!

Useful Towel Has a Couple of Uses [uberreview]

Aug 7 2009 Seriously, I Would Eat This Brain Cupcake

I would eat this zombie brain cupcake (made by Flickr user xsomnis) and then ask for seconds. And if there aren't any seconds, well, I'm looking at your head. I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS, SON. The hypothalamus is my favorite!

zombie food [xsomnis' Flickr]

Thanks to Jessica, who once brained a zombie with a crowbar and then licked the crowbar afterward. It's true, I saw her.

Jul 30 2009 Don't Eat The Pan!: Pac-Man Oven Mitts

This $12 Pac-Man Hothead from Fred is a silicon oven mitt that's "ready to eat the heat". Or, I dunno, your cookies! I like how the inside of his mouth looks like a Pac-Man level, I thought that was a nice touch. But not as nice as yours. No seriously -- this back isn't gonna rub itself.

Product Site (click 'buy' and 'shop online' if you want to find a place that sells them)

Jul 29 2009 Pie Suckers: I Could Probably Eat A Million

Pie suckers are exactly what they sound like: a race of aliens that come down and suck people's pies out of their kitchen windows while they're cooling. No I don't look at pictures or read stuff, I just post! I'm a posting machine. BUT DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A ROBOT OR I WILL BEEP BOOP BOP YOUR FACE IN! Okay, I looked at the picture. Are you happy now? Pie suckers are actually miniature pies on sticks, officially making them the most brilliant things I've ever heard of (move over Pop Tarts!). I just ate like four hundred of them with the sticks. Now my tummy hurts. What are you waiting for -- PUNCH ME IN THE GUT, YOU SISSY!

Artisticly Delicious - Pie Suckers [writhem]

Thanks to Michael, who better have a case of these in the mail to me. OR ELSE. Or else somebody else is gonna have to make me some. Anybody? Notice how I said anybody instead of ladies? I really wanted to say ladies BUT I AM TURNING OVER A NEW, MORE SENSITIVE CRUST. Womens?

Jul 16 2009 Luke, I Am Your Dessert: Star Wars Cakes

This is a little gallery of three different Star Wars cakes. These first two were created by Geekologie Reader doyouloveanapple (I do, I swear), and the Han Solo in carbonite cake after the jump was baked by Geekologie Reader Caro. I swear, you readers have such talent! And speaking of cake-baking talent: I have a birthday coming up next month. Now, who wants to bake my cake? And, more importantly, who wants to jump out of it?

Hit the jump to see the rest.

Continue Reading " Luke, I Am Your Dessert: Star Wars Cakes "

Jul 13 2009 Come On, 20!: Small Gallery Of Geeky Cakes

This Dungeons & Dragons themed cake and all the others after the jump (including some Zelda, Wolverine, Mario and Transformer action) were created by DeviantART user cakerific. And cakerific they are! I would even go as far as caketastic. And, as the sign on the door said, "Absolutely no outside food or drink permitted in the bar". OH YEAH, THEN HOW'D I JUST MIX A COCKTAIL IN THE BATHROOM? Sense: I make it.

Hit the jump for five more, all of which would look real good in my stomach right now mingling with the sushi. Well hello Mr. Eel Roll, how are you? Spicy.

Continue Reading " Come On, 20!: Small Gallery Of Geeky Cakes "

Jun 30 2009 I Would Destroy: This WALL-E Cake

If I were in prison and could only have one thing I would want a chastity belt. But if I could have two things I would want a chastity belt and a cake with a file in it. What? I like to keep my nails looking good. Also, looking a little cross-eyed there, WALL-E -- been playing with yourself again?

Wall E Cake is Simply Delicious [walyou]

Jun 26 2009 That's More Like It: 7 Pound, 4.5" Thick Pizza

Andy is the man responsible for yesterday's 2-inch thick pizza. And he got pretty upset several of you commenters weren't feeling his efforts. So, to spite you, he made a bigger, 7 pound, 4.5-inch thick pizza yesterday. Take that, naysayer!

Okay, I saw that my pizza I posted a couple of hours ago got posted on Geekologie, that's cool, I read that blog on a daily basis. But apparently most of the readers over there wasn't that impressed. And some even thought it was fake, and that's just ridiculous. So I felt I had to do another thick pizza. So here we go:

340g pineapple (190 kcal)
70g asparagus (14 kcal)
360g bacon (1152 kcal)
750g cheese (2700 kcal)
275g majonays (1980 kcal)
170g shrimp (145 kcal)
400g ham (520 kcal)
200g salami (780 kcal)
600g tomato paste + dough (1098 kcal)
1 egg (90 kcal)

All in all, this bad boy has 8669 kcal in it and weigh 7.08 lbs (3215g)

Happy now? I swear, some of you are so hard to please. Especially the ladies. I don't know know what I'm doing -- I get lost down there!

Hit the jump for a couple pre-baking shots.

Continue Reading " That's More Like It: 7 Pound, 4.5" Thick Pizza "

Apr 15 2009 Hamburger Cake Suitable For All Meals

Well, we ended yesterday with the BA-K-47, and now we're kicking Wednesday off right with a hamburger (technically a cheeseburger) cake. In case you couldn't tell, or your mommy is reading this to you while you eat your oatmeal, a hamburger cake is a cake made to look like a hamburger. And the great thing about it is, it's not just a bunch of fondant -- it's mostly good old fashioned icing! Skill level here appears to be about a 2 out of 10, so, with a shit-ton of practice, even you could make one! Now, back in the kitchen -- I'm ready for my eggs.

Flickr Gallery
via
Hamburger Cake [tellmesomethingidontknow]

Thanks to Matt, who once ate an entire hamburger cake and still saved room for a whole bag of Cadbury mini-eggs. I like your style Matt, freaking love those things. Also, to Hans, whose mother actually made the cake.

Apr 10 2009 Mmmm: 1-UP Mushroom Birthday Cupcakes

Loyal Geekologie Reader Katie made her Mario-loving boyfriend 1-UP cupcakes for his 24th birthday. And as you can see, they have eyes. Ha -- up a little. See, eyes. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Mmmm: 1-UP Mushroom Birthday Cupcakes "

Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die

This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:

Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.

Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.

Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...

I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.

Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!

Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.

Mar 9 2009 Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates

Want to build you own 17,000 calorie pirate ship? No problem, pick up these ingredients and then follow the picture tutorial after the jump.

Ingredients:

~20 sausages
~48 rashers of bacon
1.2kg of sausage meat
1kg of pork mince
10 franks
1kg of pastry (not 100% meat this time)
1 onion
1 mushroom
2 packets of chipolata sausages
various food colorings
sage

My god that looks delicious. I've always known I wanted to be a pirate, I just had no idea how badly I wanted to be a meatpirate. Yaaar, surrender yer sausage! Haha nothing, I'm being serious -- now drop trow ye scalawags!

Hit the jump for the making of the ship.

Continue Reading " Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates "

Mar 7 2009 Mmmm, Rorschach-y: Watchmen Desserts

Loyal Geekologist Martin has a friend (Jack) who made a cake honoring The Comedian in anticipation of Watchmen, which dropped in theaters yesterday. Also, they made some delicious Rorschach brownies, which I featured after the jump and have been staring at for the past twenty minutes. Tell me, what do you see? If you answered "NOM NOMs" or "a vampire fondling a mermaid in a whirlpool", you are correct. Anything else and you're a crazy person or in love with your mother.

Hit it for the rest of the deliciousness.

Continue Reading " Mmmm, Rorschach-y: Watchmen Desserts "

Feb 8 2009 Do It Yourself: How To Make Pixel Cookies

This is a chunk of cookie dough made by extruding individual "pixel logs" out of a Play-Doh machine and stacking them to form a design. Flickr user SeattleJonman has a little picture tutorial if you want to see the process, it's pretty basic. Now, if they just tasted like Girl Scout Cookies we'd be in business. The hell yeah business. Any guesses what this particular design is? Here, I'll give you a hint: tape your buttcheeks together.
Hit it to find out.

Continue Reading " Do It Yourself: How To Make Pixel Cookies "

Feb 4 2009 Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter

The Pizza Pro 3000 by Fred is a pizza cutter designed to look like a circular saw. That way, you can feel like a real toughass instead of a guy who just baked a frozen pizza for his Friday night Friends marathon. That Chandler, what a nut.

Pizza Pro 3000 Circular Saw [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Michael, who cuts his pizza the way God intended: with Paul Bunyon's axe.

Continue Reading " Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter "

Jan 29 2009 Interplanetary Delight: A Saturn Cake

This is probably the best looking cake we've posted here on Geekologie, and it comes to us all thanks to loyal Geekologie Reader, Jay, who had this to say about it:

I made a saturn cake, I can send pics -J

Damn that thing looks like it was baked full of win, am I right? Of course I am, I didn't take a four week correspondence course in cakes for nothing. I took it to meet women. And let me tell you -- no. But I haven't given up, I'm gonna try that art one next -- the one where you have to draw a picture of a turtle on your application. I like turtles!

Hit the jump for a picture of the cake in it's natural habitat.

Continue Reading " Interplanetary Delight: A Saturn Cake "

Jan 28 2009 One Cake To Fill Them All: LOTR Desserts

That's right folks, that's a freaking cake right there -- the city of Minas Tirith in all it's fondant-y glory. Wow. Now I'm confident I speak for all of us when I say 'my God would I lay siege to that city -- with a fork!' Am I right? "Thou shall not pass....on seconds!" Thanks Gandalf, I'll have another. Oh, uh-oh -- whipped cream fight!

Hit the jump for several more LOTR cakes, including a pretty solid looking golden ring.

Continue Reading " One Cake To Fill Them All: LOTR Desserts "

Jan 26 2009 Delicious Failure: A Cake Printing Error

Chalk it up as another case of printing failure.

Can you guess what happened? Apparently the printing process is mostly automatic and is printed directly from the website in edible ink. The designer didn't catch it and they tried to sell it to the purchaser.

Ha, they still tried to sell it! That's great. I don't know about you, but if I was the buyer I would have demanded several more icing flowers.

e-mail cake [flickr]

Thanks to Manwai, who once used a scanner and color printer to manufacture fake Whopper coupons and ate free for a month. Now I want some nuggets.

Jan 23 2009 Mmmm, Sacky: A Delectable Sack Boy Cake

I remember being super freaking excited about the release of Little Big Planet, but I ended up never buying it because I made my own Sack Boy out of a potpourri sachet and he's about as much fun and odoriferous as I can stand. Well Geekologie reader Kelli made her own Sack Boy as well -- in cake form!

I made the cake for my friend Marchelo's birthday dinner last night, and everyone loved it! It was a basic lemon pudding cake with chocolate fudge frosting, all in all 2.5 cakes and 3 cans of frosting went into this creation!

Now I know what you're thinking, "my God, I want to gobble that sack", and believe me -- I'm right there with you.

Hit the jump for a bunch more, including some of the build, along with a link to a larger gallery.

Continue Reading " Mmmm, Sacky: A Delectable Sack Boy Cake "

Dec 3 2008 Highly Questionable: Stoned Sesame Street

This is a Sesame Street ripoff featuring the Pot Cookie Monster. You know, because he loves pot cookies. Now as someone who's done several people's fair share of drugs in their life (do as I say kids, not as I do), I found it lacking. I question if the makers have ever actually made a GB out of a Mountain Dew 2-liter or eaten a peanut butter and mushroom sandwich. Just saying, I spoke to a parking cone for over an hour. Good people.

Youtube

Thanks to Hunter, who knows the magic's in the butter. And also, the hat. We're on to you Frosty!