Aug 17 2009 No Broken Bottles: Trash Filled Punching Bag
The man seen here, demonstrating there's nothing wrong with some good ol' fashioned man-bag love, is hugging a Do Box punching bag. A Do Box punching bag is a fist receptacle made to be filled with trash and then assaulted. Now, not to brag or anything, but I filled mine with grizzly bears. Good warm up.
Beat up trash instead of people [dvice]
Aug 2 2009 Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag
Be honest, every single one of you would rock this handbag. I know I would, and I don't give a dang if it clashes with my live bear chaps or not (all man, baby). Available from evilmadscientist as mini and full-size kits ($20 and $25, respectively) you're still gonna have to know how to sew. Which I, unfortunately, do not. Last time I tried mending a tear in my jeans I ended up sewing my penis to my ankle. True story.
Hit the jump for some shots of the unfinished kit so you can get a real sense of all the fun to be had.
Continue Reading " Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag "
Apr 22 2009 How To Pick Up Men: Nintendo In A Purse
Let's face it, there are few things in the world men respond more to than boobs. And fast cars. And vaginas. And beer. And fireworks. And dinosaurs. And guns. And meat. And meat guns. And sports. And power tool guns. Oh, and video games. So if you're a lady looking to score some attention from the lesser sex, but aren't ready to go topless (I urge you to reconsider), you may want to mod yourself a Nintendo purse.
Thanks to modder Jeri Ellsworth's creation, nerds everywhere finally understand the purpose of the purse. Hers has a built-in LCD and two velcro-on NES controllers for some on-the-go Super Mario Bros.
The guts of the purse are made from one of those system-on-a-chip deals that modders worldwide are so fond of, and the screen is just taken from a portable DVD player.
The system also has a Commodore 64 on a chip and some other basic computing capabilities. Which....is that Joust? ZOMG, Jeri, tell me you're in the DC area -- I'll meet you out for a drink! And not just to steal your purse. Okay, to steal your purse. Don't hate -- I look good with a manbag!
Video demo of the purse after the jump.i
Continue Reading " How To Pick Up Men: Nintendo In A Purse "
Mar 28 2009 Wow, Surprisingly Doesn't Work: Paying A Speeding Ticket With Urine-Soaked Coins
Michael Harold Lynch received a $206 speeding ticket for doing 54 in a 35MPH work zone. Outraged (I was only 19 over!), he got $206 in small coins, put them in a bag, and pissed all over them. Then he sent the bag in as payment. Shockingly, it wasn't accepted.
Turns out Lynch didn't break any laws - it's not necessarily illegal to mail bodily fluids. The pee-and-pennies were sent back to Lynch - COD, in fact - with a note that said they couldn't be taken because "the pile of coins emitted a strong, pungent odor of stale urine." Lynch responded by sending a check made out to another agency, which was returned, then he sent a check for the wrong amount. Now he's on the hook for $271 because his payment is late.
Wow, Michael. You sure showed them, didn't you? Now you only owe $65 more than before, not including the shipping and COD payments you already made. You are such the prankster! And also, under arrest. Up against the wall, buddy -- now spread those legs. *violently tasers Michael in the taint* Haha -- this is a rented uniform! NOW WHO'S THE PRANK KING?!?!
Streaming Mad: $206 in urine-soaked coins is not acceptable payment for a speeding ticket in Washington [autoblog]
Thanks to The Jerk, who was peeing in the slot your money comes out of on an ATM when the little door slammed closed on his pecker and he had to call the police. They laughed at him and then posted the security cam footage on Youtube. I saw it, it was funny.
Feb 7 2009 Doctoral Student Furious After University Throws Out His Collection Of Lizard Dung
Typically, you don't want bags of crap hanging around for too long. But not Daniel Bennett -- he loves that shit! Now he's furious that Leeds University custodians threw away part of his doctoral work -- a 77lb bag of Butaan Lizard dung it took him 7 years to collect.
"Whether it was the largest collection of lizard shit in the world is uncertain, but it certainly contained the only dietary sample from that little-known species Varanus olivaceus, and probably the most complete dietary record of any single population of animals in South East Asia. Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever."
First of all, Daniel, I don't think "shit" is the proper scientific nomenclature. And secondly, if losing a bag of crap can alter the course of your life forever, well, it's time you take a long, hard look at your life anyways. Just saying, tons of birdshit on my car.
University apologises for lizard dung clear-out [wigantoday]
Thanks to RyanThePerson, who is an actual human and not just shit stacked that high.
Jan 22 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings
Air Guitar Strings cost $3 plus shipping and are an empty package that reads "Air Guitar Strings". Very clever. if you're thinking about buying them, here's an idea: why don't you give me half the money you were gonna pay, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?
Hit the jump for the Vegas Vacation clip that's from and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings "
Dec 30 2008 Yes Please!: Legend Of Zelda Messenger Bag
Damnit, why didn't I know about this before Christmas?
This ($45) Zelda Messenger Bag features the Zelda map and the Triforce logo. The bag is great for carrying your lap top or just keeping your paper organized for work or class. There are side pockets for easy access as well as an internal cell phone pocket and security pockets. This is a heavy duty messenger bag that will keep you organized but also show your love for LOZ.
It's a messenger bag. It's Zelda themed. Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: I'm hard. Oh -- make that medium. Fluffer!
Legend of Zelda Messenger Bag [uberreview]
Dec 8 2008 ISS Orbiting Toolbag Filmed From Earth
Remember last month when a NASA toolbag accidentally floated off into space during a repair to the International Space Station (if not, video after the jump. Skip to about 0:55 to see the loss)?
Endeavor astronaut Heidi Stefanyshyn-Piper's loss has turned out to be an amateur star gazers' event of the season. The $100,000 tool bag slipped out of her reach and floated into space while she was trying to clean up a greasy mess on the starboard section of the space station. The tool bag is now dubbed ISS Toolbag and is orbiting the Earth. According to Space.com, Edward Light spotted the orbiting tool bag using 10 x 50 binoculars from his backyard in Lakewood, New Jersey.
The orbiting tool bag weighs approximately 30-pounds. It measures 20-inches wide and 12-inches long. The tool bag contains two grease guns, a scraper tool, a large trash bag and a small debris bag. Given the size and dim magnitude of the orbiting tool bag, star gazers will need binoculars or a small telescope to view it.
The video above is actual footage of the bag sailing by. Go here and enter your ZIP code to find out when and were to look to see the toolbag for yourself. Alternatively, come over to my place around six when my roommate gets home.
Hit the jump for the loss video.
Sep 17 2008 Woops: How Not To Dispose Of A Sex Doll
The best way to dispose of a sex doll is to hump it until it melts. But if you don't have superhuman stamina or a laser penis, your options are limited. So what do you do? Dump it like a dead hooker.
A 60-year-old man, having lived with his rubbery companion for a few years after his wife passed away, but when he decided to move in with his kids we felt like it was time to move on. He was too attached to chop his former lover up into pieces and toss her out with the trash, so he did what any respectable guy would do: stuck her in a sleeping bag, brought her to a remote, wooded area and dumped her.
Unshockingly, hikers stumbled upon the sleeping bag and notified authorities. One very brief post-mortem exam later, and the guy finally came forward to claim his former lover. He faces littering charges and future relations with a once-dead sex doll. You know, this reminds me of the time a dead hooker came back to haunt me. If I told her once, I told her a million times -- I'm still not paying you one-legged ghost of a whore!
Dumping Someone is Hard, Even if that Someone is a Sex Doll [gizmodo]
Jul 15 2008 Scientists Collect Cow Toots To Better Understand Their Effects On Global Warming
Argentinian scientists are collecting cow gas in an effort to understand how the methane produced by our bovine brethren is affecting the global solar cooker we call earth and its atmosphere.
As one of the world's biggest beef producers, Argentina has more than 55 million cows grazing in its famed Pampas grasslands.Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology, said every cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions every day.
Methane, which is also released from landfills, coal mines and leaking gas pipes, is 23 times more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide.
Every cow produces 1,000 liters of emissions? Holy hellfire. I can't believe we can even breathe anymore. The scientists hope that by understanding the process by which cattle produce methane, they'll be able to alter their diets to produce less of the gas. Well call me old fashioned, but I think there's a much more logical, less scientific method for getting a cow to produce less tootage -- make them huff their own gas bags. Now I don't like awards ceremonies, so just go ahead and send the Nobel Prize to my parent's house.
Cow farts collected in plastic tank for global warming study [telegraph]
Thanks Jim and Julian, is it true that huffing cow ass gets you high?
Mar 18 2008 OLD!: How (Not) To Safely Transport Pets
For all the lovers of old news out there, here's a post for you: the dog-toting running board sack. It was published in Popular Mechanics in 1936 and still remains the safest way to travel with your pet.
When you take your dog along for a ride, but prefer not having it inside the car, it can ride safely and comfortably in this sack, which is carried on the running board. The bottom of the sack is clamped to the running board and the top is fastened to the lower part of an open window with hooks, covered with small rubber tubing to prevent marring the car.
I know what you're thinking, and yes, this is a great idea. I'm going to build one for my wife's dog and take her for a spin around town. I'll let you know how it goes.
UPDATE: Okay the dog bit me and refused to get in the sack. Luckily I'm babysitting my little brother later so maybe he'll want to go for a ride.
UPDATE: I backed over him. It's okay though, I was smart enough to test the sack on a bike first before moving to a car. I've made a few modifications, and I think he's down for another go at it.
UPDATE: Okay, I think he's somewhere between the gas station and the movie theater.
Modern Mechanix Round-UP [boingboing]
Jan 31 2008 For The Ladies: Sweet Doggie Bags!
Now these are some of the sweetest doggie bags I've ever seen. They're little dachshunds! How cuuute. Precious actually. Except for the eyes. I'm thinking they should have gone with googly eyes instead of the X eyes. They come in black, brown, and red and will set you back a staggering $250. Of course you could probably sew your own together for far cheaper. This would make a great gift to get your special lady for Valentine's *wink, wink*. What could be better than a little wiener dog purse? Well, besides a real dog. Just be careful and don't buy them from the guy on the street corner that sells them out of his jacket. Because I bought a miniature schnauzer from him and it turned out to be a sewer rat. I tried to return it and the dude just stabbed me.
Two more pictures of the bag after the jump.
Jan 15 2008 Voltaic Generator Bag Charges Your Laptop
The Voltaic Generator is a laptop charging bag that Voltaic Systems is rolling out this spring.
The solar panel generates up to 14.7 watts, powerful enough to fully charge a typical laptop from a day of direct sunlight. The included battery pack efficiently stores the equivalent of a typical laptop charge and automatically delivers the required output voltages.
The bag is capable of holding a laptop up to 17" and is made out of recycled PET plastics. It will make you feel good for being a little greener. It will also make you feel poor for costing $599. Now many of you know how green I am (only peeing in the sink/shower), but I just can't afford a $600 laptop charger that only works in nice weather when you're outside or by a window. What I can afford is a $1.00 burger off the value menu. Well, almost -- I'm still $0.60 short.
Jan 11 2008 Laptop Bookbag Finds WiFi Signals, Strength
Well we've seen watches and shirts that have WiFi detection capabilities, and now there's a more practical one -- a laptop bag. Made in a variety of styles (bookbag, messenger bag, luggage-style roll around), each bag has a little LCD readout on top that indicates when a WiFi connection has been located and displays its signal strength. The bookbag goes for 34,40€ (~$51). Or you can save the money and do what I do, which is walk around with your laptop out and open at all times. Sure I've broken several from dropping them, but I'll be damned if I'm caught wearing a ridiculous bag. . I mean, bags are for that crazy lady who pushes a shopping cart full of them up and down the street and smells bad. That’s why we call her the bag lady. And it’s not a positive connotation. Although I did talk to her when I was stumbling home drunk one night. I ended up slipping her the tongue. Yeah, until she bit it off and swallowed it. Romantic, I know -- I think we're soulmates.
thanks to Melissa, who is so so so so so beautiful, for the tip
Dec 26 2007 Black Hole Bag Holds Stuff, Looks Funny
The Black Hole is a bag from Nodesign Studio that holds all your stuff. You just start cramming it all in there and the bag expands to meet your needs. "The unique material is super strong, light, and flexible yet it’s thin enough to leave impressions of what you have inside." So it's basically a Glad ForceFlex trash bag that you're not supposed to throw away. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m still getting one. But mostly because it looks like a you-know-what. And you do know what I mean don't you? An orange of course! Well the one on the left anyways, the one on the right looks like a freaking testicle. A testicle with a teddy bear and a bunch of feathers popping out. Yikes.
A Black Hole For All Your Crap [yankodesign]
Dec 14 2007 Gun Purse Scares Away Would-Be Attackers
The Pursuader (notice the clever name) from designer James Piatt is a leather purse made to look like a gun.
For the girl on the move the Pursuader features a handy cell phone compartment in the clip. Constructed by interlocking laser cut leather this handbag has no stitching. This is a combination of old-world craftsmanship and high technology. Create the look no one can refuse.
Interesting. They run $289 and are perfect for scaring away thieves, attackers, and terrorists. To complete the ensemble may I suggest an Army helmet and a real gun in one hand, which should be waved around constantly like you're a crazy person. Which you will be if you take my advice. What the hell do I know about personal safety in the real world, I live in the blogosphere. Not really, the blogosphere is make-believe and a stupid word that I can't believe I just used. I don't live there anyways, I live in my parent's atticsphere.
Two more pictures after the jump, including one of a woman in a bikini which I haven't formed an opinion about yet.
Continue Reading " Gun Purse Scares Away Would-Be Attackers "
Dec 12 2007 NES Controller Backpack Takes Me Back
The NES Controller Backpack is available from 80sTees for $40, which isn't too bad for a backpack. Especially one with sweet-ass NES controller styling. It's got one large compartment and three smaller ones, so there's plenty of room for all your stuff. This thing really takes me back to my youth. Just like seeing the elderly woman at the bar last night with a Hypercolor shirt did. Can you believe that -- a geriatric at the bar with a Hypercolor shirt on? I was blown away. I tried to slip her the tongue but her dentures fell out. It was still pretty romantic though.
Classic NES Controller Backpack [ohgizmo]
